The broken beta - healed by innocence

Passion igniting

*Briony*

The cold winds whip through our intimate camp. I pull the blanket more closely around me, tug Wade's hat down so the brim protects my neck, and scoot closer to the fire. We have traveled most of the day, me on Sorrel, Wade straddled across a mule. We only have Sorrel’s blankets and the nearby brush to ward off the winds.

"Do you think it will snow?" I ask.

He glances up. "No. Imagine in a day or so, it'll be warm again."

"This isn't winter?" I ask.

He shakes his head. I return my gaze to the fire. I wish I had Chase's letters. After all the times I have read them, I should have had every word memorized, but I can't remember anything he's written.

All I can remember is the way Wade's kiss had made my toes curl, the firmness of his body folded around mine last night, and the warmth of his breath fanning my cheek.

Would Chase tuck my body protectively beneath his as we slept after we were married? Would he gently comb my hair back when he thought I was sleeping? Would he make my body grow as hot as the flames licking at the logs?

I rise to my feet, walk around the fire, and kneel beside Wade. "I’ve been thinking."

"Yeah, I figured that." He mumbles.

His words surprise me, although I suppose he is coming to know me as well as I am coming to know him. "How did you know?"

"You get this deep dent in the middle of your forehead." He says.

"What else do you know about me?" I ask.

A small sigh escapes him. "That you're about to start asking me questions."

"Not exactly." I scoot a little closer to him. "You said you had needs?"

"I shouldn’t have said that." He mumbles.

"Don’t you have needs?" I ask.

Another sigh. "Yeah, I got needs, but I shouldn’t tell a she-wolf about them."

"Why not?" I ask.

"I just shouldn’t, that’s all." He grumbles.

I gnaw on my lip. "So I shouldn’t tell you I have needs, either?"

"No, you shouldn’t." He groans.

Bringing the blanket more closely around me, I stare into the fire. I try to imagine Chase as I had envisioned him all those months, without a beard and with blue eyes. I concentrate on the image I now have of him: hazel eyes, a beard. A she-wolf’s dream. A dream I can’t yet touch... "I do have needs," I say quietly. I turn my head slightly and think he looks terrified. "I was thinking about what you said... that any she-wolf would do. I’m wondering if it’s the same for me. If any man would satisfy what I’m feeling right now."

"What exactly are you feeling?" He asks.

"That I want to be kissed. If you want to be kissed, and any she-wolf would do, why not kiss me? Then both our needs would go away, and maybe we could both go to sleep instead of sitting here staring at the fire." I say.

His body goes stiff. "I’d rather stare at the fire."

Pain shoots through me as though he had just sent a herd of his horses stampeding over my heart. His words shouldn’t hurt. He isn’t the man I am going to marry.

"Don’t do that," he orders. "Don’t get those tears in your eyes."

I give him my back, fighting the sorrow, the anger, and the hurt. "It’s not fair. Until we crossed that river, I’d never been kissed." Surging to my feet, I turn on him like a wolf trapped in the wilderness. "It wasn’t fair to give me these needs and then leave me to deal with them on my own. I’ve never felt like this... like I’ll die if you don’t kiss me."

I whip around and march into the darkness away from the fire, immediately regretting my foolishness, but having too much pride to return to the warmth and the light. Surely, Chase would want to kiss me and satisfy my needs anytime I wanted.

A large hand cradles my shoulder. "I’m sorry," I whisper. "I made a fool of myself. I can’t remember what Chase wrote in his letters. I feel lost... just like all our belongings. And afraid. And…"

"He said he wasn’t lonely." Gently, Wade turns me and nudges his hat up off my brow. The firelight creeps over his shoulder and caresses the patch and scars while leaving his eye and unmarred cheek cast in darkness. Once, I would have wasted the moment trying to imagine him as he might have looked if he’d fought no battle. Now, I simply accept the rugged features that war had carved into his face.

"He said a mate and kids would enrich his life." He glides his hand from my shoulder up to my cheek and tilts my face. "He asked you to become his wife."

"And I said yes, but surely a simple kiss..." My voice trails into silence as he rubs his thumb over my lower lip. Since the war, I have always feared the dark, and it seems as though it has swallowed us both as he lowers his mouth to mine.

Leaning against him, I twine my arms around his neck, wanting him closer, relishing his warmth as it seeps into me.

He groans deeply, and I feel the rumble of his chest against my breasts. He plows his hand into my hair as his mouth plunders mine, his tongue probing, seeking, causing my toes to curl.

He slips an arm beneath my knees and lifts me against his chest. I kiss his neck, his throat, his jaw as he carries me to the fire. I clutch his shirt as he lays me on the ground and fans out the sides of his duster before stretching his body over mine and settling his mouth against mine.

I can hear the howling of the wind, the far-off cry of a wolf, and the beating of my own heart keeping pace with his. Needs swell up within me, needs I’d never known existed. The hard, even lines of his body meld against my soft curves. Over the worn fabric of my bodice, he palms my breast, kneading my flesh tenderly. I can't hold back the whimper that rises in my throat or the desire that explodes like fireworks on the Fourth of July. I arch my back, wanting, needing him closer than he is.

He dips his head and trails kisses along the column of my throat.

"It's not working," I rasp.

"I know." He lifts his head, gazing down at me, brushing the stray strands of hair away from my cheeks.

"You knew it wouldn't work, that what I was proposing was silly?"

He shakes his head. "Not silly." A wealth of tenderness fills his gaze. "Definitely not silly."

"I need more." I admit.

He brings my hand to his lips and places a kiss in the heart of my palm. "It's not mine to give you."

"Will Chase give me what I need?" I ask.

He nods slowly. "And more. He'll give you the very best. Sporting she-wolves don’t even charge him for the pleasure of his company."

"Do they charge you?" I ask.

"Double." He nibbles on my lips. "Remember that. You’ll be getting the best when you marry Chase. No need to settle for less before then."

He shifts his body and wraps the duster around me. Then he reaches for the blanket, drapes it over me, and tucks me in close beside him. "Go to sleep now."

But I can't sleep. Unfulfilled desires ravage my body. I watch the firelight play across his features, golden shadows, amber hues. His body holds a tenseness that rivals mine. How does he expect me to sleep when my toes are still curled, my skin tingles from his touch, and my breast aches for the feel of his palm? "It would have been better if Chase had come for me."

"Yep." He mumbles.

I turn into him. "Rub my back like you did when I was sick."

He splays his fingers over my back and begins the lonely sojourn.

"What I feel when you kiss me…"

"It's lust, just lust," he interjects.

I sigh. "That's why you said any she-wolf would do."

"Yep."

I snuggle against him and concentrate on the motion of his hand, the small circles, the occasional sweeps. I imagine I'm lying within Chase's arms, wanting his warmth, his touch, and his even breathing surrounding me.

But when I drift off to sleep, I dream of Wade.