MAX!

“Are you going to be okay? Will and I can come and spend the rest of the week with you if you like.” “Thanks Maggie, but I’ll be fine.” “You sure?” Will asks once more. “She’s a big girl, she can handle herself.” Sarah, who’s been quiet the entire time, finally speaks up. Out of my three best friends, Sarah has always been the least compassionate and least enthusiastic. Will and Maggie on the other hand, have always been the worrywarts. Maggie being the caring and loving one; Will being the sassy savage with a caring side that he normally keeps hidden. “If something comes up, I’ll let you guys know.” I pack up the last of my books and as we head out of school, I hear a voice that I know all too well. “Would you look at that? It’s Ms. Smarty pants and her poor excuse of an entourage.” Anna. The only person who has vowed to make my school life a living hell every single day. With her long jet black hair and pure red lipstick, she walks over to us-her friends following behind. My grip tightens on the straps of my bag. “Here we go again.” Will says with a sigh of irritation. “Andrea.” She started in her high tone. “I heard about your mother. So sorry.” Mockery. I can tell that there isn’t even a single drop of sympathy in her tone. “The STI’s must have gotten to her after being such a w***e for so long.” She adds on. “Could you be any less of a b***h than you already are?!” Will snaps at her. "Zip it gaylord." She snaps back at him. "What the hell did you call me?" He growls. "Bite me." Tears well up in my eyes at my inability to defend either myself or my mother. Like the coward I am, I make a bee-line for Will’s car. “Drea.” Maggie follows after me. Will and Sarah follow right after. “Drea.” Will starts but I cut him off. “Please, take me home. Now, please.” I beg with tears on the verge of leaving my eyes. “Okay.” He says in a whisper. We say our goodbyes to Sarah and Maggie and head off. The car ride home is quiet. Will takes glances at me every now and then, but I keep my gaze focused on the passing scenery. Soon, we pull into my driveway. “Thank you.” I say as I step out of his car. “Drea?” “Yeah?” “Tomorrow is Friday. It’s just a suggestion, but I don’t think you should come to school. Maybe take tomorrow and the weekend off.” “I’ll think about it. Thanks. Get home safe.” I say and head inside. The minute I shut the door, I crumble to the floor. Tears stream down my face as my sobs echo through the empty house. Yesterday was the day we put my mother to rest. I can't get the sight of her resting in that coffin out of my mind. I really thought that if I went to school today then I wouldn’t have to think too much about her. How wrong could I possibly be? Turns out, my classmates were informed and word of it got to other people around school too. So many people kept talking about it that I started to feel a little sick. Just then, my phone starts ringing. I look at the name highlighted on my screen and pick the receiver. “Zain, hey.” I say all the while trying to hide the fact that I was crying. “Hey. You okay? I mean, you’re obviously not okay, but I still thought I should ask. So, should I still ask or maybe I should just say something like hey.” He drags the ‘y’. The more he keeps talking, the more I laugh at his attempts to make me feel better. “Okay, I’m done.” He says. “Hopefully.” I stay on the phone as I sling my bag over my shoulder and drag myself upstairs to my room. Zain is and has always been my high school crush, whom I also treat like one of my best friends. I know, I know, it’s a bad idea. I just don’t want to ruin things by bringing in any feelings and I have successfully done so for the past three years, even though I do experience a few slip-ups here and there. “I didn’t get a chance to see you today at school. I was stuck with the coach for basketball practice.” Zain somehow always finds the time to search for me and check on how I’m feeling when we’re in school. He knows my hiding places or what I call my ‘safe zones,’ and since he’s well acquainted with Will and Maggie, he knows who to ask when he fails to find me. Calling or texting me is a no-no when I’m at school. I barely touch my phone when I’m there. “I kind of figured. Sarah was stuck in the gym too for cheer practice.” “Sarah, yeah, I still feel like she doesn’t like me.” “To be fair, she doesn’t seem to like anyone. She’s a hard one to read.” We talk a bit more before saying our goodbyes. The minute the call ends, my mood turns sour again. The house is so quiet without mom around. No old timey music playing. No sweet aroma from the kitchen from her preparing way too much to eat. No sound of her teasing me for liking Zain. Everything feels so off. As for Dad, he’s away on business as always. He’s one of the best journalists out there. I live in luxury because of how hard he works. I guess that’s what also made me work so hard to have amazing grades in school. No, that’s not it. It was all because of mom. She’s the one that kept me going. With dad being so busy all the time, we never had the chance to bond. Mom is all I had. Now that I have nothing left, I guess I don’t have to work so hard anymore. All I want is to be with her again. I want to be happy. I can’t do that if I don’t have her around constantly reminding me not to hate myself. Not to give up. I quickly grab my phone and send a text to Will and Maggie, letting them know that I won’t show up for school tomorrow. “There’s no point in me eating or taking my remaining pills for the day.” I mutter to myself as I get into bed, not bothering to change my clothes. How funny is it that I have nothing else to do to pass the time before I kill myself? You would think I would spend the time doing my favorite things or subtly saying my last goodbyes. I’ve always planned out how I would like to die. Poison or drug overdose would be too much of a slow and painful death for me. Hanging myself would be very painful as well. I know, I know, there’s not really a painless way to take myself out. Though, after contemplating for so long, I came down to my favorite option, drowning. I’ve always pictured myself in one of my favorite dresses, under a full moon and over a quiet bridge. That’s the only time I could see myself thinking over my life. It makes me both happy and a little sad that today will be that day given that there's going to be a full moon. ~~~~~ 01:03 AM It’s so quiet outside. I’m glad dad got me a car, so I don’t have to walk to the bridge. I change into a very loose and flared dark blue dress. After slipping on my fluffy slippers, I quietly head out, not forgetting the ring that mom gave me just before she passed. It’s a gold ring with a small, dark green gem on top. I hadn’t seen anything like it, but even now, it’s still as beautiful as the first time I saw it. There aren’t any other cars moving. “Perfect,” I say to myself. Once I get to the bridge, I park my car a bit further from the spot I want to jump off from. A cold breeze hits my body as I head to the railing of the bridge. I look around just to make sure I’m alone. The only thing in sight are the lights from the city. They look amazing from here. After taking a few deep breaths, I start thinking of how far I’ve come. All my words being carried with the wind into the night as I stare at the ring on my finger. “You would think things would get better for me after what I’ve been through so far. I mean, there are people that have been through worse, so me making this decision might be selfish. But how fair is it that I lost the only person that was keeping me sane?” Another breeze hits my body. “Dad will always be too busy to spend any time with me.” A tear trickles down my cheek. “I’ll never tell Zain how I really feel about him. Anna had her last laugh. Will and Maggie…. I hope they find someone who can replace me. I hope everyone finds someone they can replace me with. Maybe that person will be less of a burden.” “I have nothing left to live for if you’re not here, mom.” I slowly caress the ring on my finger as I stare at the water beneath me. My reflection and that of the moon overhead are made clear by the calm and passing waves. I always wanted to go out like this. Just me and the silence. Tears stream down my face through my smile as I hoist myself over the railing of the bridge. I take a deep breath just before my body hits the water, not bothering to try swimming up. All the noise is drowned out. I move with the waves as I look up. The moon looks so different from down here. Though distorted by the water, it’s beautiful in every sense, just as I thought it would be. With every passing second, I run out of breath until I can no longer hold it. The second I inhale, water rushes into my nose and mouth. Though I struggle to breathe, I don't try to fight the inevitable, I don't need to breathe anymore. I slowly start to lose consciousness until all I can see is a blur. Just then, I feel something hit me with so much force that it makes me gasp. I start coughing up the water that I took in, breathing heavily as I try to catch my breath. Breath? Air? What?!