SING FOR ME -P.S JAMES

It was a cool evening again in the beautiful city of New York. I and Susan walked while laughing to each other's jokes with hands in each other's jacket pockets. We walked carelessly not minding the world around us with our sneakers splashing the water on the ground from the rain few hours ago. Susan was my best friend who was aspiring to be a big time actress She was automatically drawn to any thing called art which was why she majored in theater art against the wish of her father. This was our sophomore year and we have been together since fresh year. We met on resumption and since then we have been inseperable. The normal me wouldn't be here because I wasnt really one who fancied being around crowd but I could make an exception just for Susan. I was here to support Susan because she was performing on stage today. It was President's day so the art society decided to use this opportunity to raise funds for their upcoming Student Art Annual Festival which usually comprised of culture exposure, art competitions, student art fair, guest lectures and so on. It was one of the biggest events of the year here at Horizon College and students always looked forward to it every year. We entered the College Auditorium after showing our tickets to the hefty looking men at the door. Susan raised her arms mimicking one of the men and we laughed about it. The show had long begun which we had just noticed. Susan said the show was to start by 18:00 but it seemed that it started earlier than we expected because we arrived approximately fifteen minutes later than the expected time. It was scheduled to start in the evening so that many people will be comfortable coming after whatever plan they had for the day. "s**t" Susan said looking at me. I quickly understood as i hurried after her walking straight to the back stage area as though we were tiptoeing and walk-running trying not to attract any attention. There were so many people there. Some carrying what I would say was their costume,some were friends rooting for their loved one just like I was for Susan while some were applying makeup on the others. In total it was a busy day for almost every one in that room at that moment. These were all I could notice until an elegant woman probably in her late thirties approached us bringing me back to reality. "Susan! where have you been"... she asked paying more attention to Susan. I...we were... Susan stuttered. "Go get into your costume it's almost time for the drama" She said interrupting Susan and walked away looking for some one else she would scold. I held Susans hand tightly trying to reassure her. "You can do this girl" I said looking directly into her eyes. She tried to smile and hurried into the costume room for ladies. I could see clearly that she was under a lot of pressure. I was still at the back stage waiting for Susan. I wanted to be with her until the last moment before the drama. I was still observing and admiring some people's make up when I noticed a girl wearing a blue ball gown walking towards me with worry written all over her face accompanied by the woman who met us earlier. They were both coming from the same room that Susan entered earlier. She looked exactly like Susan. How could some one look exactly like Susan. Susan didn't tell me she had a twin sister or unless huh! I breathed in as I just realized "it was really Susan, silly me" I said tilting my head slightly. She looked like a godess of beauty shimmering under lime light. I had never seen her this beautiful. All these thoughts lingered through my head until she approached me. "Hey" Susan said to me. "Hey dear" I said trying to reassure her by placing a fake smile on my face as she held my hand. "You look real gorgeous tonight",I added. "Yes I know" she said after kissing her teeth. "But... I really need your help Hils " she said looking straight into my eyes." Why?... what happened " I asked. "Annie is no where to be found" she said with her voice shaking. She was to act as a princess and Annie was to be her hand maid in the drama. I looked from Susan's face to the woman behind her and from the woman back to her face. "So... what do we do?" I heard myself say. She gave me that stare. Wait... I knew that stare. "No no Susy, if it is what your thinking... Its not possible...like... I can't even act...I blurted impulsively ...But you can sing...she said trying to convince me. I looked at her in disbelief. "Yes you can...I mean...you can't act but you can sing which makes you a perfect substitute for Annie...and f**k Annie where ever she is...look I've heard you sing a few times already and I know you got this... please"...she said squeezing my hands. "This is my debut acting and I don't want anything to screw it up like the drama of last year... pleassse"...she said finally giving my the cute puppy dog eyes look. I couldn't say no and I couldn't say yes too. I hesitated avoiding Susan's eyes because it has been so long since I felt so unsure of myself. The memory was just like yesterday. "We've got about ten minutes left" said the woman behind Susan. I couldn't help but give her a serious look. "Alright! I'll do it"I heard myself say. Susan smiled at last letting go of my hand. The woman dragged me and Susan into the costume room and in no time I was dressed up. Can't lie... I loved how I looked in the mirror. I was sure I was killing it in that dress but not as much as Susan in her princess gown. "Alright what am I to say then" I asked both Susan and the woman. "You just have to follow Susan around carrying her gown at the back until the point where she runs away from the prince that is where you start singing" the woman said with full confidence. "What do I sing then" I asked waving my hands in a questioning manner. "The song is a popular one...If you do sing you should know Pretty As Hell by IZZY", she said. "Okay I know the song" I said. "That's good",she said finally leading us out. The drama had started now and everything felt okay until it got to the point where I was to sing. I stood in front of the crowd. They were watching me and I was watching them. It had been so long since I did this, since my father died. I remember how we used to play the piano together, sitting side by side singing together. He was my favorite person in the world until he passed away. I had thought the trauma of his death was all gone but I just realized that it was still in my head all these time may be suppressed by some energy within me. Here I felt it come out again as the pianist started playing it was about driving me crazy. ...Your... Your... Preetty...as... I stuttered...oh yes I stuttered. I was about to break down when I heard another voice. I thought it was all in my head and then I realized the voice came from behind me. ...Your pretty as hell tonight... Your the queen of laughter and lo...love ... You need to shine in the dark...Youll need a brightening new colour...became a primcess over night...It sounded like a male voice. It was sweet, it was melodious , I loved this voice. I turned back l looked at him and from him to the crowd and from the crowd again to him. I was panicking. "There was no way out" then a thought came to me of course there was a way out" before I knew it I was running. I was running out of the building. It was as if my legs had a mind of it's own. I didn't mind the costume right now, I just needed my sanity back. I ran and ran. People on the street looked at me like I was crazy. I didn't care because I knew was actually crazy and not just crazy, I was sad and depressed at that moment. I didn't know where my legs were taking me and I didn't care I just kept running until I reached a bridge. It was a lonely one filled with sounds of waves from the river below and the chipping of birds. I sat down slowly leaning on the short wall and hugged my legs then I heard myself sobbing and then tears rolled down my eyes one by one. I was crying. This was the moment I realized I wasn't okay. I haven't been okay since the day dad died. I still remember that day as though it was just yesterday. I still can't believe it's six years already.I was just fourteen at that time. His death was too sudden. He couldn't even get a chance to say good bye to his favorite person. Cruel world isn't it? I hated myself for a long time from the day he died even after we relocated to New York. It happened just a few days after we got the good news that mom had been granted access and license to work abroad to further her nursing career. She deserved it because she worked so hard to achieve this. My dad was a music teacher, he was usually busy but he was always there for I and the family. He always turned up even when things weren't good. He was to pick me up from school that day. I awaited dad but was surprised to see mom in school. I knew something was wrong from the way she looked. Her aura and body language told a different story from what her smiling face portrayed but I didn't expect it to be that bad. Julian and Kate were already home by the time we arrived. The silence was suffocating. I seeked the truth and I wept so badly the moment I was told.It was too hard for my mom and my twin siblings Julian and Kate. Julian and K as we usually called her since birth cried and cried at his funeral. My mom stood unshaken. She used to be so strong and comforting but it seemed she became a different person the very day dad died. We relocated a month after from Nigeria. We all had to adapt to new things. It was what dad always wanted. It's just sad he couldn't do it along with us, that he wasn't there with us. I always felt that if he didn't come to pick me that day may be things would have been a lot different and so blamed myself every since then. Will I ever be okay? This question lingered in my head. I was a coward and i knew very well and a failure and now I had failed Susan who was one of the few people who had dotted high on me. I was there for about an hour or more until I heard some footsteps. I looked up to see who it was and was glad to see Susan but it was not just Susan, she was there with the guy from the drama. The one who had saved the day. She was with a school bag. They approached me "Hey" she said and bent down to sit beside me leaving the boy standing. Hey, are you okay? Susan asked looking into my eyes. Mmm!I will be... Susy I'm soo sorry I didn't... I was interrupted. No! no! I should have believed you when you said you couldn't do it... she said interrupting me. I'm sorry... it's okay if you don't want to talk about it. She said nodding her head slightly. I nodded back to affirm what she said. It was then I remembered the boy behind her. Hey! I said waving slightly. Hey! I Promised Annie to take over since she couldn't make it. He said waving back. "That's James", she said moving her head in his direction. So that was his name, i thought. His face was familiar. I think he usually followed those popular guys on campus. "Thanks" I said abruptly. “Uh—you're welcome,” he replied smiling faintly, smiling his tone casual, almost careless. “We need to get going. It’s almost curfew time,” Susan said, slipping her arm around me and helping me stand. “Bye, and thanks once again,” she added, waving at the boy. He waved back, then turned away without looking back. We hurried toward the dorm, barely escaping Mrs. Mensah, the grumpy security staff who guarded the entrance of ourdorm building like it was a military base. She was a divorcee in her late forties. Sometimes i wondered why she always acted so annoyed seeing couples together. At the elevator, I turned to Susan. “Goodnight.” “Night, Hils. Try not to overthink, okay?” she said, stepping out on her floor.I nodded silently as the doors slid shut, watching her disappear behind them. The quiet hum of the elevator filled the silence. I got to my room, and the door swung open after two knocks. “That was fast,” I thought. Isabelle stood in the doorway, her messy bun threatening to fall apart, a face mask smeared unevenly across her cheeks. She was a political science student in her third year. “Finally!” she exclaimed dramatically, stepping aside for me to enter. “We thought you got kidn*pped or something.” Sarah, my other roommate, was sitting cross-legged on her bed, a pile of notes spread out beside her. She was a computer programming major in her third year too. “Don’t mind her,” she said without looking up, her tone firm but warm. “She just hates being the last to know things.” Naomi was stretched out on her bed, earbuds in, phone in one hand and a bowl of popcorn in the other. She was a fresher in fine arts and had a habit of putting name tags and “don’t touch” notes on most of her things. Isabelle didn’t mind the name tags at all being the lawbreaker she was, she collected Naomi’s stuff at her whim, without permission. I used to think her favorite thing to “steal” was peanut butter. Isabelle dove onto Sarah’s bed and wrapped her arms around her. “Move!” Sarah said with a playful grimace, swatting Isabelle gently but smiling all the same. “Move!” Sarah groaned, making a face of mock disgust. Isabelle only laughed louder, cuddling her even tighter. “You love me.” “Not right now,” Sarah muttered, but a smile tugged at the corner of her lips. Assignment? Isabelle asked. "Yeah, I'm so exhausted, you have no idea"she said tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. I listened quietly unpacking my tote bag to the drawer by the side of my bed. "So... what are your plans for the weekend?" Isabelle asked. "I've got two waiting jobs"Sarah answered almost immediately. "Yikes you're one nasty workaholic,""Hill? "She called me. "Huh?" I said while undressing with my towel in hand. What are your plans? she asked. "None" I said nonchalantly as I headed to the bathroom. "I had expected that" she muttered laughing dryly. "I heard you!" I said as i entered the bathroom "Leave her alone" Sarah said tapping her arm with a hint of laughter on her voice I put on the shower, "finally some cold water for my brains" I thought to myself. The water hit my skin, cool and steady. I let it run over me, drowning out the voices in my head, Susan’s worried face, the bright lights, the moment my voice cracked.I hated that it still replayed itself, over and over, like my brain wanted to punish me for it. And then there was him. That aura, that voice — smooth, calm — cutting through my panic. I pressed my palms against my head slightly massaging my fore head. Why did that part bother me the most? Maybe because it reminded me of Dad. Maybe because I didn’t want to be reminded of anything at all. I shut off the shower, wrapping myself in a towel. My reflection in the mirror looked tired, eyes red from too much thinking. I wasn’t crying. Not really. Just… tired. By the time I stepped back into the room, the lights were dim. Isabelle was already asleep, a face mask drying on her cheeks. Naomi’s phone screen flickered quietly, and Sarah had her earbuds in, half-asleep over an open textbook. I slipped into bed, turning my face toward thewall. The sheets were cool against my skin.I just wanted to forget tonight..I sighed, pulling the blanket tighter around me. I slowly drifted to sleep with one thought "Tomorrow would be normal again". It had to be.