Because Of Him

When you never left my side

I opened my eyes slowly and saw hayes's face close to mine, closer than what I had imagined. That's when I took a deep breathe and pulled away. Immediately regretting it once I did.

Hayes's eyes shot open as he pulled back trying to recover from his awkward phase. He let out a fake cough and scratched the back of his head. "Oh sorry...I just thought-"

"No. I'm sorry." Hayes looked at me with sorry and crushed hopes in his eyes and I could feel the awkward tension between us. "Have you ever thought about leaving all this bad boy stuff and just going back to being yourself?" I asked in hopes of forgetting what had just happened a few moments ago. "What do you mean?" Hayes asked

"You know, quit doing pranks, quit smoking all that."

"Why would I leave something that has became a part of me?" Hayes said in defense. "You seem more than just a bad boy. Like you're something deeper than that"

"No I'm not. Shut up"

"Hayes, is there something that's always been bothering you?"

"The only thing that's bothering me right now is how bored I am. Let's do something"

"Like what? And you're the one who wanted to come here in the first place!"

"Tell me the reasons why you hate life so much"

"Hayes, I-"

"No. I want to know."

"Can we at least go somewhere else?"

"Fine. Let's go to your house" Hayes said

"My house?? My sister's gonna be bothering us in the living room"

"Then let's go up to your room" Hayes said like it was just that easy. He got up from the bench, got his skateboard and was standing in front of me waiting for me to move a muscle. I sat there staring up at him, even though the sun blinded me I still managed to see his beautiful blue pearls he has for eyes. I felt my throat tighten and my tongue felt dry as hayes's last words struck me a little. "So? What're you waiting for?"

Hayes said.

"Huh? Oh me. Uh-" I nervously blurted out as I got up from the bench And Hayes and I started walking back to my house. With the scent of weed still pursed on to our lips and caught onto our breath.

*

When Hayes and I arrived at my house my sister was sitting in the living room, slouched onto the couch with her phone. "I'm home!" I yelled as I slammed the door behind me with Hayes following me by my side.

"Hey, where did you go with ha-"

Then my sister saw Hayes. Hayes gave her a little head nod with a smile and my sister gave an awkward smile back. "Hayes, go up to my room. It's the first door on the right. I'll meet you there"

"Alright" Hayes said before giving a small gesture to my sister and I as he crept up the stairs.

When hayes's existence was no where in sight that's when my sister started bitching at me. "what are you two going to do in your room??!" She hissed with a smirk. "Nothing. Were just gonna talk"

"Talk about?"

"s**t you don't care about."

"So you're going to talk about yourself?"

"Stop hissing at me like that. We all know you love and care for me big sis" i said sarcastically as I started making sounds from my lips. My sister laughed and then suddenly she stopped laughing as she eyed me. She scrunched her nose and directed her eyes into mine like daggers. "Did you smoke weed??"

"What makes you think that?"

"You smell like weed and your eyes are slightly red"

"Ha. Jokes on you. I didn't-"

"Yeah totally."

I got quiet for a moment. "Fine. But one blunt that's it."

My sister stuck her finger out at me. "HA! Still! That counts! You owe me-"

"Yeah, yeah, blah, blah," I said as I started running up the stairs. "Use a condom!" My sister joked. "Use some mouthwash rowdy Rachel!" I said before I slammed my bedroom door shut.

Hayes was laying down in my bed with his arms out by his sides. He stared blankly up into the ceiling. "Make yourself at home" I sarcastically in-directed to Hayes. I took a seat beside Hayes so I was now copying what he was doing as both our gazes traveled up at the ceiling as if it was that fascinating. "So tell me now"

"Tell you...?"

"Your reasons for hating life"

"Well," I sighed loudly "I hate life for many reasons. Some are stupid, some are not. I just generally do."

"That's not true."

"Yes it is"

"Give me one reason"

"People."

Hayes chuckled. "You hate life because of people?"

"Yes, well. Not all people. Just those who tease, judge, start drama. Just all that stuff."

"Sometimes people are sent into our life to teach us a lesson" Hayes mumbled. His words sounded so soft and gentle coming from his lips that I could imagine his words pecking my cheeks like it was a kiss. I felt my face flush red. Even though Hayes didn't see, I felt self conscious.

"Why are you always so positive? For a bad boy, aren't you suppose to be the, well I don't know, the opposite?"

Hayes moved his head so now our eyes met and I stared down at his lips and just the way his face functioned. "I wasn't always like this. When my parents divorced I was a downer all the time. Then I met crystal and all, and I learned how to live life. I mean, you can't always live inside a bubble. You have to escape. You have to f**k s**t up and create memories. You just have to live everyday like it's your last day on earth" Hayes said and his words sent a spark into my brain. Like it was waking me up but wasn't sure why it was waking up.

"I know how it feels. I don't know who my dad is, I've seen him, but I never met him. He left when I was young"

"What do you mean you've seen him but never met him?" Hayes asked. I got up from my spot and pulled out an old notebook of mine from my side desk. I hadn't written or even touched that thing until now. I still remember picking it up every single day just writing about how my day went when I was little.

I went back to my original spot beside Hayes and he sat up. I opened the notebook and slipped a small wallet photo of my father out. The photo was quite old and was taken years ago. He had dark hair and a 5 o clock shadow. In the picture you could see his bright smile, dark circles around his eyes and his aging wrinkles that looked quite small in the photo. But this photo was outdated. I doubt he even looked like this anymore. My mom had given me the photo when she had first told me about my father. It was all I had and always will have of him.

Hayes took the photo with his hands and examined every inch of it. Even checking the date of the photo on the back. I watched Hayes and suddenly couldn't pull away from the view I had. The way he pursed his lips slightly outwards as he was so focused, the way his eyes were as beautiful as always, the way his jaw clenched a bit as he held the photo in his hands. I watched Hayes more as his eyes started drifting off the photo and onto my notebook.

"Hey, whats-" Hayes picked up my notebook and was about to start flipping pages when I practically kicked the notebook out of his hands and it fell to the floor. "No! Don't look through that!" I yelled. Hayes stared at me for a moment as his hands had froze in the position in which the book was once in. "You write?"

"...I use to."

"What happened?"

"I just...stopped."

Hayes got quiet for a moment and went to pick up my notebook which was placed on the ground. This time I didn't kick it out his hands but instead let his eyes drift off the rough and torn pages. "Wow...I wish I wrote like this"

"You can. It's actually easy to write"

"No it isn't."

"Yes it is, you just have to write whatever your heart and brain tells you"

"Yeah. Riighhht." Hayes said sarcastically as he scoffed and laughed. I shook my head as I laughed also. Hayes's phone went off and he received a text. I watched hayes's lips mumble the words of the text to himself before he slipped the phone back into his pockets. "I gotta go now" he said as he stood up straight. "Where to?"

"The guys and I are working on this 'only live once' challenge or however you want to call it. And I wanna ask Logan also about something."

"Can I know what this is all about?"

"No. Not now. One day." He said before going to my bedroom window and opening it.

"Why are you going out the window when you can just use the door?" But that didn't stop him. He followed what I had done when I went with him at night at 2 am to vandalize the school with spray paint. He landed straight onto his feet and looked up at me through the window.

"So from now on, every time you look through that window you'll think of me"