everything is taking the process waiting for blessings to happen and frankly I'm being frustrated really just be glad
3665 Words
I know that guy has a lot in store for me I just have to be patient and wait for my blessings to happen all this time I've been waiting to be happy once again all this time I've been waiting I feel Love again I've been waiting for the right person to come along and appreciate me and only have eyes for me and only love me I got that person I found that person it's just everything is taking time for us to find me but I know once we meet and greet we're going to be moving to Texas together and live in our best life together as one I will get married to this man and if I can have his child I will because he doesn't have no children and I know that God has a lot and store for me and my blessings and happiness comes first and this man is a god-fearing man and I know that she's going to take care of me and I'm not going to have to want for nothing I'm going to have everything given to me I deserve it I deserve everything that's about to happen in my life although it's going to be in a different state but this state that I'm in right now is time to leave it I should have left long time ago but I didn't I stayed and I thought everything was going to be great but ever since I lost her my life went down the train I was homeless I was going to a different sober living houses and a worker they were shady and everything just changed you know of this life that I'm about to live now is for the best and I know that I am blessed and highly favored and I am fool and filled with lots of love I have a strong support system behind me and I have God in my life and that's all I need right now to keep me above water to keep me having strength cuz I'm not weak I'm very strong minded intelligent woman and I can conquer anything that comes my way because at the end of the day I am a strong woman and can nobody take that away from me I love from the best and that was my mother who is still alive today my dad he passed last year this year will make it a year you been gone God rest is so but he wasn't a good man he did bad things the children he did bad things in his relationship he was abusive to my mom he used to lay hands on my mom all the time cuz he had trust issues and he was on drugs badly on October 23rd 19 92 my own father molested me I know I shouldn't be remembering this date I never forget that night when I happen to me I don't supposed to remember this date I know that but I still sometime have visual of this happening to me and the hands of my own father the man that I'm here because of and I always never want to think about this no more but although I am older it still plays a big part in my life and what my PTSD this is part of it the start of it and as I got older the stuff that stuff happens in life and I'm trying to take everything one day at a time and understand life and don't forget what has happened to me this life right here that I'm living right now is nothing but my testimony and I know that at the end of the day I'm going to come out on top and I'm going to be great and those that didn't believe and thought that it was about to BS it's going to see me hear me know the name Sparkle Evelyn Clinton Connor they don't know that name they going to eat it and I can't wait for those who just didn't believe to stop that everything was fake cuz now that everything is about to fall into place and those that have not believed in me they are going to feel some type of way when I am a millionaire making money off of the gift that God gave me and who I got standing behind me oh baby everyone is just going to be in disbelief mouth is going to flap wide open when they see who's behind me and everything that I want to be the best I can be and always remember that God gave me this gift for everyone to hear God gave me this gift for everyone to know me God did everything for me and I'm so humble and grateful and thankful for everything that he has done and still doing and going to continue to do because I believe in him and my strong support system behind me I believe in I believe and I know that if I can believe it I can cheat God got me and I'm good and I'm always going to be good no matter what anybody ever say or think Sparkle got this at the end of the day and those that don't believe and didn't think that I can do it or didn't think that I was capable of doing this they can kiss with a son don't shine cuz I got this and I'm going to be something in life and I'm going to be somebody I know I'm 45 it's never too late to accomplish what you want to accomplish in life that always believe in him because without him there is no you nothing God got you at the end of the day stay prayed up and always believe in everything happens for a reason and always believe that God is looking over you and God got you with nobody else and he would not judge you or forsaken you Love is Love I still believe in that even though I ain't about that life no more but love is love baby and if you got somebody that loves you and only you and cares about you you better hold on to that person and if you in a relationship do you not happy you better walk away from that relationship don't sit up there and just settle let it Go because you deserve better and that's exactly how I feel and I know that this man that's going to be my husband I am going to be a happy woman a happy wife and I believe that God will put another seed inside me for this man so he can have a child cuz you don't have no children you really don't have nobody but the same as woman has been taking care of him so at the end of the day everything that happens to us is for a reason at the end of the day we got to believe and if we could believe it we can achieve it I won't let nobody tell me that it's too late to do anything in life because if this is what I want to do at 45 Young and then this is what I'm going to do and be great at it because God gave me this gift for everyone to hear me see me feel me cuz my life is about to change for the best I deserve it and I know it everything that I have been through over these years it's going to be way better then I can ever imagine because I'm going to be fulfilling the dream that I always had a dream of doing as a child I'm going to become a successful woman I'm going to have my all everything I'm not going to have to ask for anything I am not going to have to feel needy no more I will have everything that I deserve because I know that I am going to be working extremely hard to fulfilled this dream of mine blood sweat and tears is going to take but I am so ready to see what God got in store for me cuz I know he got a lot in store for me and I'm going to make him proud as well as myself and my family cuz at the end of the day when I go in my home and close the door and lock the doors it just be me and my husband and our three dogs that's it I don't have to worry about nothing else no more cuz I know that he's going to protect me he's a great man and I'm so blessed and so humble and grateful and thankful for the woman that raised him and help him become the man that he is today and I thank her for that I'm so blessed and highly favored and I know a lot of people envy me but it's okay she's at the end of the day I'm still going to be great regardless of what anybody say everybody don't know my name thank God because without his strength it would be no me and I'm so thankful for my mother and her strength and all the obstacles and tribulations that she had to go through by the hands of my father he's an evil man that's why God took him away from here it was just time to go he was 69 when you passed now he's 70 just turned 70 on the 24th of this month he wears should be because the life that he chose to live wasn't a good life if finally caught up with him all the drugs and everything caught up with him all the things that he have done to anybody have finally caught up with him because God took him away took him off this Earth no child deserve to be molested by anyone and definitely not by their father that's crazy and it's like when it happened my sister already knew what was wrong when I came home that morning because he used to do six stuff to her and she knew it when it got back to my mother she made excuses of because she know he was still on drugs but when it got back to my brother they was ready to go over there and handle him but my mama said no and I didn't do nothing but he was in his right state of mind because when I got older and I went over to this apartment building he was managing or what have you he apologized what he did to me now he wasn't in his right state of mind he wouldn't apologize for nothing you get what I'm saying so he remember what he did to me and he apologized for it well of course I accept it because I was over there trying to be helpful because he was illiterate he could not r******w he was able to account money oh yeah he can count that money but as far as reading a book or reading something no he could not read and that's why I was over there to try to be helpful for him but the things I got when I was over there he jumped on me like I was a n**** out in the street he lay hands on me cuz that's what he was used to beating on women and he didn't have no reason to put his hands on me but he did although he's not here no more it still hurts I still have the memories you know you never forget things that happened to you traumatizing cuz it was messed up and it's like my mental state now it's not so good but it's not too too bad though but I'm a strong woman and I'm a stand on my own and I'm not going to need nobody to carry me cuz I'm capable of carrying myself and that's exactly what I'm going to be doing although I know I'm going to have a very strong support system back in Texas and a strong husband but I'm still going to do for myself I'm going to be a strong business woman I plan on having my own business I plan on not having to work for no One but myself that's the goal I have a lot that I want to accomplish when I move to Texas and I'm going to accomplish them they're not going to just be dreams or imaginations it's going to be reality for me and I can't wait everything is just taking time and I have to learn to keep being patient because my time is going to come hopefully sooner rather than later cuz I already know that God got the last words and whatever's going to happen he's going to make it happen cuz who he sent to help me I will be great and they accept me as their family too it don't get no greater than that I can't wait because at the end of the day there's a lot it's about to happen in my life and I just got to be ready and appreciate and stay humble and thankful and grateful for everyone and everything because the person did not give up on me there were times where I was giving up they still didn't give up so I can't give up on me iPhone my daughter is mistreating me that's okay though cuz she will reap what she's so cuz she keep on doing me like boo boo her day is going to come her days is going to be cut short because you don't supposed to mistreat your parents regardless it doesn't matter what the situation is or what it's about you never supposed to meet your parents because you only get one mother it's just like she don't understand that people been saying that to her it's like she don't care she going to do what she do at the end of the day and she made some stupid decisions in our life so far to be 22 she made some dumbass decisions to the point where she gave up all her damn money and hopes that she was going to move to a different country and ain't with no damn where gave up her apartment and everything now she's living with someone I used to be with when I was about the l***q life that's moving backwards you ask me cuz you sit up here and had your own everything and now you're living with somebody that's very lazy you being Molly maid that's all you doing cuz this person is lazy and then you want to be acting stupid and talking stupid to the taxpayer man cuz this person telling your dumb ass to say stupid s*** and you ain't saying nothing but letting her do all the damn talking and she ain't got nothing to do with it but see what it is she need that money and your dumb ass told him how much you probably getting back and now they're trying to hurry up and get that money and suck cuz you going to be getting giving them majority of your money with your dumbass wow I know my late wife is rolling over in her grave right now and saying how stupid can she be why is she doing her mom like that after all the sacrifices and everything her mom have done for her this is how she treat her I know she upset but you know what at the end of the day my late wife knows where my heart is she knows that I'm still going to be there regardless of how my daughter treats me she know I'm still going to be there in her life at a distance she knows this everything going to be okay cuz life is too short and we're not promised tomorrow and we don't know when God is going to take us cuz we don't have an expiration date none of us do you should come and get us whenever he's ready to come and get us and we don't even have to be sick so with that being said if you holding a grudge against if you hold in anything against somebody let it go because you don't know when that day is going to come when God is going to finally sent for them just let it go whatever it is you're going through with this person let it Go cuz you don't want to decide to let it go and then it'll be too late then the person to be deceased and then you going to be crying don't do that to yourself let it Go and appreciate you you can let it go but they ain't got to be in your life no more you can forgive them but they got to be in your life no more you can talk to them from a distance if you want to but then it's best to just let it be let it go let it go let it go and you don't have to be around this person ever again or say nothing to them no more but they say you forgive so you can still receive your blessings for forgiving that person but never forget what that person did to you I am learning that one right there forgive them and they ain't got to be a factor in my life no more and that's what's going on I'm learning everyday lessons I'm learning about everything that I have been going through and still kind of going through lessons I'm learning and I'm grateful and thankful that I am learning this lesson and to know that I will never ever have to go through none of this again in life I'm going to be set for the rest of my life because I know that God send his Angel to come and help me and to make sure I'm going to be straight and not worry about nothing no more and I'm so ready for this life extremely ready excited beyond excited cuz I know that I'm going to be smiling so hard so hard I'm going to be smiling so hard that my face going to be hurting from smiling but happiness I'm not going to have puffy eyes and nothing from crying I'm going to have happiness happy tears I can't wait for this all to happen because I've been living a mess of life this life just been all messed up since I lost my wife and I know that she is smiling and she is ready for me to be smiling and be happy all over again and I will be able to let her go I will be able to take her ashes and pour them in the lake in Texas somewhere I will be able to let her go I still have her portrait on my arm and I would never cover it up I don't care what anybody says or who I'm with her portrait is on my arm for the rest of my life or I wouldn't have got it done if I wanted to cover it up she deserved that much cuz she was a great woman to me and my damn daughter who will best treat her as she tried to be that parent that my daughter needed but my daughter didn't appreciate that and now that she's not here anymore sometimes she mentioned things that my late wife used to say or she'll mention things that my late wife used to do so she is missing her in her own kind of way I know she is cuz she was an excellent excellent excellent excellent parent as well as a partner to me and I will always be grateful and so humble for her being in my life as long as she was she was 49 when she died I would never forget it never cuz I know that it was her time to go her heart stop she passed at home in the bed with me she wasn't suffering no more her suffering was over when the air left her body when her heart stopped beating but she didn't have no pulse no more she wasn't suffering no more God took his child with him and told her I don't want you suffering no more you are going to be fine so I know she's in heaven she's not on our oxygen machines no more she's not taking all the medication no more she's not having to sleep with a CPAP no more she is doing great and she's with her mother she's with her sister she's with her brothers so she's good I know that she's happy cuz she's with everyone that she had lost when she was still living at the time now she get to see them they are together now that's what's up and none of them is suffering anymore they up there having good time and protecting their loved ones that still living on this Earth now they got their baby sister and having with them and I know she's still looking down here and still protecting me but I'm going to let you go babe I have to life goes on and I'm going to be straight and happy with this man that was sent from heaven and I am so grateful and thankful and I know that he's going to protect me I know how I'm going to ever come my way cuz he's a god-fearing Man too
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