Find Me

Chapter 4

Charlotte

            I shut his door and quickly make my way to the bathroom. I need to pee, but I also feel sick. I walk into a stall, lock it, and sit down. I take a couple deep breaths, and by the time I am done peeing I start to feel better.

            Washing my hands, I look in mirror and hate the refection looking back at me. Pale skin with stupid freckles, make up running under my eyes, and a plain face. I remember what Becca’s friend said last night when they showed up. “You would look so much prettier if you wore nicer clothes and smiled more,” because that isn’t sexist or anything.

            I leave the bathroom and walk downstairs and out the door. I do not have a jacket on and the December air is frigid, instantly goosebumps appear on my skin. I walk around the building through the snow and start climbing up the tree. I have lived here since sophomore year, and I have stayed because of the convenience of this tree. The security guards are nice during the day, but there is one who works at night and he creeps me out. He stares and when he lets you in he walks into your room and doesn’t leave until you tell him to. I hate it so I will do anything to avoid him. I reach my window, put my hand in the small crack I always leave, and fall into my room.

Getting reading to take a shower, I grab my keys, open my door, and head out into the hall. I see the backside of Liam, walking down the hall probably to go to breakfast. He was really nice, and I want to believe I can trust him, but I can’t. I can’t fully trust anyone.

            In the shower I think about last night and him. How did I get in his room? Some memories are coming back to me and I suddenly remember seeing him standing in front of my door, but why was he there? My mind is unable to fill the holes of last night, so I finish up and head back to my room. My finals are coming up, so I might as well spend the morning studying. One more week until Christmas and I can stay home for a month with very little to do.

            After about 3 hours, I hear Liam’s door shut. He must have had something else to do, or else he has a big appetite to eat for thee hours. I think about going over there, to thank him, but I feel weird. I stay there and continue studying until 5, missing both breakfast and lunch. Laura and Becca work on Saturday afternoons until 6 at the library. I do not like eating alone, but I am so hungry that I decide to suck it up and do it.

            I put on my jacket, grab my key, and walk out the door. Halfway down the stairs I hear Liam’s voice, “Hold up.” Apparently I can recognize it now. I turn and look up at him as he bounds down the stairs to meet me. He asks, “are you heading to eat?”

            “Yeah, you?”

            “Yep” he says shoving his hands in his pockets. We walk in silence to the dining hall.

Liam

            I was getting ready to leave for dinner when I heard Charlotte’s door shut. Hoping she was going to eat, I threw on a jacket and half ran out the door, catching her on the stairs. It was pure instinct to tell her to wait, and I do not know why I did it. I like being alone, not getting close to anyone, sticking to my daily routines, but for some reason, I don’t care about any of that with her, and it doesn’t ruin my day either.

            When we get to the dining hall I expect her to go sit with her friends, but instead she nods to a table in the back, “wanna sit there?”

            I look at her, “you want to sit together?”

            “I mean.. I figured that is why you told me to wait up, I never see you sitting with anyone so I assumed it would be okay if I joined you” she rambled on.

            “No, I didn’t mean it like that, I just figured you would sit with your friends”

            “They are working.”

            “Well, I guess it will be just the two of us then.”

            We take off our jackets, claiming our seats and get into the food line, standing in silence for the most part. Neither of us are any good at socializing it seems.

            Back at the table we make small talk, she has lived in New Hampshire her whole life, she lives with her mom and he father died when she was young. She played soccer in high school, her major is history, she likes her vegetables raw, and she is an only child. I gave her a little information about myself, I ran cross country, I like to eat and I am not picky about what it is. I am a business major with the intention of taking over my father’s company one day. When she asks about my family I cant help but be uncomfortable. I tell her I am close with my Grandma, my parents do the best they can with their busy schedules. Surprisingly she doesn’t pry, and it makes me thankful.

            I am not usually one to talk a lot, but we stayed there long after we were done eating, talking about everything, it was a really nice change. At 6:30 my alarm goes off, telling me to get back to studying, but I ignore it. Charlotte waves to someone and I turn around and see the two girls that she usually hangs out with.

            “The more tan one with dark hair is Laura and the girl with brown hair is Becca” she informs me.

            “Laura was the one in your room last night, right?”

            “Yes, she has been my best friend since 8th grade when she moved to my school. She was originally homeschooled.”

            “That’s cool,” I say, still looking at them because they were making their way over to us.

            “Fair warning, I don’t usually, uh, spend time with guys, and they will probably throw some weird looks, possibly ask questions, and it is about to get super awkward” she said through the side of her mouth as she smiles at the girls.

            “Well, hello there, Charlotte, who is this?” Becca says, while Laura looks at me with a calculating stare.

            “Becca, Laura, this is Liam, he actually lives in the room next to me.” Charlotte answers, though I feel like Laura’s question was for me to answer.

            “Hi ladies” I mumble, uncomfortable under Laura’s gaze.

            “We were just finishing up, but you guys can have our table” Charlotte says with a little too much enthusiasm. Laura’s eyebrows shoot up into her hair and Charlotte gives her a look that makes Laura shrug and put her stuff down.

            “I will be over tonight for you to read through my paper, that still okay?” she asks, glancing at me.

            Putting on her jacket, Charlotte nods her head “I didn’t forget, I’ll be ready.” We put away our trays and walk out together. “They seem nice” I say, trying to break the silence.

            “They are, Laura is, well she always has my back, and me, being with you, it’s new to her.”

            “If you don’t mind me asking, why did you say that you don’t usually spend time with guys?”

            “I just don’t hang out with guys much, it’s a long story.” She says with a sad look.

            “Well, I am a great listener, whenever you want to tell it. Thanks for eating with me, I really enjoyed it.” We walk a little further in silence, until she looks over at me.

            “Why do you always sit alone? Actually, why are you always alone in general? I don’t think I have seen you with anyone, ever.”

            “Ah so you have been stalking me” I joke.

            He face turns almost white, “No, I swear I am not. I just have seen you on campus and I…”

            Cutting her off I say “hey, I was just joking. Sorry, I am no good at it. I don’t really spend that much time with other people. I am kinda a loner,” I add, “and that is by choice” so she doesn’t think that people just don’t want to be around me because I am too weird or something. 

            “So why did you come to dinner with me?”

            I pause for a second and think about it. We are almost to our dorm. “I guess I just really like your company,” I say honestly.

            She nods her head but keeps looking at the ground, “I think I really like yours too.”