Puppets on a string

THE TRUTH UNTOLD

(Continuation of the previous part)...

We talked for a while and I already had long forgotten about my project. I was very relax now after spending some time with Sam.

" Ash, I want to ask you something. Will you please answer to me honestly?" Samuel asked me. He looked serious yet nervous. Why does he want to know? Is it something bad?

I nodded my head in yes.

" Have you ever kissed Paul? And please tell me the truth. I don't want to listen to a lie" He asked holding my hands gently making me freeze. It is the only thing that has been killing me inside because I lied to him about it. I hoped that he would never bring it up but now that he did, I can't lie to him. Can I?

We have been dating for a month now and I have always asked him to trust me. What if i tell him the truth and he breaks up with me because of that? Eventhough we have only been together for a month, but the thought of being without him still haunts me.

But he has been nothing but understanding since the beginning. He has always been by my side and he has really proven that he really loves me. I think he would understand me again too. And I can't lie to him anymore. I never wanted to start our relationship on a lie and finally I have got the chance to make things right. I am gonna tell him the truth.

I looked up to him and he was looking at me with hopeful eyes. But as I stayed silent, he could see the answer in my eyes.

I looked down and nodded my answer in yes not able to meet his eyes after lying to him for a month

"Look at me and use your words Ash" He said with a desperate voice maybe hoping that I will change my answer.

I looked up but still was not able to see him in the eyes.

" I am really sorry Sam." As I said that and met his eyes to see his reaction and all I could see was hurt. Oh God no. Please no. I never wanted to hurt him.

I closed my eyes looking back down not able to see the hurt he had in his eyes. I slowly felt his hands leaving my hands and that made me open my eyes wide. I held his hand back when I tried hard to get them out of hold.

"Leave my hands Ashley " He said softy but with a lot of pain in his voice.

"No. Please listen to me once" I replied desperately hoping that he would listen to me.

" No Ashley. How could you do this to me? How can you lie to me looking straight into my eyes?" It was not pain but anger in his voice that made me flinch a little. He never calls me Ashley, it's always the sweet nicknames that he uses to call me. But it's all my fault and I deserve that.

"I didn't want to lie to you. But when you..." I started explaining but he interrupted me pulling his hands away from me harshly making me move a little further away in my seat.

"I don't want to listen to you any of your lies Ashley. You f*cking lied on my face. I don't need an explanation now" He said picking up his bag and going towards the door.

I picked up my bag and went after him holding his hand again before he could reach the door. I didn't even realize when tears started streaming down my face. I wanted to say something, anything to make him stay but I couldn't find any words. I knew that if I spoke, he would know that i have been crying. He didn't even look back and pulled his hand again harshly.

" Don't follow me Ashley. It's over between us. I don't want to be with someone who is unworthy of my trust" He said and left me alone in the classroom all heartbroken.

He broke up with me. My first love left me. He said that he doesn't trust me. As soon as the reality finally sank in, I completely broke down right there. I just stood there crying my eyes out sobbing hardly with both of my hands intertwined together placed gently on my chest. It pained so much. His last words kept ringing in my head making me drop my bag. I felt like I was one of the worst people in the world. If I was feeling this way, then how was he feeling? Oh Gosh! I hurt the man that I loved and this made me feel more worse. He must be so heartbroken. I am a terrible person. And I cried more. I don't know how long I cried just standing there frozen on the same place when I felt someone pulled into a hard chest and the familiar scent hit me. He is here. He came back.

"Shush baby, it's okay. I am here. Please don't cry" I heard the sweet voice of my boyfriend and I sobbed hard.

He wrapped his hands around my shoulders pulling me harder into him. I wrapped my hands around his waist and put my head on his chest squeezing him. He started rubbing my back gently trying to calm me down.

" I am so so so sorry Sam. I never meant to hurt you. Please don't leave me. I promise I will never repeat it again. Please forgive me just this time " I said still crying holding onto him hoping he would not let go.

" Okay. I will listen to you but please calm down first. Otherwise I swear I will go back and won't come back again" He said with a warning making me try my best to calm down.

" Okay" I said pulling back from the hug and wiping my tears. Tears were still running down my eyes even when I pushed everything inside me to stop them.

As I let go, he picked up my bag from the floor and held my hand gently in his taking me back to the seat nearest to us. He picked me up a little and placed me on the table and stood between my legs. He cupped my cheeks gently and wiped my tears with his thumb. I slowly looked at him and the sight in front of me made more tears stream down my face. He was not crying but his eyes were wet with unshed tears. There was so much pain and hurt behind those tears. I could see how much he was holding them back.

"Shush baby please. I can't see my baby cry" He said softly pecking my forehead. It should be me taking care of him but the roles were completely opposite right now. I am the one who is at fault but he is the one calming me down.

I nodded my head a little in reply wiping my tears. He picked up my bag from beside me and took out the water bottle from it. He opened it and gave it to me. I took it from him and gulped down almost half of the water while he was just standing there looking at me. As soon as I was done, he placed it back inside my back and held my hands in his.

" Are you okay now ?" He asked me gently and I nodded.

" Now Firstly you will listen to me and then I will listen to your explanation " He said and I nodded again not able to form any words.

"I kind of realized it last night that something intimate has already happened between you two otherwise he won't be so desperate to have you back. When I talked to Paul today, I could see that he really liked you but he called you sl*t. He wouldn't have said that if you would have never kissed him. You could have told me the truth the day we were on beach. I don't care that you kissed him. It's not like you cheated on me. I am hurt because you lied to me. I wouldn't have left you just because of a kiss you had with your ex boyfriend way before you knew me. For f*ck sake, we are adults. It's fine if you kiss your boyfriend. Why would you lie to me?" He asked me again. I don't want to lose this chance by crying again.

" I wanted to tell you truth Sam. But when you said that you hope that you were my first kiss, I just couldn't break your heart. That moment was so special to me, to us, and I didn't want to ruin it. I wanted everything between us to be perfect. I didn't want to make you feel less special just because you weren't my first kiss. I never intended to hurt you, please believe me" I said and the tears again came streaming down my face.

He gently wiped them again and held me closer to his chest again.

"The truth didn't hurt me. But your lie hurted me more Ashley. How would this relationship be perfect if there is no honesty? You lied to me and that broke the trust I had for you inside me. I don't think I will ever be able to trust you again. " He said. And my hurt sank as soon as these words left his mouth. I broke his trust when trust is the main key of a relationship.

" Please don't say that Sam. I promise you that I will never lie to you again. I swear on my heart. I would do anything to take back what I did. Just don't leave me" A sob again left my mouth. Why in the 7 hells can't I be calm for once?

" Okay. But please give me sometime. It's too much for me to take. I just can't trust you again suddenly. Give me a day, and you will have my answer by tomorrow " He said.

I think it is better than the breakup right ? He is not leaving me right now. He will take a day to calm down and think about it.

" Okay." I said back and wiped my face.

He nodded and gently made me stand up taking my hands. He picked up my bag and gave it to me. I took it from him and we both left the college together. Anyone could see that we had an argument because we were walking a little farther away, and usually we are always holding hands when we are together.

As we reached the bus stand, I turned towards him to bid him goodbye.

" Bye Sam. Love you" I said

"Bye" He replied back and turned around boarding the bus and not even looking back once.

It is the first time that he didn't reply to my 'love you'. He has always been very vocal about his feelings but now he turned away as if he never felt for me. That made my heart break a little more. God! I have hurted him so much.

I reached home and went straight up to my room, without greeting my parents or brothers. I just went downstairs when it was time for dinner. And let me tell you, when I am stressed, I eat alot. I won't eat in the beginning but as soon as the food comes in front of me, I eat like a hippo. And today was not different. I literally ate a whole pizza with a big glass of coke. I even ate 2 big pieces of chocolate mousse cake with vanilla ice cream on top.

I went back to my room and opened my phone. No text or call from Sam. My thumb wondered around the call button but I refrained myself and locked my phone again. I unlocked it again and typed a text.

"Hey, did you reach home safely"? I typed but couldn't find myself sending it. He needs space and I need to respect that.

I tried to put my focus back on my chemistry project. F*ck! I am too far behind. I just put my phone on silent and started working on my project while fumbling with all the research papers in my hands. Ugh! Why are there so many chemicals in this world?

It was around 1 a.m that I was finally more than a halfway done with my research papers and presentation. I was really tired and I badly needed to sleep. I put my laptop on my study table and picked up my phone. Still no text or call from him. It was our daily routine to facetime each other before going to sleep. I became habitual of seeing his face and listening to his rough yet soothing voice before going to sleep. But today, I couldn't call or text him because of my stupid mistake. I put my phone beside my head and tried to sleep. Focus on the word 'tried'.

Whenever I closed my eyes, his face full of hurt came in front of me making me open my eyes. And I again started sobbing. I really hope that he is doing fine. Hope, he is asleep. I was also hoping that he will give me a chance again. I turned all night changing my position to find some sleep but I couldn't. Samuel didn't leave my mind for a single second. It was also Saturday the next day, so I can't meet him before Monday too.

When the morning came, I stood up and looked myself in the mirror.' I looked horrible' was an understatement. My eyes and nose were red and puffy after all the crying last night. Anyone who see me like this will think that I am a ghost from a horror-comedy movie.

Soon I felt footsteps coming towards my room and I ran to the washroom. I don't want anyone to see me like this asking questions to me. I heard the door of my room open.

"Meow baby, are you in the bathroom?" I heard my father's voice.

" Yes Dad" I replied with the hoarse voice.

"Okay, come down for breakfast soon. We are waiting for you" He said leaving my room.

Thankgod he didn't see me like this. I quickly took a shower which helped me with little with my eyes.

As I went downstairs, I could feel everyone looking at me weirdly. I looked up and realized that my eyes were still swollen.

"What happened Ashley? Why are your eyes puffy ?" I heard my mum asking me full of concern.

" Oh! I was working on my chemistry project last night. I couldn't sleep. You know how much I hate chemistry " I replied covering up my lie with a little laugh.

" Okay" She said.

After eating, I went back to my room and picked up my phone.

You have 1 unread message from Samuel.

As soon as I saw that, I quickly opened the text, my fingers have never been this quick.

And the next thing I saw broke my heart in pieces

"I thought about it and I just can't trust you again. It's best if we break up. We're over".