Surviving Him

"Kali! Get your ass over here now!" Rays voice boomed from the kitchen. I knew I was in trouble. Dinner wasn't done by the time he got home. Ray, my boyfriend of 2 and a half years, hates when dinner is not done when he gets home. He can be terrifying. He’s 6’9 and 185 pounds. I am barely 5’4 and I weigh 145 pounds, I am not that hard to carry around like a small child. So yes, most of the time to avoid getting smacked, or worse, I bent to his will and apologized. "Sorry Ray. I had a long day at work and I just fo-" "You think my day was easy?!" he shouted, grabbing my shirt hard. "That is not what I said Ray." I said with a low growl, smacking his hand from my shirt. Ray was not always like this. We used to be happy and in love, but once we moved in together, it got bad. It started last year, when we moved here to Los Angeles from Oregon. It started with him just yelling at me if I did not do what he wanted. A few months ago I accidentally broke his favorite coffee cup. I tried fixing it, even got a new one, but he was not happy. I didn't even see it coming. One minute I was looking at him with tears in my eyes, the next my face felt hot and I was on the ground. He had slapped me. Right across the face. Ever since then, it got worse by the day. Punching, slapping, kicking, even burning me with hot food. "Kali!" Ray's voice pulled me from the flash back. "What Ray?" I sighed, noticing he had his phone in his hand. "I am ordering take out. You need to clean up this house before my friends get here." he huffed as he walked into our room. I sighed and started cleaning. I was not about to get smacked today. The house was not that bad anyway. I walked over to the tv and put some music on. Letting myself get lost in the music, I began to clean. Dusting the entertainment center, mopping the floor, washing the windows, then finally doing the dishes. That was my list. I nodded and pulled back my long black hair into a pony tail. As I cleaned, I let my thoughts reminisce on the good times me and Ray had together. All the times he made me laugh when I was crying, or just held me softly as I got snort all over his shirt. Before all the bad times, he was a gentle, loving, and caring boyfriend. He would randomly send me flowers and food. He stood up for me if his friends started talking s**t. Now all he does is yell at me and hurt me in any way he can. “Finally.” I breathed as I sat on the couch. It was all clean. I even had time to throw some appetizers in the oven for them. And like as if it were on cue, Ray emerged from the room and headed towards the front door. Throwing it open, Jim and Ryan, his only two friends, stepped in to the house. “Hey Guys.” Jim said, walking past me and headed right to the couch. “Hey Jim. Hey Ryan.” I mumbled as they both pushed past me. “Don’t be rude Kali, give a proper greeting to my friends.” Ray ordered, slapping me in the back of the head. I growled and gave Ray a death stare. For half a second, I contemplated on punching him in his balls. “Hello boys. Please make yourselves at home. I will be in the kitchen if you need anything.” I smiled, slightly bowing at the waist. That was Rays bright idea. For me to bow to his friends, like they are f*****g kings and I am a lowly scullery maid. Humiliation. That’s all I feel everytime he makes me do it. “Thank you Kali. We will be sure to let you know if we need anything.” Ryan said, a slight mocking tone. With that last comment, I walked into the kitchen. Not to obey Ray, but to go back to cooking. The ding from the oven sounding made the boys all turn and lick their lips. I took my sweet ass time getting them out and putting them on a tray to cool. Ignoring their grunts and sighs, I continued grabbing things and placing them out. I knew he was going to want his friends over so I went shopping while he was out. I grabbed a bunch of chips, cookies, candies, pretzels, and sodas. I was so caught up in ignoring them, I did not notice Rays flying hand in time. “God damn it Kali-“ was all he said before his hand made contact with my face, knocking me onto the floor. Grabbing my cheek and fighting back tears, I took a deep breath and stood up. Knowing I would get punched next, I bowed; another stupid thing he makes me do, and choked back the temptation to spit on his shoes. “Forgive me Ray. I should have been faster about bringing it out.” I spat out. “Maybe next time, you should just have it already out before my friends even get here. That way, you don’t f**k everything up and take forever pulling it out.” Ray shot out, giving me a very annoyed looked. Yeah Ray, go ahead and act like your annoyed. I do not really give a s**t either way, I thought. I could not stand the way he looks at me when he’s like this. It really makes me want to smack a pan over his head. If there was some way I could get away with that, I would do it. But I know he would hunt me down until the day I die until he finds me. I tried running 2 months ago. I got away from him for 2 weeks before he found me. I was all the way in San Bernardino with a friend. He reported me for stealing the car. When the cop found me driving around, I explained what went on and he did not believe me. I didn’t go to jail, but I have a very big fine I am still slowly paying. That was not as bad as what Ray did to me though. He decided that I did not need to be making my own choices, so I had to do anything and everything he wanted, that included eating whatever he wanted me to. It was that “or else” and I did not feel like finding out what could be worse than that. That punishment lasted 3 weeks. “Damn it Ray. I have had a long day. I got home 45 minutes before you did. I am sorry that I can not do all of that and clean in 45 f*****g minutes. Maybe if you helped out around here, I would be able to cook alot more. But, no. You decided that I need to do everything around here and take care of your needy ass.” I yelled in remark. Rays stunned eyes told me I was about to be ripped a new one. “Well Kali. I got to work from 8 in the morning, to 6 in the afternoon! Where as you, being the lazy ass that you are, will only work part time. Working 2am to 7am is nothing compared to me. You get home around 7:30 and sleep until 4 in the afternoon. 2 hours is enough to clean and cook. When I got home the house wasn’t even clean. So what did you do with your 45 minutes hm? Where have you been all day?” He snapped back. “If you had ever paid any attention to the calandra, you would have noticed 4 things on today. The first one was my doctors appointment at 8am. Then, at 9:45am I had breakfast with my mother. At 11:15am, I went and picked up your dry cleaning for your brothers wedding, then finally stopped and filled the gas tank on my car. All of that was done before I came home.” I replied, getting a bit more annoyed. “Why would I look at the calandra. That’s what my phone is for first of all. Second of all, you never asked to go to breakfast. Who said you could spend that money?” He asked, his tone more taunting. “Really Ray? Now I gotta ask you to spend my own money? I do not think so. I am not about to start asking permission to use the money that I make with my own job. You may control everything else in my life,but when it comes to things that I work for on my own, I draw the line. Also, asshole, it was with my mother. It’s not like I was out with the girls. You can even ask her yourself and I have a receipt to prove it.” I huffed, getting closer to him. “I do not care Kali. You knew the boys were coming over today. I told you last night before you went to bed. You never listen do you? Also, I will tell you what you can and can not do with the money. You have bills that need to be paid. Did you think of that? Of course not, because you do not think. You are dumber than a damn 5th grader and your 21 years old. You haven’t completed high school, you have no real career plan, and you can’t even cook right without burning s**t half the time. You are a f*****g mess!” He yelled, shoving me backwards. “You know exactly why I could not finish school. I’ve been moving around to much to do any damn work. And between working and taking care of you, I do not have enough time to do any school work!” I growled, standing back in his face. “You are just lazy Kali. You wouldn’t even have a job if it wasn’t for me. I allowed you to get your license. I could have never let you use my car for the test.” He spat out. “Right. Because you control everything. I am an adult Ray. You’re barely 20. ” I mumbled. “Speak up!” He yelled, shoving me again. “Do not shove me Ray! I am not a damn rag doll for you to shake around when you want!” I screamed, punching his chest. My eyes immediately flew to his face. Terror struck, I stepped back, my heart pounding in my ears. My stomach twisted and turned in every direction. Sweat started to form on the back of my neck as we stood their staring at each other. I just punched Ray, hard. I was so scared he was going to punch me back, but all he did was sigh and grab my shoulders. Ryan and Jim were sitting on the couch, watching the whole time, so I think he did not want his friends to see how bad he can really be when he’s angry. “Just go to bed Kali. I will see you when you get home from work tomorrow morning.” He sighed and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Slightly stunned, I nodded and gave him a hesitant kiss back before walking to the room. “What the hell?” I whispered, looking back at him as I turned to shut the door. Finally in the safety of the room, I broke down. Flinging myself onto the bed, tears poured down my face. I hated him. He beats me around then kisses me and acts like he cares? What the f**k is that bullshit? I cannot stand him. There are so many days where I wished he would just die in a car accident on the way home from work. I just do not understand why. Why did he change? What the hell happened last year? We have been living here in LA for 7 months now. Why won’t he just leave me be? Why can’t I have the old Ray? Why can’t I be free? My thoughts raced as tears soaked my pillow. “Why can’t I just f*****g die?” I sobbed into my pillow, slowly nodding off to sleep.