Forbidden Christmas

CHAPTER 16: Leaving

CHAPTER 16: Leaving

Derek's pov

I threw another shirt into my duffel bag without folding it. My hands were shaking. I'd been packing for ten minutes and kept forgetting what I'd already put in.

This was the right thing to do. The only thing to do.

Last night at the construction site had crossed every line I'd promised myself I wouldn't cross. I'd kissed Maya. More than kissed her. I'd told her I was falling for her. I'd made plans to sneak around behind my daughter's back.

What kind of father was I?

My phone buzzed. Catherine. My ex-wife. Perfect timing.

"Derek, I know this is last minute, but I'd like to come for Christmas. To see Sophie. It's been too long."

I closed my eyes. "Catherine, this isn't a good time."

"It's never a good time with you. But she's my daughter too. I have a right to see her during the holidays."

"You left her. You chose River and his van over your family."

"That's not fair. I needed to find myself."

"Well, congratulations. You found yourself. Meanwhile, Sophie needed her mother and you were too busy following your bliss to care."

Silence on the other end. Then, "I made mistakes. I'm trying to make up for them. Please, Derek. Let me see her for Christmas."

I should have said no. Should have protected Sophie from more disappointment. But some stupid part of me thought maybe Catherine's presence would help. Would remind me of all the reasons I needed to stay away from Maya.

"Fine. You can come. But if you hurt her again—"

"I won't. I promise. Thank you, Derek."

She hung up. I stared at my phone, feeling the walls closing in.

Catherine coming. Maya in my house. Sophie trusting me while I lied to her face.

I couldn't do this. Couldn't be here. Couldn't watch Maya across the dinner table knowing what her mouth tasted like. Couldn't pretend nothing had changed when everything had changed.

I finished packing and carried my bag downstairs. Sophie was in the kitchen making breakfast, humming along to Christmas music.

"Morning, Dad! Want pancakes? Maya taught me her recipe."

The mention of Maya's name hit like a punch. "Actually, sweetheart, I need to talk to you."

Sophie turned around, spatula in hand. "That sounds serious. What's wrong?"

"I have to go into the office. Emergency with the community center project. Foundation issues that need immediate attention."

"What? But it's almost Christmas. Can't Marcus handle it?"

"It's my design. I need to be there." The lie tasted bitter. "I'll be back in a few days. Before Christmas Eve. I promise."

"Dad, no. You can't leave. We have plans. Cookie decorating tonight. The bonfire tomorrow. And Maya—" She stopped. "Maya will be disappointed. She was really looking forward to more ski lessons."

My chest tightened. "She'll be fine. You guys can go without me."

"It's not the same." Sophie's eyes filled with tears. "You're always leaving. Always choosing work over family."

"That's not fair."

"Isn't it? Mom left because you were married to your job. And now you're doing it again."

"Sophie…"

"Just go. If the project is so important, just go." She turned back to the stove, her shoulders stiff.

I wanted to explain. Wanted to tell her the real reason I was leaving. That I was trying to protect her from my own weakness. That staying would only make things worse.

But I couldn't. So I picked up my bag and walked toward the door.

Maya appeared at the bottom of the stairs, her hair still messy from sleep. She saw my bag and her face went pale.

"You're leaving?"

"Work emergency."

"You're lying."

Sophie turned around. "Maya, not now."

But Maya wasn't looking at Sophie. She was looking at me with those eyes that saw too much. "This is about last night."

"What about last night?" Sophie asked.

"Nothing," I said quickly. "Maya, don't."

"Don't what? Don't call you out for running away?" She walked toward me, her voice getting louder. "You said you were falling for me. You kissed me. You made plans. And now you're just leaving?"

Sophie dropped her spatula. "What is she talking about?"

"Maya, stop." My voice was firm. Desperate.

"No. I'm done pretending." She turned to Sophie. "Your dad and I have feelings for each other. Real feelings. And instead of dealing with them like an adult, he's running away."

The kitchen went completely silent. Sophie stared at Maya like she didn't recognize her. Then she looked at me.

"Dad? Is that true?"

I couldn't speak. Couldn't breathe. This was my worst nightmare playing out in real time.

"Is it true?" Sophie asked again, her voice shaking.

"Sophie, I can explain…"

"Oh my god." She backed away from both of us. "Oh my god. You and Maya? My Maya?"

"Sweetheart, nothing happened"

"Don't lie to me! Something obviously happened if you're running away and she's freaking out." Tears streamed down Sophie's face. "How long? How long has this been going on?"

"A few days," Maya said quietly. "Since I got here. We tried to fight it, Sophie. We really did."

"Tried to fight it?" Sophie's voice rose. "She's my best friend! You're my father! This is disgusting!"

"Sophie, please…" I reached for her.

"Don't touch me." She jerked away. "I can't even look at either of you right now."

She ran upstairs. A door slammed so hard the house shook.

I turned to Maya. "Why did you do that?"

"Because you were running. Again."

"I was trying to protect her!"

"By lying? By disappearing? That's not protection, Derek. That's cowardice."

"You had no right"

"I had every right. You told me you were falling for me. You don't get to take that back just because you're scared."

"This isn't about being scared. This is about my daughter, who is upstairs crying because we were selfish and stupid."

Maya flinched like I'd slapped her. "So that's what this was? Selfish and stupid?"

"I didn't mean…"

"Yes, you did." Her eyes filled with tears. "You meant it. Because it's easier to call this a mistake than to fight for it."

I grabbed my bag. "I need to go."

"Of course you do. That's what you're good at. Leaving."

I walked out before she could see my hands shaking. Before I could change my mind. Before I could admit she was right about everything.

I threw my bag in the truck and started the engine. Through the window, I could see Maya standing in the doorway, arms wrapped around herself. She looked broken. Small. Nothing like the confident woman I'd held last night.

I put the truck in reverse and backed out of the driveway. Didn't look back. Couldn't look back.

Halfway down the mountain, I had to pull over because my hands were shaking too badly to drive. I sat there on the side of the road, gripping the steering wheel, trying to breathe.

I'd just destroyed my relationship with my daughter. Hurt the woman I was falling for. Ruined Christmas for everyone.

And for what? To protect Sophie? She was more hurt now than if I'd just been honest from the start.

My phone buzzed. Sophie.

"Mom called. She's coming for Christmas. Isn't that just perfect? Now I get to explain to her that my father and my best friend have been lying to me. Merry Christmas."

Then another text.

"Don't come back. I don't want to see you."

I stared at the messages until my vision blurred.

Then I did something I hadn't done since Catherine left. I put my head on the steering wheel and cried.

Because I'd had everything. My daughter's trust. A chance at real love. A future that looked different than the lonely one I'd resigned myself to.

And I'd thrown it all away because I was too much of a coward to fight for it.

Maya had been right. I was good at leaving. At running when things got hard. At protecting myself instead of the people I loved.

I sat there on the side of the mountain road for a long time, watching snow fall on my windshield, knowing I'd just made the biggest mistake of my life.

And knowing I had no idea how to fix it.