IT All Began

I think everyone in heaven here's my call cause obviously no one else in this whole world understand how or why I'm here.I started this journey and journal, so that hopefully soon I can find peace.it appears that I'm getting no where.But my mind is still alive and living although I feel as if I'm touching the sky.My brain keeps hounding me and my heart seems to pound to much I think I'm in on of those wide open black outs.I think I'm on ice or just being dangerous again.I forget my name but honestly I think I have no name they called me simon.this is what I now know that is my possible name.This is more than enough art work that is being applied.Im supposed to be a great optimistic man, but honestly how can I be when my beginning is the end and my ending is not the end. clouds of joy seems far,I thought poems would heal me, someone has to hear my cry. Boom!! Boom!! is all I hear.Thunder rattles as the heavy rain plays horror like music to the ground.It is such a interesting place inside a insane mind. " Time is never on your side" A soulful but honestly very creepy voice blurred. suddenly I faded in but perhaps I faded out.I can remember the time when my parents gave me my first gift.it was. " wait what am I'm rambling about?" This normally happens to me when I know that I was hit over my head or perhaps even hit in my gut and passed out. It all began when I graduate from the army and I received the highest medical award known to man.I further my education and training and begin studying why do many folks who were in the military or service become mentally unknown or unstable.I vowed to figure this out no matter what the price was. " In coming, over" ten four.these were the word's that stuck to my brain like gluten. Well I guess I did a interesting job when I was in the military.Thank god to that. The year was 1970 I think and really can't even remember or don't want to know the further details.Anyways I do know that I'm now a certified professional psychologist.Sometimes I mis spell the understanding of the word it self. My first patient was ms dean.she was hot and really not sure if she was model or half amazing.I told myself altogether to never show lust in my work because it's better to be beautiful then to be lustfully insane.Whatever that means. "Good morning luv " I thought I slipped up and said but honestly I didn't.i was rather smooth, educational and probably very important like sounding.My attire was strictly business attractive and very important like.some say I was always dressed to impress.my hair wavy but honestly I had many particle designs so I couldn't pin point exactly. moving along my office was easy and electric and I to believe organized.This is how professional psych doctors are to be.my desk was mahogany wood and gold metal trimming sometimes you could see the reflection off my goodness glasses I wore and get a extension of what behind you was.such as . plenty of books for the mind . military novelty and many more..wall to wall carpet describes the plush size room."Ms dean " so what really happened to you when you were discharge from the service. "I'm not sure what happened to you,but I'm no crazy loonie toon character.so please come straight and I mean straight forward" " I" she cut me off in mid sentence. " I'm only here because they are making me waste my time and I'm a female" I wanted to tell Ms gorgeous or Ms pretty face, she is not being single out.Reason found,there are men and women who I treat and counsel.But Ms fine,I mean Ms dean definitely had her own prediction of why the military sent her hear. I try to build understanding which creates an interesting relationship with clients.I then administer what I call simply questioning so I can figured out what is happening to the client mental, when one is having a break down. "Ms dean, are you feeling alright today perhaps am I making you uncomfortable?" IT appeared as she would answer, but honestly to no avail, she didn't respond.I thought about my actions or whatever I may of done to make her feel uncomfortable.But again I must do my best job.Im a interesting psychologist.I must keep it private and profile her. I noticed something, she gently gazed around the very important looking office I had made into a interesting place for work.I always kept the aroma gentle and very nice smelling.A Jason from where I sat behind a large mahogany wood desk was a open view of the beach.I always loved the view of an beautiful beach, and all the offering details one can gather if they paid close attention to the morning breeze,of a well tailored beautiful beach view. "Ms dean how about we re schedule for another day? It is rather late, and I'm feeling a bit under the weather." She looked at me in pure romance amazement, perhaps she heard the merely word's she must wanted to hear.Session over,no more drama and no more cool but honestly dumb question's, from the shrink,or whatever he is. She gently gazed around once more, taking in my last request to end session and gave me a rather good byebye, gesture. I was pissed,but actually confused.I was to be the primary focus, not me primary focusing on her. Now that I was able to be alone no more crazy folks or patients,or whatever you call the mentally unknown or challenge.I sat back in my black leather large rolling chair.I gently twirled around my chair, allowing myself to get my self together.I generally complete the twirl rotation,I feel it relaxes my inner. I started to get up and finish the day to day operations for my studies.But something else came up,I drifted off... It all began when dream's became really real and moments in my dreams became really surreal. I was dressed in some horrible outfit.I think it was a ripped red sweater and some old dungarees.The place, time and location was unknown but rather familiar.Um ,um .. Ahhh! Now I know.Im with my parents at this ridiculous outting, that I really don't think anyone but ten adults showed.I was hoping billy and Laura would show but honestly I guess there parents also knew this would be a good time and day for a excuse. Something fast must of happened because I really swore I was with my parents at a boredom outing.But no!, I'm really in this cage like horror cell like place, playing games with a special effect character,who wore a creepy, freakish mask. " Tell me what I know you know" was the horror like voice that blurred.The voice must of said that line so often I thought google search would name it the most evilest, weird question asked. "Where am I, freak" I must of shouted. "Smart boys know if the knights are to be faithful and loyal". What the hell am I at, doesn't anybody talk plain English? is what I said aloud to myself. It began to strike me that he or whatever that mask he she is,is a unknown freak and possibly possessed.what it is,my pa is probably playing a good old trick on me because I really didn't want to go to that outing last summer.whatever it is I wish pa, wouldn't trick or treat on me like this. Ahhh! I got it ma will always come and save her only child.Really the real question is who, what and why am I feeling wetter than before....