23
1618 Words
Alexanne closes the door behind her, leaving Henri and I in silence. Apologies gush out of me, "Henri, I'm sorry, I never, if I had known, I wouldn't have..."
He puts a hand up, "It's not your fault, Admira. I know that. You need to know that too. But we need to act. I need to, I need to get out of her. I'll go get a carriage and—"
"No, you can't just get a carriage. Alexanne will know. She might plan an accident or something. She will. She won't just let you get away."
"Then what am I supposed to do? There's nowhere to hide. We don't know who we can trust. Am I just supposed to wait around until she kills me?"
"Stay here." I run out of the room and find Antonin waiting in the hallway. I motion for him to follow. I order Camille to stay out in the hallway. She can't overhear what we are about to discuss. It will only reveal all the times I've lied to her and broken her trust.
I command her to scream loudly if anyone tries to attack her and not to talk to anyone.
She hesitantly agrees, suspicion written across her face.
I pull Antonin inside and whisper everything that's just happened. I'm not sure where Alexanne is now, but we can't risk her or anyone else overhearing our plans. For all we know, she could have her ear pressed against the door.
It only takes a few seconds for Antonin to digest the new information. He says, "Henri, go back to your room. Pack everything you need, nothing that you don't. The fewer things you take with you, the better. I'll get a horse for you from someone I trust. I can't send anyone with you to protect you. That will only put more people at risk. Go back to Florentine. She'll have somewhere for you to hide. Don't try to contact us. We will find a way to keep in contact with you, probably through Florentine. Follow everything Florentine tells you to do, don't let your pride ruin it. Now go."
Henri grabs one of the daggers that we were supposed to practice with and slips it into his holster. He sprints from the room. I'm afraid of what Alexanne might do to him, but he knows how to defend himself. He's my self-defense teacher after all.
But can he fight against a bunch of guards? What if Alexanne sends a whole group of guards to arrest him? Surely he can't stand on his own against that many? Have we just sent Henri to his death?
Antonin says, "Go back to your room with Camille. Bring your dagger and give Camille one as well. I don't care about the lies you told her. I won't let that take away your life. Be careful. If Alexanne attacks you, scream as loudly as you can. Even if I don't hear you, someone else will. Alexanne won't kill you in front of an audience. Don't leave your room."
Then he's gone as well.
On shaking knees, I follow after him into the hall. My eyes catch the tail of his uniform disappearing around the far corner. Camille waits for me, leaning her back against the wall.
When she sees me, she stands up, frowning, "What's happening?"
I murmur, "I don't know." And it's the truth.
I lead her back to my quarters in a daze. Henri could die and it's going to be because of me.
It's not as if Alexanne is going to let Henri escape. She must know that he is going to try to run. She must have guards posted on every road leading out of the castle.
Perhaps Henri's attempt at escaping will only make his death more painful.
I did this. I asked him to come help me learn self defense. Alexanne clearly laid out her threats, and I ignored them. I chose to hire Henri and risk his life. If he dies, it's only more blood on my hands.
No. I can't think like that. Henri will escape. Antonin is smart, he knows what he is doing. Florentine will be able to protect Henri.
Everything will work out fine.
I want to laugh at all these lies that I am telling myself.
We reach my quarters and I hurry into my room, pulling Camille after me. I lock the door tightly behind us.
Perhaps this is part of Alexanne's plan. She will lure my guard away from me, by threatening someone else I care about. When I am guardless, she will let Henri escape, and take the opportunity to kill me.
Maybe she'll just kill us both.
I push the dresser in front of the door, the legs scraping against the floor.
Camille says, "What's going on?"
But I ignore her. The dresser isn't enough. Alexanne won't stop at anything. There are other entries into my quarters, ones used by servants and maids. There are windows in almost every room.
Camille repeats, "What's going on?"
I grab my dagger out from beneath my skirts so it's more easily accessible. I hurry into another room of my quarters where I have another dagger hidden. I hand it to Camille, "Do you know how to use this?"
"I've had a few lessons. I'm not sure why I need to use it though, because you won't tell me anything."
I shake my head, "I can't. I wish I could, but I can't. We aren't safe."
"Is this about your lady in waiting? Has she planned an attack for today?"
I don't say anything. I won't lie to her again, but I can't tell her the truth. Besides, I don't know how much I can say anyway. Panic is climbing up my throat.
Camille gently takes both the daggers from my hand and sets them down on the bed. She places her hands on my shoulders, "Take a deep breath, Admira. If we are going to protect ourselves, you need to be here with me."
I nod, trying to take in breaths, but they are too short and shallow.
She slaps me across the face, "Breath, Admira."
The shock of the slap brings tears to my eyes, but I'm able to catch my breath, "Thank you."
Camille looks horrified at what she's just done, "I'm sorry, Admira. I should have never..."
"No, what you did was right. Thank you."
Camille nods, "Are you okay, now?"
Every single one of my muscles is tense enough to snap and my hands tremble at my sides and sweat trickles down my back and my pulse pounds in my ears and pictures of what Alexanne might be doing to Henri right now keeping popping into my head, but I nod yes anyway.
"Now tell me what is going on. If this is creating a risk on my life, I deserve to know, don't you think?"
I shake my head, "I'm sorry, Camille."
"Fine, you don't have to tell me the whole truth. But you can tell me pieces. Why did Henri run out of the Sitting Room? Is he in danger?"
I nod.
"Is someone trying to kill him?"
I nod.
"Is Antonin going to be able to help him?"
I nod and keeping nodding as tears rise into my eyes, "Antonin is going to help him, but what if it doesn't work? What if Antonin gets hurt to? This is all my fault."
"I know it isn't your fault, Admira. You would never hurt anyone on purpose."
Camille pulls me into a hug, her thin arms wrapping around my shaking shoulders. My snot and tears stain the shoulder of her dress, but she holds me anyway.
I think of how many times Grace has comforted me and it brings on yet another wave of grief. Grace is another person I have failed. I haven't been able to find her and she might be dead for all I know.
Camille says, "We are in danger then too, right?"
"Yes."
Camille stands, gripping the dagger. Thirteen is much too young to be holding a dagger so tightly. What have I done?
"Is it certain that we will be attacked?"
"No, but it's likely."
"How many people? What time?"
"I don't know. I don't know anything."
Camille presses her lips together, and stares at me, "It's not your lady in waiting, is it?"
I stare at her, unable to form an argument.
"I'm not stupid. I've heard your conversations with Antonin. You miss your lady in waiting. You don't hate her. She's not doing this to you. Is she?"
I shake my head.
"Then who? Who is hurting you and me and Antonin? Who's hunting down Henri right now?"
I don't answer. I can't tell her the truth. Today is yet another example of what Alexanne is capable of. I'm saving Camille's life.
I just shake my head, "I'm sorry."
A light knock falls on my door.
"Admira?" It's Alexanne. My entire body tenses. The dresser isn't enough. Nothing will be enough. We are trapped.
"Admira, I know how worried you are about Henri. I thought perhaps we could ask your lady in waiting where he went. Maybe she knows something. We want to find him to make sure he returns safely, right?"
Camille silently stares at me and mouths, "Alexanne?"
Fear morphs her delicate features.
I open my mouth, trying to think of something to cover up the truth. But nothing comes to me. I just sit there, staring at her with an open mouth, doing nothing to deny it.
Camille presses her lips together, the fear on her face replaced with anger. Her grip on her dagger tightens.
- Writer
