Then, Now, Me

Chapter 13: Now

Sitting in the local library - a.k.a., my safe zone - after a long Friday at school, I pull out my work-issued MacBook and rest it on my lap to check emails and otherwise waste a little time before having to head home to an empty townhouse.

It"s been almost two weeks since that first weekend with Jem, and the texting continues. But nothing else. I"ve offered for him to call me instead, but he seems to avoid the topic and settle on texting - at a near constant rate. I"m not sure what to make of it, and that terrifies me into complete inaction.

Meanwhile, an older man who went through a divorce himself, and has seemed to take an interest in me. He has two kids, a career in the finance department, and has even written a book. Something I would love to do one day. On paper, he seems like the perfect match for me.

And yet. The memory of those blessed 24 hours with Jem will not loosen its grip on my battered and bruised heart.

All my being wants to do is abandon all consideration of love in my life - outside of my son, of course. I simply cannot afford to go through another bit of drama and heartbreak. I"m convinced that if I were to deal with that again, the next stop would be a mental institution.

No exaggeration.

Regardless, I don"t know if things are going anywhere with Jem, and I certainly don"t feel like acknowledging the obvious interest this other guy, Damon, has been presenting to me during our interactions at work. This all leads me precisely to one thing.

Stalemate.

OOOOO

The following morning, I wake up to a late night - or early morning, depending on your perspective - text from Jem. It"s simply a picture of a message written out in what appears to be almonds: "I miss you" is what it reads. And that"s it.

Huh? I"m stupified by this, and having a difficult time wrapping my mind around it upon first arriving to consciousness.

Before thinking too hard about it, I text back: Are those almonds?

To my astonishment, Jem texts back mere minutes later. How is he up at this hour after being up so late? I wonder, needing at least eight hours of sleep to function myself.

Jem: Yeh...it hit me at a friends place that I missed you so I arranged a message in nuts lol

Me: Umm, well that"s...creative...and sweet. Thank you.

Jem: :-)

Jem: So I was thinking...

Jem: I don"t have anything going on tonight. U wanna come visit me?

Biting my lip, I put the phone down at my side, and raise my fingers to rub at my eyes. My protective instincts are screaming at me to run the opposite direction, but my heart is sending me an altogether different message.

Me: Maybe... what did you have in mind?

Jem: Hmm...maybe?

Me: Yeah, you know... maybe I can pencil you in ;-)

Jem: Oh wow, am I talking to a wanted lady?

Me: Ha didn"t you know that already?

Jem: lol well...listen I wouldn"t mind the company. Besides Lukas has been asking about u

Considering my options, I pause before responding. If I go, I could potentially get myself into an uncomfortable situation, which in all probability, is what will happen. But, if I stay, what am I really going to do? I literally have nobody here, except maybe a coworker or two who might take pity on me. Again. I don"t even allow myself to consider the possibility that things will go well with Jem, and only go as far as to admit that it might be good to get away - even if it is throwing myself to the proverbial sharks.

Me: Oh okay...well I guess if it"s God who wants me to come, I can"t really argue with that!

Jem: lol! too funny. So u wanna meet at my place or somewhere else?

Me: Your place is good... I was not graced with a great sense of direction, so going somewhere I already know how to get to is probably for the best!

Jem: You got it Hun. Feel free to come down anytime... I"m just cleaning around the house... Probably break out the camera or one of my other toys to keep me busy :-)

Me: Enjoy... I"ll text when I"m on my way.

Jem: Drive safe then dear. See you later

OOOOO

Laughing enough to make my guts scream in delightful pain, I try to catch my breath.

"Oh my God, I can"t believe you said that," I manage to sputter out, before nearly choking on my water.

"You don"t know the half of it," says Jem with a sly grin.

Finishing up dinner - apparently something his mom made and sent over - Jem and I are telling stories and generally enjoying each other"s company. I can"t help but think about how contagious his laugh is, or try to make him smile just to see is ridiculously cute grin. And in spite of myself, I allow my walls to crack. Just a little bit.

"Beth," Jem begins, getting slightly more serious. "I really don"t understand it, but I have to say. I really like you."

Astonished by his honesty and forthrightness, I carelessly fling out, "I really like you, too."

He reaches out a hand to stroke my face, and it feels so good that I can"t help but, once again, lean into it and allow more of my walls to crumble.

Damn him, my inner critic curses at my naivety.

Pulling back to regain a little ground and grabbing my water, I ask, "So what"s the plan for this evening, sir?"

He leans back, seemingly undisturbed by me drawing back, and says, "Your call Hun. Feel like going out or staying in?"

"Well, I don"t know anywhere to go around here. I"m just following your lead," and volley back to him the decision of what to do.

He looks at me carefully and says slowly, "Well, I would like to see some music over at a pub tonight, but I also need to stop by my parents" house." He continues, looking a little unsure for once, "Are you okay with that? You can say no. I know it might be weird."

Settling myself into safe territory I say, "We"re friends, right? It"s not like I"m seriously in a "meet the parents" moment." I smile to further lighten the situation.

"Okay, sure," and Jem quickly gets up, not revealing any reaction to my words. "Let"s go then before the music starts." He winks and adds, "Remember. ADD. I need to sit in the front with no distractions."

Laughing while putting on my coat, I say, "Yes, sir. I"m ready whenever you are."

OOOOO

Late that night, we come trudging back into Jem"s house. We"re both exhausted, happy... and all over each other.

Good God, I"m in trouble, is my very last clear thought before the door shuts behind us and Jem grabs for me.