Lonely

Alexa opened the door to her new apartment and dropped her bag with the few personal items she owned on the floor. There was a leather couch that someone gave her for free sitting in the corner, a small tv stand, a folding bed, and a box of dishes. She was starving and the only thing she had in the fridge so far was a bag of potatoes and a six pack of beer. It was dark in the living room already and she hadn’t even hung the curtains yet. Half the light fixtures didn’t even have bulbs in them, and she made a mental note to pick some up when she left to get dinner. It was depressing. Bare walls, no furniture, no tv, no one around that she knew. She told herself “at least it’s home”. It was her place to recover from the past and find herself again, though it didn’t feel like it at the moment. Alexa grabbed her purse and her keys and walked out. She was already overwhelmed and there wasn’t that much to unpack. She left behind almost everything when she left the man that cheated on her and broke her down until she felt completely worthless. She knew it was wing night at the local bar. Usually the people from work hung out here at lunch, but she figured it was a quick place to go, since the only other options in this small town were fast food. Alexa knew she needed to buy some actual groceries and pots and pans, but that just was not happening tonight. Maybe not tomorrow night either. The only thing in town was a dollar store with a limited selection, it was good enough for basic stuff, but she was going to have to go out of town if she was going to get anything decent. “Baby steps, Lex, one thing at a time.” She told herself. If she got overwhelmed she was going to shut down and nothing was going to get done. She was already having a hard enough time with the guy she was seeing casually. Jack was way more into the “relationship” than she was. She was avoiding him as much as possible lately because he was getting way too clingy. He was in love with her and she was not looking for anything serious for a long time. To top it off, the s*x was not good at all. He tried, god knows he tried, but it was just bad all around. Alexa tried to tell him what she liked, but he never quite listened. In addition to his having no skills, he didn’t have a very big p***s. Half the time he couldn’t get it up. Most of the time she was finishing herself off and telling him he did a great job. He was filling a space in her life at the moment, but he wasn’t what she wanted. Maybe now with the place of her own, she could just taper things off with him and let him fade away. Alexa pushed the thoughts of Jack and all the other crap out of her head as she walked into the bar. The only open seat was at the very end of the bar by the wall, which was fine with her, she could see the door, and the tv, and she didn’t have to socialize. She sat down and the bartender pulled out a bottle of Alexa’s usual beer. “Six garlic parm?” “Yeah” Alexa said as she stared at the tv on the wall. She got lost in watching the news. The world was so sad and depressing these days. She didn’t even notice when her food came out. Alexa picked at the wings, finished her beer and asked for a box for the wings. Maybe she would be hungry later. She stopped at the dollar store before heading back to her apartment. She needed a blanket. Something bigger than what she was using when she was sleeping in her car. And lightbulbs. Maybe some snack foods. Alexa wandered the aisles, not really looking for anything in particular, not really ready to go home alone, but not wanting to invite Jack over either. She would rather be home alone than to deal with him being clingy.