Forbidden But Bound

The silence was deafening during the car ride home. All you could hear was the car’s engine and tyres against the uneven surface of the tarmac. Julia thought of putting the radio on but hesitated. “I am sick and tired of this Julia!” Thomas said suddenly and slammed his hands against the steering wheel. “I have done everything I can to prove to you that she is just a friend. But for f**k sakes you keep bringing this up over and over again! Why even bother trying to make this work if you have no intention of moving past this?”said Thomas as he looked at her. His rage overtook his emotions. “I am trying to move past it Thomas but I still feel so hurt and betrayed. Why the hell would she be texting you that?” said Julia, her voice shaky and with tears welling up. “She is my boss, for heavens sake!” Thomas shouted. Thomas and Julia had been dating for five years. They met at one of Julia’s cousin’s birthday parties, when Julia had just settled into 23. He was with a group of friends next to the pool when she walked in. She instantly noticed him. He wore a denim shirt with a pair of light brown chinos. His curly hair was gelled and he was clean-shaven. He wore glasses. He was taller than Julia. His skin was dark caramel brown and evenly toned. Thomas was not very muscular but was well built. She later learned that he was Creole. He watched her all night. When their eyes met for the first time he smiled at her and shone his dimples, making Julia lose all sense of what was happening around her. He eventually came up to her to speak to her. He is even sexier up close, she thought naughtily. In the early 90s, Thomas had emigrated from Haiti to America with his parents and sister. His father, a successful cardiologist back home, had managed to get a long term job offer at a hospital in New York City. And so his new life in America began at only four years old. “Yeah, so I have been living in the Big Apple ever since,” Thomas explained to Julia. “That’s pretty awesome. I have never met someone from Haiti before. What do you do?” Julia asked, hungry to know as much as she could about what she knew was the most attractive man she had ever met. “ I am studying Fashion Design at Parsons. I know, not very impressive,” Thomas said, and immediately hoped it wouldn’t chase Julia away. He was already enthralled by her. “Not at all! In fact I was not thinking that at all,” she said quickly and made sure to flash him her brightest smile. “I think that is very impressive. In another life I hope I come back as a fashion designer then maybe I will have a better fashion sense,” she said and gestured to her outfit of blue denim jeans, white vest, terracotta top and black flats. Thomas let out a deep and loud chuckle, and to Julia it was as if it echoed through the entire room. That was the first thing that caught her off guard, it was so attractive. He smiled and laughed with his entire face: The side of his eyes, cheeks crinkled up when he showed emotion. “So what do you and your not-so-great fashion sense do?” He asked her jokingly and took a big sip of the beer he was nursing. Around them, 18 year old teenagers were dancing, yelling and laughing in corners around the room, but as far as they knew it was as if it was just the two of them. “I am at NYU, I’m in my second year of Law. Yeah, definitely not as exciting as Fashion Design,” Julia let out a shy giggle. Thomas chuckled. “It doesn’t matter as long as it's what makes you happy, everyone is different,” he said “ Hey, Thomas! We are leaving,” one of the guys he came with shouted to him from across the room, immediately popping the bubble the two were in. “Can I have your number, Julia?” Thomas asked her abruptly, praying that she would say yes. She was already dying to see him again, and gave it with no hesitation. From then they texted every day and Thomas called once every few days. Soon they were going out for coffee and lunch, huddled in little cafes and restaurants and blocking out the world as they got to know each other. Julia soon learnt that Thomas was a slightly over-the-top romantic. For their first date, he set out a dinner picnic out on the balcony at his Brooklyn studio apartment, which when the nights were clear enough, you could see the Manhattan Bridge. The sound of city life was drowned out by the slow jazz music he played from his JBL speaker. With fairy lights and aromatic red wine, they had an amazing evening. He couldn’t keep his hands off her that night. His strong tanned hands would first brush her shoulder or arm, and when they sat closer, they would rest on her thigh a little longer, move up a little higher every chance he got. Julia loved how obvious he was about how much he wanted her, she wanted him too. When their eyes would now meet, desire would fill the entire room. Soon he was kissing at neck and nibbling at her earlobe. She giggled in delight every time. “Thank you for such a lovely evening Thomas. It was really beautiful,” Julia said as they stood at the doorway holding each other close. She kissed him lightly, and immediately knew that she wanted more. He could tell, and pulled her towards him. “I’m going to show you what I’ve wanted to do to you since the first day I met you,” he said as he pressed himself against her, and slipped his hand under her dress and in between her legs. She was in ecstasy as they had s*x against the wall, his hand on her mouth and in total control of her cries of pleasure. They were inseparable thereafter, fitting into each other’s lives seamlessly. His family adored her, and her family had partially adopted him into their family. Thomas knew he wanted to marry Julia but also knew that he needed to establish his career before they decided to tie the knot. Everything was going well until she found a message on his phone: I miss u, and I still love you xx. He quickly explained to Julia that it was not as serious as she thought, that it was an old flame who sent the message as a one time thing, and that he never replied. Of course like any one else would, Julia struggled to move on from that, or believe him. Over time the suspicion grew into something bigger until she could no longer hide it. The car suddenly came to a halt outside their apartment and Julia sat arms crossed. They sat in silence as the tension rose between them. “We can’t keep doing this Julia,” said Thomas avoiding eye contact. “ We can’t keep doing this if you wont trust me. Trust is a fundamental element of any relationship or of any marriage.” The word `marriage’ caught her by surprise. Thomas had never mentioned marriage in all the years they had been dating. There was this one time and he made his views very clear. He said it was not necessary for two people to marry each other in order to be together forever. This mildly shattered Julia’s dreams of getting married to him. She never brought the topic of marriage up with Thomas ever again. She was taken by surprise to hear him utter those words. “Thomas, i love you and i am trying to move on but I don’t believe that you are being truthful. Not only are you texting other women, you are lying to me!” She said clenching her teeth together. “Just tell me the truth Thomas!” Tears ran down her cheeks. She cover her face with her trembling hands and just sobbed. She didn’t imagine that lipstick stain on the inside of his collar nor could she have dreamt the threads of messages that were in his phone. That’s when she felt that maybe she should have never said anything about her thoughts of doubt. Her heart began to race and she went into panic at the thought of losing him. Thomas felt a lump in his throat and his chin trembled as a tear ran down his cheek. He knew that her suspicions were correct, but his pride and shame stopped him from speaking the truth. It stopped him from admitting that he had slipped up just that one time or maybe a few times. He knew that what he did was wrong. But he also knew that if he admitted to her what had happened there was no turning back from there. There relationship would never be the same. Thomas loved her, he couldn’t picture his life without her. The engagement ring was hidden away in his sock drawer. “No Julia! I just need a break from you. I think it is best you go to the wedding alone.” Thomas got out of the car and slammed the door, leaving her alone in the car. She didn’t know how to feel. One part of her was pissed because someone had messaged him and the other part of her felt guilty. Julia struggled to open her eyes the next morning. They were puffy and almost closed from crying herself to sleep the night before. She felt like she had just woken up from a nightmare. She looked at the pillow besides her and saw that is was wrinkle free, fresh and unused. ‘He is on the couch,’ Julia thought to herself. The world around Julia was eerily quieter than usual. There was no sound of music coming from the tv. Or the sound of the kettle boiling. There was just the sounds coming from the world outside. She walked into the lounge. Thomas was gone.