Choosing Royalty (Chasing Royalty #3)

12

I point out the footsteps in the dust to Antonin. He frowns, "It might have been Alexanne."

My fingers curl into fists. How dare she enter Emilienne's room? She has no right to enter and leave. How often does she come here? Did she enter for a reason? What if she took something?

Maybe there was some evidence of the murder left behind and she was merely covering her tracks.

I step into the hall, promising myself to speak to Alexanne about this. I close the door softly behind me and return to my room. Camille arrives with lunch, some creamy soup with finger sandwiches on blue china. I can still remember eating my food off a holey blanket with Grace back in our tiny apartment.

Once I finish eating, I settle down into a chair and open up Emilienne's diary.

Throughout the first few pages, Emilienne explains why she is writing this diary and sets up the background of her life. She writes it as though she expects someone else to read it. She tells of how she is royalty and lives within the castle with her other three sisters.

However, the entry from the next day is more interesting. She writes:

Wow. I wasn't sure if I would write another entry, but here I am. I guess I have turned into one of those girls. It doesn't matter. I am here to write my memories, not complain and grumble and gossip.

Today Admira and I snuck out of the castle again. It is such fun. If only Violette and Alexanne would join us. They are too afraid. Don't they understand that there isn't much William can do to punish us? We are royals, he isn't. We have the power. They are foolish. (I promised I wouldn't complain, yet here I am. I will try harder to keep my grumbling in control.)

We snuck into the town, dressed in our disguises. We looked like maidens. We brought along money to go to the bakery like we had wanted for a long time. We each bought a pastry each. Of course, we could have easily sent a servant to retrieve us one while we were in the castle. It would have been cooked fresh just for us. But it wasn't the same.

We walked up to the counter and asked for it by ourselves. I'm afraid we didn't know exactly how to order. I do believe we messed everything up! Admira kept mumbling and the lady behind the counter kept yelling, "Speak up, child! There be a line behind you!" Even though there was only one old lady waiting behind us. Admira's face turned bright red and she looked as though she were about to cry.

I think the lady felt bad about it, because she gave us extra whipped frosting atop our pastry.

After we left, Admira was sad for a while, but I managed to get her to laugh about it. The funny thing about Admira is that once she starts laughing, she can laugh for a long time. Even if she's not laughing, you can tell she's thinking about it because she's got a small little smile on her lips.

I wish I could hold on to my emotions like that. I'm laughing and the very next second I'm crying. It's as though I can't choose what to feel, so it's constantly changing.

Oh no. I've started talking about my feelings. This is a bad sign. I might be turning into one of those girls. No. It was a slip up. I'm still getting used to this whole diary thing. I won't talk about my feelings again. It's only memories.

Back to the story.

Admira and I were standing outside the bakery, laughing and laughing. And then a boy came up and started talking to us. A boy! Not a foreign prince who was trying to look sociable. Not a noble whose father was probably making him. Not a businessman who was trying to establish trade.

Just a boy.

This is why we sneak out of the castle, me more than Admira. Because these people see us as people. They don't recognize me as Princess Emilienne. I'm just a maid eating a pastry.

It's perfect.

The boy didn't stay long, his mother came and scolded him for being lazy. But he winked at us as he left.

I remember the day Emilienne was talking about. It was in the late fall, just as the air was turning crisp. We had been eyeing the bakery for a while, but we a little afraid of going in there and trying to order ourselves. Emilienne ordered flawlessly, apparently she had been watching the customers in front of us, but I hadn't been paying attention. When it became my turn, I panicked and the words that came out of my mouth didn't even make sense to me. The lady scolded me, but I don't think she really meant it.

In my memory and in this diary, Emilienne seems so alive. As I read the words, I could hear her voice in my head, the sarcasm and laughter in her words. If only she was here to sneak out with me now.

I close the diary as a servant enters my room. I hide it beneath my pillow. I'm not sure whether I was supposed to go in Emilienne's room, but I don't want Alexanne to know. I definitely don't want to the word to get to Alexanne that I have Emilienne's diary. She would be delighted to have another thing to steal from me.

The servant curtsies, "Your tutor sends for you within the Sitting Room."

I sigh and dismiss her. Camille helps me tidy up my outfit and she and Antonin follow me to the Sitting Room.

Martino waits inside, with only a few sheets of paper on the table. He motions for me to have a seat. "Are you ready for this lesson?"

I nod.

"I will be giving you a lecture and you will take notes. Tomorrow you will study them. The next day I will test you on it. Understand?"

I nod again. I'm afraid to speak, because he will probably only snap at me again.

He launches into a speech about foreign trade with one of our kingdoms. He lays out all the problems and all the advantages. I struggle to write down what he is saying, but it isn't clear what is important or not. He is talking much too quickly for me to write down half of what he says. I scribble vague notes, hoping I will be able to figure them out. I focus too much on what I'm writing, and miss topics that he mentions.

My hand cramps and my handwriting goes from messy to unreadable. Martino continues speaking, not considering my problems in the slightest.

I almost give up writing down notes entirely. I listen to his words, hoping that I will somehow magically remember everything he says. I make a few broad sentences about the topic I barely understand.

After more than an hour has passed, Martino stops. He asks, "Do you have any questions?"

I blink, trying to uncramp my hand, "Could you maybe summarize that speech? What are the main topics I need to know?"

He frowns, "You need to know everything."

"I understand that, but I feel as though I may study the lesson better if I know what is the most important topics."

He squints at my notes, "You should be able to figure that out in your notes. You won't learn anything if I tell you the answers to everything."

I fight the urge to scream, "Yes, but I am merely asking for a basic statement of what your speech was about."

"Foreign trade."

I press my lips together, but scribble that down so that he doesn't find another fault against me.

●◊●◊●

I'm too stressed after my lesson to return to my room. I decide to go for a walk in the gardens to try to clear my head.

The doormen open the wide doors for me as I leave the castle, warm air washing over my skin. It's nearly summer. The sky's a deep blue with a few clouds dotted across it. I sigh and head for the gardens.

The gardens only add grief to my stress. Everywhere I see my dead sisters. Emilienne ducks behind the bushes, playing hide and seek like we used to when we were young. Violette sits atop the tree branch, watching us run below. Emilienne summersaults through the grass, staining and ripping her dress. Violette lies on the grass, her eyes closed in peace. Emilienne attempts to carry a large bouquet of flowers to go beside her bed. Some stems slip from her grasp and she tries to save them, only to drop more. Violette sings quietly as she watches the ducks in the ponds.

All four of us having a picnic beneath a tree.

All four of us chasing each other.

Picking daisies and braiding them into crowns.

Laughing and singing and chattering.

I hurry back into the castle, tears welling up in my throat. Camille and Antonin follow silently behind me, obedient and respectful as ever. What do they think of me?

I don't have anywhere to go but back to my quarters. That is one of the places that isn't filled with their memories. Sure, a few things remind me of them, but it isn't suffocating.

Besides, I don't want to wander the castle where I might run into Alexanne.

Footsteps echo from the opposite side of the hall. I glance up, hoping it isn't Alexanne. My eyes land on Claudio's surprised face. He stares at me, guilt written across his face, before ducking into a room. Claudio closes the door before I can ask him why he is still here.