OVERJOYED MELANCHOLY

CHAPTER 10 : STAGES OF LOVE

This is the best thing I've ever heard , that a person changes when he or she love. Indeed that's the truth , but a person grows more when he knows that each and everything that has happened, has a reason when you love a person, you ho through several stages and then when love knows you , you and the other soul mixes with this universe. In this chapter we're gonna learn about those stages we often suffer while we're in love. And they are : fear , attraction , anger , jealousy, being one of them , every negative feeling changing to positive one and lastly sacrificing.

• FEAR

Fear. Fear of everything when we start to know a person. Fear of getting accepted , fear of knowing a person for the first and the last time , fear of asking , fear of being their favourite. This is way too early then falling in love with someone , because this time you don't know what's gonna happen , its final or just a lesson from universe or god.

But as soon as you get out of this phase you throw your fear behind you.

• ATTRACTION - MOH

When you love a person , attraction is the first stage. You may be thinking that why am I saying this ? It's because we're selfish at this stage. When we do "Moh" we automatically start to think about " Me " instead of " We " . We become selfish at this stage not knowing how harmful it is and attention grows in every relation either it is a mother - son relationship or two lovers want to be one moh always takes the freedom away from your mind resulting in the worst. Imagine a child who wants to achieve things , wants to go out , survive in this world to be successful one day , but his parents always want him to listen to them and do what they want him to achieve. Do you think that the child will be able to achieve his dreams ever in his life ? Maybe no. Because he's now bound by his own parents. They for their own satisfaction bounded the child and chopped his wings and now there's no option left for him to do. That's what Moh does to our brains . We don't think of others that he/ she have a life too instead for our satisfaction we bound them to do those things that have no meaning or are painful for that person.

take a look at another example where today when we're in a relationship, we bound the person to talk to anyone else because we don't like it. Sometimes couples fight for such things and get separated. It's ok to talk to another person until he or she isn't cheating, but no one understands even this , they bound the person and get separated later or sooner.But love teaches you other things , love is free from all these things , " if he/ she is mine where would he/she go ? " That's how love is . It is pure and away from all these things.

ATTRACTION = BOUND

LOVE = FREE

• JEALOUSY

When you compare them . When you always want them to be with you forgetting what he/she is going through. When you forget the root they're given you. That's where " jealousy" is born. Now you may think that if my partner is talking to someone else , I should be jealous. But no , that is the case when your partner is cheating or doing something cheap. But if I talk about pure lovers who love each other , sometimes even in their life such a situation is created when they are jealous or they doubt each other . Lets take an example, where two partners love each other but still comparison , jealousy, doubt and such and such feelings arise, then you should understand that those partners are still not " one " but attracted towards each other. They are jealous when things aren't going their ways , they make issues out of it , and things go wrong.

Let's take another example where two friends are best to each other. One of them talks to other friends of him even then jealousy will take place.

Another example where parents compare their child with other ones , who are always unsatisfied with their child's hardwork and progress. They never think what they will feel. They just do this and that's how jealousy takes part. That child will be jealous of other children he's compared with.

KEY : HOW JEALOUSY IS BORN

• Comparison

• Doubt

• Want to work according to them

• Selfish

• Always " me " instead of " We "

But if you have some hope , you'll recover from this stage very soon.

have faith in your partner , your child , your friend , your parents. Love will heal everything because love tests before healing.

• ANGER

Now when you are attracted, and you're jealous , " Anger " will take place in your heart. You'll always show yourself in the first place instead of equal. You must remember this point that " anger kills " is not just a quote, when you're angry you lose your self control and when you lose your self control you lose everything. Taking the same example of those partners who are jealous and now even more angry he or she will lose everything this time , because they are super angry now. Being angry will ruin relationships , whether it is a friendship or a parent-child relationship. Lets take another example where the child is angry and those parents are even more angry , do you think that ever in their life they will get into the right path ? No , because now this parent and son relationship has lost its roots and trust ,you'll never know what you say when you're angry , so beware of this. Nature has given us good things but we choose to speak worst and that's where it ruins.

• EGO

Ego kills ? Yeah it does. When we go through all of these stages we find ourselves in a situation where we don't think of that person as one , we always differentiate them in such and such ways. It could be your intelligence , your income , your talent where you're much stronger than the other one , or your job , your likes and dislikes. You always differentiate them in some way they get hurt and things go even worse than they were . If you differentiate yourself with your partner you'll somehow lose them and the spark that relationship was before. When a person is egoistic , he or she doesn't think about what his partner , parent , child , friend is thinking , he just slams his or her thoughts like a door which is to be broken very soon. That's what ego does . So , we're never supposed to be thinking about just ourselves as if we're true or right , no ! That person could be right too , we should be kinder and kinder always , each second to everyone we love that's how we'll fix everything. These five stages are the toughest and the hardest of all where people leave at the start. But if you're strong enough to understand what love is and why you love that person , you'll always find a way to fight from these stages. Because after that we start to fall in love again and again with that person.

Just don't be egoistic, be kinder every day and you'll find yourself getting out of this stage.

• BEING ONE OF THEM

And now if you clear these steps , you'll want to be like your partner who handled the situation very well. This happens in most of the relationships when we want to be just like a photocopy of our partner . But here's what we're doing wrong . We can't be them , but slowly without knowing we start to be like them , or in other words , we start to copy them , and that's where misunderstandings take place. Where you lose way and get lost. Actually you really are taking your partner as an inspiration but again , you think that you're right. But in reality you're trying to copy your partner in order to tell them which is nearly impossible. You cannot be them , and love always teaches us to be " us " not " them " because if you become them you'll never be yourself again.

But if you understand this point of me that you can't be them , you just have to take them as your inspiration, your life would change And you'll Clear one more stage peacefully.

inspiration is something that cheers you up ! And copying them will lay you down.

• EVERY NEGATIVE FEELING CHANGING TO POSITIVE

Believe me or not , love is like a mixture of several emotions creating a super emotion. We think that it's ok to be negative while loving , but the point is that we're supposed to find good even in bad. If it's about anger , we're supposed to find the root of the problem . If we're attracted we're supposed to find love and again if we're jealous, we're supposed to be finding love. And that's where you'll understand that the moment you'll change your feelings you'll step up another stair of love . It's ok to be angry , to be jealous , to be attracted but if you never find the cause or I must say root , you'll never find love. Love is about peace , love is about caring , love is about god , love is about souls , love is about cheering, love is about motivating , love is about waiting , love is about everything. So if you're having trouble with it , try to find the real cause behind it and simply try to fix it. The feelings like attraction , jealousy , fear ,anger and ego are never good but they always help you to step up. If you have these feelings , try to move on from it , so that you can see what real love is all about. It's about sacrificing , not about those cheap things . You heal from love , you don't get down.

• SACRIFICE - TYAG

This is the last step of love where you're now ready to sacrifice all you have to your loved one , to your parents , and to everyone you love.

Just as radha loved krishn she sacrificed everything to love and service krishn . That's how pure love is , when you're left with nothing but still your heart wants to give every single thing you've. As a daughter, I've sacrificed my own dream of becoming a full time artist just to fulfill their needs , and yeah I feel bad sometimes but afterall they are my parents. Later I've my love for him just to love him more and more every single day. Sacrificing yourself without any greed , anger , jealousy, any negative feeling shows you the real side of love. And then you mix , with the universe and get what you deserve. Love, endless love in different forms.

Lets learn love now, because this isn't the end . Love is the start that makes us feel alive.