When I become a woman..

New Havana ,11:00 pm. Dear Stranger, Last night I dreamt of this moment . The stench of the blood seeping from the gash on her neck.How it splashes on my pretty little white dress and across the wall behind me.How her throat clogs up with unshed blood.I can almost see her tiny heart cease it's beating. This is ugly.Sort of messy. I hate the way I love the look in her eyes.No, that's a lie. I wish I could feel something other than the adrenaline fueling my system as I watch her fall on her knees. "A--lis--"She croaks. I smile. "I'm sorry.It did not have to be this way" Yes.It never had to be this way.She was my best friend after all.If I was a phsycopath I would say it was all her fault.It is not.Becky was just a innocent but snobby little teenage girl.And me,well dear stranger,I am the other shy and jealous little teenage girl who couldn't stand her. "Lis--" This comes out as a hiss. I'm getting impatient.She is taking too long to die.I count the seconds . "Three,two ....." Her eyes glaze over. "one" For a moment I stand still.Everything sinks in. I just killed my best friend. I don't know what I am expecting.Maybe a S.W.A.T team,or the FBI to come storming in. Nothing happens. I touch my fore head to check if murder is written all over it. You might think I am paranoid.Or stupid. Or outright cold blooded. I don't know who I am at the moment.All I feel is the rush of emotions that run through me. I think I am relieved. Irate. I am Scared. I realise that I'll have to run away.My aunt will never forgive me.I also don't know if I can face my ex best friend's parents .Plus, I'll be shipped to the New Colony. Double damn. What have I done? I kneel beside her and check her pulse. She is dead. This means there will be no retreat for me.A laugh bubbles in my throat. I thought after doing this I would be wallowing in remorse.I thought I would drown in self pity. I don't know how to feel. Other than that I'm thinking of where she is at the moment. She was too much of a b***h to go to heaven.So hell it is...Though I feel bad for her. It's unfortunate to die young. I know she is blaming me.She probably hates me. I smile at that thought. The shuffling of feet pulls me away from my thoughts. I jump away from the body and rush to my exit praying I won't get caught. Half way through ,I hear a scream that opens up to many others. Poor,poor Becky. She will be missed by many. Not by me though.. I am Satan incarnate.I just killed my ex best friend.The same girl I planned to play aunt to her children.Be her bridesmaid in her wedding.Though I think Becky was the type to become the sexy rich aunt that travelled around the world and despiced children. I cross the tunnel without looking back. My backpack is tucked right where I left it. I pick it up and rush through the thick bushes. By the time they realise I did it, I'll be at the very heart beat of some city. Maybe Paris. Or New York.Maybe I will shack up in some convent in Italy. Cheers to me. Dear stranger, someday you will read this.It all happened a few minutes ago.I dont know what will happen after i'm done writing this memory.I can only hope you don't judge me.Tell my aunt that i love her.My being a bad person is not her fault.Pray for me.Its unfortunate I can't be the best me. With love, ?. ...Alison . ***