Unbreakable

Here I lay once again crying over the same someone who doesn’t give too shits about me begging them to give me an ounce of love back. It’s all I’ve ever wanted in life to feel loved by those that claim I mean something to them, but that word holds no meaning . Gone with the wind like my pleads , if only my soul could join . I feel nothing anymore , so use to the abuse they put me through but the biggest one being from a narcissist that won’t admit to his wrong doings . Please don’t love me I now see your incapable, I just want to be set free. He spreads my legs and forces his dry d**k into my v****a , he doesn’t care that I’m not ready . Lord hear my cries !!! Pack your heart and know your worth You're so much more than they deserve A diamond in a dark preserve A warrior of healing. ~Mandy Kocsis©2021~ "Soul Survivor" I hear my mummy say this quote over and over but here I am like a sack of potato taking his s**t, as much as I use to love f*****g him , I now pretend I’m with anyone but him to past the time, fake screaming his name, meaning groaning to get him excited , pissing as if I orgasmed , girl I be lying . So I’m pregnant words can’t express how I’m excited and sad at the same time. I’m going to have do something I’ve sworn I’d never do in my life , I’ve always believed if you can spread your legs you can deal with the consequences of doing it unprotected, lord knows I’ve prayed for my period to come , to have a baby by a man that sees no further future with me is pointless to me and my children. What he’s waiting on to leave I don’t know, I’m preparing myself daily for that bandage to be ripped off. I don’t say this to him because deep down I know when he does leave no mount of preparation will prep me for the emptiness that will be left. Regardless of how and what he’s does my love for this man runs deep, I’m a fool for it I know this but you can’t fall out of love so easily especially if that love is real. He never loved me , I know this now I’m not sad I’m just mad I didn’t see it before I was three kids deep. I have some damn beautiful kids and I’m not just saying that cause I’m there mum , my kids are beautiful. Lately I’ve been so sad pretending I’m happy but I’m not my soul is hurting DEEP. No one sees me crying out tor help , that’s the thing when your always there for people they only see their own pain. But god doesn’t sleep I know he sees me . I draw my strength from my kids because they are what keeps me Together . He lived a double life as if I never existed , I need to go back to the beginning cause I don’t think you’ll ever believe this story.