Love and Lust
My hair blew against the cold wind that tickled and sang around me as his hand rose to caress my cheek. It felt as though his eyes were glued to me. He couldn’t look away from my rose-colored cheeks and chestnut curls. He lowered his face and wrapped his arms tightly around my face. As he pulled me in, I could feel his hard chest pushing against my face. He whispered “You’re beautiful” against my ear. His husky voice resounded within my very soul and it sent a shiver racing down my spine. I could feel my heart skip a beat and my throat tightened as I caught my breath. “I never thought I’d feel this way again,” I murmured as I pressed my face against his denim jacket. His blond hair seemed to glow in the light of day and his strong arms were like beams supporting me as I quaked against him. He truly was my kryptonite. I felt the warmth wash over my lips and a quick taste of cooper enveloped my mouth. My lower lip pushed against my teeth in its attempt to utter the truth. I knew he could make my legs shake if he wanted to and I urgently felt the need to control myself. A raging fire burned within me every time he entered a room. How could this be real? I questioned. Love only exists in movies. I knew that passion was a poison that could trap you in its needy claws but I never knew that passion was the true gateway drug. The drug that makes you relinquish your logic, your plans and your senses.
He quickly pulled his arms away from my waist and leaned back just enough to look down upon my face. I could feel his breath falling onto my face and I instinctively looked up. His ocean blue eyes shone brightly as he stared down at me. I felt like a wild animal yearning to be tamed. A lion searching for its keeper. As I stood there feeling the snowflakes melt against my skin, I realized that this was my movie. This was the romance story that I had always dreamed of. I ignored reality and felt my vision tighten. It felt as though the world was slipping away and it was being replaced by a sensation of being weightless, all powerful and excited. He slowly began to lower his face towards mine and as he did, I panicked. I placed my hands against his chest and I pulled away. I knew this drug. I knew what I would do. I wasn’t ready to have another ten-year craving and I wasn’t ready to relinquish my life. How could I? I’d once been addicted to this superman but with every touch, every whisper and every promise I feared the truth that lay behind it. I knew that I’d already been trapped but not yet caught. My inner demons pushed and fought yearning for his touch, his taste, his smell.
I pulled away and turned my back. I could feel his gaze settle on my back and I heard him catch his breath. “I can’t” I whispered, knowing that he could barely hear me. He tentatively placed a hand against my lower back sending electric shocks roaring throughout my body. My body tensed against his touch and softened only once his hand slipped away. “It’s okay.” He whispered as he turned his face towards the horizon. I saw him from the corner of my eye and I knew I’d hurt him but I couldn’t let that control me. I’ve always thought about how the universe likes to test us. It places these asteroids before us and we always think they’re shinning stars until they’re to close; and, we can no longer stop the impact. The shrapnel of those asteroids cascade around us like a crescendo of malaria-infested mosquitos. Damning us and sending us through a sea of chaos that we can’t evade no matter how much we try to outrun it.
I was a stranger to wrong-calls and absolute madness when I first stumbled into his path. The beacon of hope, innocence and happiness was the crown I used to wear. All it took was a few peaches snapping at my heels and a few Jack’s to help me swallow the coke. The burn it left as it swept past my tongue and down my throat was a sensation I quickly became accustomed to. Our story started a long time ago, with a girl I no longer know.
