Loved But Broken

Chapter 20

Time passed by quicker than ever, by the time winter was here again my life was falling apart. My job went from the best thing to happen in my life apart from William being in my life to the worst thing in my life. Billie had found out where I was working, he stalked me for months after his phone call. Never being able to contact me again because I had changed my number so many times not even, I could remember what the current number was. Thankfully I didn’t have to remember it.

After losing my job I ran away from all the heartache, ending up in a decent size country town an hour out of Tamworth, the drive up there was long, only way to pass the boredom was the radio or cd player playing through the car. Windows rolled down, the breeze blowing the loose strands of my golden hair around my face. It was a lonely drive with no one to accompany me. William had moved away not so long ago “Travel this country Soph, my sweet girl. When the time comes and our paths cross again you can tell me all about it.” He had whispered to me one night before hopping in his car leaving my heart shattered, knowing I would probably never see him again unless we happened to be back in my hometown at the same time.

Driving up the Newel Highway brought back so many memories especially of the day we both took that test together and seen those two dark pink lines show up. I was ready to close that chapter of my life and throw away the key ready for a fresh start and determined to create a new life, and give my Mum another chance to fix everything between us. She knew that I would be on my way she didn’t know what time to expect me and I was only allowed to go ninety kilometres per hours because of my restrictions on my red p plates licence. But I had taken those off hours ago down the road and was currently doing the road speed limit, I’d passed the big dish that they used to see the first man to walk on the moon many years ago just out of Parkes and Peak Hill, I was now on the northern side of Dubbo, driving passed the Western Plains Zoo sign reminded of me when Nan, Pa and Mum had taken, Mark, Billie and I there years ago, and the emu stole Marks lunch. I chuckled to myself as I drove along, So far away I wish you were here, Before it's too late, This could all disappear. Before the doors close, And it comes to an end, With you by my side, I will fight and defend, I'll fight and defend, Yeah, yeah, Keep holding on, Cause you know we'll make it through, We'll make it through played in the background.

Pulling into the BP service station just as I came into town, turning the engine off, and popping the fuel cap, stepping out to refuel was a breath of fresh air I still had a long way to go on this trip, I could not wait until I was going up through the Warrenbungles outside of Coonabarabran the view from the top was breathtaking there was even a small rest stop just down from the stop with a magnificent waterfall coming over the edge of the mountain. I remembered it when William and I had pulled in there many years ago that I had seen it before on one of the trips that Pa had taken us on up to Queensland before things in our family changed and Billie became the sibling to fear not love. I already had a little picnic lunch packed so I could pull in and have lunch near the water.

Water always made me feel peaceful but there was something more about this particular waterfall the tranquillity of it was unexplainable I felt drawn to it more than anywhere else I had been growing up and going on holidays. Set in the mountains overlooking the valley took your breath away, pines, gums of all different kinds, if you looked closely enough, you’d be able to spot the faint grey fur of a koala bear perched up high in the crook if the trees enjoying the delicious gum leaves that they love so much. Driving along if you didn’t pull in you could look out and see Craters Bluff and other peaks that were nearby remnants of the ancient volcano that once was there. Signs for the observatory were placed along the high way to tell you that there was a place nearby within the park that you could go to anytime of the day and explore even lookout at the skies and see some of our neighbouring planets within our galaxy. Stargazing was one of the things I enjoyed every now and then.

There’s nothing more satisfying then looking up into a clear night sky and being able make out the southern cross, seven sisters, even the cup and sauce. Mum was able to teach us when she was having a good day and pointed out all the constellations that she knew, even Pa had shown us some over the years. Not so long ago when Steve Irwin: The Crocodile Hunter died I could have sworn that I’d seen a sting ray constellation in the sky. It was so eery when it happened, I have never seen it again. Someday life will make sense, just not right now.

I was halfway through my traineeship when I walked away from everything. Honesty was always key to why I was so keen to learn and work in the industry but things don’t always turn out how you hope, and not all people are honest with you. The team leader that was meant to be my mentor was not always honest with parents that came to the centre and I couldn’t handle that. Even being told the next day after one incident to not say anything by that time it was too late, I had already been honest with the parents.

That was not the way I wanted to live my life, I was raised to be honest at all times and the one time that I was able to lie, and be able to hide the truth was the times that I spent with William before it all came to a head at my explosive reveal and argument all those years ago now. It was time to start forgiving and try to have a relationship with Louise she was my mother after all. In times like these it is when you need you mother more than anything.

Coming into Gunnedah was a breath of fresh air and relief on my tired eyes, the winding bends before coming to the Welcome to Gunnedah Koala Capital, now it was a matter of navigating my way to Mum’s flat where she now lived with Mark, and old hag Delores living right next door. They had told me a little about the town but still driving in I was in awe of the way the gums lined most of the streets, coming up to her unit’s was a reprieve finally able to take a rest. Placing my car in neutral, pulling the handbrake on before turning of the ignition before it rolled.

Stepping out into the cool winter breeze as it washed over my face, a change from the heat of the sun that I had been travelling in for most of the day. Winding the window up with the window winder was hard the handle kept getting stuck and wouldn’t always go up when you wanted it to. Slamming my door a few weeks back in a temper didn’t help it, I was yet to get someone to realign it for me.

There were people outside across from Mum’s place looking at my car as I pulled up to the kerb. The young man was staring at me, he had short dark hair, and was surrounded with mystery to me. I was certain that’s what they were thinking of me as I stepped out with my golden hair blowing around my face gently. Walking to the back of my car opening the hatch pulling out my most important bag for the now, I headed to Mum’s front door, locking my car with a press of a button.

Knocking seemed so surreal, I kept doubting myself if this was the right decision, whether I should have stayed and fought harder for my life back home. I couldn’t dwell on the past though. The present was what mattered.

“Mum,” I yelled out from the door, knocking sharply at the same time, “Mum, its Sophie.” I called out, listening to see if she heard me or not. Shuffling could be heard softly coming from inside. Mark appeared at the door.

“Hey sis, you made it finally, Mums in the kitchen making a coffee.” He said to me as nicely as he could. He wasn’t home when I blew up at Mum over choosing Billie and Dad over me years ago. The sneer he was giving me now was enough to say he knew now. I left him that day too after promising to always be there for him as his big sister. I was no better than Billie though when he ran away and abandoned us nine years ago.

It was then I noticed a sign on the door No fat f***s allowed, he noticed me looking as he glanced to what I was looking at and he laughed. I missed that laugh that he had, a deep belly chuckle with a slight witchy cackle, I filed that response in the ask later part of my mind and walked inside. In the first door as you immediately stepped in was a raggedy torn couch with pillows and a faded duvet, someone’s sleeping area, the unit wasn’t very big you certainly couldn’t swing a cat in it if you tried to you would be hitting the walls and anyone near you. It consisted of two bedrooms, three if you counted the sun room I entered by.

The lounge room was set up with another faded lounge set except this one from the looks of it folded out to a double bed to accommodate any guests that might visit. A brick of a television box sat on top of small tv unit with a VCR and DVD player. Off the loungeroom immediately was a kitchen looking around I wondered how the managed to live here, there was a small bar fridge with bar freezer placed in the corner of the kitchen, constant trip to the supermarket were a necessity if this is where I was going to live for now. Down a small hallway were the bedrooms that appeared to be no bigger than a shoebox, with a bathroom that consisted of a toilet, shower and was used as a laundry too. You couldn’t turn around in there to move with ease between the lavatory, a shower and the washing machine. There were clothes placed on top of the machine. I wondered where the clothes line was for such little living areas.

“Sophie, you made it safely I see. Did you have much trouble finding the place?” Mum asked me her brown dyed hair was cut shorter than when I see her last in a sort of bob cut, she always did go for a more traditional look, we always said she was so old fashioned in everything she did. She was just coming in through a door I didn’t notice when I first came in that lead directly to the back of her unit where I later found out was a small garage, in which her little buzz box resided.

“No Mum, no problems, had a welcome committee sussing me out as I pulled up from your neighbours over the road there.” I said to her laughing a little at the same time. The way she looked up to me in that moment she reflected my own reaction. I could not help but be curious of the sign I noticed earlier that Mark had laughed about when I see it. In time they would tell me. Delores thankfully wasn’t here or at her own place, she was away currently in the Northern Territory from what Mum was saying to me she met another fella off one of those old-fashioned dating sites and went to meet him. “Foolish if you ask me.” I thought to myself, the looks however on Marks and Mums face told me it was aloud not in my head.

“So little brother, you wanna explain that little sign out there. I’m not a fatty so whose it directed at.” He proceeded to tell me the story of how the neighbours over the road constantly were just walking in when he was using the area as his bedroom and they were fat and never knocked, he also proceeded to say that the previous neighbour that lived in the unit next door before Delores helped him out and the neighbours over the road eerily had the same names as Mum and him, Louise was the mother Mark, the son that was standing outside when I pulled up. Their younger daughter Maggie was his little shadow and followed him everywhere. He told me a years’ worth of living in here in less than hour. Stifling a yawn, trying to keep awake I had to find out where Mum was setting me up for now so I could unload the car with all my things, I had only grabbed my essentials out when I arrived along with my handbag and phone. I still had a boot full and back seat to empty, I would get the rest shipped up to me when time and money allowed.