Loving him

CHAPTER 14

When Nelson finally came down from his high. He looked down at Anna who was passed out under him, "f$%k" he cursed feeling guilty of what he had done to Anna. He was so rough with her while it was only her first time doing the deed.

He caressed her face tenderly with the back of his hand taking in her beauty in her sleeping state" I'm sorry angel " he whispered kissing her forehead. He kissed the tears on the conner of her eyes before getting up from the bed and going to the bathroom.

Once in there he wiped himself up with the towel, he went back to the bed with the wet towel to clean Anna up, He cleaned her up nicely and covered her body with the bed covers. He then returned to the bathroom and left the towel he was using on Anna. He went back again to the room wore his night clothes before deciding to have a smoke in the balcony. He smoked absent minded thinking of what he had done driven by anger and jealousy.

He felt disgusted in himself.

"this is not how you suppose to have your first time angel, I was so rough with you, f$%&k, f$%&k". He smoked his cigarettes and almost finished the whole pack while his mind and heart were in turmoil. Nelson knew he had been selfish taking Anna like that driven by his anger and jealousy. He knew he couldn't keep Anna with him forever because he was a married man who had a family that he wasn't planning on leaving because he wasn't going to be like his father , a man who walked out on his family. He knew and understood what that felt like for God sake he had been through it, so how can he do that to his kids.

" f$#%k I messed up " he thought moving around with his burning cigarette in his balcony. He stood in one corner of the balcony looking far away in the night his mind thinking and pondering what to do. He knew he had no permanent space for Anna in his life. He also knew she had every right to have someone else who was single and free who can love her with no boundaries cause he wouldn't be able to give her everything she deserves but that thought alone drove him crazy and it was making his heart ache.

He so loved Anna very much and wanted her in his life but how can he do that and still be married with a family that he also loved and cared about very much.

He simply knew he can not have it both way but what a man to do in his situation.

He remained on his balcony for hours and hours of the night smoking, thinking with no solution. His mind was all over the place, he was pacing around in the balcony, sometimes sitting on the chair in an attempt to relax and calm his thoughts. He ended up staying there with his thoughts the whole night without any sleep.

By the early morning the next day after a sleepless night full of thoughts and regret, He had reluctantly came to a decision that was making his heart ache, leaving him feeling shuttered on the inside.

He got up from the chair he was sitting on and slowly made his way back to the bedroom , he opened the bedroom door and stood by the door looking at his angel laying peacefully in bed.

He whispered " I'm sorry angel " a single tear rolled down on his face.

Anna slowly woke up from her sleep, she was moving around in bed wanting to get up so she can go to the bathroom to release herself. She tried getting up from the bed but everytime she tried she felt pain down there and she would wince. Nelson noticing this from where he was standing by the door, He rushed to her side.

He sat next to her " hey angel, do you want to get up?" Anna nodded avoiding eye contact. He scooped her up carried her. Anna hold on tight to him. She whispered "I wanna use a toilet".

"okay "Nelson made his way to the toilet with Anna in his arms he reached the bathroom and gently put her down to do her business. " I'll run a bath for you in the meantime you'll feel better afterwards" Anna nodded to the suggestion.

Nelson run her a bath while Anna was handling her business in the toilet. She finished and Nelson went next to her leading her to the bathtub. She socked herself in, " take you time i will be back in a few minutes " Nelson said. He went out of the bathroom ,closing the door behind him . He change his night clothes, wearing a t- shirt and some shorts he had left sometime ago in the house.

Once dressed he took his car keys from the night stand, the cellphone too then he exited the house, gotten into his car and drove away. He drove to the nearest drug store to buy some pills and ointment for Anna. On his way back to the house he passed by the fast food place buying food for her to eat.

When he was just about to park his car on the driveway his phone started ringing. He picked it up from the passager seat where it was laying and he looked at the caller ID to see who it was that was calling. He saw that it was his mother "S***t" he cursed he real didn't want to speak to her, he let it go to voice mail.

He finished parking the car just when he was about to exit the car his phone rang again this time it was his wife calling him.

"damn" he whispered before reluctantly clicking the okay button and putting the phone in his ear and saying hello.

" hey how are you" clearing his throat he replied i am good..... you .....did you sleep well? i slept well but woke up early..... Are you on your way here already to your mother's?".

He lied to his wife and said he was on his way.

"okay ... see you soon ......love you...."

"love you too bye"

After the call he put the phone in the pocket leaned on his car and looked at the house where Anna was. He stood there for sometime before he sighed and decided to go inside the house with the medication in his hand.