Set Me Free

Chapter Twenty

A month has gone by. Callie and Emra picked her up from the hospital and brought her home. She’s been home for about half a month now, and everything still just didn’t feel right. Initially Callie suggested staying at Jackson’s and her place for a while. She had no problem agreeing. She wasn’t sure she could go back home and not be flooded with memories of that night. Even now, after a month she still is plagued by nightmares, always the same recurring ones. Vanessa kidnapped her and chased her through the building, and no matter what she did she could never escape. Vanessa would catch her and kill her, and it was never fast either. Vanessa would take her time torturing her. Juno knew they were just dreams but every time she’d wake up covered in sweat screaming for her dear life. As time went on she’s become less dramatic about them, but they still leave an imprint on her.

Wrapping her arms around herself she shivered against the cold. December ended and winter is in full effect. Snow blanketed the area and the trees were lost as they blended into a sea of white. A shiver runs through her body as the wind whips up down the busy streets. Callie and Jackson’s place was near the city and was an apartment above one of the shops. Standing outside in the cold, bundled with a scarf and shawl, she sipped the steaming coffee.

“Reminder to self! I should probably move somewhere closer to people. Maybe it’s time I sold the house. I should at least try to stay there...and if I can’t…”

Juno convinced her sisters that she can go back and soon she was hopping out of a taxi leaving her at the end of her driveway. She figured she could use the walk to clear her thoughts and prepare her. Thankfully she’s on good terms with a few of the guys in town and they happily plow her driveway every year. Granted, it’s probably because of her donations but still, very much appreciated as she doesn’t have to trudge through inches of thick snow.  Steeling herself the best she could she waded through the snow and up to her front stoop.

Grabbing the lapels of her jacket she pulled the coat tight against, doing her best to keep her internal heat from being forced out by the invading chill. A cracking sound whispered in her ear. Juno’s head whipped around at the sound thinking that Vanessa's ghost had appeared and came back for her, but instead a silver car turned down her driveway and approached her. Juno looked around confused as she doesn’t recognize the car, should she? She wasn’t sure if she had any memory loss, but so far nothing seemed familiar. The Driver window lowered.

Juno carefully released her fingers that were squeezing the can of mace in her purse with an iron grip. Letting out a calming breath she solidified herself. Kevin smiles at her with his boyish looks. 

“Hi, Juno.” Kevin greeted. Juno let out a soft laugh when she realized who it was. Just Kevin and not her impending death by a psychotic. 

Why can’t she let it go!? She’s always reminded of that woman, of her laugh, her sneers, the way her eyes were solely focused on Juno, and yet, untethered to reality. Juno’s fingers pretzeled together, a restless energy humming under her skin.

Juno smiles kindly and leans on the door, hoping that Kevin can’t tell that she’s got a nuclear mege-ton of nervousness coursing through her veins.

“How’ve you been? It’s been a while.” She asks.

“It has. I was in the area and I figured I’d come to check up on you. What happened and all.” Gritting her teeth, Juno refrains from snarling at Kevin for another reminder of her ordeal. Juno just wants to go home and forget about it all, yet at every corner kind eyes and harmless questions of concern bombard her, bringing back those horrid memories.

Reigning in her immediate response of snapping his head off like a praying mantis, Juno took another long deep calming breath. The nurses at the hospital taught her breathing exercises to help regulate herself and to find some semblance of normalcy when she felt herself start to spiral.

“Have you settled back in?”

Squeezing her eyes shut, she took another deep breath. A strong urge to run and shut herself away from the world grew within her.

“What about the security? Don’t you have security in your house? You should with, being here all alone in such a large house and all.”

“One…” Juno holds up a finger. She looks at Kevin, her vision hazy like a light fog just rolled in. “Relax...slow down. I honestly don’t want to talk about it, least of all with you. I just want to get home and forget everything.” 

Kevin quiets down and looks up the driveway towards the towering mansion. Clearly not wanting to listen to Juno he flashes his same conniving handsome smile.

“Hop in. I’ll take you the rest of the way.” He leans across the passenger seats and movies things around. Once he was satisfied with the room he made for another passenger he looked back happily convinced that she was going to say yes. 

“I appreciate it, truly I do/ I’d rather walk right now though. It helps me…” Kevin’s face falls flat and he looks down like a scolded child.

With a hard roll of her eyes, not because of Kevin, but because she doesn’t want to be that type of person who pushes people away. Kevin is only trying to be polite, the least she could do is reciprocate. Kevin and Juno may have once had something between them and that something crashed and burned faster than a cigarette in a nicotine addict's lips, but it doesn’t mean there wasn’t anything there. Sure, there was friendship, she could see them still being friends but Juno has to learn not to be so closed with everyone right now.  Kevin is charming, smart and cute in a boyish way, nothing like Nix she added. Nix is built like a literal steel beam, all solid with hard edges and the coldness to match.  Although now that she’s thinking about it, Nix never really was cold towards her or other’s. Just never really talked about himself, usually kept to himself for the most part, but he’s been anything but cold with her. 

“Hey, how about I’ll meet you there. I just need a bit of fresh air. I’ve been cooped up in the hospital and then Jacksons for so long that this feels nice. The crispness in the air feels rejuvenating.”

“Ok, June. Take it easy, I still care about you after all.” Kevin drives past leaving Juno alone with her thoughts. Once he was gone a sense of peace washed over her.

“Junes!?” The nickname drop is cute but honestly he has to stop with these nicknames. She felt like he was still hoping that they would get back together somehow. Juno doesn’t mind being friends but that all there is to offer. She cannot offer him more. Her heart is elsewhere. “I need to tell him once and for all, again, and to make sure there are no misunderstandings. That we aren’t ever going to get back together.”

Juno pushes against the cold wind with thoughts of Nix swirling in her head like leaves in the wind. Nix didn’t visit her once while she was in the hospital. What happened to him after he was arrested? Why didn’t he show up to see how she was doing? Nobody told her anything about the situation, not even Callie and Emra whom she begged eternally. 

“Even ignored my phone calls!” She huffed under her breath. “He better not be thinking that he’s helping by keeping himself away because of his past!” Juno stumbled forward, her foot sunk in an inch, rotating her arms out of sheer desperation, thinking that it will save her from the incoming face plant into the ice cold snow. 

Despite having the driveway plowed, it didn’t help from the snow that just kept falling from the skies. The driveway was already covered again. Utter coldness hit her face as she fell down into the soft blanket of snow. Rolling onto her back she stared up into the gray sky, a light flurry of fluffy flakes danced through the air. Like falling stars they fluttered in her vision, landing softly on her cheeks to melt away.

“Why didn’t he visit? Or, ask if I’m ok? Does he not care? Does he think he’s protecting me?” 

Knowing Nix he probably has some stupid idea in his head that he’s put space between us because of what happened. It was either after their fight or because of the incident with Vanessa.  

She blew hair out of her face as she sat up. Balling snow into her hands, molding it, contemplating Nix’s reasonings.

“You’ll catch a cold if you stay out much longer!” Kevin yells out from the stoop of the house. Sighing, Juno stands brushing snow off her pants. She heads the rest of the way up to the steps.

“Sorry. Got carried away. I forgot how much fun snow is! You should give it a shot sometimes. It would be good for your masculinity.” Kevin puffs his chest out which causes Juno to laugh at his theatrics.

“Ha! Got you to smile!”  Laughing Juno swats his arm and unlocks the front door, ushering them both inside.

Kevin brushes past her. She closes the door after him and heads for the kitchen to see if she had anything for her growing hunger. Anything remotely edible would be sufficient, however thoughts of a greasy pizza are growing exponentially.

She looks over her shoulder at Kevin and shrugs. It is what it is. She’ll either create something from nothing like some sort of cooking wizard, or some form of a miracle will take place and there will be food already here. Juno groans again because honestly she really doesn just want that greasy pizza. It’s all she’s been craving recently, you’d think she was becoming a ninja turtle. To lounge on the couch all day, hell, even for a week and watch endless amounts of T.v.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He leans against the archway into the kitchen.

“No, I don’t. It would also be great if you stop asking me, thanks.” She says with a bite to her tone. 

“Hey, hey, I’m sorry. You have to understand I can’t just flip a switch and not care. You had an experience no one can relate with. Not many would understand, hell, I don’t understand, but doesn’t mean I won’t try to help in some way. If you ever need anything, I hope you know you can come to me.”

“Thanks, Kevin. I appreciate that. I promise, I really am fine. The time I spent with my sisters was helpful.”

Truth is anything but warm and fuzzy. For countless night you’d awake in the dead of night screaming bloody murder. Her sisters would rush into the room and jump into the bed snatching her up in their arms. They held her as she cried, over and over. It was a nightly occurrence and no matter what she tried to do they always came back.  Even now, closing her eyes she could see Vanessa’s crazed face staring back. The chill and bone deep fear she felt that night.

It doesn’t go away, Juno hasn’t found a way to make it go away. Her sisters helped though. She always found some form of peace in their arms, though after a while she felt awful for putting them through it that she decided she spent enough time being a thorn in  their side. No doubt they would never think of her as such, still doesn’t erase the feeling of intruding on someone else's life. She didn’t want to be a nuisance anymore and rely on them. She had to figure this out on her own, find her own peace.

Callie even yelled at Juno for leaving the apartment to go down to the lobby for a soda from the vending machine. They were scared of her leaving their sight, always keeping tabs that at times it felt smothering. Smothering with the best of intentions though. Emra had trouble leaving her side like a puppy who knew something was wrong and was constantly trying to make things ‘easier’.

Thinking that ‘normal’ mundane things might be too much for her fragile body to perform. She was strong again now, but her mind was another matter completely. Juno doesn’t think she’ll ever be whole again, not like she used to be. Her sisters tried to get Juno to open up, and she normally would have. She would have spilled her guts the minute she could, but words always failed to meet her lips and she’d remain silent, struggling to speak.

Eventually they backed off giving her space, but only a little bit. Through many hours of arguing she managed to convince them that it was time for her to go home. They protested strongly, but she couldn’t stay with them any longer. It was something she had to do for herself, if she had any hopes of getting better and conquering these demons that plague her. She kept telling herself that the past is the past and the only way is forward.

A niggling voice whispered in the back of her mind, ‘Nix’s past came back to terrorize her and now haunts your very dreams. The past never stays in the past for long.’ Angrily, Juno shoved that tiny voice into a mental drawed and locked it away.

“Wow.” Kevin was in awe of the kitchen. Juno looked around and at first she saw nothing special, but then very slowly, like poison slithering in her veins, memories of the night Vanessa kidnapped her came crawling back. She was told that she may experience levels of heightened anxiety and PTSD because of her ordeal.

“This kitchen is huge! You can host a banquet for kings!” 

Juno moved around the island and looked at the floor. That’s where she fell, she knew it. She must have hit her head on the corner of the island. Her brain, like a movie wheel, replayed that horrible night. Vanessa came for her out of the darkness. Juno unconsciously rubbed her neck, she felt small, vulnerable. Her eyes became unclear, her chest hurt, her breaths became shallower. Vanessa’s chilling voice akin to the devil scratching away at the walls of her mind.

“I’m surprised you haven’t invited me over for some breakfast ever.” Juno couldn’t breathe. She opened her mouth to suck in air, but nothing but a wheeze came out. She stumbled backwards hitting the fridge. Kevin turned, startled.

“I…” Juno croaked out between gasps.

“I’ll kill you!!” Vanessa screams.

“No!!” Kevin reaches for Juno, but out of fear she slaps his hand away and rushes from the kitchen, rushes from Vanessa. Running away from her memories that haunt her, and now haunt her house. The front door slams shut behind her as she sits down on the steps , arms folded gripping her arms hard, she rocked back and forth trying her best to stave off the encroaching darkness that wanted to drown her.