Life Situations and Solutions

Chapter One – Finding the One   What it Looks Vs. What You're Really Getting. Love...love is going to the shops for groceries, minding your own business and as you're walking down the aisles "someone" walks past you and you get this "feeling" that you belong together. The "someone" comes closer to you and, oh joy! You start chatting and before you can blink, how wonderful you get married and have twenty babies just from that conversation in a shop. Living the rest of your life content and happy forever. Your friends are having a party and there is a "someone" there at the party. You and The Someone can't stop talking to each other, it’s so terrible that you two must see each other again and meet. A week later, you are living together, and the conversation turns to who to invite to the wedding and who not.   Sad and alone, you turn to the various Internet Dating Sites. Everyone is doing it. Why can't you? The Internet Dating Sites are complete with personality tests, psychological tests, and match-making tests. And with a simple type of, the fingers "Wham!" The next thing you know, you are chatting up a storm with a stranger. It's okay really because you get along with every topic under the sun, you agree with every statement and opinion, you are the one hundred percent match. You like the same color, have the same opinions all thanks to those internet tests. You never fight with each other, and the days go by in peace and quiet as the stranger loves you forever just like he or she promised they would. That "feeling" in the shop as "someone" comes closer to you is called pickpocketing and you are busy getting robbed, hold on to your purse or wallet. To meet someone at a party...At parties there is always alcohol and that continuous conversation that never ends is called drunk like a skunk or intoxicated. Many people don't know the dangers of tasting roofies in their drinks and by the time ten years have passed you will only then realize what made things so easy to communicate back then - was alcohol and drugs. If you are willing to get mixed up with a stranger, be prepared to experience strange things. People only show you what they think you want to see, not the way things truly are.   The Truth Be Told You cannot meet someone in the grocery shop or pick someone up there and get married to them. We live in the real world, not a Hollywood movie. It is dangerous to talk to strangers in the first place. Why do you think your mother read "Little Red Riding Hood" to you? Just look at what the wolf did to her and her grandmother. That friendly smile, shiny eyes of excitement as you say to that person your life story is called calculations for your bank account, not your heart. Ten to one the most common questions are: Are you in a relationship? What work do you do? Do you come here often? Someone who stands too close to you is a big no-no. Even if COVID restrictions have slackened, there really are people who pickpocket, then STD is real, so is TB - love yourself and stand a meter away from other people. The distance will also help you to break into a full sprint when you need to run. My mother had a very good phrase for what you call it, to meet someone at a party or a bar - she called it picking someone up at a whirl. Now, I am not sure what the whirl part means, but its terrible enough. Besides, drinking and drugs never go well. Imagine ten years after that "party" where you have met someone and you, as a parent. Don't worry, you could say nothing, but you will always know the truth and its always harder when the relationship doesn't work out because the "someone" turns out to be someone you don't want to be with and you end up looking after the child or children alone. In the dim light of night, everyone is beautiful. It's in the morning without makeup that you should look properly with a sober mind if you are going to be happy with a pumpkin. A pumpkin who could be drinking until kingdom come. The Internet is a bit of a magic, now you see me, now you don't - people will only show you what they want you to see. People will only say things they think you want to hear. Unstable personalities are not going to put on f*******: - "I'm crazy", "I'm a person with manic depression", "I'm a person with schizophrenia". No, they just don't mention it because they are human . Just like child molesters, there are people out there living double lives for the sake of the public image. Men are married to beautiful wives, but when the sun sets they are cuddling other men.  Suggest Solutions or Salvations Do not go looking for a relationship, rather find a friend or an accomplice to do things with. It's better to start smoking or exercising yourself in a coma to keep your libido in check. It's not worth putting yourself in danger. Why would you? Because everyone else is doing it? Love your life. For what reason would you want to go waste time on a stranger that could be a con man/-woman or a drunk that can't control themselves? Just so that you can hear someone say, "I love you"? Any fool can say anything, first learn and find out what love really is, then love yourself by increasing boundaries. The point is, if you cannot love yourself, how are you going to love someone else? Another option is to find a fling at work. You could always find a new job. Forget about finding love at church because church is a collection of sinners. Chapter Two – Family-in-Law What it Looks Vs. What You're Really Getting. You have met your Dream Person and they introduce you to all their friends. Things are going well; everyone likes you and Dream Lover couldn't be happier. Dream Lover wants you to meet his family. Wonderful! The day comes and you all get along like you are already family. How easy is that? Now all you and Dream Lover need to do is make wedding plans so that you can live happily ever after....   The Truth Be Told It would be a miracle if Dream Lover introduced everyone. Do you remember everyone? Be honest. So, expect to meet some friends only later in life even if you have never known about them before. As for meeting the in-laws, start praying - to be accepted into a family is probably worse than an adoption process.  Be prepared to be investigated, questioned, and analyzed by all sides. To be critiqued, talked about and checked out by all sides and to be told indirectly that everything you do is wrong. You need to accept that you are the alien person entering Dream Lover’s world. It's a totally different planet than you're used to with different species. There are going to be friends that you don't like, and those same friends might or might not like you. The important thing that a couple should understand is who exactly is in the relationship. A romantic relationship between two people is not a community sport. What is discussed and done within the relationship has nothing to do with the whole world and no explanation is needed from anyone. Your family is going to look out for your best interests, that you are safe, so they are going to find fault with every glass slipper or pumpkin you bring home, because everyone has a perspective on what would be perfect for you.  There are many family stories out there or facts, where family members have given bad advice on purpose so that other family members can remain in the spotlight. To be the leader of the pack. Suggest Solutions or Salvations Pray a lot, and learn how to keep a schedule... who could complain then? It needs to look something like this:  Month One - Week One - You visit your friends.                         Week Two - You visit your partner's friends.                         Week Three - You visit your family.                          Week Four - Quality time  Month Two - Week One - You visit your friends.                         Week Two - You visit your partner's friends.                         Week Three - You visit your partner's family.                          Week Four - Quality time *Repeat until death does us part.... And if there is someone moaning, "But I don't have any friends" - should you ask why? What's wrong with this person? A well-balanced grown-up adult has at least three to five friends with whom they can identify with, to help bail them out of jail. People with no friends are a red flag if they do not know how to socialize normally, which is one of the most common indicators of mental illness or just plain weird thoughts or behavior.  Chapter Three – How to Church What it Looks Vs. What You're Really Getting. Religion or faith is one of those sensitive topics everyone feels awkward to talk about or mention - I can understand why, where there is faith involved, there is politics. After going through a hard time and surviving, you discover your faith again. For some profound reason, you are filled with an urge, a need to inspire others, help them and be a good example of a human being. You are human. The calling gets you to join a church community to jump into action. Everything is going to be wonderful, your life in faith is so much better than before when you were doing all kinds of wrong things. Thanks to the church for accepting you into their community. Homeless people get food, children attend your Sunday School lessons, you bake pancakes with various fillings every Sunday, everyone knows to call you if they need help.  You can do nothing wrong because you are busy helping other people. What you are going to get is, to get ready for battle, to be questioned by the elders of the community about your intentions, motivation and to be questioned about how strong your faith is really, how well you know theology and the Bible. It is understandable, the church has been around for hundreds of years with thousands of members. Unfortunately, some wolves in sheep's clothing have slipped through and abused the church. The wolves look and feel like helpers and then they steal money out of the coffers and hurt other members emotionally to avoid suspicion. Completely unnecessary. To be a helper, you must be able to bear others' pain from what they are going through, you need to be able to process their sadness so that it doesn't affect you and your life - not everyone can be helpers. You basically need to be a rock, hard enough to see and put trouble in its place, hard enough to hear hard words and still be soft enough to make the person who is going through that difficult time understand, everything is going to be okay, keep going, God still loves you.   The Truth Be Told It is a process to get into a church community, just like joining a gang, and sometimes you have to accept to be a skivvy. Unfortunately, the church is full of people who were there before you. Most of the time, those same people forget that they were once where you were, wanting to help, wanting to join the church. They forget because they have become the go-to people at church. For example, you feel a calling to sing, your voice is the pure sound of an Angel, and you want to use that voice to praise God. The pastor or priest refers you to old Brenda, the old lady that did not like you the first day you stepped foot inside the church because you forgot to say, "Good morning" to her and had greeted her with a "Hello!" And oh dear! old Brenda stops the music at every note because you're just singing the song wrong. It doesn't matter that old Brenda sounds like a cat being murdered in the streets of Hong Kong when she's singing the same song. Then you don't make the choir at church because you just sang the song wrong. The pastor asks for ideas on how to get more people to church. You give your ideas, but nobody likes them. Two months later another meeting with the same question. The elder, who has never-ever said anything before, stands up and proposes your idea (the same one), taking the credit for coming up with it all by himself and everyone thinks he is a genius. While you sit back thinking what just happened? Before you completely give up - remember one fact. One fact that will never ever change. Your relationship with God and your faith is between you and God. It is not a community sport.   Suggest Solutions or Salvations Offer your help to the community. If you do not step forward, you will never know if you could have made a difference. Even that small act can inspire others to step forward. Grow some crocodile skin, but stay focused on what is important to God and those who need a helping hand in this life. If you have to drink a shot after an old Brenda encounter, go right ahead. Understand though that God wins every time in any situation. Three ideas you might want to pursue and for whom you do not have to ask permission for are: Want to do something for children? - make-up sweetie packets for children to give them after the service or buy stationery for the Sunday School class. Many churches are underfunded in that department. Want to do something for community members in the church? Listen to who they are praying for and help the family out by making them a homemade meal ready to eat. The last thing people think of when they are going through trauma is eating and that is exactly when they need food to keep strong. Talking about food - it takes little to give something to a homeless person. Instead of giving money to someone who is begging, give a sandwich that they can eat on the spot. Most of the time, just giving people some change adds up and by the end of the day, that homeless person who might have a drug addiction just got enough for his or her next fix. The fix could be their last. Do not be dumb and buy homeless people a month's worth of groceries. They live on the streets without refrigerators. It will be a waste. Want to do something for your environment? - start walking and as you go along pick up the trash...someone, or an animal, nature will appreciate it, one day. Chapter Four – Angry Married Wives What it Looks Vs. What You're Really Getting. Your still single but you find yourself in a position where all your friends are marrying off. In your world you think everything will be fine because you were friends from childhood, and you will be friends forever! The regular visit become feeling awkward. Sally needed to go home early because she needed to cook for John and get his clothes ready for work the next day because she loved him. Mary stops smoking and drinking because Peter does not like it, and she does it because she loves him. The rest of the group of friends stop smoking and drinking, it's just you carrying the old torch, holding a bottle of rum...then you realize by slight comments you aren't part of group discussions anymore. Then you find out or realize that the couples have been socializing together without you. And before you know it - the tribe has spoken and you’re off the island! In a great state of desperation, you start looking for someone to marry too. The only problem is you cannot find anyone who approves of your drinking and smoking habits and the fact that you can't cook or iron shirts or skirts...what do you do? The Truth Be Told Married people, especially women, are on death con-five, a mission of their own. Everyone has their own idea of what the perfect family and marriage life looks like and they will do anything, anything for that mission. It does not matter if it means cutting throats or who they hurt. Anyone who is not for the mission is against the mission and must be eliminated - in other words, a single girlfriend or boyfriend is a danger to the mission. They will have to go. And as unfair as it sounds, it’s a hundred percent normal. Think about it - singles and couples cannot be friends for good reasons, and the only reason why a single person would still be friends with a couple is because: Someone is flirting with a single person. Someone is flirting with a married person. The couple is not happy, so everyone is doing their own thing. They are family: a brother or sister, a cousin. Someone in the couple is still smoking and drinking in secret, so they need an accomplice for the crime. Question all the time. You must ask yourself. Is it normal to be invited like this? You must ask yourself how certain people know they are empathetic? Maybe they are narcissists in disguise that are trying to trick you into a scenario where they can make themselves the lords and ladies or themselves the heroes while you become the doormat. Then turn around and make themselves the victims of your existence just because they felt sorry for you because they thought you needed a friend? Or they need friends because it’s difficult to make friends - ask why?   Suggest Solutions or Salvations When you are single, keep a safe distance from couples and married people. I am not saying cut them off. Just keep a safe distance and schedule a monthly visit for your own safety and out of respect for the couple. Ignore compliments from your friends’ partners. Do not hug or kiss in greeting your friend's partner a "Hello!" is good enough. Whatever you do, never ever give your opinion if you are asked for one when the relationship is discussed. If your friend wants to talk about their relationship and cannot keep quiet about something - just listen. Do not give opinions or solutions or even suggestions, because later, when the pawpaw hits the fan, they will turn around and blame you just because you have said something. Making you a scapegoat. And if ever you were lucky enough to get trapped in a small room by an angry married wife who tells you that she doesn't have time for you in her life. Even though she and her husband insisted on befriending you and you politely declined and made sure everyone understood that you were not interested in their relationship, even the flirting husband...RUN! Run fast, run hard, Sodom and Gomorrah. Take nothing personal.   Chapter Five – The Ex-Factor What it Looks Vs. What You're Really Getting. There are so many types of exes out there - ex-husband, ex-wife, ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend etcetera. Some of them come with subtitles, where they are still good friends with an ex, I question this - why? The only possible reason you should still be in contact with an ex, is because you had children together. Even if there are children involved, "friends" is a strong term to use, it’s better to be civil to each other than "friends". Some like their butter on both sides of the bread, so be careful. First year exes are the worst. They suddenly disappear out of your life and then suddenly they reappear kind of like Houdini, but worse, no magic. They can get nasty, hurting you emotionally or physically. They could beg and cry to sort things out. Now I am not a genius, but when someone tells me they do not want to be with me anymore for whatever reason, I believe them first time round - why be fake? Just because the other relationship did not work out, to stay in a relationship for what reason? And if you think you can have a breakup like a civil grown up, think again- it is only in the movies where the couple splits up from each other in peace, forever keeping that lost love in their hearts with special thoughts. Your ex left you for a reason and is with someone else for a reason. Doing their own things without you for a reason, going on with their lives without you. The reason being that you were different people from the beginning. Your goals were not the same and too many people got involved as a community of friends and family interfered.  No one is to blame. It is over. The relationship does not exist anymore and has no meaning. Life goes on with or without you. Everyone has a right to do what they want, with who they want to and if it wasn't you. Find someone who does not mind doing their things with you or that you don't mind doing things with. Suggest Solutions or Salvations After a divorce or relationship breakup, be single for at least two years. At that time: Exercise a lot to tame the libido. STD is a reality. Visiting friends on weekends make schedules so that you get around to seeing everyone without becoming a regular. The same applies to family. Take time for yourself and try to remember the things that you loved to do but could not because you were in the relationship. Something you did before the relationship, something you may be stopped doing during the relationship, for example, reading books in just your socks, cooking in the nude, wearing goggles in the bath, farting competitions with the dog... go wild. Go to church. There's a lot of functions at church and you can make some new friends. Do things on your own, like going on holiday, movies, dinner at a restaurant - it makes you braver and somehow, I bet the next partner would appreciate the independence. Some psychologists may suggest, if you can afford one, they may suggest a two-year break from a love life to overcome trauma. Two years, that is how long it takes to become emotionally attached to someone, and if you think you are smarter than a psycho-blabber and you start dating within two years, guess what - your chances of meeting the same type of person as your ex are greater. You need to sit down with yourself and ask what you want from life; the same, better or something new? If you have an aggressive ex that does not want to leave you alone, that keeps bothering you and keeps dragging you to court because of the children and keeps bad mouthing you to everyone: Withdraw yourself emotionally from the situation - visualize yourself calm all the time.  Do not react to any comments. In fact, just tell the truth and tell people you don't know what your ex is on about and you don't know why they are getting involved in the first place when nobody really knows what is going on. Become an observer - and document your ex's behavior with dates and time so that next time he drags you to court, you have something to bring attention to the magistrate. Do not stay in contact unless there are children. If there are children once a month, written messages from you about how the children are doing (not you) are good enough. That's to say if there aren't any better communication or arrangements. Never ever, bad mouth your ex, their father or mother by the children because despite everything your ex is still their parent, respect comes from both sides, but one will also do. If there is any form of abuse - open your mouth, put your pride in your pocket and tell everyone you know what happened. The court is overloaded with cases of abuse, a protection order takes a month to be approved by the court, and will also not be approved until there is evidence of abuse or stalking...but who wants to wait around to be murdered? We can thank people for this. Many innocent people had protection orders taken out in their names because of spite. Put your pride in your pocket and tell people all around you when you feel in danger and scared. As time goes on, it does and will get better. The sadness and anger will get better. Hopefully, you will carry on with your life. It will never be quite the same. A broken relationship teaches everyone a lesson. Chapter Six – High School What it Looks Vs. What You're Really Getting. I can almost remember nothing of high school. I struggle to remember anything at all... My child is not a teenager yet. But! I do remember my friends with whom I am so lucky to still be friends with. I remember the mischief we got up to, especially all things you're not supposed to do, some teachers who were just different or eccentric. They influenced me some even encouraging me more than my own family. High School is truly depicted as in the movies, there are the groupies. There is the brainy bunch. There is the holier-than-thou group. There is the cannot-be-saved group. Then there are the travelers or trippers who don't belong to anyone. They beat their own drum and are friends with everyone. That's pretty much like the movies, that and how you look. In reality, no one cares about what brand of clothing you are wearing, just as long as your clothes are clean, and you don't stink - you're okay. No one cares in what group you meet if you treat everyone with respect and good manners. Nobody cares if you come from a poor family or a rich family - because later in life, those children from poor families become rich. Rich kids become poor because they lose their way, but it gets more complicated. The rich kid who loses their way gets a greater heart and becomes more down-to-earth. Whereas the poor kid who becomes rich turns into a real nincompoop. Who will ever understand life? Fat or not? That's another topic for another day. All that can be said is that your health is your responsibility - what you eat and how you exercise. Other than that, follow the rules in life, follow school rules, follow the ten commandments, follow traffic rules - rules are there for a reason, its so that we can all get along . Some can't follow rules because they think they are special. Who's fault is that? The Truth Be Told It's the developing years, now is the time to drill your child. Eat healthily and do regular exercise thirty minutes a day. No one else is going to do it for you. There are no magic pills or injections and they are called drugs. Hormones are evil and, unfortunately, some become victims to it, and only lose the puppy fat after school. You can't be friends with everyone. Not everyone has the same interests, beliefs, and ambitions as you.  I have a story to explain or sort of prove the theory. I had these two friends that did not get along. Leannie and Lenandi. Leannie's greatest ambition in life was to get Stefan to be her boyfriend. Lenandi was studying to become a pharmacist. I was friends with Leannie because we sang in choir together in common. I was friends with Lenandi because we excelled in Biology in common, though she was far superior than me. Every day Leannie would ask me to please put a chocolate and love not in Stefan's backpack because she was shy, and I was friends with Stefan as well.  Both were ambitious. Same light different floor - right? Lenandi became a pharmacist like she wanted to be. As for Leannie, I am sorry to say that Stefan still to this day doesn't know who Leannie is and he thought the chocolates were from his mother. He was such a plonker he didn't even see the notes. If your clothes are clean - you're okay. Sometimes a poor jacket holds a rich heart. Don't bunk a class, sit it out - lessons come in many forms. Secrets or keeping secrets is the start of all trouble, but they always come to light. The friends that you have now at school will not always be there, some will move away, some friends' personalities change so much from life experiences that they are hardly the same person you met at school. The friends you were with at school get sick and some even die. Sometimes you are just lucky, and you keep in contact and close to friends from school. Do not listen to every stranger or strange thing - think about it and question it. If your mother gave birth to some satanic vampire or werewolf, why would she send you to school in daylight and give you vegetables? Changing religions - great but do it after you've moved out, your parents’ house out of respect for old people. Old people can't handle change, but that's another topic for another day.   Suggest Solutions or Salvations Pray a lot. Talk about every embarrassing topic known - from s*x to STD, drugs to drinks, the neighbor who likes doing gardening in his underpants, angry old people, cyber bullies - all those lovely everyday things.