Loved But Broken

Chapter 19

One night, we were all sitting around the dinner table, I had been busy writing cover letters to apply for numerous jobs. I had some experience and my resume was filled with various jobs over the years but nothing really stood out, except for babysitting for many families over the years. I loved looking after young children I had a motherly sense for it. Especially after my loss. Mrs Landon new a little about it but she never pried me for the details, which I was thankful for, she always knew that something was wrong, but she was always the sort of person that would let you open up in your own time. She also knew about the relationship I had between William and understood my reasons for walking away.

“Sophie a letter came for you today, we thought you would like to open with family around you, looks like it’s a response to one of the jobs you applied for.” Mrs Landon sweetly spoke. All eyes were on me. Taking the letter gently I carefully peeled it open, nervously looking at the words I didn’t know what do.

Dear Miss Porter

We are writing to inform you formally that we would like to offer you a trainee position within our centre. The job will be entitled for you to learn

more about working with children we have enclosed the

acceptance letter for you to look over. Please inform as

promptly of your decision.

Kind Regards,

Libby Mackenzie (Director)

I looked up from reading the words I was hoping for a sigh relief washing over me. Replaced with nerves almost immediately though because if I accepted who am I kidding when I accepted, I would have to move closer to the centre for work. I’d been saving up money but I still hadn’t had quite enough to buy my own car and I couldn’t keep relying on everyone else around me. I was ready to be on my own. My strength was my main feature, my perseverance to withstand whatever was thrown my way, when my results came back and UAI was not enough to be accepted into university I made the decision to apply for traineeships in childcare, and jobs everywhere else on the chance I was able to complete as much as could at TAFE. This letter was one of the many I sent out and it was the one I really wanted because it was a traineeship and I would be able to do what I loved doing the most.

My answer was an obvious choice I couldn’t deny that. Emailing them back with the address they left for me and signing the acceptance letter I patiently waited for the call to tell me when I had to start. In the meantime, Mrs Landon helped me search for accommodation closer so I would not have to travel an hour and half each way every day. Even carpooling with others was an option but it was a matter of having to be up way earlier than necessary not that I wasn’t used to this routine. For the last two years I had been travelling the forty minutes to school and back by bus.

The search was time consuming and nothing was appealed to me. I was very fussy about who I would have to share with. I knew I couldn’t afford to live on own not straight away anyway. In time I would be able. Finally, after I had started my new job. I fit in well with other workers and adored working with the families that utilised our facilities. I found the perfect accommodations. It was only a ten-minute walk to work. I loved being able to take the chance to consume as much fresh air as was possible. The family that I was now living with had a lovely double story home and my room was similar to a rumpus room or gaming room except it was turned into a bedroom. The main door I used was the one that led me upstairs to the kitchen and dining area. Now and then I would join them and watch some television but mostly I kept to myself. I was still busy saving my own car and couldn’t wait to have one. The other door that was connected to my room lead out to overlook a large swimming pool and luscious backyard. Set up on the top of a hill you could look out in all directions and see the spread of the town below far and wide. It was like you were on top of the world. When the weather started to turn it made the walk to and from work longer. Sometimes the other workers would off to pick me up and drop me off at home. I didn’t like relying on them very often though. One day when I was walking home from work, I received a strange number calling my mobile. Not many people had my number and I like to keep it that way because I didn’t want the horrors of my past to come back to me. “Hello, who is this?” I answered wearily the next three words sent me into back.

“Watch your back!” the voice on the end of line sneered at me. Turning around and looking frantically at my surroundings I was panicked there was no one there but how did he get my number. There was no mistaking that voice anywhere. I had become so comfortable with myself and my life I had let down my guard. Quickening my pace, I walked the three blocks to home, walking up the driveway glancing all around me with each step I took, I almost ran into the vehicle that was coming into the drive. Kelly parked the car and took one look at me, I’m sure my own reaction was reflecting back at me from the look on her face.

“Sophie dear, what’s wrong? You look like you have seen a ghost.” She tried to comfort me; I did not know what to my chest was racing it felt like my heart was going to pound right out of my chest. I was frozen in fear. Trying to compose myself was useless. I didn’t want to worry her and she had enough you worry being that she was a teacher at a school in the opposite direction of my workplace. I’m sure she was worried that something had happened at work. He brown eyes were squinting while she was looking at me, her brow furrowed while you could see the cogs of her mind trying to turn to work out what I looked the way I did just now.

“Kelly, I’m okay I just thought I was being followed home that is all.” I tried to hide behind my fear and told her as much of the truth as possible I didn’t want to nor feel the need to lie her. In her presence you felt compelled to be honest at all times. She was very much like Alicia in that sense and she didn’t pry any further, she just embraced me in the warmest hug and told me everything was going to be alright and took me inside. We sat in the living area and I felt like I had to open to her if she knew the horrors of my past than she wouldn’t have to pry anymore. I had about three thousand dollars saved up hidden in my room, and my board was always paid up to date with the house. What I paid a week covered all my expenses all meals were provided, the only expenses I really had were personal hygiene products and clothing. Which most of that was still packed away back at Mum and Dads because I never went back for it when after I returned from Townsville.

William wasn’t around as much as he used to be in fact he had been sleeping with another woman, I didn’t think it would hurt as much as it did in my heart but seeing them together my heart broke into a million pieces. Riley one of his closest friends seen the way it was affecting me. One night when I was passing through streets on the way home, he pulled off to see how I was. Before I knew what, I was doing we were on the way back to his place where he introduced me to many new pleasures. We never told anyone. William had a suspicion which was eventually confirmed when Riley walked up to me and wrapped his around my waist placing gentle kisses slowly down my neck. It was in that moment that I seen his heart shatter. We had both been through so much together and this phone call earlier today had thrown me back to my past.

Days following, I stayed in my room, I came out for meals, but I never went out unless I had too. I eventually got my own vehicle a small Holden Barina 2000 model for fifteen hundred dollars. I drove to work most days no longer walking to and from. I replaced my phone number and only those who needed it were able to contact me. On the odd occasion when I was feeling up to it, I drove back home and spent time with Peter, Riley and William. Riley was always finding new things to teach me. The more time I spent with the more it broke my heart and made me feel like I was betraying William. I didn’t want to ever see the hurt in his eyes the day he finally realised what was going on between Riley and I. Peter he understood what I was going through and pulled me aside weeks later. The look on his face was enough to put me on edge. Bracing myself for the reprimand and chastising that I knew very well was going to be on its way.

“Peter please don’t look at me like that. He moved on like I asked him too, I honestly didn’t realise just how much it would break my heart though to see him in the arms of another woman. I can’t keep coming around if his going to be parading another woman around.” I pleaded with him my sea green eyes lost the spark the day I seen William with someone else. My smile hasn’t lit up my whole face since. I smile to say I am ok but it is not the happy smile that it once was, the glow behind it gone.

“Sophie, I get it kiddo, I really do. He loves you still anyone can see that. He doesn’t want to admit it but we can all see how you affect him and he affects you. His leaving again soon, seeing you it is too hard for him. I know all he wants to do is show you just how much he does care about you. You have grown up into this exquisite young lady. You have your life now. You are free to make your own decisions. You don’t have to hide your feelings any longer. If you want to talk to him his down the back there.” He tried to reason with me. Before I could respond though I felt arms wrap gently around me. A fire spreading from the touch through my entire being. A spark I haven’t felt in nearly three years. The gentle whisper on the wind passing my ear “Soph I love you and will love you until the day I die and even then, beyond” I knew those arms, I had been so familiar with them for so long. Looking at Peter and seeing the smile that was on his face reflecting the look of surprise that was evident on my own I am certain. He turned away so I could glance behind me to confirm what my heart was trying to tell me; William was the one holding me right now. My legs began to feel like jelly, I was losing my balance. For the last two years this is all I wanted to have him in my arms again. To never let go of him. Being a dreamer, I always set my expectations too high. This fleeting moment though with his arms around me, his lips so close to my ears to whisper what I have been wanting to hear ever since I walked away all that time passed.

“William…I…want…you…with…all…my…heart,” I said to him defining each word with a kiss to seal how much I meant them. His face glowed and for the first time since we took the test together, I seen that sparkle in him. A look I thought was gone forever since that tragic day. I wanted him to know that everything was different now. We wouldn’t have to hide our relationship from anyone.

“Soph, my love, you are the only one for me. I swear it. No one else compares to you. You give everything you do your whole attention. Everything you have. You gave me everything I wanted and even then, it wasn’t enough in the end I only wanted you.” He said embracing me tighter than before. Lifting me up off the ground he took me to his room. That afternoon, we spent little time talking and more time making love to each other. Being with him it just felt right. I was home with him. Wherever he was where I needed to be. He was my home. My heart belonged to him, and home is where the heart is.