hello this life has been a emotional roller coaster I'm not in the shelter no more thank goodness
2996 Words
taking up the places where I left off trying to start something new for me and hopefully in a different state around different environments I have been streaming live on this app singing talking and just being myself trying to block out a lot of things in my life that's going on but it's been kind of hard the devil been trying to be busy working on me busy through my child and she's letting the devil win I can't continue to think about things like that because it f**** up my health but I know that there's light at the end of the tunnel that I keep walking through this dark tunnel and think of that there is no light at the end of it and there is light at the end of the tunnel and it's bright and my future is going to be great it's just a process of going through everything right now to even get to that point but with the strong support system behind me and God looking at me and keeping my strength and not letting negativity interfere or intervene in my life I can continue to go on and not let nobody or no one change anything for me there's always obstacles that tries to hinder what I'm trying to do there's always blockage that's trying to intervene but I have to know that as long as I got Jesus in my life and I got my belief that I'm going to be fine but I'm going to get through everything cuz I have cut a lot of people out of my life that was a hindrance I have stopped talking to so many people that wanted to see me fail so lately I just been dealing with my family that I'm living with right now until I get to the goal that I'm trying to get to until I get to the blessings that I know that's waiting for me too but like I said everything is a process and it's just taking so much time to get through everything and time waits for no one it keeps going and you only have one life to live and this I know I'm trying to live with the best way I can the best way I know how happy and free and happy not worried about nobody else problems not trying to let the devil intervene but that's my kind of hard at the end of the day I know that I'm blessed and highly favored and I'm loved by so many and maybe some don't like me either but at this point I don't care you can like me or love me I'm still going to be me regardless of how you feel about me I'm still going to be Sparkle at the end of the I can say that I didn't know that so many people look up to me and care about me and want what's best for me from all over and I'm so grateful and thankful and so humble I know that I deserve to be happy like everyone else is I deserve to not have to worry about nothing anymore I deserve to just be fine I deserve it and I'm claiming it in Jesus name cuz no weapon shall prosper I got this and he got me and I don't even about that l***q life anymore that's not for me no more I have been involved with a man that's going to be my husband he is my fiance and we're going to make it official that's going to be life-changing after coming out of being in the l***q life but I know that it's okay and that life will be all right and I can conquer any thing that comes my way long as I don't stop believing in him I'll always have the strength cuz our God is powerful this I know can't nobody take my beliefs away from me at the end of the day when I love I love and I dislike I dislike I don't care how anyone feels about nothing feelings I express them no holds bars cuz I ain't nothing holding me back but nothing I want to do in life cuz if I believe it I can achieve it I know that it's just taken so much time and that is what's very frustrating but I'm going to get through it because I am not a weak woman I am strong I am wise I'm grateful I am thankful I am humbled I honestly say that and it's the truth cuz you got the humble yourself and you got to appreciate everything cuz it could be worse and you have to appreciate what you have and don't cry about what you don't have and if you want to situation if you could fix it fix it if not we try to do what we can to make us understand things better and live laugh and love hard unconditionally although some of us don't deserve it and some of us do but we know that we are worthy can't nobody say otherwise cuz God got us and our strong support system have us too cuz everything is going to be all right I know it is things just taking time and it's a process for everything in life that we want I can wait been waiting this long have a long it takes I know my blessings is coming and I'm not going to have to worry about anything else except being happy and my face probably going to hurt so much from smiling but being so happy that ain't no picture nobody going to take my joy away I'll try to hurt me or even get the strength of the power to remotely try to hurt me cuz I am covered by the blood of Jesus he will never forsaken me not even judge me I don't judge no one either the energy the power that I have was given to me for our savior in heaven and I will always appreciate it hold on to it and never not believe because I know that that's how I am dealing with life today is the strength that God has given me that I want to conquer everything that comes my way cuz my testimony is big and might make you laugh might make it cry but I know it's a lot the people today probably going through the same thing or even worse but I know that I'm going to get through it cuz I am loved by so many people and feeling the love by so many people I can conquer anything that comes my way cuz God got the last say and everything in life that we do and like I always say we don't have an expiration date we don't know we're going to leave here only God knows that and why we're still here we need to appreciate life and take it as it is and has given to us cuz it could be worse thank goodness it's not I'm so grateful and blessed to actually not be homeless anymore I have so grateful and blessed to have somewhere to lay my head and I'm safe I'm so grateful and blessed to not have to deal with different people and their attitudes I'm so grateful and blessed that I have food and water and so ap and I am safe I'm so grateful and blessed for everything and everybody that actually give a damn about me thank God thank God thank God that I have is strength to keep on moving on and on and living thank God that I'm such a humble and grateful individual that can nobody take that for me at all cuz I Mia at the end of the day like it love it I don't give a damn cuz I won't change me for nobody what you see is what you get and if you don't like it you don't have to deal with it you can keep stepping but this life right now I know it's my testimony I know that I want to be great as successful and be able to help those that deserve to be held by me and that's what I'm going to do cuz I know that there's a light at the end of my journey there's a light at the end of the dark tunnel that I keep walking through I can't see but once I get to the end of that tunnel that light is going to be so bright it's going to damn near blind me cuz it's going to be shining so brightly in my eyes that I want to say I did it I can get it I went through a lot of trials and tribulations but I did it and it was with my beliefs that the people that believed in me and definitely definitely God cuz I know that I am blessed I am highly favored I have to that I could share with those that appreciate it at that understands me and no that if I say that I got you I got you enemies necessary I mean that cuz I was blessed to have such a strong mother my mom is my rock and when I'm going through things I can call her and tell her and I always tell my mom mom I need you to pray for me and she does it with no hesitation I don't know how I would feel or how my life would be if I didn't have my mom I don't want to know how I feel cuz there's so many people that I've been around and talk to that they don't have a mother and mine is still here I can actually pick up my phone and call her or text her or FaceTime and I can see you I can hear your voice I just can't imagine if they come that I can't do that and those who lost their mom and they can't do that they can't hear their voice no more they can't FaceTime where you can't text with them I can't imagine not being able to do that but then I'm still kind of worried my like wife cuz that's how I feel as well and I've been swallowing it it's 3 years now that she's been gone and her birthday is coming up next month on the 12th of July that she's not physically here with me all I have is her memories I have her ashes I have a portrait on my arm that is nothing like her physically being here or I could talk to her voice that's the part test apartment Steve hurts and I think about it all the time cuz if she was still living will still be in our home and everything and I probably still be a chunky I was happy being a chunky chunk though cuz I have my person that I thought was going to be for me forever but God had something else and stored and said that he wanted his child and he took her he stopped her heart it took her away from me but you know what I could say that she's not suffering no more she don't have to deal with having to take all that medication she don't have to deal with then on oxygen 24/7 she don't have to deal with it sleeping with a CPAP every night she don't have to deal with shooting herself with insulin for diabetes she good and that's what I got a hold on to so I got to stop being selfish I stop being sad that she's not physically here with me no more she's in a better place and I know this but it hurts like hell that I can't hear her voice no more that I can't talk to my friend no more that part to still hurts then it might hurt sometimes get better but she'll never be forgotten to tell you that she'll always be with me no matter what cuz it always been me and her I know I got to let her go that's still hard it's only been 3 years but I'm still trying to deal with everything now I know that I have a fiance now and he knows everything cuz I tell him and I also going to have a whole new family too it's just everything is just a process and it's just taking so much time and that's the part that gives me very frustrated and annoyed but I know that this life will be okay cuz I got a strong support system and I got my belief and God he got me he keeping me stronger every day and helping me deal with life as it is Lord knows that it's hard but I know that I have the strength to conquer this any obstacles that comes my way I have the power conquer it to destroy anything I was trying to hurt me all my strong support system got this I know I do cuz no weapon should prosper I don't need to have a lot of friends I don't need to have a Entourage cuz when you have that drama problems and b******* your name could put in a lot of stuff that you have nothing to do with because you've been in your own lane not talking to this person not talking to that person but all of a sudden your name could put in some BS that you don't have nothing to do with but at the end of the day you know the truth in God knows the truth and you don't have to prove s*** to nobody and always know that nobody owe you any damn thing some of us need to learn that lesson cuz a lot of us feel like we are all so many things but we're not all anything don't nobody got to deal with you if they don't want to don't nobody got to talk to you if they don't want to you have a mind of your own you have a voice of your own you don't have to deal with f****** b******* if you don't want to you don't have to answer your phone if you don't want to you don't have to answer text messages if you don't want to you don't have to video chat with people if you don't want to it's up to you to press that button and deal with the b******* I'm learning that lesson to forgive for me but never forget and you don't have to have that person in your life a lot of weight has been lifted off my shoulders when I let go a lot of toxic people I'm at peace of mind that can nobody destroy my peace cuz at the end of the day God got me and my strong support system behind me nobody else I love me you got to love yourself before anybody else can self love is the best love that's when you could be selfish but you got to always love yourself I think highly of yourself and be a confident woman not conceited but confident and that is me some may say I'm conceited but no I'm a confident woman a lot of people mistaken confident for conceited and it's a difference I don't feel that I'm better than anyone cuz I'm not I'm just me at the end of the day and this is the way God made me and this is how I want to be for the rest of my life as long as I have breath of my body I will not change for no One if you don't like what you see don't deal with me because what you see is what you get I One of a kind baby I understand that it's only one me are you going to miss me when you don't have me you going to think of me that's how I feel I don't need nobody feeling sorry for me I don't need nobody thinking like they love me I don't need nobody that just not right for me I don't need that in my life because at the end of the day I got me all my flaws and all what you see is what you get if you don't like it keep stepping ain't nobody tell you to like me you ain't got to ain't nobody tell you to love me you ain't got to you are not being forced to deal with me if you don't want to I won't be fine at the end of the day cuz trust and believe you will need me before I need you and my mom always said that to me you don't need me before I need you believe that it's so true we don't realize we need somebody until we all have them no more we don't realize that that person loved me until they're not here no more it's sad but true we don't realize a lot of things until it's not happening to us no more until unless that person is not around us no more and then at that time it's too late cuz they not even here no more but you think about it later on life happens baby it really do and we just have to learn to deal with it and not let nobody steal your joy or your peace pray and keep it moving that's what I say cuz we got to always humble myself and be grateful and thankful cuz like I keep on saying nobody owe you anything
- Writer
