The Driver

CHAPTER 1

            Even before I was born, my fate had been settled in such a way that bad luck would always follow me. My mother wanted a girl, and that is the only way I got rid of the doctor's scalpel and his pleasure of getting me out of her womb.

        My luck, and probably the first and the only one, was that my mother had hoped until the last minute to give birth to a girl. To her disappointment and remaining with only the desire and dream of having a girl because I came into the world… as a boy.

        I think I can imagine the disappointment on her face when she finally was able to lay eyes on me… her little boy. She has shown it to me even over the years. I was treated differently by my brothers and I was always the one accused of the crap we were doing as children. I was blamed even if it was their fault. I took the beating even for their mistakes.

        Everything that was bad was my fault. I was the black sheep of the family. I grew up with hatred in my heart for my brothers and especially for my mother. My father died when I was far too young to remember him.

        Maybe if he were in our life I would have grown up in a normal family where my mother would not have to be a mother and a father. I guess back then I was not aware of the sacrifices she was making for us to raise us by herself.

        I left home when I was still a kid. I took life into my own hands before I understood what it really means to live among people. I was seventeen when I left home. I had an unhappy childhood and yet I hoped I would be able to face anything.

        I had too many weaknesses and I was not aware of them yet. I was confident in my strengths, but I was far too naive to succeed. I needed a lot of life lessons, but I did not expect to be knocked to the ground so many times.

        I knew I needed a lot of strength and patience. I left home without telling anyone where I was going, even I did not know. I just wanted to be as far away from my family as possible. I had never been appreciated or understood.

        Even when I had the courage to unload my soul, I was not believed by anyone. They were not willing to sacrifice their time to understand me.

        My heart was pounding, my palms were wet... I had gone on a road of no return. I did not know where and it did not even matter anymore.

        I would hide in a snake hole just so no one would find me. And yet, I had no choice, I had to face life as it was and as it came my way. I did not know exactly how it had happened.

        I did not know why!

        It all happened quickly, unexpectedly, and I did not dwell on too much on the details. It did not matter... nothing mattered anymore. Perhaps this is the most surprising part of life. Nothing matters.

        I wanted to take everything from life as I had been taken away from the right to happiness from the day I was born.   Sometimes I tend to curse that day and yet I hope that I came to this world with a purpose. I hope there is someone out there in the world who will teach me what happiness and the joy of living means.

        I learned several jobs until I understood which one defines me. I even learned the art of being a bully. Before I was told that I was ready to be part of the gang that beat people up to get goods back in exchange for the money they owed I had taken so much beating that I was left with sequels for life.

        Mostly I had been punched in the head. I had become the best of them, and I was proud of myself even though I knew what I was doing was wrong.

        In our group of recoverers, I was nicknamed Bruce Lee because I applied kicks and headshots so fast that no one expected. I was applying blows with incredible thirst. I felt liberated every time.

        That was probably my way of venting the anger I had so long inside of me.

        I realized that my greatest passion is driving. I learned this job from an old man who had been a truck driver all his life. I was not into big tonnage cars, but I loved driving.

        I learned everything I know from him now and I am sorry he could not see what I have accomplished from everything he is instilled in me. He died shortly after I left him.

        I lived in the same house with him. In addition to being a driver, I learned from him how to be a man. He taught me how to behave with a woman and when the day comes to marry, I will not forget the oath I will make in front of the altar.

        He told me how many temptations came his way and he never deceived his wife. No matter how long he stayed away from her, and no matter how many temptations came in his way, he remained faithful to his wife until the end. I did not have the pleasure of meeting her personally because she died a few months before I got to work for him.

        I also started to love traveling through Europe. He always told me about his adventures around the world and that motivated me to end up like him. Until the day he had the tragic accident that left him without both legs.

        He always had tears in his eyes when he told me this story. Not because he was without legs, but because he could not drive. He was driving out of passion, not for money.

        He was coming home that day. He was driving on a bridge when at one point he saw in front of him two cars involved in the accident and on the road two people lying on the street.

        He did not have a high speed, and yet he could not stop in time. He had two options. Either it will pass over people lying on the road or it will swerve and fall off the bridge. He chose the latter, believing he would get away with minor injuries.

        He had made that route so many times and knew the bridge was not very high so he hoped until the last minute that he would make it out alive. He could not have lived with a clear conscience anyway if he had killed those people.

        He would rather die than take someone else's life. He was in a  coma, during which time his legs were amputated, which was also the reason I was looking after him.

        He had no children, and I think that regret destroyed him the most. Being always gone and spending too little time at home with his wife did not get the chance to have kids. He was, however, grateful that his wife always stood by him and supported him.  I was hoping I could meet such a wonderful and special woman.

        I already knew all the risks of being a driver in the community, and yet I had not given up on that idea. I have been taking care of Mr. Mihai for five years. He died way too soon.

        I wish he had seen how much passion he is instilled in me for being a driver. I wish he were proud of me. I was like a son to him and I am sure from up there he is proud of me.