Because Of Him

When I wrote

**the next morning**

I woke up and didn't feel so great. I still felt like the whole world was spinning and my legs just didn't want to cooperate. My door swung open and my sister's head popped in. She wore another workout outfit but this time a neon yellow with a matching headband. "Get up. You're gonna be late for school." She hissed

"Who are you? Mom?" I mumbled. She came over to my bed and threw a pillow at me. "Get up!"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Cause I feel like shit."

"Hangover?"

"I guess you could say."

"Well f**k, what am I suppose to do? Call the school and tell them you're not feeling well?"

"That's what you're suppose to do."

"But I'm not mom!"

"Yeah. But you're legal."

My sister groaned of annoyance. "Fine fine. But I'm not staying home to look after you. I'll call aunt savannah and ask if she can come over." My sister said. And she exited my room storming down the stairs like lightning. I could hear her footsteps all the way down. I rested my head back onto the pillow and realized how tense my body had been. My eyes shut so tight that it was giving me even more of a headache, my whole body clenching itself for dear life. I wasn't sure why. But I knew I was off today.

My sister came back several moments later. "Aunt savannah is on her way. I'm headed off to the gym." She said as she peeked through the doorway. "To the gym or to Taco Bell?"

"Shut up and get some rest." I laughed at my sister who was frowning at me before she stormed off down the stairs again with her forehead heated off of anger. I closed my eyes and listened to the small sounds that were around me, the sounds we would never pay close attention to normally. I could hear the ringing of silence that buzzed through my ears, I could hear my sister downstairs as her heavy steps planted onto the wooden floor tiles, I could hear the door shutting behind her as she left the house, and suddenly I found myself alone.

Like how I always was.

But this loneliness was a loneliness I never felt before. It wasn't a warm loneliness. It was a loneliness that felt like a sharp pain aching in my chest. Like there was something missing. So for the first time since forever, I crouched over my bed and picked up my old journal that I hadn't touched since the day Hayes came over. I picked up a ballpoint ink pen and wrote.

wrote,

Wrote.

And wrote even more.

The feeling off scratching down whatever came into my mind onto paper felt like a welcoming feeling. Like I was finally feeling better. Of course I felt rusty in my use of words, but they Always instantly came back flooding in my brain and escaping from my fingertips and printed onto paper. The ballpoint pen danced onto the lined paper like I had never stopped writing, and I wrote About anything.

Whatever came into my mind: I wrote

Whatever memories I had: I wrote

Whatever made me happy: I wrote

Whatever made me sad: I wrote. I just wrote and wrote until I suddenly found myself writing about specific things.

More like,

Specific people.

I wrote his name several times along the grid of the lined paper.

Hayes, Hayes, Hayes.

I hasn't forgotten about what had happened last night. A part of me was still furious with him, but I also wanted to forgive him. I learned how to not hold grudges, but sometimes I had to start all over again. At times it just became impossible for me to trust people.

**hours later, that night**

I spent my whole day like that.

Sitting in my room, surrounded by the sweet sound of silence and nothing. Where my room felt like I was getting lost in my own thoughts and words that I was jotting down on paper. That's the first time I've actually had time to myself where I could think. Happy thoughts and nothing that would feel like it was swallowing my mind whole. I almost cried while I was writing. I missed it so much, that It felt like I lost my everything. Funny right?, I never really had something so important to me be taken away just like that. In fact, I don't think I've ever had something so important to me besides writing. But gripping onto the ballpoint pen was stress reliving and all I could ever ask for within the numbered days.

"Are you feeling better?" Aunt savannah asked as she approached my doorway. She had arrived several hours ago, I hasn't talked to her yet though. I was too busy getting lost in my own little infinity. "Yes I am actually. Much better than I've felt in a long time" I said.

"That's good, your sister told me what happened"

"Is that so? Like what?"

"How you got the flu and just wasn't feeling so well this morning." Figures, my sister didn't like telling our relatives about our own personal life problems. And she was probably embarrassed of how her 17 year old sister was hungover. Yeah, I can see why. I am an embarrassment.

"Oh uh, yeah. But I'm feeling a lot better now."

"That's wonderful..and, since you're feeling better...you have a couple guests downstairs" aunt savannah said. My eyebrows arched downwards at her words. Hayes? No. It can't be Hayes. I felt my chest tighten up as I got out of bed and went downstairs as aunt savannah followed me. Every step down the stairs calmed my anxiousness. Once I got down the stairs I saw 2 familiar faces.

Harmony and Dante.

"Hey" they both said in unison.

"Hey,what're you guys doing here?"

"We heard you had the flu. So we wanted to come see you!" Harmony said as she opened her arms towards me and gave me a hug. Dante followed and gave me a sincere smile and a look of sorry. I remember, he and I had a little misunderstanding the last time i saw him because of what he and Hayes were talking about that I had no clue of.

"Do you want me to make you guys a little treat? Red velvet cookies? Just like how I use to?" Aunt savannah asked. We all gave a little chuckle. "That'd be great. Thank you aunt sav" Dante spoke. Once aunt savannah slipped into the kitchen, humming to the little tune as she made cookies. Dante, harmony and I took a seat onto the couch.

"Okay. So tell me the real reason why you're here" I jokingly said towards the both of them. I played with "the bucket list" my sister gave to me that was crumpled and stashed into my pocket. "What I said was true. But we knew you didn't have a flu. Just hungover." Harmony said

"How'd you know?"

"Dylan told us today about how you got a little crazy at his party and ended up drunk. So obviously you're gonna get a hangover the next day"

"So Dylan is going around telling people how I supposedly got a little crazy?"

"No, what she means Is," Dylan said "we knew you hung out with Hayes and them. Also known as the g squad. So we asked Dylan why you weren't at school and he told us about the shots."

"I see...what did Hayes say?"

"Nothing. He stared down at the ground and looked like he was chewing on his bottom lip to prevent from saying something."

"Oh..."

"Wait. What's going on between you and Hayes?" Harmony asked

"What?"

"You know. You seem so off about him. Did anything happen between you two?"

"Uh, not really I just-"

The doorbell went off. "Can one of you get that please?" Aunt savannah called from the kitchen.

"I got it" I said as I jumped out of my seat and went to answer the door. I twisted the knob and there he was.

"Hey" Hayes said softly like he was afraid to speak. I looked over my shoulder and saw harmony and Dante were staring and looked like their jaws were falling. "Who's at the door dear?" Aunt savannah called again from the kitchen. "Oh nobody," I said. "It's a nobody." I hissed as I gave Hayes a look. I stepped outside and shut the door behind me, only to be exposed by the heavy moonlight and cold air that was drifting.

"Can we talk?"

"Well what are we doing right now?"

"Look, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For what I said last night! God damn it" Hayes yelled. The light bounced off the top of his brown shaggy hair and his blue short sleeve shirt stuck to his body perfectly. As usual he wore black jeans, vans and had his skate board to his side.

"Apology not forgiven"

"What else do you want? I already said sorry!" Hayes scoffed. I glared at him. "What I want, is for you to stop talking to me like I'm an asshole and start talking to me like I'm an actual person with respect"

"I'm Hayes. I don't have respect"

"Deep down, I know you do"

"No I don't."

"Yes you do"

"Shut up."

"Or what?"

"I'll make you shut up."

"How are you gonna make me shut up Grier?"

"I'll shut your lips"

"How? You gonna punch me?"

"I'm not gonna punch you. I'm not that big of an ass"

"Then what? Tape my lips shut?"

"If only I could"

"Ha funny, then what are you gonna do?!" I yelled back.

"I'm gonna shut your lips by pressing them against mine. Now shut the hell up and f*****g kiss me" Hayes said. He dropped his skateboard so it fell to the hard concrete And he pulled me in tight and like he said, he shut my lips by pressing his against mine.