37Remember when you turned sixteen and we celebrated by staying
up all night and went to the beach to watch the sunrise,
forgetting that it rises in the east?
Javi wanted me to talk about it. I usually fell silent or changed the subject. Or else I begged him to answer my endless questions.
I questioned a lot of things. A lot of “What would have happened ifs...”
“Maybe if I had paid more attention to her...maybe if I hadn’t been with you.”
“Livi,” he said, trying to hold my hand and look into my eyes, as we sat on my ratty old Hello Kitty comforter. “You were always taking care of her.”
“Why was I stupid enough to believe her, when she said she hadn’t taken any pills? What would have happened if I had woken her up and taken off her dress, so she could sleep in the nude like she usual
