Scattered Fragments

Chapter Three

I peel off the wrapper of another band aid and stick it on my collarbone. I stare at myself on my bathroom mirror. The girl staring back at me wasn’t me. I couldn’t recognize her at all. The eyes were bloodshot and swollen with eye bags and dark circles clearly visible. There was clearly no life in my eyes. My nose was red after constantly wiping it due to the running. And my lips had a cut at the lower bottom where Harry had bitten hard on. 

Sighing I throw the band aid wrappers into the bin which was underneath the sink and I wash my face once more before leaving the bathroom and trudging downstairs.

I had woken up with a headache and was excused to remain in bed until the pain resided. Harry had left for work right on time. All the while I pretended to be asleep unsure of how to react in his presence. Once I heard his car pulling out of the driveway I sat up, a jolt of pain shooting all over my back. Staggering I had somehow made my way to the bathroom and locked myself inside. Running the water of the tub and turning on the shower as well, I stripped naked and climbed into the tub which was partially filled with cold water. I leaned back and stared at the pale cream ceiling. I remained in the same position for a while and soon the remaining of the tears of the previous night prickle the corners of my eyes. At once I submerged into the tub and screamed in pain and frustration, my voice dying out with the help of the running shower.

I had given it a go. I became selfish for once and pleaded for something that would give me happiness. And yet, it only lead to more pain. The mental strain over taking the physical pain.

I’m never voicing out my thoughts ever.

I open the fridge and pull out the orange juice box pouring myself a glass and I sit alone in the dining room. I take slow sips trying not to hurt my torn lip any further. The sound of footsteps gets closer and looking up I find Joshua by the refrigerator. He leans over and scans inside until he finds whatever it is that he was looking for and shuts it close. He plays with the apple when his eyes move to where I was and they stop to stare. His eyes run all over my face and stops at my neck which was plastered on either sides to conceal the hickeys I had gotten from Harry. Joshua doesn’t say anything but continues staring and then he just leaves. Without a word of condolence to his sister-in-law who was looking like crap.

My parents in-law were out visiting a relative. It was just Joshua and myself at home. He was supposed to be at college but he had a habit of bunking his classes. Not that any of his actions mattered to me.

I finish the last drop of juice and dump the glass inside the dishwasher before retracing my steps back to my room. I had no appetite again and so I omit breakfast. Once safe inside my room, I remove my phone from the charger and video call Zulia. She was my only source of happiness and I just had to see her to calm the turmoil inside of me.

In just three rings my sister picks up the call. She grins wide at the camera but then the smile drops at once replaced with a frown.

“What happened to you? Why is your neck covered up with band aids?” she asks sitting up straight. I only chuckle trying to pretend to be embarrassed at the question.

“You don’t ask such a question from your married sister Zuli. You’re making me feel embarrassed.” I smile sheepishly. Or hope it looks like that rather than a forced smile.

“You think I’m going to believe that act Zee? What the f**k happened!?” her voice raised making me tense. It reminded me of the previous night when Harry had raised his voice. She notices me flinching and lets out a sigh. “I’m sorry for yelling. Please tell me what happened. Are you hurt?”

I shake my head as a response. I peel off one of the plaster revealing the red spot of a healing kiss bite. Zuli goes “oh!” when she finally realizes that I was speaking the truth and that her married sister was feeling embarrassed to talk about a rough night she had with her husband.

I had no plans of revealing what had happened. Knowing my sister she would surely march straight to Miami and knock Harry out cold.

“So did you have a talk with that husband of yours?” Zulia questions. She searches my face for any sign of happiness and when she finds none her eyes drop and she sighs.

“So it’s a no.”

“I tried Zuli. But what Harry said is correct. It’s not proper for a wife to live in a country without her husband.”

“Bullshit! You’re not going over there to party. You’re going to fulfil your dream.” She exclaims throwing her arms around, dropping the phone in the process. She picks it up at once and glares at me throwing all her frustration my way.

I just sigh since I had nothing better to say. She groans and hits her head with a pillow. I manage to calm her somehow and after an hour of chit chatting I leave my room and head downstairs to prepare something to eat. I started to feel hungry whilst talking to Zulia and was happy I had an appetite. I hated starving myself.

The house was eerily quiet. I walk to the farthest room which was Joshua’s gaming room in which he usually spent all day. The door was slightly ajar. I knock twice before pushing it open. The room was empty.

“Joshua?” I call out. No response. “Joshua are you there?” I call out once more raising my voice so he could hear me from where ever he was located at. Still no response. I walk around the house trying to find the boy and realize I was all alone.

He must have left when I was on the call with Zuli.

I didn’t mind the silence. It was surprisingly comfortable. I switch the radio on and start humming “Silent scream” which was playing. I prepare myself a peanut butter sandwich and grabbing a glass of red wine from the cabinet, I get comfortable on the couch. I snuggle in and turn the TV on. Flipping through the channels I finally stop on America’s got talent and start eating my sandwich.

I down the last bit of the wine and lick the crumbs off of my fingers. Wiping my hands on my summer dress, I get cozy with the cushions snuggled close and I enjoy the talent show. Watching young kids and adults alike walking up the stage and putting out their talents in front of so many people made me feel jealous of their freedom. Jealous of the support they received from their family back stage.

I turn to my phone and check through my messages and mails. The recent mail from the ASSII publishers. I run my fingers on the screen and finally open it reading its content. As my eyes travel through the words, I could feel the tears building up once more.

Japan had always been a dream to me. Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve wanted to visit Japan. As I grew older and learnt of the adult world I wished to study in Japan and on the way get into a fairy tale romance with a boy. I even learnt the language and their way of writing. It hadn’t been easy and yet I willed myself to keep going. I forced my sister to take part in the sessions as well with hopes of taking her along with me if ever I got the chance of going to Japan. But such a chance never came to be in my life.

And yet, here I am now with a golden opportunity offered to me at last but with my hands tied and wishes trampled on.

The headache I had woken with was back. Rubbing my throbbing temple, I lie down on the couch resting my head on the soft faded brown cushion. I close my eyes and take slow breaths to calm myself and to get rid of the aching pain in my head. Slowly I drift off into a deep sleep.

The sound of shuffling and a thud wakes me up. I sit up with a jump and look around trying to find where the sound was coming from. I come face to face with Harry who was staring at me whilst removing his coat.

“Why are you back so soon?” my mouth runs before I could contemplate what was going on. He doesn’t reply but points at the clock on the mantle piece. Staring at it and then getting to my feet and rushing to the windows I realize the sun had already gone down.

“I’m sorry I must have dozed off. Give me some time and I’ll prepare dinner.” I hurriedly switch off the TV which was still running and clear up my empty plate and glass from the coffee table. I grab the apron and am about to put it on when Harry grabs a hold of my hand and stops me from doing so.

I felt a sense of repulse at once where his hands touched me. I force myself to act calm and not flinch under his touch. Instead I perk a brow at him wondering what he was doing.

“You must be tired. Let’s just order Chinese.” He says as he let go of my hand. I quickly hide it behind my back so he wouldn’t touch it again. “I have something to discuss with you so go sit yourself in the living room. I’ll join you once I’ve changed.” And he left the room to go get changed.

Discuss? Was he going to warn me to never voice out my interests?

I do as I am told. I sit back on the couch I had been sleeping on and play with my fingers. In approximately ten minutes Harry walks down the stairs and enters the room. He takes a seat beside me with a distance in between us. Thankfully the distance calms me or I would have surely been a mess.

“Where’s your parents? And Joshua?” I ask him. The house was still quiet and I figured no one was home except for the two of us.

“Mom and dad are staying over for dinner. They’ll be back in a while. I have no idea where that kid is off to. Did he not inform you where he was going?” the latter he questions as he looks my way. I only shake my head since I didn’t know where he was or when he had left. Harry only sighs at his brother’s behavior.

We remain in silence for a while. I don’t dare to look at my husband’s face in fear of the previous nights memories resurfacing. But I could feel his deep gaze on me.

“What was the publisher again? The one hosting that contest?” Harry breaks the silence. I finally look his way meeting his cold blue eyes.

“ASSII.” I reply at once. He raises a brow at my enthusiastic response and I shut up at once.

“Show me the mail.”

I hand over my phone with a shaky hand and he takes it firmly. Tapping on the screen multiple times he finally stops and stares at the phone. I could see the movement of his irises as they read over the contents in the mail. There was no approval nor happiness. Just a stoic expression plastered on his face. And finally he hands me back my phone.

Breaking a few knuckles, and stretching his legs to loosen the tight muscles he sits back on the couch and looks at me. Studying me.

“The offer stands for a 1 year stay with living expenses covered?” he questions. I nod my head as an answer. Harry goes into deep thinking scratching his neck and stubble.

Why was he asking so many questions and being interested in my matters now? After what he had done to me last night why was he acting in such a way as if he cared?

“I had a talk with my colleagues on this matter.” He says out of the blue. I knew that even though he used the word colleagues, he’s just referring to Amanda, his personal aid at the company. She was smitten with Harry for some reason and I had always wondered why he had not asked for her hand in marriage.

I wait for him to continue since I had nothing better to reply with.

“She said it’s best if I supported your dream. That it’s a huge deal being offered such an opportunity and not only will it benefit you but the fame would be shared with the family as well. Most certainly with the husband. Me.”

Ah. So that’s why he was being so caring tonight. He was thinking of the advantages of this trip for him. What he could benefit out of it. Not out of genuine kindness of helping me fulfilling my dream.

“So there’s no expenses whatsoever? All are covered by the company? No additional charges? Because if so then you can forget about it because I simply can’t spend a single penny even if it’s something beneficial.”

I'm glad my hands were underneath the cushion I had on my lap. I grip my fists tight together trying to keep myself calm at his selfish words. I’ve never asked him for anything. In the two years we’ve been married he had not once bought me a gift apart from the bouquets he had gotten for my birthday which withered away in a day.

And he dares to talk to me in such a way.

“All expenses are covered. Not a cent more to be paid whatsoever.” I reassure him. He nods his head and goes back to his own world of thought. "Why are you asking all this?” I disrupt his thoughts. He looks at me with a bizarre expression I couldn’t quite comprehend.

“I’ve decided to send you off.”