The Unfortunate Bear

Nothing good will come of this, many people will die and any evidence will be swept away because of the magnitude of this situation. Whether you believe what i am telling you, from if you even read this much of what i write, the reality of what i am telling you, doesn't exist. I am not a witness of some Alien space ship, I didn't do some psychedelic drugs and start hallucinating, I am no more intellectual then Mr. Rodgers or Allen Watts. I can't explain why everything in my story happened, but I can try to give you a good idea or reasoning to why things played out the way they did. No one believes me now so I doubt anyone will later. when this all started I think was sometime in the fall of 2017, but even then it has nothing to do with my story. My story follows a time line but it has nothing to do with what my story is about. my story is about specific situations where I was lucky enough to have been blessed with knowledge and logic, patience and strength to over come the troubles and anger that I held inside the whole time. When my grandmother died I never really grieved over it. I didn't have a chance too. besides my mom having a stroke, losing my job, I forgot about who I was for a while. I went straight into fight mode and I instantly gave up on everything in my life. All i cared about was figuring out who was behind all of the problems that were happening. I was angry about how the past 4 years of my life were all recorded without me knowing, and how I was Oblivious to whether or not I was the one who made any of the choices i made or if someone coursed me into screwing myself over in any of the hundreds of ways that had occurred. I knew right away that I would of never done some things that i did. I realized how there were so many times i relied on my instincts, but my instincts were not even my own. I was so thrown off and embarrassed. I wanted to freak out, destroy everything, and die all at once. I hated myself for not realizing it sooner. The second it really hit me, in realizing what happened my chest got heavy, and heavier, until it felt like I had a huge hole in my chest, and my soul had left my body. I felt dead and stuck inside my own body. It kinda felt like withdrawal from smoking crack for a weekend mixed with that poisonous feeling when you eat to many mushrooms, plus being hung over. I felt exhausted, confused and dead. I could keep describing it but all together it was the worst thing I have ever been through. I had a little idea already that other people would or had gone through it too, and it probably was why they just killed themselves or overdosed. If they weren't as aware of it as me, but they were being manipulated at all, then they forsure had no chance in surviving. The one thing left in me was like a tea candle of the love for myself from my whole life that I knew to be true. For the first few weeks of it I fought and tried to make sense of it all. I made some small discoveries and didnt carve them into stone yet but I figured that 1, I would be a high candidate for brain cancer, 2, This was never going to end until i died, 3, Nothing good would come of it, and 4 it was someone who I had to know who was in my life but not involved with any of it. Later on I realized many other things but I had to stay neutral