So Into You

Prologue I BREATH heavily. My nails are dugging into the sheets that soaked with my sweats and tears. My voice was hoarse, dried lips can't produce any sound. There is this particular scenario that we consider as our nightmares and that includes pain. People keeps saying "Okay" when they are asked if they're okay. Maybe it's in our nature to say things with a different or opposite meanings. In this world full of pain, who would you trust? Those people who loves you? Or those who's gonna hurt you? Well, for me, both. I believe that hurting is not all about pain, it's also about learning, norturing and growing. Eyes opened while catching breath. I can hear the beats of my organ-my heart. I swollowed hard, trying to calm myself and my body from trembling. I lift myself up and glance at the window of my room. Silence is deafening but it isn't enough to calm my nerves. Waves of memories hits me really hard. I forcedly close my eyes and sighed as I got up from my bed and walked towards the balcony of my room. Kumapit ako sa railings para kumuha ng suporta at ipinikit ang aking mga mata habang pinapakinggan ang mga huni ng mga hayop sa gabi. Who would have thought that this cold winds can automatically take away my fears? I love how it blows on my face, it's kind of relaxing. It's funny how people who gave you a nightmare is now having a good sleep while you are having the sleepless night made by them. Sometimes I want to put the blame on 'him' but I know in myself, my heart still leaves a hole that only 'him' can fill. If only people don't lacks at giving, loving and understanding, world will be on it's peace. But even if we sacrifice our self for this world, the fate won't bring permanent peace-Well, instead of being dead. Tinanaw ko ang sapa at napangiti nang makita ang mga kumikislap na mga nilalang na nagpapaganda sa gabi. I don't believe that people have many reasons to cry but has only one reason to smile. There is more reasons to smile if you would only appreciate every little things on this world. Happiness can be given by those people around you but the main source is from yourself. Only you, can know what to make you happy. Despite all of the heartaches, pain and cruelty, you can always find a way to smile. Isn't that amazing how crying can make your heart less hurt? While smiling can give you more reasons to live? Even though everyones wants to be happy, we can't. We all can't. Because sometimes, being happy can make someone hurt. Your happiness will be their nightmares, while your nightmares can be their happiness. World is something that needs to be balance, ofcourse. People's feelings or emotions needs to be opposite inorder for them to live. Do you think this kind of living is fair for you? For me it is. Admit it, even though you keeps saying "life is unfair" there is still a reason that will make you think that "life is actually fair" but you only think of that if you are not in pain. Tell me, is justice really serve in this country? Or justice isn't the one who will be serve? A people could kill just to claim or gets a justice but why do other's just want apologies instead of justice? Maybe it's depend on the people, right? Yeah, probably. If someone kills for justice I always think of a domino effect. I snapped out of my reverie when I heard my phone beeped that indicates I recieved a text message from someone. Pumasok ulit ako sa kwarto at tumungo sa bedside table kung saan nakapatong ang aparato. "Wala na si Helena, Kleiope" Nabitawan ko ang cellphone ko at napatulala nalang sa natanggap 'kong mensahe sa bahay ampunan. I can feel my tears rolling down on my face, death is really inevitable. "It's okay, Helena. You did a good job. You can rest now" I whispered and closed my eyes as I feel the cold wind that blows on me.