GHOST

"Pwede dun ka muna sa gilid?" Are the words that have kept me up all night. It was nothing but a verbal request, still it means more than that. It was like a knife struck in my heart and I can feel myself bleeding from the sharp edges, and every fiber in my body screams exhaustion. "Sige, sige." Was all I can say. I may not admit it, but the bitterness in my words is visible, yet also invisible. I tried to hold my breath as I move aside and let them take a moment for themselves, but it still stings to look at their satisfied faces, while I am stuck here as a bystander, a man on the sidelines. After they took one last shot, I was dead. They tried to approach me, and all I did was nod. Then, we, or should I say 'they', decided to go home. We carried our things and continued into the path of street lights and cars rushing like wildfire. It was a loud one, might I say. And, yes, I, too, am making noises like I never did before. We spoke with each other without boundaries, like there is no tomorrow. Yet, I still feel empty. "Ayos ka lang?" One of them suddenly asked me. "Gagi! Okay lang ako." I smiled. But I am not happy. I feel my legs trembling from fear of abandonment. My eyes dwindling, my breath shortening, and my mind filled with thoughts, thoughts of which I never wish to have. And even though I am on the verge of crying, I don't want to show them weakness. I don't want to fail. If I cry, no one will come save me, and although I want to complain, no one would hear me. I feel hurt. I feel rage. I want to tell them off. I want them to notice me. See me as other than a trail. However, even if I want to do it, I can't. I just simply looked up, bear with the pain and continued smiling. "San ba tayo?" I continued. They looked at me confused, seeing my expression change, but to no avail, they simply discarded my feelings away, or so I felt. "Uuwi na. Dito na lang ako. Sabayan mo yan si ano ah." One of them informed me. I simply nodded and walked off to the other side of the road, while still looking at their direction with a facade of joy. What a bastard! A fake, lying b***h, or so I see myself to be. Even with these thoughts in mind, I never gave any care to no one but the mass, and so I continued to walk the path of lights with a smile on my face and a shattered heart in hand.