Find Me

Chapter 9

                                                            Saturday

Charlotte

I wake up sweating and I can't move anything because the blankets are so tight around me. I blink my eyes and scare myself when I turn over and see Liam sleeping next to me. I take the time to look at him: his blonde hair, square jaw, light stubble, and full lips. I haven't wanted to kiss anyone as much as him. I wish I could keep looking but I have to go to the bathroom and I can smell my breath and it is so unpleasant. I try to roll over him and he moves a little. One arm wrapped around me and the other lay flat on the bed. I roll a little more and the other arm falls off me and I climb out of bed. I go to the bathroom and when I open the door my mom is standing in the hallway with a smirk on her face. 

“I see someone spent the night.”

I roll my eyes but smile. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“He is sweet and a good kid, just take it slow and know that you can always come to me if you need anything,” she said patting my arm.

“I know mom, thanks”

She looked at me for a few more seconds before saying “I love you sweetie.”

“I love you too mom.” I say with a smile.

I walk back into my room and try to crawl back into bed but as I'm half over Liam his deep voice startles me, “this isn't a bad sight to wake up to.”

I quickly shift my weight back onto my knees and fling my torso back over him, a little too fast and fall off the bed.

Liam

I woke up and Charlotte was no longer in the bed. I saw that it was 6:30, and figured she was just going to the bathroom and tried falling back asleep. I heard her come in, shut the door, then try to climb over me to get to the empty side of the bed against the wall. She was trying so hard, but I was about to laugh when she was literally on top of me, and I couldn’t help it, so I hide my laugh and say “this isn’t a bad sight to wake up to.” I had planned on her jumping, but did not plan on her falling off the bed which she did two seconds later. I tried my best to catch her, grabbing her arm as she went over the edge. She screeched, followed by a loud thud. At first I thought she was crying, she had turned to her side and her whole body was shaking. I wasn’t wrong, there were tears, but she was laughing so hard it was silent.

            There’s a knock at her door and it swings open. Both Riley and Nick are standing there with a look of concern on their faces. “This is not what it seems,” I say, laughing and trying to help her up. She is just laughing on the floor though and moving like a limp noodle.

            “What happened?” Riley asks while Nick looks me up and down.

            “He.. he scared…me and I.. fell” Charlotte gets out between laughs. She finally is able to get up and wipes her tears. “Ooooooooh, wow. Everyone’s up now, right?” She says with a smile.

            Her mom’s look of uncertainty is replaced with a smile. “Okay, well, are you alright?”

            “I’m fine mom, don’t worry.”

            “Okay, well, since your up, do you two want breakfast?”

            “Sure” Charlotte answers then they all turn and look at me.

            “Um, yeah sure, thank you.”

            “What would you like?” Riley asks.

            “uh, whatever you are making is fine, I’m not picky.”

            Charlotte asks, “Well what is your favorite breakfast?”

            “I don’t know, whatever I can find.”

            “Well what do you have for your birthday breakfast?” She asks.

            I think about it for a second. “Birthday breakfast? What do you mean?”

            “You know, the breakfast your parents make for you for your birthday.”

            “I could not tell you the last time my parents made me breakfast.” I say and I see sadness in her eyes.

            “Well, you are welcome here anytime, I’ll make pancakes. Charlotte likes hers with blueberries and raspberries, you want that?” Nick asks. I look at Char and she seems taken aback that he knew that about her.

            “You know how I like my pancakes?”

            Her mom rushes to answer over whatever Nick was about to say, “he’s been the one who’s made them for the past few years.”

            “But… he hasn’t been here” she says with her brows together looking between Riley and Nick.

            Riley nods to Nick, and he says, “I would make them, drive to the store, then come back later because you didn’t really like me. But the first time I made them you told your mom they were the best that you’ve had and to keep buying that mix, so she tried to keep you happy.”

            “Oh, wow, um, thank you,” she said, like she was seeing him for the first time.

            “I would love to have some berry pancakes,” I say as I stand up and hold out a hand for Charlotte. We walk down the stairs together, and keep looking at each other, smiling like goofballs.

            We sit at the table and talk with Riley while Nick makes breakfast. Riley explains that she knew that Charlotte wasn’t ready for a male figure in her life, and didn’t want to hurt her any more. After a while, Nick thought it was too late to tell her, and didn’t know how she would react so they just didn’t tell her.

            When the food came out I was starving. Normally I would be running already, but I pushed the thought from my head and I knew that this would be way better, and it was. Aside from the crappy pancakes made by the school, I remember that the only other pancakes I really ate were the chocolate chip ones my brother would make me. The berry pancakes were delicious and I ate 7 of them, which they all poked fun at me for. Hanging out with her family made me realize all the things I never had, and how much it could have helped me after John’s death, having a supportive, loving family like this. I wish John could be here to experience it.

            Charlotte and I clean up the dishes and I take the time alone to thank her for letting me stay.

            “Well, thank you for pushing so hard. I know I can be a little stubborn…” she trails off.

            “I wouldn’t say a little stubborn,” I say, smiling at her. “I would say very stubborn,” I finish with a laugh.

            “Oh shush,” she says flinging the towel at me and leaving the room. I stand there smiling when my phone goes off. It’s a text from my mom, wondering where I am. I let her know I will be home in a bit and head after Char.

            I thank Riley and Nick for the food and fun, and say goodbye. Getting back in my car, I realize that I had dreamed of having a family like that, like you see on TV, dysfunctional but loving, and now that I had experienced it, I don’t think I could ever live without it.

            When I get to my house, my mom is sitting at the breakfast counter with coffee in her hand. I’ve never been out all night, but I also never thought that she would notice or care.

            “Hi, where were you?” she asked as soon as I walked in.

            “I spent the night at a friends house, sorry, I didn’t think you would mind.”

            “I don’t mind, I was just wondering, I didn’t see you last night and your car was still gone this morning. Did you have fun?”

            I have never had a conversation like this with my mom, and I was curious to see where it would go. “I did, yeah. The dinner caught on fire and her mom’s boyfriend put it out with a fire extinguisher. We ended up eating pizza instead and this morning they made berry pancakes that were delicious.”

            “I didn’t know you liked pancakes, I’ve never really seen you eat them.”

            “I’ve  never made them, especially just for myself.”

            “Oh, right.”

            “Yeah, maybe some time this week I can try to make them for us?” I ask.

            “If you want to you can, but don’t go out of your way.”

            “It wont be. I’ll make them for Christmas, how about that?”

            “Sure… You said her, earlier, that her mom’s boyfriend burnt the food. You have a female friend, or a girlfriend?” She says then drinks her coffee, almost hiding behind her cup.

            “Friend… for now,” I say with a smirk.

            “Well, if you want to, maybe you can invite her over for dinner?”

            “Tonight?”

            “Well, no, we don’t really have anything, but sometime soon maybe? I would love to meet her.”

            “Sure, I would like that” I say, thinking that maybe we could cook something together.

            Mom gets up and puts her mug in the sink. “Well, sounds like a plan. Figure out which days she is free and we can set up a time. We will probably go out to dinner, its easier than making it,” she says walking out of the room. Right, going out to eat. I shouldn’t have thought that since my mom showed interest in me that she had changed completely.

            I don’t know if I want to invite Char for dinner with my mom. We have such different families, and I don’t want to make her uncomfortable with my mom’s formal personality. Thinking about it though, it would probably be better if she meets my mom first, because my dad can be very straightforward and can come off rude. Is it too soon to be thinking about her meeting my parents anyways? We aren’t dating. I like her, but I don’t know how she feels about me. She said she trusts me, and after last night I know she does, but she could just see me as a friend. Is she even ready for something more than friends?

            There is so much going through my head. I’m getting overwhelmed and am overthinking things way too much so I go to my room, change my clothes, and head to the gym. Hopefully it will clear my mind and I can make a decision.

            “Did your friend give you a night she is available for dinner?” My mom asks after I get back from my run.

            “I, uh, didn’t ask her yet,” I say slightly confused.

            “Why not?”

            “I don’t know. I guess I don’t think you really wanted to.. and I don’t know if its weird to ask her.”

            “Why wouldn’t I want to? I have never met any of your friends, and why would it be weird to ask her?”

            “I don’t know, meeting the parents, isn’t that more of a dating thing to do?”

            “Well, do you want to date her?”

            “I don’t know, even if I did, she might not want to.” I can’t believe this is the conversation I am having with my mom.

            “Well if she doesn’t then maybe I don’t want to meet her,” she said with a smirk. My mother is smirking, what is happening? I don’t want to ruin the moment.

            I smirk too, “She’s actually pretty great, if you really want to, I can ask her about going out tonight?” I say, instantly remembering she already said no.

            “Could we do tomorrow instead? I have some last minute shopping to get done.”

            “Sure, you still want to eat out, I could make something too… just to, mix it up a bit.”

            “You really want to eat here that bad? Don’t think I didn’t see your face this morning when I said we could go out to eat.”

            “I don’t know, I just, don’t remember the last time we ate here as a family. I know dad wont be here, but it would be close.”

            “Then I’ll grab stuff to make here. What were you thinking of having?”

            “Let’s keep it simple, I don’t think I can cook that well. How about chicken, mac and cheese, and whatever vegetable goes with that?”

            “I would say that I could help with cooking, but it seems you got that from me. I don’t even know how to cook chicken,” she says with half a laugh. “I will pick it up though.” I think about what she said for a second.

            “You’ve made chicken before though? For my tenth birthday, I remember because I burnt my tongue on the spinach sauce and it hurt to eat for like a week,” I say recalling the day. Mom thinks about it for a second.

            “I never made that.”

            “Yes you did, John praised you for it. You went to bed because you had a headache and he went up after you to tell you how good it tasted. Even brought you a plate if I recall.” She looks at me, and slowly her smile disappears.

            “I... That… um, that wasn’t me,” she finally spits out.

            “What do you mean?”

            She put her head in her hands and sunk into them. “I didn’t make that dinner. John did. He had taken culinary classes at school. You had cried about never having a home cooked meal like your friends and said that the only thing you wanted for your birthday was for me to cook you a meal. I’m going to be honest with you,” she said lifting her head she looked me in the eyes. “I was addicted to pills at the time. It screwed me up, and withdrawals gave me migraines. That night, John brought me a plate yes, but he also yelled at me for not being a good mother. That’s what actually made me decide to quit. I couldn’t do it right off, and it was a huge struggle for me, but what really did it for me was John’s death. I never saw him grow up, I barely knew him. He was more of a parent to you than your dad and I ever were. His death was hard on all of us but in different ways. I had never realized how much he had done for you, and picking up the slack after his death was so hard. I also felt like it was too late to change our relationship, and it hasn’t been until recently that I realized its not too late to change. I want a relationship with you. Your dad has been gone a lot and I have been spending more time with my mom, and she’s helped me a lot.”

            I was speechless. That was a lot, for me to hear and for her to share. I think about everything she said and how that changes my own childhood. John was, without a doubt, the best brother anyone could have had, and I was lucky to have had him, even though his life was cut short. For the first time, thinking about John doesn’t bring a stabbing pain in my chest, just a feeling of love.

            “We both will work together. I will go call Char and we can google how to make it. Keep it simple as possible, and we can figure it out. Why don’t you go grab your laptop?” I ask her as I pull out my phone. She smiles at me, a real smile, and its weird, but she is beautiful in a way that I have never seen before. It is now that I notice, she never has really ever given me a real smile. Not on any of my birthdays, my graduation, any holidays. She would paste her fake one on, and I would do anything to keep the real one on her face.

            As the phone rings, I feel sweat beading on my palms and I run them up and down my legs. My mom walks back into the room and sets up her computer on the counter.

            “Hello?” I hear from the speaker.

            “Uh hi, um its me, Liam.” I say, knowing that she put her phone number in my phone but I didn’t put it in hers yet.

            “Oh, hi, what’s up?” I hear her voice change slightly.

            “I was just talking to my mom and she would like to invite you over for dinner tomorrow.”

            “Is this invitation from just your mother?” She asks with a slight laugh.

            “Well, I would like to invite you to my house for dinner as well” I reply with a grin.

            “Sure, text me the time and place. I can probably borrow my moms car.”

            “Well I could pick you up too, whichever is easiest for you.”

            “Alright, I’ll text you and let you know! See you tomorrow” She says.