Butterflies

    Michaela crouched down in front of her job’s building, her back resting against the chilly red bricks. Her feet tingled from standing on the job for over eight hours for the third time this week, but the tingly feeling soon numbed as she saw the red Toyota with tinted windows pull up next to her.       The man rolled down the passenger’s window. “Get in, loser.” He laughed which caused Michaela to roll her eyes and hop on to the flats of her feet.       “Hey, thanks for picking me up from work,” Michaela said to her best friend Marcus as she slid into the black leather seat. “almost forgot my feet were attached to my body for a second.”       Marcus, one hand on the wheel and leaned back in his seat, turns and smiles at Michaela. The way that Marcus drove made her anxious—his car was f****d up for a reason. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll do anything for you Meeks. Especially since you smell like coffee beans...and give me discounts.”      Meeks was the nickname he gave her when they first established their friendship during Sophomore year. She liked it more because he gave it to her and it just kind of stuck.       “Yea.” Michaela muttered, swallowing the knot in her throat in hopes to silence the butterflies that started to form in her stomach. Marcus started the car and pulled out of the parking lot, heading towards Michaela’s house. He raised his brow at the simple reply, clearly dissatisfied with it.       “Just yea? Meeks, you good? Do I have to go back there and beat your manager’s a*s?” He paused. “Or is it something else? You’ve been acting different even in school now that I think of it. Won’t even hug me anymore.”      “Tut! Please, Marcus. I don’t have to hug you every time I see you in the hallway. Don’t be dramatic.” Michaela brushed off his accusation but could feel her cheeks warm up. She had to admit, she was definitely distancing herself from him. She was unsure if it was on purpose or what was forcing her to push him away. All she knew was that it started when one of her close friends expressed interest in him and he returned that interest. That’s also when the butterflies in her stomach started to populate without her permission.      “You used to though, that’s the thing. And I feel like you’re lying to me which you never do. I don’t like that. I don’t ever lie to you and I expect the same.”      He was somewhat right. She wasn’t lying on purpose, but she was afraid that the truth might break the friendship they had apart. “I don’t want to talk about it right now.”       Marcus pulled over to the side of the road and parks his car. God, why is he like this? The genuine care that he showed for her only made her want to release the butterflies more.        “Well, I do. Meeks if there’s something that is bothering you, I want to know. I need to know. Like did I do something?” This man could read Michaela more than she could read herself sometimes. Must be the Libra in him.       “No, of course not.” Michaela groaned. More like I didn’t do something. “Look, just take me home. I promise I will tell you then.”      Marcus nodded in agreement and started his car up once again. The ride was short and quiet—quiet enough that Michaela was sure he could hear her heartbeat pounding through her chest.       When they finally arrive at Michaela’s house, he parked near the corner and cuts off his car. Michaela let out a defeated sigh before unbuckling her seatbelt—just in case she needed to make a run for it. The knot in her throat disobeyed her, each swallow doing nothing but making it harder to swallow.       “Well uh,” Michaela reached for the door handle with the intention to leave the car, getting as far as cracking the door open before Marcus reached over and grabbed the top of her hand, pulling the door shut.       “Unh-unh, you promised.” He said while removing his hand from Michaela’s and placing it on his lap. His body turned to face Michaela while hers faced the street. She didn’t dare make eye contact. They sat there in silence for what seemed like forever—Michaela too scared to say what was on her mind and Marcus waiting for her to finally give in.       “Michaela, you know me and patience don’t get along. Can you please just tell me before I stop caring?” Marcus said in the nicest way possible. To anyone who didn't know or understand Marcus probably would’ve thought he was being rude—but Michaela really liked Marcus’s transparency. He was straight up.      “I’m getting to it. I’m just thinking of how I should word it Marcus.”      “Just say it.”      “I am!” Michaela whined and threw her hands up to stop him from pressuring her any further. She let out a big huff. Just say it, be blunt.       “Okay,” Michaela’s throat tightened just to the point of barely breathing. She knew it was now or never.      “I think....” Michaela paused, swallowing for the hundredth time and trying to grasp onto the words leaving her brain.      “Michaela.”      “Ever since you started talking to Danielle, I started to feel some type of way. I think I like you. Like like you.”      The last sentence left her lips as quick as possible, but Marcus caught on to these words just as quick. Michaela’s eyes glanced at Marcus only to fixate back onto the road, fearing a visible reaction from him. The butterflies however stopped their fluttering and quieted down.      “Meeks,” his voice softened.      “Yeah,” her voice matched his softness—for a reason way different than his.       “Are you serious right now?”      Michaela nodded her head. “Yeah. And I don’t know how long I’ve felt this way but I don’t want to ruin our friendship--”      “Meeks I thought you were a dyke.” Marcus interrupted. Michaela narrowed her eyes at him—he knew he wasn’t allowed to say a slur that doesn’t belong to him. Especially around her.       “Sorry.” He eventually said after realizing the impact.      “You know I never claimed to be anything other than bisexual or pansexual. You literally took that into context for some reason that I was a lesbian despite me stating multiple times that I’m not.”      “Well, I’ve never seen you date anyone. And I pursued you sophomore year during your “ugly” phase, and you didn’t seem interested so I just...gave up."      Michaela turned to look at him—not his eyes, anywhere but his eyes—in disbelief. “Really Marcus? My ugly phase?” She rolled her eyes.       Marcus shrugged and laughed it off. “Just being honest. And let’s not forget that I literally asked you to homecoming and you curved me.”      “I thought you were joking. Also, I didn’t know I had feelings for you at either times. Like I said, if you were listening, these feelings really became prevalent when you started liking Danielle.”      “Bro, you’re even trying to hook us up. Like, why would you do that Meeks?”      Michaela bit her bottom lip before she once again stated for the millionth time. “I didn’t know about my feelings at the time, Marcus.”      It was silent for a while after she said that. It was 10 pm in the North suburbs of Illinois. The streetlights were off, or maybe they didn’t even work, and the only light that could be seen between the two were the whites of their eyes. Marcus had a thing for eye contact and had a staring problem when it came to being with Michaela. She couldn’t return his gaze though. Not now especially. She felt vulnerable and although the butterflies had died down, they were heavy in her stomach. She knew she would have issues eating for weeks.       “You’re making this very hard for me, Meeks,” Marcus said. She knew it would be this way or something similar. She knew her confessing her feelings would complicate things. He wanted to know so bad and she hated lying to him—especially for so long. It needed to be said, whether it be now or later.       “and I want you to know that we will always be one. You will always be an important person in my life and I never want to lose you. No matter what happens in the future, I want you to know that I will never give up on you and our friendship. I love you, Michaela, and I always will.”      Michaela sat in silence as Marcus told her things that made her heart flutter and her anxiety pique at the same time. She didn’t want to keep him in the car for much longer and she knew her grandma was probably wondering where she was.       “...I’m going to go now.” She finally said, reaching for the door handle. This time Marcus didn’t stop her.       “I’ll call you.” He says instead, only to be met with Michaela shutting his car door behind her.