My never ending life

I was going to live forever I knew that but after 150 years I still can’t come to terms with it, but off and on for the last 50 years or so I wished I would disappear forever. I was alive right? Shouldn’t I be happy that I can witness the progression of man, and yet I still wish I was gone. Because, they did something stupid and un-reprehensible but I digress. 150 years ago I was turned into a vampire by a man I thought I loved and who had abandoned me to my life of loneliness and despair, ok so I wasn’t in despair but living 150 years and wishing he would’ve let you die might as well be. The year was 1873 I was 20 years of age and I should’ve heeded my mother’s words, but I so badly wanted to be right.. Now in the year 2023 I’ve lived through more than a lifetime I’ve lived through several lifetimes watching humans succeed and fail. And just when I thought I was ready to give it all up I fell in love..again and I was at a loss because I hadn’t loved anyone since the summer of 1873 when my family resided in Italy still and I was happy and human, but hope creeped back into my mind and heart for the first time in a long time and I thought I could be happy or so I thought.