For You

Hidden emotions

After school I get a text from dad saying he can't pick me up. "Perfect Timing. " I holler watching the screen as I turn it phone off .

I can't ask help from Dave . I mean, Dave is busy with her and he can't leave her. Maggie doesn't bother talking to me. Since I know, she doesn't believe me. Susan well..I don't think she ever liked me and lastly Alex whom is confused between me and his "Friends." Therefore, I am here standing alone outside the school and waiting for someone I recognize or slightly know to come so that I can ask for help.

Few minutes later, I see them all steeping outside together. Dave was with them and it was a shock to see him acting like he doesn't know me for a while.

Before it was better , denying our feelings. Because, at least he was there for me during times . Now well, he doesn't even look at me . It hasn't been a day yet and I can't survive without thinking about him. I don't want him to choose her over me. Because I know I can make him happy and not miserable .

After a minute, Alex sees me . He turns around seeking to walk towards my position. I give him a friendly smile. My smile immediately vanishes when I watch Susan griping his hand . I couldn't hear what they were talking about. They were surely arguing about something. Alex pushes her hand off him saying something which seemed to upset her. He continued his walk to me.

"Hey! When's your dad coming?"

"He isn't actually." I say with my head down while playing with my shoes.

He notices me being hesitant.

"Well, I can give you a ride if you want?"

I directly look at the group where I see all of them glaring at me with hatred except Dave.

"Are you sure it won't be a problem?" I ask in ambivalence.

"No. Of course not."

He turns back looking at them adding, "Don't worry about them." I nod as we walk to his car. We both get inside and he says again,

"I also wanted to ask you something."

"Yeah? What is it?"

"Are you okay wearing ball gowns?"

I laugh hearing him. The only sincere laugh I had since the morning. I say frankly, "Yeah of course I am okay with it. Why won't I be?"

"Because I never saw you wearing fancy dresses a lot. Except... I guess prom? "

I pause, "Yes, but you aren't talking about the fluffy big ones, are you ?"

"No! Hell no. Those are hideous."

I continue laughing again. "Why? Are you buying me one?" I say teasingly.

"Actually yes. There's an order to wear extremely gorgeous ones. "

"Ouch! Are you telling me that I can't afford one?" I replied dramatized placing my hands on my heart .

"You are mean Alex!"

"Come on Ellie. Don't make me cry." He whines.

"Okay. But, don't worry. I will find something," I say gripping his shoulders with hopes.

"Fine! If you say so, " he says as he restarts the car.



"Thanks for the ride , my only friend." I say through the window.

"No problem," he replies with a snigger and closes the window waving at me .

I enter inside my house listening to the echo of people talking and it scares me that I acknowledge the voices. I reach the living room fast and I was startled to see them not fighting .

"Hi Dave," I say crossing my arms . I was happy to see him there . Happy that he came to talk to me finally . But, that happiness isn't shown on my face. Because, the girl inside me who secretly loves him isn't happy .

"Hey! " he says getting up, straining .

"Why are you late?" Dad asks .

" I was at Harry's."

I say turning to Dave adding , " with Alex."

I turn back to dad , " I thought you would be at work. "

Dad walks to me keeping his hands inside his pocket in a serious manner, "Well, I was just leaving. I came to get some files." He turns back looking at Dave , "And I am glad I did." I wasn't sure if Dad was being sarcastic or not . Dave looks at me and I am dying to listen to him. I turn my face away from his gaze in a second," So, are you leaving now?" Dad whispers , "Yeah only if you promise. " I say confused , "Promise what?"

"To stay inside.."

"Don't worry dad . I am not going out tonight. "

"I didn't meant the house honey...I meant inside."

He continues whispering , "Inside the line," he points out as I giggle , "I am not crossing the line, dad!" He pats my back leaving , "Only if you don't wanna get grounded for life." I watch him leave and the moment I see Dave again I am serious once more .

"So, I guess you wanna talk?"

"Yeah um.."

My lips curves a bit showing a smile as I sit on the couch behind him , "It's okay if you just wanna be with her , just stay with her." He swirls looking at me confounded.

That was not what I meant to say. What my heart wanted to say was completely different, completely opposite. He sits beside me slowly.

''Ellie.." he said calmly as he tangled my hand with his.

"Thanks for understanding. I promise I will tell you everything when it gets back to normal."

I sigh, not sure if it was disappointment or dissatisfaction.

That touch brought the feelings , the anxiety flooding back.

"And when that's gonna be?"

I say murmuring to myself . I stand up nervously pulling my hand.

"Where's the remote?"

He stood up watching me.

"Are you mad at me about this morning?"

"Have you seen the remote?"

I say again being louder with my eyes scanning the room . The TV was an excuse to ignore the awkward yet real conversations . He leans in and I stood steadily breathing slowly. For a second , I actually thought he was about to kiss me . But, he was just taking the remote on the table situated behind me . He hands me as I grab it from him sitting on the couch turning Netflix on .

"Do you want me to leave?"

I stop my search immediately and look at him.

"No!" My mouth strung out. I didn't want him to feel bad . But again , I didn't know what I should say. What would be right? It's funny since the 'right' questions are coming into my head after doing that things. The thing which I am starting to believe was a mistake. But honestly, if I am being completely utterly honest. I would say it wasn't. It was definitely not a mistake. I will never consider anything with him a mistake. It feels right with him. It feels real. It feels amazing to be his best friend. To be beside him and to be his soul mate. But the real issue is... I don't think I am his soul mate. I don't think I am the one he wants. Or else why is he giving up on me so fast? But again, as a best friend I am supposed to be calm about this. I am supposed to support his every decisions, every steps. Then, why is it so hard for me?

"Do you want to leave?" I croon .

My eyes were pleading focusing itself into his eyes inspecting the hidden emotions. My ears were praying to not listen to the words my mind fathomed.

"No."

He says nodding his head. It reminded me the act of those kids who refuses to go the dentist. I wear a smile looking at him.

"Then sit down , asshole," I screech as I make him sit close to me . I release a breath while he looks at me satisfying my bruised soul.

"Dave , I don't wanna loose the friendship between us because of those things.''

Things I don't want to forget easily.

I go on. '' If you don't want to be with me like you were with her then that's okay for me."

I finish sighing.

"Ellie listen.."

He tries to talk but I shush him placing my finger on his lips.

"No you listen. If you want to be just friends with me then I am totally okay with that. Even if that is torturing my emotions . Because trust me, I would die if I lose you."

I remove my finger slowly sliding down from his lips as he smiles.

"You are not losing me. Believe me El , you will never lose me."

I hug him that moment because all a sudden I am scared . Scared that it might happen someday and when it does I might not be able to handle myself. I might just break.

I don't cry this time and I slowly go backwards two seconds later. I grab the remote as I turn to the tv.

"So, what do you wanna watch ?" I ask .

"The same things we always watched?" he answers .

We were both tired after school and like any other day we slept on the couch together unknowingly . At least, it was unknowingly for me . Because, I didn't know when my eye lids started feeling heavy and my head fell over his heart or when his warm hands circled my body. I was always a light sleeper and to not interrupt my sleeping he used to sleep on the couch beside me letting me keep my head on his chest. But, that didn't happen in a long time . A long six months . So, I guess it's going to be a bit weird for both of us .

My phone rings as I wake up jumping . I get up from the couch getting myself outside the Dave cave. I walk away from it answering the call,

"Hey Ellie , you home ? "

I turn around to the couch seeing Dave sleeping peacefully. I talk whispering ,

"Yeah"

"I am coming then."

My voices gets a bit higher , "Why?"

I didn't want him to know that Dave's here . Probably he will start hating me or doubting me too.

"Why are you whispering?"

"No I am not. "

I walk to the kitchen where I talk in normal again.

"See I am not whispering.'' I say convincingly .

I open up the fridge to get some cold water.

"Okay, whatever . I will see you in a bit ."

"No, wait! "

He hangs up the call while I put the bottle down on the counter closing the refrigerator . I dial his number and before I can press call I hear the doorbell.

"Well, that was fast."

I yelp while crossing the living room . I open the door with my phone still on number dial .

"I didn't know 'bit' actually meant one second," I say in a sardonic tone .

He pushes the door entering himself in .

"Yeah, I was just strolling outside your house."

"Well, that's creepy," I reply mockingly .

"Alex?" I hear Dave shouting Alex's name while Alex looks at me sceptically.

"Dave's here?"

He walks to the living room to meet him while I am wondering something bad might happen.