Diary from Heaven

The Lost Cause

17th Sept 2005, as Nitin woke-up beside him, he noticed Arun sitting on his bed with arms tightly wrapped around his folded legs.

Arun seemed lost.

Arun was on his bed placed in the middle while Prasad and Nitin’s bed were on the left and right side, respectively.

“Are you all right dude?” asked Nitin getting off his bed.

Arun looked at him as if he didn’t recognise him.

Arun and Nitin had been friends for almost two years, and they were in Arun’s house in old Gurgaon.

“Is something wrong?” asked Nitin, this time tapping on Arun’s shoulder.

Arun looked at him for a few seconds and then started looking around like a child.

His eyes were virtually blank, and face expressionless.

By this time Arun’s elder brother, Prasad, had also woken up.

“What’s wrong?” he asked Nitin.

“I don’t know I found him like this when I woke up, he won’t respond to me,” said Nitin.

“What’s wrong Arun?” asked Prasad as he sat next to him.

Arun’s father, Hardev, walked in from the other room.

“Why is he sitting like this?” he asked.

“I don’t know Uncle he was ok last night, we slept late, and I found him like this when I woke up now,” said Nitin.

“What’s wrong brother?” asked a concerned Prasad but only got an expressionless stare from Arun in return.

“What’s wrong, are you sick?” asked Hardev feeling his forehead to see if he had a fever.

Arun held Hardev’s hand and looked at it, back and front, as if he was looking at some strange object.

Nitin noticed that Arun’s lips were pale.

He had some idea as to why Arun was acting like this but kept quiet.

“Did you guys eat or drink anything last night?” asked Prasad.

“No, I swear we ate a few ‘Kebabs’ and had a few drinks at Joseph’s place, and that’s it,” replied Nitin fumbling.

Nitin was concerned about Arun but was also scared of his brother.

“What happened last night? Did something happen?” not convinced by his earlier reply Prasad asked again holding on to Nitin’s shirt collar.

“Nothing out of the ordinary, we met Aunty in the recovery room in the evening, and then he called his girlfriend who wanted to break up with him, that’s it,” said Nitin who was sure that Arun screwed-up last night but could not muster the courage to disclose the truth.

Arun’s mother had surgery the day before, and Hardev was with her last night.

He had come to the house to freshen up.

“That’s it? Are you kidding me?” said Prasad as he looked at Nitin angrily.

“Let’s not waste time, let’s take him to a doctor,” said Hardev as he and Prasad helped Arun stand-up.

“I have to go to the office I have urgent work. I will catch up with you guys in the evening,” said Nitin as he hurriedly looked through his pockets and got ready to leave.

Arun was walking wobbly so Prasad and Hardev helped him walk.

They went down to the main road from their first-floor apartment and called for a rickshaw.

The three got into the rickshaw with Arun in the middle.

“What’s wrong, Arun? Are you ok?” is what Arun kept repeating on the way to the hospital.

Tears curled down his Hardev’s cheeks as he kept caressing Arun’s hair and held him tightly.

As they reached Dr Singh’s clinic in ‘4-8 Marla’ in old Gurgaon, Prasad paid the rickshaw guy and quickly rushed inside to get a wheelchair.

Hardev helped Arun get on the wheelchair and Prasad pushed him inside the Hospital.

They took him to the OPD where Dr Singh himself was on duty.

‘Singh Hospital’ was a small but old hospital in Gurgaon.

Dr Singh and his son had been practising here for many years, and they were Arun’s family Doctor.

Dr Singh examined Arun.

“Arun my boy, how are you?” asked Dr Singh cheerfully.

“Arun my boy, how are you?” repeated Arun as he looked at the light from the torch and grabbed it from Dr Singh’s hand.

“He’s been acting like this since he woke up today and has been repeating everything he hears,” said Prasad.

“Do you know me and what this place is?” asked Dr Singh looking towards Arun.

Arun did not respond and kept looking around.

Dr Singh noticed that his lips were pale.

After checking Arun’s blood pressure and temperature Dr Singh wrote something on the register, and the ward boy rushed out.

The ward boy came back with a couple of bottles of ‘Glucose’ and a few injections.

Dr Singh immediately started the process, and Arun was assigned a bed in the general ward where ‘Glucose’ was administered along with injections.

The ward boy took a blood sample.

As the needle pierced through Arun’s arm he held on to Hardev’s hand tightly.

“It’s all right son, it’s just a small needle,” said Hardev.

Prasad and Hardev went to speak with Dr Singh who assured them that Arun was not in any danger.

“Seems like a case of food poisoning as his lips are pale and he also seems dehydrated,” said Dr Singh.

“Don’t worry, he’s all right,” he said keeping his hand on Hardev’ shoulder, assuring him.

“Thank you, doctor,” said Hardev.

“We will wait for the blood test report, let him sleep for some time,” said Dr Singh as Prasad and Hardev walked out.

Arun lied calmly on the bed. They approached his bed, and Hardev sat beside him.

He had tears in his eyes, and so did Prasad.

Prasad kept his hand on Hardev’s shoulder.

“Don’t worry Dad, he’s fine he’s just sleeping,” he said.

“Yes let him rest,” said Hardev.

Dr Singh came in after about two hours.

He noticed that Prasad and Hardev were trying to remind Arun about them and other things.

Prasad was even showing Arun a family photo.

“He’s responding and talking to us now,” said Hardev with a smile as Dr Singh walked towards them.

“Has he asked about anything? Like where is he? Why is he in the hospital?” asked Dr Singh.

“Yes he did also he keeps asking who is he and who are we?” replied Hardev, his smile changing to sorrow.

“Hmm, I need to talk to him alone,” said Dr Singh.

“Is there something wrong? Is the blood test report in?” asked Hardev.

“Nothing is wrong blood test report is also negative, and I have shared it with a neurologist who will see him tomorrow at 11:00AM. I will give you the details, but now I have to speak with him alone,” said Dr Singh.

Prasad and Hardev walked out of the general ward as the ward boy covered Arun’s bed with a curtain. He was holding a laptop.

Arun was sitting on the bed.

“So how do you feel?” asked Dr Singh as the ward boy left.

“I feel tired,” replied Arun.

“Do you know what this is?” asked Dr Singh pointing towards a picture on the laptop screen.

“That is from the movie Sholay,” replied Arun pointing towards the laptop screen.

“So you remember the movie Sholay?” asked Dr Singh.

“Yes I remember about the movie,” replied Arun confidently.

Dr Singh was well aware of Arun’s fondness for movies.

“But you cannot remember your father, brother and me?” asked Dr Singh.

“I know it sounds strange, but I just can’t remember any person I have met since morning. All I can see is the face of a dog in my mind,” said Arun.

Though Dr Singh was relieved that Arun spoke well which meant that his brain was working fine, but he was concerned about him not being able to recognise anyone.

“Ok, rest well. I will see you later,” said Dr Singh.

Dr Singh got up and went to see Hardev and Prasad who were waiting outside.

They looked curious as Dr Singh walked towards them.

“He seems to be in a much better condition now than he was in the morning,” said Dr Singh as Hardev looked relieved.

“Though he’s responding to questions, because of some reasons, he can’t remember anyone,” continued Dr Singh as Hardev looked worried.

“Don’t worry he’s a strong boy,” said Dr Singh.

Dr Singh was quite jovial.

Every time Arun visited him he would suggest Arun to join the Army because of his well-built.

“Take him to RRR lab for a CT scan, and then you can take him home. He’s fine,” he said.

“Ok, but are also taking him to see his mother and then we will take him home,” said Hardev.

“Don’t forget to take the CT scan report to the Neurologist tomorrow,” said Dr Singh as Prasad helped Arun get up to leave.

Dr Singh mentioned details of the Neurologist on the prescription.

Arun kept quiet as they took a rickshaw to the hospital where his mom was recovering after a surgery.

The hospital was on the main railway road near DMD Government College.

They walked up the stairs to the first floor towards room 101.

Arun curiously looked around as if he was trying to remember.

“I have been here before,” he said as Hardev looked at him with hope.

As they entered the room, Arun paused for a moment looking at his mother before rushing towards her, hugging her tightly and lying next to her in the bed.

He was acting like a child who was meeting his mother after a long time.

“What’s wrong, son?” she asked as she had no idea about the chaos at home and then at Dr Singh’s hospital.

“He’s just... unwell,” said Hardev and paused to clear his throat.

Arun kept lying next to his mother, Rajni, for about half an hour.

“Prasad why don’t you take Arun to the canteen and get some ‘Samosas’ for your mother and me?” said Hardev winking.

“Sure Dad,” replied Prasad as he tapped on Arun’s shoulder.

Arun looked at Prasad and then tightly hugged Rajni again.

“Go beta, go with your brother,” said Rajni kissing Arun on the forehead.

She was curious to know as to what was wrong with Arun.

Reluctantly, Arun got up and walked out of the room along with Prasad towards the canteen on the ground floor.

As they left, Rajni looked curiously towards Hardev.

Tears rolled down his eyes as Hardev looked outside the window.

“What’s wrong?” she asked sounding scared.

“He...,” Hardev uttered and paused to take a deep breath and then continued; “he can’t remember any of us.”

“WHAT?” said Rajni who was shell shocked.

“Yes, thank god he recognised you because he can’t recognise me, Prasad, Nitin or Dr Singh,” said Hardev.

Hearing this, Rajni cried, inconsolably, as Hardev tried to comfort her.

“Don’t cry please; he’s fine you saw it. Crying is not good for your health, you need rest after the surgery,” said Hardev trying to control his tears.

“Act normally; I have called Neeru and explained her everything. She will take care of things at home, and I will stay with you tonight. Tomorrow morning they will discharge you, and we will go home,” he said wiping tears of her face.

“But how did this happen?” she asked.

“I don’t know. He just woke up today morning like this. He seems to be trying to remember things but might take some time,” Hardev replied.

“Did he share anything with you earlier?” he asked looking at her.

“No, nothing specific but, I think he was under some stress, of late. I had asked him last week but, he said not to worry as he will handle things,” she replied feeling guilty.

"I should've asked him again. He was as it is sad after losing Zulu," she continued sobbing as Hardev sat next to her.

"Don't cry; it's not your fault,” said Hardev.

“How could you have predicted what was going through his mind?" he said as she kept crying.

“Ok, let’s take things slowly. Tomorrow, hopefully, we should have some answers. I will take Arun to a neurologist,” he continued.

“Ting-Tong,” the doorbell rang.

Arun was walking around the house looking at things and seeing that no one else was coming to open the door he nervously opened the door himself.

He was wary of opening the door as he couldn’t recognise anyone.

The landlady from the ground floor also came to meet him, and she asked ridiculous questions like; “Did someone make you eat something last night?”

“Is everything ok in your body?” she asked this while looking at Arun’s groin, so he felt embarrassed.

Grand-mother had also been crying non-stop, and she even suggested that Hardev should take Arun to a Tantrik (Occultist).

So, he was avoiding meeting anyone new.

As he opened the door, he saw a girl standing there staring at him.

“DAD...,” he screamed looking back as she hugged him.

It was Neeru, his sister, and her daughter Neeta.

He looked at her face without blinking even as the little girl held his hand saying; “Mama (Uncle).”

Neeru was teary-eyed, but she controlled her emotions and joyfully said: “So, brother, how are you?”

“Confused,” he replied with an expressionless face and just walked away leaving Neeru and Neeta standing at the door.

Neeta was too young to understand; she followed Arun and hugged him holding his legs.

She was a tiny little thing, and barely reached pass Arun’s legs.

Arun looked down with a smile and picked her in his arms.

“Let’s play plane-plane, shall we?” she said as Arun nodded his head and said: “but you have to teach me.”

She loved playing with Arun and Arun loved her very much.

Arun held her in his arms facing down with her arms stretched out like the wings of a plane and ran around the house as both of them made sound of an aircraft.

They ran around for a while till he got tired.

He could hear Neeru and Hardev talking in the other room; they were also crying.

“What have I done?” he said cursing himself.

“Everyone is crying because of me, why can’t I remember anyone?” he said holding his head in frustration.

Neeru walked in the room with Hardev and sat next to Arun who was still holding his head.

“Don’t worry everything will be all right, I am going to be here,” she said.

Arun looked at her, with tears in his eyes, and hugged her.

“It will be all right, we are here with you all through,” she said consoling him.

“I don’t know how this happened,” he said.

“It’s ok, we will go to the doctor tomorrow, and maybe he can tell us why this happened,” she said as Hardev gestured her to come to the other room.

“Did he share anything with you?” he whispered as they entered the other room.

“Yes he was sad ever since Zulu left and also he had a break-up recently,” she whispered back.

“A break-up? With whom?” he asked.

“Some girl in his office, his friends would know who she is,” she replied.

“Do you think we should call her? Maybe he might remember something if he sees her?” he said inquisitively.

“No Dad, that’s a bad idea, he told me everything over the past few days. He and his friends had caught her red-handed with someone else, so this might backfire. For all you know he might get agitated seeing her,” she replied.

“Ok let’s wait till we see the neurologist tomorrow. You stay with him while I go to the hospital. Prasad will be here shortly, and his friend Nitin will come in the evening,” he said.

Neeru went to Biji’s (Granny) room and touched her feet. She had been doing ‘Paath (holy prayer)’ all this while.

“He’s fine Biji, don’t worry about him,” said Neeru.

“Firstly Zulu went away, and now this happened to Arun. Someone has put a curse on our family,” said granny while crying.

“Don’t worry everything is going to be all right,” said Neeru.

Neeru took out old albums and showed them to Arun.

He looked at the pictures curiously but could not remember anything.

In the evening Nitin and Joseph (Arun’s other friend) came to see him.

He was excited to see Nitin.

“How are you feeling dude?” asked Joseph as Arun looked at him.

“This is Joseph,” said Nitin.

“Shall we go out for a while?” asked Nitin as Joseph winked looking towards him.

Arun noticed this and felt awkward.

“Guys you don’t have to do this...,” said Arun.

“We are just worried that things might get worse if you hang out with us,” said Nitin.

“We were talking about this on our way here, and I feel bad,” he said.

“I am a mature guy, and whatever I did, I am sure I must have done it on my own accord, and no one is responsible for it other than me,” said Arun.

“How do you feel?” asked Joseph.

“Better, a lot better, I feel light and relaxed,” replied Arun.

“Good! Shraddha wanted to come, but you know it, she’s about to get married,” said Nitin.

“Who’s Shraddha, my ex-girlfriend?” asked Arun.

“No she’s not your ex-girlfriend. Jeez man, you are f****d up. She’s my ex-girlfriend,” said Nitin laughing.

“You remember our trip to Lansdowne? She was there with us,” asked Nitin.

“No, can’t remember anything, up or down,” said Arun jokingly.

“...but you too had a break-up? How screwed are we?” said Arun laughing.

“Pretty screwed buddy,” said Joseph as he also burst into laughter.

They all laughed out loud.

Neeru walked in with tea and snacks for all.

She smiled seeing Arun laugh for the first time since the chaos began.

As Neeru left, Arun turned towards Nitin.

“Tell me about my ex-girlfriend,” said Arun as Nitin kept quiet.

“Everyone keeps asking me about her, but I don’t know anything, so please tell me,” said Arun pleading.

Nitin looked towards Joseph who shrugged without saying anything.

“Look, guys, you can tell me, I can handle it,” said Arun.

“She left you for another guy, and she shared with a common friend that this other guy had more money. According to her, it was only logical that she left you. We have been told by your brother not to tell you her name so please don’t force us,” said Nitin as Arun looked around.

“You pleaded with her to come and see Auntie with you. This was a bad time for you man, and you kept pleading with her, but she wouldn’t listen,” said Nitin as he felt disgusted.

Nitin looked towards Joseph who signalled him to continue.

“The other day, you, me and Joseph went to her place and when we entered we all were disgusted to see this other guy sitting on her bed wearing only underwear. He was shaking when he saw you enter the house, but she was not bothered at all as if she wanted you to see all that,” he said.

“When was this?” asked Arun.

“This was a day before Auntie had surgery,” replied Nitin.

“It’s ok I don’t need to know more. What has happened has happened, and I can’t change any of it,” said Arun.

“I can see that we truly have a lot of financial problems at home, so I guess she has made the right decision,” he said looking dejected.

“I reckon she is still part of your circle, right? So you guys can continue the way you used to meet before all this,” said Arun.

“We can’t, and we won’t do it dude things will never be the same again,” replied Joseph.

“My brother has spoken with Deepak, my supervisor, and I shall join the office back in a different profile. He has discussed with HR, and I will be part of training administration now,” said Arun.

“You want to come back to the same office?” asked Joseph who was quiet surprised to hear this.

“Dude she will be around you all the time, are you sure you can handle it?” Joseph continued.

“Yes I can, can’t run away from things because of one person,” replied Arun with confidence.

“Good to see the old you, full of confidence,” said Nitin smiling.

“I’ll see you guys around in the office soon,” said Arun as Nitin and Joseph left.

Dr Shah was your average neurologist who, probably, never had a compelling case in his entire life so, when Dr Singh briefed him about Arun’s situation, he got excited.

The premise of a guy losing his memory overnight was too good to be missed.

He had been waiting to meet Arun.

He greeted Arun as if they were long lost friends as Neeru and Arun walked into his cabin.

Hardev waited outside along with Prasad.

“Hello, Arun,” said Dr Shah.

“Hello... Hello Doctor,” replied Arun nervously.

“I want to speak with my boy, Arun, alone,” said Dr Shah.

Arun was weary of being left alone with a stranger, but Neeru assured him that she’s right outside and if he needs her, he can walk out.

Neeru left after briefing Dr Shah about whatever she knew based upon what Arun had shared with her earlier.

“I have your blood report and CT scan,” said Dr Shah as Arun looked at him curiously

“Do you want to tell me everything before I share this with you and your family?” said Dr Shah placing the blood report on the table.

Arun read through the blood report, “I don’t understand any of this,” he said keeping the report back on the table as Dr Shah kept looking at him suspiciously.

“Look, you might not believe me and think that I am making this up, and I have already been told this by the landlady earlier, but the fact is that I have no idea what you mean. I can’t remember anything. So, it is my humble request that before sharing anything with my family, please share it with me,” said Arun pleading.

“Ok, son, the blood tests found a high quantity of ‘Benzoylecgonine’ and ‘Ecgonine Methyl Ester’ in your blood,” said Dr Shah.

Arun looked at him puzzled.

“These two chemicals are important metabolites of drugs such as Cocaine also known as Coke,” said Dr Shah.

Arun was still confused.

“Coke is a psychotropic substance used for recreation and stimulation. It slowly causes addiction, and it kills your brain and body. I am sure knowing that you took drugs is going to come as a shock to your family, especially your father,” said Dr Shah.

“The amount of drugs in your system baffles me,” he said.

“What do you mean?” asked Arun.

“You have a lot in your system,” said Dr Shah holding the blood test report.

“But before we go any further, have you noticed any needle marks on your body?” he asked Arun.

“Needle marks, I don’t understand?” asked Arun.

Dr Shah got up and asked Arun to stretch his arms out.

He folded the shirt up his arms and looked carefully, back and front.

“No needle marks, that’s good,” he said.

“What is all this?” asked Arun curiously.

“Some drugs can be injected in the body via nerves, and they leave marks on your body,” replied Dr Shah.

“Does this mean that I was not taking any drugs?” asked Arun.

“Not necessarily because drugs can also be taken orally and can also be snorted via nostrils as well,” replied Dr Shah.

He then asked Arun to take off his trousers.

“What?” said Arun as he was taken aback.

Dr Shah requested him that this was necessary because some junkies might inject through legs as well.

Reluctantly Arun did as Dr Shah asked. Dr Shah looked at his thighs.

“Just as I suspected,” said Dr Shah inspecting syringe marks on Aruns left leg.

Arun looked at the syringe marks, concerned. He looked dejected.

“Don’t worry this will remain between us,” said Dr Shah.

“Why are you worried? Haven’t you come across junkies before?” asked Arun as Dr Shah looked worried.

“See, I have dealt with many patients who had suffered an overdose before but...,” said Dr Shah and paused.

“But what Dr Shah?” asked Arun looking worried.

“Tests show that you have three times the normal dose of drugs in your blood. It should have killed you; period,” he paused as Arun looked at him.

“It’s a blooming miracle that you survived, but somehow the excessive dosage has paralysed a part of your brain that has certain memories,” said Dr Shah.

“Am I going to die?” asked Arun sobbing.

“Relax my boy the worst is over, you are not going to die,” said Dr Shah with a smile.

“But, that explains whiteness on your lips when you reached Dr Singh’s Hospital yesterday,” he continued.

“Dr Shah, I swear I can’t remember what Coke is and how it got into my body but the way you have described it seems like a bad thing. So, let me do some research, and I will be in touch with you,” said Arun crying.

“Look don’t worry I will not share this with anyone in your family, but what I am worried is that as time passes and assuming that you are an addict, this is going to create many problems, and sooner or later they will recognize the ‘withdrawal symptoms’ and know that you were a junkie,” said Dr Shah.

“What do you mean?” asked Arun wiping his tears.

“You see when you are an addict your body craves for drugs all the time, and if you don’t get them then your body goes through a lot of bad things and these are called ‘withdrawal symptoms’,“ said Dr Shah.

Arun listened to him carefully.

“Symptoms like; difficulty in concentrating, fatigue or exhaustion, depression or anxiety, suicidal thoughts or actions and also physical symptoms such as; chills, tremors, muscle aches, and nerve pain makes it very difficult for an addict to quit,” said Dr Shah.

“You think I am an addict?” asked Arun.

“Yes...,” said Dr Shah.

“...and sooner or later these cravings will start, and your family will realise it,” he continued.

“Normally the craving starts after ten hours of the last dose in case of Coke but seems that Dr Singh’s medicines might have subdued it for now. I am not sure how long will the effects of medicines last?” said Dr Shah.

“Is there anything you can do? Please help me,” pleaded Arun.

“Don’t worry my boy, I have known your father for a long time,” said Dr Shah as he wrote down the prescription.

“Be very careful, anytime you feel something bad like; shaking of hands, anxiety, muscle pain, too much sweating, headache, stomach-ache, frequent nightmares, loss of sleep, suicidal thoughts etc. take this pill. It should help subdue the cravings,” said Dr Shah.

“Thank you so much Doctor,” said Arun.

“But what happened that day?” he asked.

“You see drugs, such as Coke, Ecstasy and others like them, attack the nervous system, and they can render people unconscious and in many cases, dead when taken in high quantity. It’s called an overdose. You, it seems, also had an overdose but instead of killing you it has wiped a part of your memory,” said Dr Shah.

“Have you come across a case like this before?” asked Arun.

“I mean cases where people did not die even after an overdose and lost their memory?” Arun continued.

“Yes many, but most had lost their full memory, and their minds just went blank to the extent that they forgot how even to hold a spoon or simply went into a coma. However, a case of selective memory loss like yours? Never before,” replied Dr Shah.

“Well that’s reassuring, I am a freak is what it is,” said Arun in frustration.

“No, you are not. Unexplained things happen, which even Scientists can’t explain,” said Dr Shah.

“Now stop worrying and give it some time. Here’s my mobile number call me anytime you need me,” said Dr Shah holding on to Arun’s shoulder.

“Ok, thank you!” said Arun.

Dr Shah got up and called everyone inside.

Hardev, Prasad and Neeru looked at Dr Shah curiously as they all came in.

“He’s just going through depression because of a lot of stressful things that have happened simultaneously in his life. His dog, Zulu, died, he lost his car, his mother had an operation, and of course, he also had a breakup. So all combined, his brain was under tremendous pressure, and it seems last night it simply rebooted itself to relieve the stress,” said Dr Shah as everyone listened to him carefully.

“Brain is a mysterious place,” he said pointing towards a picture of a human brain on the wall next to his table.

“We still don’t understand about half the things that happen in our brain, why do they happen and what causes them,” he said.

”Also the pizza that he ate yesterday evening was stale and caused food poisoning,” said Dr Shah pretending to read the blood report in his hands while Arun looked relieved.

Arun was happy that Dr Shah kept his end of the bargain and did not share the truth with his family.

“But why is it that he can’t remember people and remember other things like how to use a computer and phone and also why does he only remember his mother and Zulu?” asked Hardev.

“Like I said the brain is a mysterious place. Arun was trying hard to forget certain things, certain bad things, and in the process pressurised his brain way too much than it could handle. He seems to be quite emotional, which is quite good, but while trying to subdue some emotions, he caused a chemical reaction in his brain which led to a state of ‘temporal amnesia’. Which means his amnesia is temporary and his memory will come back soon,” said Dr Shah.

“How soon?” asked Hardev.

“Not sure but the CT scan shows no physical damage so technically his brain in healthy. It does show some unusual brain activity though, but that’s nothing serious. Our brain produces certain chemicals all the time based on our physical interactions, so it’s nothing to worry about,” said Dr Shah.

“HOW SOON DR SHAH?” asked Hardev sternly.

“I am not sure, it could take one week, one month, one year... or just one day,” replied Dr Shah.

“These medicines are to calm him down and also so that he could sleep well,” said Dr Shah.

“...and make sure that he sleeps well because due to the anxiety he was not sleeping well for some time,” he said.

“Thank you, Dr Shah,” said Hardev as he extended his hand towards Dr Shah.

Dr Shah shook hands with Hardev and Prasad as they all left his cabin.

Arun went to the bathroom as they reached home and he looked in the mirror.

“Wake-up Arun,” he mumbled walking around in the bathroom.

“This has got to be a bad dream, wake-up god damn it,” he said slapping himself.

He felt disgusted.

“I am the worst child any parent could’ve ever wished for,” he cursed himself throwing the towel on the floor and slapped himself again.

He immersed his face into the water in the tub and remained submerged for a few seconds.

As the bubbles started coming out of his nose and mouth, he raised his head gasping for air.

He sat there breathing heavily.

“They love me so much and what have I done?” he said still taking deep breaths.

He stood there for a while and then closed his eyes and pictured his parents.

“Now, get a hold of yourself Arun, you need to pull through this and ensure that this coke thingy doesn’t ever happen again,” he said while clenching his fists and opening his eyes.

Neeru welcomed Rajni in the afternoon and Neeta rushed to hug her.

Hardev walked in with lunch box and other things from the hospital.

Arun hugged Rajni, who was teary eyed seeing him. He helped her to the bed.

He then took things from Hardev and offered him water.

Hardev started looking through his Homoeopathic medicine books for any medicine for Arun.

Hardev had a vast collection of Homoeopathic medicine and treatment books.

He was carefully reading through the books.

He also consulted Homoeopathic Doctors he knew.

Over the next few days, relatives and friends kept pouring in to see Arun.

Some people suggested that this was all because of continuous Night shifts.

As the number of people visiting increased, the reasons for Arun’s condition also kept changing.

Everyone came up with his or her theory and consequent remedial actions.

He started feeling like a circus freak and told Hardev that he wanted to go out.

“I want to go back to the office dad,” said Arun.

“I think you need to rest a bit longer before you go back,” replied Hardev.

“I know your concern dad, but I am going to be fine, I can handle it,” said Arun.

“Ok tomorrow I will take you to your office to meet people and see how it feels and we will take it from there on,” said Hardev.

“Sounds good dad, thank you!” said Arun smiling.

Arun worked as a Senior Associate in Michael International Services (MIS).

It was an offshore concern of a large Computer manufacturing brand.

He mostly worked in night shifts.

As they reached MIS office building on MG road, Gurgaon, the next day at 16:00, Deepak, Arun’s supervisor came out and greeted Hardev first and then shook hands with Arun.

Arun was quite nervous about meeting his colleagues.

As Hardev waited outside, at the reception, Deepak accompanied Arun to the floor.

Arun along with Deepak got out of the elevator and walked towards the work area.

Deepak displayed his card in front of the sensor at the door and the door unlocked.

Arun walked behind him looking at the sign on the door which said; ‘No tailgating’.

As they entered the floor Arun looked at the huge wall clocks installed on the front wall displaying time from different time zones.

As he walked, he looked at the callers with headsets on their ears taking in English.

Some people were getting ready to settle down in their respective workstations, as the shift was about to start for their process.

Arun and Deepak walked towards the area where Deepak’s team was sitting.

Some people saw Deepak and Arun walking towards them.

They rushed towards Deepak and Arun excitedly.

Arun was taken-a-back when everyone started hugging him and asking him how he was.

So many new faces together got him more nervous.

“Easy there guys, he is still recovering don’t put him through so much excitement, or else he might have a stroke,” said Deepak laughing.

“Introduce yourself first and talk to him one by one,” he said.

Everybody looked confused but did as Deepak asked, nonetheless.

“Hi Arun I am Raman we joined together, and we sit in the same bay,” said Raman as he pointed towards a cubical.

“Hi Raman!” replied Arun shyly with his hands in his pocket.

“How are you?” asked Raman.

“I am doing ok though still a long way to go,” replied Arun smiling.

Arun looked around.

“Nitin and Joseph are in a different shift,” said Deepak.

“Ok,” said Arun still looking around.

“Looking for someone in particular,” said Raman teasing Arun.

Raman implied that Arun was looking for his ex-girlfriend.

“No one in particular, just curious,” replied Arun smiling as he understood what Raman had implied.

“How does he know the colour of the sky or that this place is called an office?” murmured someone followed by giggling.

Arun felt bad.

“I will take your leave guys, be seeing you soon,” said Arun as he turned around to leave.

Deepak looked at everyone angrily as even he overheard the murmuring and the giggling but left with Arun without saying anything.

“He seems to be responding well to meeting people. I guess he’s ready to join back,” said Deepak enthusiastically as they came to the reception where Hardev was seated.

“When he joins I will introduce him to Kunal, who heads the training team. He will be reporting to him now,” said Deepak.

“Thank you so much Deepak!” said Hardev before leaving.

Though Arun felt terrible about the comments, he was determined to go back to the office.

He went through his email, the password for which was reset by Prasad.

Arun always used the same ‘Secret Question’ for resetting the password, so it was easy for Prasad to reset the password.

Arun also did some research about his new profile and got ready for the D-Day.

He was joining the office back after 12 days after he had lost his memory.

Dr Shah’s medicine was working, and he never had any cravings or so-called symptoms of withdrawal at all.

“Guess there is indeed a benefit of losing memory after all. If at all I was indeed a junkie?” he thought smiling.

His ex-girlfriend had already left the office by the time Arun joined back.

No one ever talked about her, and he never bothered asking.

Arun joined his new profile and liked his new reporting boss, but something was amiss.

He was not sure what it was, but somehow he never felt comfortable in the new profile.

Both Nitin and Joseph were ignoring him.

Though they would meet him in the office they would make excuses when Arun would want to meet outside for a coffee or something.

Somehow, Arun was not bothered about this too much because he was confused as it is with every day new people coming and greeting him.

He was confused because he wasn’t sure if the person greeting him was his friend or not?

“Was he someone who was on my 'good side' or the 'bad side'?” is what he would think after meeting someone new.

Shraddha wanted to meet Arun.

Nitin spoke with Arun’s mother who was ok with Arun going out with them.

They met at a restaurant in City Centre Mall on MG Road.

Apart from Arun, Nitin and Shraddha, Sriram was also there.

Sriram was also part of the group and worked at MIS as well.

While Sriram kept joking to keep the mood light during the meeting, Shraddha was quite emotional upon meeting Arun.

Shraddha was teary-eyed. She was concerned about Arun.

“His system has been reformatted, don’t worry his operating system is now error free,” joked Sriram seeing Shraddha’s moist eyes as Nitin laughed.

“What is this strange looking spoon called? Why does it have so many gaps in between?” asked Arun looking at a fork placed on the table as they all took seats around the table.

Nobody knew how to react to this question.

While Nitin explained to him about the Fork, Sharaddha whipped her tears and changed the mood as she narrated Arun’s funny dance moves while they were in Lansdowne.

Everyone laughed and enjoyed the food, but deep down they were all concerned about Arun.

This was the last time they all met Shraddha because she got married the following month.

Jatin, a school friend, took Arun to meet a common-friend Bijoy.

Prasad had informed Jatin about the situation so he was extra careful introducing Arun to people and places he knew.

Bijoy and Arun had worked together in a Call Centre and were close friends.

As they met, Bijoy tried to psyche Arun as he thought Arun was faking it.

Bijoy was a tough guy.

Jatin would take Arun around the city to familiar places so that he could remember something.

He also called in Ridhi to meet Arun.

Ridhi and Arun worked together at a UK Call Centre, 9C, and were good friends.

Ridhi tried reminding Arun but he just couldn’t remember anything.

Even though a lot of people were nice to Arun, he couldn’t trust anyone because he had a bad experience with a close School time friend who lived close to his house.

This friend told Arun that he owed him Rs 2500.

The amount was not too significant, and he could have paid him there, and then, but Arun still thought of checking with Prasad first.

Prasad was shocked to know about this because as per him Arun hadn’t met this friend in a long time.

Arun also checked with Nitin and Joseph who had met this guy and described him in a way which clarified that indeed he was trying to pull a fast one on him.

This guy was trying to take advantage of the fact that Arun didn’t remember anything and this pushed Arun further away.

Arun couldn’t trust anyone.

Though, over a period he started trusting a girl named Sonam in his office. She was quite caring.

Sonam would often argue with colleagues who would make fun of Arun.

Arun enjoyed the fun, but Sonam didn’t like it.

Ragging continued for a while, and even Arun started feeling bad about it.

This went on for three months, and Arun decided to quit the job and look for something new, but he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do.

He joined a few more companies but just couldn’t set his foot at one place.

He was confused and was not sure what he wanted to do.

He was under tremendous stress.

Dr Shah’s medicines were long gone so he decided to consult him to see if he can retake the medication because he couldn’t sleep or concentrate.

“This type of anxiety and confusion is normal in case of people like you,” said Dr Shah.

“People like me, what you mean?” asked Arun who was already annoyed with constant stress.

“I mean people who have amnesia. It’s common to feel stressed if the memory doesn’t come back to its normal state after a while. We just have to find a way for you to deal with it and medication is, definitely, not the way out for you at this stage,” said Dr Shah.

“So what should I do? I can’t sleep, can’t concentrate and can’t eat properly as well,” asked Arun who was visibly upset.

“Medicines are a strict no, no because they will become an addiction if taken for a long time. Try reading at night if you can’t sleep. Find a hobby, in fact, why don’t you get back to DJ’ing? You loved it, right?” said Dr Shah.

“DJ’ing is not an option because Mom said I got into a lot of bad habits after getting into DJ’ing,” said Arun.

“I don’t want to do anything right now which might hurt my parents,” he said.

“Ok, then try yoga and morning walks. Join a Gym and try to get your mind off things for a while. I know doing a job is a problem now but give it some time,” said Dr Shah.

“That might work. Let me give it a shot,” said Arun as he left.

“Also, I want you to speak with a friend of mine, Dr Sood. He specialises in this,” he said.

“What do you mean?” asked Arun.

“He works with people trying to give up drugs. He’s a good friend of mine so you won’t have to go to a drug rehabilitation centre. He will meet you some place outside,” said Dr Shah giving him Dr Sood’s business card.

Upon reaching home, he called Dr Sood.

To Arun’s surprise, Dr Sood’s contact number was already saved in his mobile phone.

“Do I already know him?” mumbled Arun as he dialled the number.

“Arun my boy, how are you? Long-time no see?” said Dr Sood joyfully.

“I am all right, how about you Sir?” replied Arun.

“I am doing well as usual, what’s with Sir?” replied Dr Sood wondering why Arun called him Sir.

“I am not sure who you are Sir I got your reference from Dr Shah,” replied Arun.

“What do you mean you don’t know me?” asked Dr Sood.

Arun narrated about what had happened in the past few days.

“Can we meet?” asked Dr Sood whose joyful mood turned into sombre mood upon hearing what Arun had to say.

“Sure Sir I am home these days, where can we meet?” asked Arun.

“Do you know where DLF City Centre Mall is?” asked Dr Sood.

“Yes, I will see you at 3:00 PM today,” replied Arun.

“See you at the Pizza Hut on the ground floor,” said Dr Sood.

“See you, Sir,” replied Arun.

“Do you remember this place?” asked Dr Sood as Arun sat on the chair opposite to his in the Pizza Hut restaurant.

“No, what is special about this place?” asked Arun.

“This is the place where you met Sabina, who gave you Harveen’s last letter,” replied Dr Sood.

“You were devastated after reading the letter,” he said.

“Everything just went over the head,” said Arun joyfully zipping his hand over his head gesturing that he understood nothing that Dr Sood just told him.

“I am sorry, how can I be such a fool?” said Dr Sood feeling awkward.

“Let’s start from the beginning, I am Dr Sood, and we’ve known each other for a while now,” he said as Arun looked at him confused.

“You came to me seeking help for your drug problem in 2001, and we’ve been in touch ever since. You also know my wife because you have been to my house many times,” he continued.

“I am surprised you never shared anything about Shalu with me. If you had shared something with me I could have prevented this thing from happening to you,” said Dr Sood.

“I am sorry if this has come as a shock to you, but I just can’t remember anything,” said Arun.

“That’s all right let’s take this slowly,” said Dr Sood.

“Who is Sabina and who is Harveen?” asked Arun.

“Your past; they are from your past Arun,” replied Dr Shah.

“I don’t want to bombard you with details because after I spoke with you on the phone, I called Dr Shah who advised me to take it slowly when it comes to revealing details about your life,” he continued.

“There is a lot I want to share but for now let’s take things slowly. Also, understand that I am your friend and I am here for you, always,” said Dr Sood extending his hand towards Arun.

Arun smiled and shook hands with Dr Sood who held Arun’s hand between both his hands.

Arun felt comfortable with Dr Sood’s gesture.

“What should I do? How can I get my memory back?” asked Arun.

“I agree with Dr Shah that you should not push yourself. Confusion, frustration and anxiety are normal in cases such as yours so you should try to concentrate and focus on things as they come and not worry about anything,” replied Dr Sood.

“Sounds good,” replied Arun cheerfully.

“I have always admired your energy and willpower. I am sure you will overcome this situation in no time,” said Dr Sood as they both left the restaurant.

Over the next few days, he tried everything from morning walks to yoga to gym to learning to play the guitar, but nothing seemed to work because he just wasn’t able to concentrate.

The stress kept rising. Dr Sood kept motivating him, but Arun felt frustrated.

His mother had often noticed him talking to himself and was concerned about him.

“Is it the ‘withdrawal’ thingy Dr Shah was talking about?” Arun thought.

“I better consult someone at the DRC (Drug Rehabilitation Centre) for a second opinion,” he said to himself.

He had heard that people at a DRC in Palam Vihar were especially good, so he wanted to seek their help.

The prognosis at DRC was same as that of Dr Shah and Dr Sood.

Even they suggested him against the medicines, and they also suggested Yoga as a way to improve things.

He also went to a couple of Psychologists referred by Dr Sood, but everyone said the same thing.

Hardev would accompany him to every Doctor in the hope that someone might help restore Arun’s memory.

Stress kept increasing, and Arun increasingly became short tempered.

He would often get into arguments with his mom, dad and Prasad who’s marriage was about to be fixed.

Everyone was busy due to Prasad’s marriage, so Arun felt left out.

The plan was to change the mood at home and in turn divert Arun’s attention from the chaos, but Arun started feeling left out as everyone else enjoyed.

He started getting nightmares and would wake up frightened.

His Mother would comfort him, but he would often rudely ask her to leave him alone.

He also started seeing things while he was awake it was as if he was daydreaming.

These were more like visuals and as the stress kept increasing these visuals started getting stronger day by day.

He would often see a girl wearing Salwar Kameez waving at him again and again but could not figure out who she was.

He looked through photo albums at home and couldn’t find her in any of the photos.

He described her to Nitin and Joseph and even they could not help him with her name.

Dr Sood gave out some clues as to who this girl was but was cautious not to reveal any details which would cause further stress to Arun.

He told Arun that the girl's name was Harveen and she was a close college friend and he wasn’t in touch with her for many years.

These details didn’t help him much because he could still see her in his visuals and could not sleep properly.

He would try to sleep during the daytime, but somehow the visuals kept increasing, keeping him awake.

His Mother was worried because he was hardly sleeping and also he was not eating properly.