Linked Hearts

Public Humiliation

THAT LOSER wasn't kidding when he said that he was going to tame me. I am used to being the center of attention all the time kaya sanay na ako and I no longer feel uncomfortable and awkward pero 'yung ginawa kasi niya kanina, iba! And thanks to that, ridiculous gossip began spreading like wildfire!

I never caught people's attention because of stupid gossip. Can you believe that they actually think that he has a thing for me? To be honest, I couldn't blame them. I mean, ikaw ba naman ang lapitan ng isang lalaki sabay bigyan ka ng bulaklak? Ang dating ay parang nagtatapat siya o nanliligaw siya sa akin.

"Ano 'yan?" tanong ko ng malamig habang nakatingin sa bulaklak na alok niya gamit ang walang ekspresyon na mukha.

"Obviously, bulaklak para sa'yo." I looked at him and he flashed a toothy grin.

"Para saan?"

"To start a friendship, maybe?"

"Mukha kang friendship. Bakit ba ako ang kinukulit mo? Ang dami mong puwedeng kaibiganin diyan oh!"

Ramdam ko ang mga matang nakatingin sa aming dalawa. Gosh, bakit kasi kailangan niyang gumawa ng eksena sa publiko?

"Eh sa ikaw ang gusto ko eh.." sabi niya ng seryoso. "...na maging kaibigan."

Alam ko naman na sinusubukan lang niya ako na amuhin dahil gusto niya akong maging kaibigan and para lang manalo siya sa hamon niya.

Ugh. Boys.

I smiled and accepted it. Napangiti siya after kong tanggapin ang bulaklak na bigay niya. Nagsimula akong maglakad papunta sa basurahan at tinapon doon ang bigay niya. Then when I looked at him, I saw his sad face. And without another word, I walked away.

I don't really care kung malungkot siya or whatever. Sino ba siya? Ayaw ko talaga kasi na nakikipagkaibigan sa isang lalaki or maybe, baka trauma ko lang 'to na hindi pa din naghihilom.

You see, I used to befriend guys. Madami na akong naging lalaking kaibigan but they ALL ended up leaving me or kaya naman, sasabihin nila na babalikan daw nila ako and they'll always keep in touch pero ano? Ang mga pangako nila ay puro napapako.

Maybe I was a little petty and immature sa pagiging bitter ko sa pag-alis ng mga taong 'yun pero hey, I have a soft heart. Hindi lang halata. Or maybe, baka naghahanap lang talaga ako ng tunay na kaibigan deep inside. Ewan.

Since then, I decided not to befriend a guy because sooner or later, they'll leave me anyway.

I was just scared of getting emotional attachments tapos, kapag umalis sila, ako nanaman ang mahihirapang mag-tanggal ng sama ng loob pero alam ko naman na it's not them. It's me.

Sooner or later, the inevitable will come – that I'm going to have a guy friend or baka maging more than friends pa — a boyfriend.

But for now, hindi ko na muna iisipin 'yun. Bata pa ako. I'm only seventeen, alright? Kakabahan ako kapag by 30's ko, wala pa akong boyfriend. Graduating highschool pa lang ako kaya hindi ko kailangang magmadali.

Masyado din akong maraming pangarap at gustong gawin sa buhay ko to entertain anyone right now. Kagaya nalang ng pagpasok ko sa Starlight University.

Desidong-desidido ako na pumasok sa eskwelahan na iyon pero kailangan ko na munang mag-focus at galingan sa present school ko para may magandang records ako na ipapakita.

***

SINUGOD AKO NG BESTFRIEND KO dahil nalaman niya ang pamamahiya na ginawa ko kay loser kanina.

"Don't you know that you embarrassed him in front of other people? At nang dahil sa ginawa mo, pinagtawanan siya ng mga schoolmates at classmates natin? Hindi mo man lang ba naisip kung ano ang pwedeng maramdaman niya kapag ginawa mo 'yun? Hindi mo lang ba naisip na pwede siyang mapahiya?!" sermon sa akin ni bessy habang naka-pamaywang.

Shocks, she's really mad because of what I did. I've already done that to many guys before and rejected many guys in front of everyone in school. 'Yung mga lalaking naglakas loob na magtapat sa akin noon. Hindi na bago 'to so why is bessy getting furious? Baka dahil magkaibigan silang dalawa.

"Sorry na nga, hindi ba? Saka, parang hindi ka na nasanay sa akin," pagdadahilan ko habang nakanguso.

"Kahit na! At 'yan ang dapat mong ibahin sa ugali mo!" sagot ni bessy. This is the first time that she got mad at me like that. "At huwag kang mag-sorry sa akin! Apologize to HIM!"

"Bakit ba sobrang galit ka? Parang 'yun lang eh. Saka, ganun ba siya ka-espesyal sa'yo at nagalit ka dahil napahiya ko siya?" sabi ko at nagpamaywang na din.

I'm starting to get pissed of at her. Nakakainis! So, kinampihan pa talaga niya ang lalaking 'yun ha?

"Saka, bakit naman ako mag so-sorry sa kanya? Sino ba siya?" dagdag ko pa.

"He's my friend and I don't want to see him hurt! Kung ayaw mong mag-sorry sa kanya, hindi kita kakausapin. I'm not going to talk to you unless you talk to him and apologize."

She turned her back and walked away, leaving me behind in total disbelief. I couldn't believe that we fought just because of him.

Siya ang may kasalanan kaya nag-away kami ni bessy and I'm not going to forgive him for that! There's no freaking way I'm gonna apologize to him! Never!

For the nth time, ugh, boys.

Sabi ni bessy, nasaktan daw siya which doesn't make any sense dahil wala naman siyang feelings for him. He's just challenged, diba?

***

TIME PASSED BY and hindi pa din niya ako kinakausap. Sa tuwing lalapitan ko siya para kausapin, agad-agad lumalayo. Tapos noong kaming dalawa ang naging partners for reporting, ni-request niya sa teacher namin na mag-palit ng partner or kahit na mag-report na lang mag-isa.

As long as she'll get a high score at makakapag-report siya ng maayos, ayos lang daw kahit individual work.

What's the point of setting up a partner if our teacher will permit bessy to do individual reports? Turns out na walang partner si Brandon Orland so we ended up being partners.

Ayoko siyang maging partner so I raised my hand and called my teacher's attention.

"Excuse ma'am, but I refused to be his partner."

"Can you give me a valid reason, Ms. Dela Vega?" sagot ni ma'am.

"Ma'am, I can do the task alone and I know that you know that. I don't need to work with anyone on this report." I responded with full confidence. Nagulat ako nang biglang sumabat si Brandon Orland.

"Or you're just intimidated by my presence." he mocked.

He sure knows how to push my buttons to make me agree to be his partner.

Was I letting myself be provoked despite knowing that?

Yes.

"Excuse me? Ako? Intimidated sa'yo? Naririnig mo ba ang sarili mo?!" sabi ko at saka nagpamaywang.

"Edi patunayan mo na hindi ka intimidated sa'kin," paghamon niya at saka ngumisi ng pang-asar. "Patunayan mo na kaya mong makipagsabayan sa report ko. Be my partner."

"Bring it, loser!"

"Okay, that's settled, then!" sagot ng professor ko. "I'm looking forward to an excellent reporting, okay? Besides, kung ayaw mo siyang maging partner, then don't expect to get a grade from me."

Bakit si bessy, okay lang na mag-individual reporting bakit pagdating sa'kin, hindi pwede? This is not fair!

"Bakit si Jessie, pinayagan mong mag-report ng mag-isa?" tanong ko.

"Si Ms. Abad ang unang nag request. First come, first serve alright? So you've got no choice but to report with Mr. Orland." sagot ng magaling naming teacher.

I care about my grade a lot so in the end, I agreed to be his partner. Pero ngayon lang!

I glanced on his way just to see him grinning idiotically in contentment. Inirapan ko siya at ibinaling ang atensiyon ko sa harapan. Napabuntong hininga na lang ako at nakinig na lang sa discussion.

In the corner of my eyes, I saw bessy, who was sitting next to me, grinning. Nilingon ko siya at nakita ko na nginingisian niya si loser habang naka thumbs up. So, tuwang-tuwa siya dahil kaming dalawa ni loser ang partners?

Tapos itong lalaki naman na 'to, ang lawak ng ngiti. I'm having this great urge to rip off the stupid smile on his face. I groaned in frustration at nagsalumbaba na lang.

Pambihira talaga oh! Papaano na lang kung bumaba ang grades ko dahil sa kanya? Hindi ako makapapayag. Failing is the last thing I wanted to happen. I wanted to remain on top at walang pwedeng makakuha noon.

Nakabusangot ako magdamag until our last class ended. Umuwi ako sa bahay ng hindi nagpapaalam kela bessy and loser. Dahil badtrip ako, I decided to let my chauffeur take me home. Hindi ako tumakas.

As soon as I got home, I walked up to my room and shut myself in. Dahil sa pagod and frustration, nakatulog nanaman ako.