Forbidden But Bound

Guilt, Regret and Forgiveness

The sun crept through the few openings of the curtains in Julia’s room. The light eventually hit her face and she slowly opened her eyes. . She was awakened by the sounds of the hassle and bustle of the city outside her window. The mixture of car engines and buses driving by. Hooting coming from a distance at staggered intervals. The sound of the children talking as they wait for their school bus and businessmen on their phones shouting, women’s high heels against the pavement floors. The Pregel merchant shouting out customer numbers. She was home. She stretched out across her soft familiar bed.

Julia heard a sound coming from her kitchen. 

“That’s weird,” she thought. 

“Is there someone here?” She whispered.

She could get the smell of fried onions coming from the living area. And the sound of oil sizzling in a pan.

Julia slowly claimed out from the side of her bed. She had no time to cover herself. She crept slowly towards her bedroom door. Trying hard not to make the wooden floors squeak. 

“Thomas!!” She shouted having been startled by the sight of an unexpected man in her kitchen. Causing her to stumble on the rug leading to her apartment kitchen. 

“Oh hi, Julia!” Thomas responded casually, noticing that Julia was on the ground. He walked towards her. 

“Are you alright?” He said wiping his wet hands with the dishrag that was swung on his shoulder. Thomas knelt to give her a hand. 

“Hey,” Thomas said looking into her eyes.

“Welcome back. I knew you would be arriving last night and decided to go to a hotel to give you time and space.”

“Thanks,”  Julia responded and gave him a little smile

They both walked towards the kitchen.

“Wow Thomas! What is going on here?” Julia exclaimed looking at the amount of breakfast that Thomas was making. All her favorites; an omelet with everything in it, some beef banger and bacon with baked beans, a bowl filled with fruits, and a cup of coffee in her preferred mug. All these foods made Julia instantly hungry. 

“ I came in earlier and you were asleep so I decided to make you breakfast,” said Thomas standing over the stove with a red apron on and a spatula in his hand. 

“You shouldn’t have Thomas, this is a lot! But thank you I can’t wait to dig into it all,” she said pulling out the chair at the dining room table. She stared at the food in front of her and smiled. 

This is what she loved about Thomas, he loved her and always made an effort to make her happy. She loved him so so much. She looked up at him and caught him gazing at her. She instantly flushed and gave a small smirk. She then dug into her meal. 

They chatted about the wedding he was very interested to know everything that happened. Julia gave him all the updates on how beautiful the ceremony was and how happy Catherine and Joseph looked so happy. He asked about the food and what everyone was wearing. Julia omitted to mention anything about James's presence at the wedding. Thomas knew everything about James and Julia’s past and she knew that he might have gotten suspicious straight away. 

“So how is Vivianne doing? Is she seeing anyone? Or is she seeing a few ‘someones’?” Thomas asked Julia about her best friend. Thomas had a great relationship with Vivianne. They had very similar personalities and would often gang up on Julia when they were arguing. Vivianne was often their third wheel wherever they went and Thomas never had a problem with it. He always made her feel welcome. Game nights were hell with the two of them and they always got into an argument over something that happened during the game and Julian always had to be the mediator. That’s why they created a list of rules that they had to stick to during game night to avoid any fights breaking out. Thomas would sometimes insist that Julia invite Vivianne over for dinner just so that she could taste the new recipe that he came up with. 

“Nah she is still just enjoying life. Not ready to settle down. Although there was this one guy she did mention she had a small thing for she said that she ended it because he was too clingy,” Julia rolled her eyes. 

“Typical Viv,” Thomas said while taking a sip of his coffee. 

“We need to talk Julia,” Thomas said nervously.

“Yes, we do.”

“I just have to say that while you were gone I realized that I was so so wrong,” he said looking directly into her face.

“I am so so sorry Julia. I have not treated you right for so long and I hope that you can forgive me for all that I have done to hurt you, Julia. You are the love of my life. You are the one that I see myself with in the future and I realize for a long time now I have chipped at our love and relationship for so long with all the s**t that I have done and the way I have treated you. I hope you can forgive me, Julia. Whatever you want to know I...” Julia placed her hand on his lips, putting an end to his begging. 

Julia did not let him carry on. She had to stop him. She was just as guilty as he was. After what she did the day before with James she could not let look at him express his guilt. She couldn’t hear him utter the words. She brought her hands to his face and gently cupped his cheeks.

“It’s ok Thomas, it’s ok! I forgive you!” Julia moved closer to him and kissed him softly on his lips. A tear rolled down her cheek. Thomas grabbed her from across him onto his lap. He wiped the tear on her cheek. They just gazed lovingly into each other’s eyes for a few seconds. 

“Julia, you are my life. My whole life I would give up my life for you. I beg for your forgiveness Jules,” he said fighting back his tears. 

Her face was so close to his he could smell the smell of lavender coming from her fresh hair. He kissed her lips tasting the pineapple on her lips. She slipped her tongue into his mouth. His heart raced. He craved her. All of her. 

James wanted to tell Julia about the woman that he had been with a couple of times and to tell her that she was not imagining things but she diverged the conversation almost as if she was not interested in knowing. He knew that this would break her soul and he took it as an opportunity to let it slide. “What she didn’t know will not hurt her,” he thought. 

Thomas lifted her off the chair like she was as light as a feather. They headed towards the 70’s styled dusty brown couch they had bought from a second-hand shop. 

James sat on the couch with Julia sitting on top of him looking into his eyes. She grabbed his face and kissed him again. Julia moved her groin over his rubbing up against him. She pulled his T-shirt’s off, breaking away from the kiss only a few seconds to do so. Julia undid the button of his pants.  

“I want you, Julia. I want to make love to you.” He said as they both panted. 

“I want you inside me, Thomas.” Julia pulled it out of his pants and Thomas quickly took her underwear off. They dove into pleasure she moved rhythmically above him. He kissed and caressed her perfect body as he moaned at the pleasure she was creating. 

Love-making after a break-up is always amazing. 

“So you forgive me then?” Thomas asked Julia as they lay on the couch skin to skin.

“Yes, I do Thomas. But please enough lies Thomas let us just start over. Let’s forget the past and move in a new direction.” Julia said still guilty for the things that had happened before this. 

“Will you be my wife Julia? I know this is not a romantic proposal but I can’t wait. I will make up for it but for now, all I can think of is you being in my life. I don’t want to think of losing you ever again. I want you to be mine.” Thomas asked her to marry him. He was surprised at himself for asking here there and then. But that moment felt right. Julia had tears in her eyes. She had waited for so long to hear those words. 

Before she could answer, Thomas jumped up, slowly pushing Julia onto the couch. She had a great view of his naked, tanned body as he walked away. She felt her cheeks go red. Thomas was a piece of artwork. He grabbed the blanket on the couch around him.

“Where are you going?” Julia whined and tried to pull him back down.

“Just give me one second,” said James. He kissed her and walked away towards the bedroom that they have shared for the past couple of years. He opened the top drawer of the chest of draws. He pulled out from a pair of socks a small black, velvet box. He had been waiting for the right moment to do this but he realized that there is no wrong moment, all the moments that he spent with Julia are always right. 

Julia’s eyes opened wide. She was not expecting this at all. Especially after everything. It was a beautiful diamond ring. It was not too mighty and not too small. Thomas knew what Julia liked, this could be seen by the choice of engagement ring that he had chosen for her. A very simple silver diamond ring with a small diamond.

“Yes! A million times yes!” Julia didn’t even give Thomas the time to think about it. She just jumped at him as smothered him with kisses.

He put the ring on her fingers and it was perfect.