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1743 Words
The night fades away into the early hours of the morning. I dance with noble after noble. Each expects me to remember their names and their jobs and their wives and their ranks and how they are distantly related to me. It's more exhausting than the dancing itself.
But, I smile and curtsy and lie my way through all their questions. Somehow, I manage to survive the night without offending anyone too greatly. It is not until early dawn that Alexanne allows me to leave the ballroom. With a tired curtsy to my guests, I climb up the staircase and escape into the safety of my quarters.
Camille is asleep when I open the door. It appears as though she attempted to stay awake. She's slumped in a hard chair, a book on her lap and a half cup of tea. I smile and creep past her.
I slip my aching feet out of my shoes. Who decided that shoes meant for dancing needed to be so uncomfortable? I sit down on my stool in front of the mirror and try to pull the crown out of my carefully done hair. I unwrap curls and braids, but don't come any closer to retrieving it.
Eventually, I give up and instead focus on my dress. My fingers fumble with the ribbons and lacing. Several frightening rips later, I manage to loosen the bodice. I slip out of it, the fabric pooling on to the floor. I climb out of my hoops and corset and change into a simple nightgown.
I leave it all in a messy pile on the floor. I would like to put it away for Camille, but I haven't the slightest clue where it all belongs.
I return to the work on my hair, and manage to tug the crown from my head. I leave the tight curls and pinching braids alone, too afraid I will leave myself bald if I attempt to undo them.
I blow out some candles and stumble to my bed. My foot hits the bedpost and I curse under my breath.
Camille stirs, and then jumps up from her chair, "Admira?"
"It's okay, I'm just climbing into bed." I murmur, my eyelids begging for some rest.
"I didn't mean to fall asleep, I am ever so sorry." She lights a candle and surveys the puddle of fabric on the floor. "Did someone help you?"
I wince, "No, I did it myself. Don't worry about me, Camille, I am okay and I'm not angry with you for falling asleep. I only wish it was I who had been sleeping instead of attending that ball. In the morning, you may want to look at the seams of the dress. I may have ripped a few threads."
She offers me a smile, "Thank you for being so understanding."
I relax into my bed, "It is not a problem. Now get some rest."
She nods and extinguishes the candle that she lit. With another murmured apology, she returns to her chair.
I say, "No. To your quarters."
She scurries from the room and into her quarters, where she will be able to sleep in a bed, instead of a wooden chair. Finally, I close my eyes and rest.
●◊●◊●
I wake to late morning rays spilling through my window. At least Alexanne had the decency to allow me to sleep. Camille waits patiently in my room, her dark hair spilling over her shoulder as she's bent over a book.
When I stir, she bursts from her chair. She says, "Admira, I am ever so sorry for falling asleep last night. It was completely irresponsible and—"
"And completely understandable." I say, "I wasn't angry last night and I'm not angry now. Don't worry about it. Please."
She nods, "Would you like some late breakfast?"
"I need stationary, and I need you to write a letter for me."
She curtsies and disappears from the room. She returns a minute later with my creamy stationary. She moves to the desk and inks her pen.
I gather what I want to write to Henri. I wasn't able to find him after dancing with him.
After Alexanne grudgingly granted my request in front of our audience, she punished me by forcing me into a series of long, painful conversations about my future in the castle.
Once Alexanne finally allowed me to leave her side, Henri had disappeared from the wall where I asked him to wait. He must have had to catch a carriage or a horse home, for it was late already. Since he wasn't an invited guest, he wouldn't have had a room waiting for him within the castle.
I speak what I want to say to Henri, and Camille writes it down for me. I'm careful to not use any personal language that Alexanne or any guards might catch on to. I'm not sure whether Alexanne has commanded anyone to search my outgoing mail, but I certainly wouldn't put it behind her. She can't know that I have met Henri before.
After I finish, I sign my name at the bottom of the letter and seal it. I give it to Camille to give it to the postmaster. I can only hope that he will figure out an address by the name on the letter. He's done it for me before, but perhaps the son of a midwife will be more difficult.
As Camille carries off the letter, I wonder whether hiring Henri was such a good idea after all. The defense training will help me, but should I have chosen Henri? Would it have been better to chose the best professional there is with no dangerous past? It's better to not take unneeded risks.
Nevertheless, I've already asked Alexanne and the letter has already been sent. By now, it is surely within the postmaster's hands. It would be more than suspicious to recall it now. I'll merely have to wait.
●◊●◊●
While Camille is still delivering the letter, Alexanne bursts into my room. My eyes search the walls and I find Antonin at his usual post. I am safe.
At least, I thought I was. Alexanne quickly orders everyone from the room. I have no choice but to nod to Antonin. I can't show Alexanne that Antonin is the one on my side. It will give away one of the only advantages I have.
She leads me to my private sitting room, and we sit down at a table. The entire room is too cozy for the anger radiating off of her.
Alexanne glares at me, "What are you trying to do?"
"I'm sorry?" I ask, blinking my eyelashes innocently.
She slams her hand down on the table, "A personal trainer for self-defense? How stupid do you think I am?"
"I'm sorry, I don't know what you are talking about. How would hiring a personal trainer imply that you are stupid?"
She hisses, "Stop acting innocent. Now is not the time. I am not allowing you to hire him."
"I already sent the letter." I cross my arms.
"The postmaster hasn't left yet. I'm sure we can intercept it yet and explain that it was a mistake. I'm sure that he will know not to question it. You can destroy the letter and never speak of this again. I'll forget that you ever asked."
"What about the people who heard you agree to it?"
"They won't know if you hired the personal trainer or not. They don't really care about our lives. They just want to get money from you."
"They will know if I throw a fit. I'll cry and say how scared I am to not know how to defend myself. I'll whisper about the nightmares I've been having, and how safer I will feel if only I knew how to protect myself."
Alexanne sits up straighter, "You will do no such thing."
"Or?"
Alexanne smiles coldly at me, "Oh darling, I think you don't want to know."
I return her chilled smile, "You're right, you don't need to explain it to me because I have the perfect example. You showed me what you were capable of with Emilienne and Violette, right? If I disobey you, you'll kill me, just like you did with my sisters." I raise my voice, not loud enough to be overheard, but enough to threaten her.
Alexanne's palm slaps my cheek. "Be quiet."
"Or I'll lie in the mausoleum next to Violette and Emilienne, right?"
In a flash, her knife is out from her skirts. She holds it up. The only thing separating us is the small, decorative table, much too close for my comfort.
Nonetheless, I force myself to smile, "Careful, Alexanne. If you kill me here, they'll know you did it."
She laughs, "I've gotten away with four murders. I think I can get away with one more."
She flashes forward, the edge of the blade dancing over the edge of my collarbone. Not an attempt to kill me, but to scare me.
"Oops," she pouts, "I'm sorry, it was an accident. Looks like you are going to have to wear some higher neckline dresses. It's a shame. Your courter is here, after all. I guess you'll have to develop a personality."
I glare at her, unable to process her words, her insults. My courter? Did I dance with him last night, without my knowledge? Surely he saw my three dances with Claudio. He and I both have courters. What was I thinking? My cheeks turn a shade of red, matching the blood dripping down from my collarbone. I have too much pride to wipe it away. Instead it stains the white of my nightgown a sickening pink.
Alexanne disdainfully pulls out a cloth and cleans my blood off her knife, "A shame, that I had to dirty this so soon."
The door to our sitting room swings open, and Camille stumbles inside. Alexanne hides the knife behind her back as Camille says, "I am terribly sorry, your highness. I didn't mean to impose on your meeting. If you want me to wait in the other room, I can..."
Alexanne slips the knife into her skirts, keeping it from Camille's view. She smiles, "Don't worry about it, Camille. I was just leaving."
She strides from the room. She turns around and smiles at me, "Just remember to be careful, Admira."
And she's gone.
- Writer
