Find Me

Chapter 5

Charlotte

            Diner was nice. Liam is nice. I sit at my desk, thinking about it and him. Should I trust him? He is a guy, but he seems, different. That’s what they all say I guess. I roll my eyes and stretch my arms above my head. I hear Laura’s telling knock and the door opens.

            “Should I shield my eyes?” She says, with her hand over her face.

            “Oh shut up, I’m alone” I laugh.

            Releasing her face, she walks in and throws he bag on my bed and soon her body follows it. She lies on her stomach and faces me, propping her chin on her hands. “Sooo….” She says, giving me a look.

            “Sooo what? Get your paper out.” I say, knowingly ignoring what she really wants to talk about.

            “I will, after you start talking.”

            “About what?” I ask, innocently.

            “Oh you know what. What was that?! You just ate dinner with that guy. You said you went to dinner at 5!”

            “I did go at five, he caught up to me in the hall and we walked together”

            “You were there for an hour and a half. Sitting with a guy you barely know”

            “Well…” I said, deciding to just tell her everything. “Last night I’m not really sure what happened, but somehow I ended up in his room.” Before she could ask any questions, I quickly continue, “he slept on the floor and gave me his bed. I woke up and had a panic attack, you know, cause I was not in my room, and he actually helped me through it and it was really nice. Until I started bawling my eyes out and ran out of his room.”

            “I should have walked you up to your room, not just left you at the stairs.”

            “No, it was fine, I remember him standing in front of my door, he was shirtless, and was not bad to look at if my memory is correct” I giggle, trying to remember what he looked like. “I didn’t have my keys, and I was too drunk to climb into my room, I think that is why I slept in his room, but I don’t remember how that was decided. Then this evening I was hungry and ended up meeting him in the stairs, so we went together, it was really nice.”

            “Do you like him, like… like him like him?”

            “I don’t know. I barely know him, but he seems, different than most people I have met. Nice, in a genuine way, he is quite, likes to be left alone, but for some reason he seems to like spending time with me… I think.”

            “Well, for your sake, I hope he’s a good one. I want you to be happy for once. Now here, read this and praise my writing abilities,” she says with a weird look in her eye but changing the subject.

Liam

            After dinner I sat in my bed and thought about Charlotte. I think I like her, but she said she seems to keep people at a distance and I don’t know if I can deal with that. I hear her door shut and muffled words. I try to eavesdrop, but I can’t make out what is being said so I focus on studying for my exam on Monday.

            About an hour later I hear a soft knock on my door. No one ever has knocked on my door, so I skeptically get up and open it. Laura is standing there. “Hi” she said looking around, “may I come in please?”

            “Uh, sure” I say, not really sure what is happening.

            “Listen, I know we don’t know each other, but Charlotte is my best friend, and I am not going to see her get hurt again. Do you actually like her, either as a friend or more, or are you just playing with her, because I swear to god, if you’re just playing I will ruin your life,” she warned.

            I stare at her for a second, “Uh, she seems pretty cool. I don’t really know her though, I have talked with her like, 4 times.”

            “She has been f****d with in ways that no one should ever have to go through. She might think you are a good guy, but I need to know the truth right now.”

            Uncomfortable with where this conversation is going I try to think of a way to calm her down. “I think Charlotte is cute and nice. I’m not really a social guy, I don’t have many friends so I honestly don’t know what I am feeling or looking for with her. I would never intentionally hurt her, or anyone for that matter. Usually I spend most of my time alone, and I meet her and for some reason, I want to spend more time with her. I don’t want to do anything to hurt her.”

            “Well let’s hope you don’t then” she says as she nods her head and leaves the room. I feel like this is a test, and honestly I am not sure if I passed.

    For the rest of finals week I keep to myself for the most part, until Thursday when I am about to leave. I hear loud thumping coming from her room, almost like she is throwing stuff against the wall along with her muttering.

                                                                --Thursday--

 Charlotte 

            I am pissed. I had everything packed to go home, and mom was supposed to pick me up an hour ago, but she just called, telling me how she forgot and was making dinner. She offered to send Nick, her boyfriend, but there is no way in hell I am staying in a car alone with him. I slam stuff around; frustrated that this has happened once again. I love my mom, don’t get me wrong, but she forgets about stuff all the time unless I am right there next to her, telling her she needs to do it. She missed all but two of my home games in high school and has forgotten to pick me up three, wait, now four times from school.

            I hear a knock on my door, followed by “Hey Charlotte, you okay?” It’s Liam. Of course he would show up now of all times.

            “Just a minute” I call., looking around at the mess I just made in my room. I should clean my room up real quick. You know what, who cares. If he can’t deal with me like this then I don’t want to even bother trying to get to know him better. I swing the door open and he takes a step back.

            “Hi, I just heard a lot of noise so I thought I would check up on you” he says, his eyes sweeping across the room.

            “I’m fine. Thanks though” I say, starting to shut the door. He sticks his hand out and catches it before it closes.

            “Do you need help with anything?”

            “No.”

            “Are you sure you are okay?”

            “I am fine.”

            “Okay…” He says skeptically. “When are you going back home?”

            “Who knows” I snap at him. The look on his face makes me take a deep breath. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be snarky. My mom was supposed to pick me up at 3, but she forgot, like usual. She will probably pick me up after work tomorrow or whenever it is convenient for her.”

            “Didn’t you say that Laura lives in the same area as you? Can you ride with her?”

            “Yeah she does but she left on Tuesday after her last final.”

            “Jeeze, I’m sorry… Where do you live?”

            “Grafton.”

            “In New Hampshire, right?”

            “Yeah… why?”

            “I think I can help you.”

Liam

            “I don’t need your help, thanks though,” she said to me.

            “You haven’t even heard what I have to say.”

            “No offense, but I don’t need your pity help. I have to clean my room up again… and I need time to myself, you get that don’t you?”

            I look at her tired face. “Sure, I understand. Have a good night,” I watch as she shuts the door. I head back to my room and I get an idea. Laura added me on a couple social media platforms this past week, maybe she will have some advice for me. I open the message app and click on her name. Hey, can I ask you a question? I hit send.

            Sure, whats up? She replies after about five minutes.

            Charlotte’s mom forgot to pick her up and she is clearly upset. I live in Lyme, about half an hour away from Grafton. I tried to tell her that I could bring her home but she wouldn’t even let me tell her I could. I want to help her but I don’t know how.

            She replies immediately, She can be very stubborn and I think she will be too scared to get in a car with you because it’s such a small space and she doesn’t really know you that well.

            I feel like I know her really well.. I know that I don’t, but I just don’t know how to help her and I feel like s**t knowing she is upset and I am doing nothing to help.

            You can try just taking her bags and sticking them in your car… she will at least follow you out there, then there is a 50% chance she will get in your car, but also a 50% chance you will scare her off.

            Why, is she scared of cars? And people, particularly guys?

            That’s not for me to tell you, just know that if she does go with you, it will be her showing she trusts you and you cannot turn back from that.

            I don’t think I want to turn back.

            Good, let me know how it goes, here is my number. I click the number and save it in my phone, then I send her a text: this is Liam.

            I grab my two bags and head to my car, if I am going to get her in it, I need it to be close to the door so she has less time to think about it. I feel guilty, going behind her back like that. I just am trying to help her, I tell myself. Opening my car, I throw my bags in the trunk and drive up to the dorm. Taking the stairs up and knocking on Charlottes door, I can hear her inside, but she doesn’t open the door. I knock again, “Charlotte, its me, open the door please,” still no answer. I look at the doorknob. It might not be locked, but should I invade her privacy like that? I knock one more time, and when there is no response I gently grab the handle and turn it slowly. It is unlocked. The door opens a crack, and I peek in, she is lying on her stomach on her bed with her face in the pillows. Is she crying? s**t, should I be doing this?  I don’t know how to handle emotions; I can’t even talk to people in my classes. What the f**k am I doing?

            I take a step into her room and close the door, making sure it makes a loud clicking noise so she knows I am here. I hear her suck in a breath and shift on her bed. Looking up at her, I see that she is crying, and it pulls at something in my chest. “Hey, its okay Charlotte. Can I come sit next to you?”

            She doesn’t look at me, but nods her head and wipes at her face. I sit down next to her and wrap my arms around her like my Grandma did for me whenever I was missing John. At first she is stiff like a board, but after a few minutes she relaxes and leans her head on my shoulder.

            “Sorry I am a mess, it seems you are a magnet to it” she says.

            “I don’t think you are a mess… your room, maybe.” I joke.

            She looks up at my face, “why are you helping me? You barely know me, and each time we have talked you have needed to help me in some way or another.”

            “I don’t mind, plus, you have helped me too. You are the first person I have talked to on campus that I genuinely want to keep talking to.”

            “Why?”

            “I like you” I said simply.

            She looks back down at her hands. “You shouldn’t, I am no good.”

            “Come on, don’t say that”

            “You don’t know me. I could be a psycho or a serial killer.”

            I smirk, “are you are psycho or serial killer?”

            “No but I…” I cut her off.

            “You are nice, and cute, and someone I want to spend more time with. Now lets clean up your room a bit, okay?”

            She tilts her head and looks at me. Finally she smiles, gets up, and starts to pick up stuff that had fallen on the floor. I pick up her books and stack them on her desk, then pick up a bin that fell over containing snacks. She grabs everything else that’s going home with her and stacks her three bags next to the door.

            “Thank you for your help, you are becoming a really good friend” she says.

            “You are too, which is why, I am about to do something that you are really not going to like but you need to trust me. Do you trust me?”

            She hesitates, “I think I am starting to...” That’s better than nothing so I walk toward her door, sling her backpack onto my shoulder and pick up her other two bags.

            “I’m going to need you to trust me.” I say as I reach around and lock her door.