That Autumn

White Christmas

Seoul, winter 2008.

That morning, after music class ended, my bestie, Gina, came over to me. She sadistically told Hang Ah, who was sitting next to me, to leave so she could take control of that girl's seat. Gina does look like an ordinary girl, but she is terrible. In class, even the teacher didn't dare say no to her. It's not that she's grumpy, but her gaze is a little... intimidating. But after getting to know her, she's a good girl.

"Ann, do you have any plans for Christmas Eve?" she asked.

"Who knows." Me, who was compiling my book, suddenly became sad because I remembered that Christmas Eve was only a few days away. "Dad will be on duty on Christmas Eve. He has to accompany the ambassador to an event."

"What about Shin Ah? You're not planning on going out with her?"

Now, it's not only Da Mi and Na Ra who know about the relationship between Shin Ah and me. Gina knew it too. And I think one school already knows. So far, no problem. No one ridiculed or ostracized me. They looked like they didn’t care.

"I haven't asked her yet. Maybe she has a family event." As far as I know, Christmas Eve is usually spent with family. I think Shin Ah also wants to be with his family that night.

"Ask her!" Gina shifted her chair closer to me. "Now!"

I took out my cell phone, then sent a short message to Shin Ah. Gina leaned in to look at my phone screen too.

How about going out with me on Christmas Eve?

Didn't have to wait long and I already got an answer from him.

Call!!!

"See! She agreed!" Gina hit my shoulder enthusiastically. She looked even happier than me. "Ask her to take Da Mi!"

"What?" Why should I invite Da Mi? That would ruin my Christmas date with Shin Ah. "Why?"

"I don't want to be a mosquito between you and Shin Ah." She continued.

"YA! Who invited you anyway?"

"How dare!" Gina pouted. "How can you make me lonely on Christmas Eve?"

"You can celebrate with your family."

"They're not cool."

"That's your excuse."

"Ah.. I don’t care! Give me your cell phone!" Gina grabbed the phone in my hand, then sent a message to Shin Ah.

Bring Da Mi too.

Then, Shin Ah's reply arrived.

I do not want to.

Gina sent another message.

It's me, Gina. Anna also invited me to celebrate Christmas with her. I will kill you if you don't invite Da Mi.

"How cruel of you." My comment when I read what she sent to Shin Ah. "But.. I never asked you."

"You! Shut up!" Gina gripped my phone while still looking at her. Waiting solemnly for a reply from Shin Ah.

My phone vibrates indicating a new message from Shin Ah.

Ok! Even if she doesn't want to, I will risk my life and force her to come along.

Gina smiled broadly, reading the message.

"Are you that happy?" After Gina finished with her business, I took my phone back. "Why are you so insistent on wanting Da Mi to come along?"

"Because of you!" Gina pointed her index finger at my face. "A girl who always calls me my bestie.. My besties... But you never introduced me to Da Mi."

"You want me to introduce you to Da Mi? Don't you two already know each other?" To be honest, Gina's behavior this morning made me a little confused.

"Not acquaintances like that! I mean, closer."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I took out the book for the next lesson and put it on the table.

"YA!" Gina screamed right in my face. It pushed me backwards. "I already told you. When I say Da Mi, you think of Shin Ah. When I say I like Da Mi, you think that you like Shin Ah. There's only Shin Ah in your big head!"

"Hey! My head isn't that big!" I do not accept the ridicule. Eh... What did she just say? "Wait! What did you say earlier? You like Da Mi?"

"Aish!" Gina waved her hand with a bored face. "It is not the first time I have been telling you about this. You've become slower after going out with Shin Ah."

"YA! I'm not sluggish, and my head isn't big!"

Yes, my bestie, Gina, irritates me sometimes. Sometimes we fight too. Only small fights won't last long. No matter who was at fault or started an argument, no one would apologize first. We make up on our own. As if nothing ever happened.

"By the way.. Since when did you like Da Mi?" I asked. I wasn't really mad just now. "Do you like her just in awe, or do you like her like I like Shin Ah? Tell me."

Gina took a deep breath. She stands up from her seat, returns her chair to Hang Ah and then goes back to her original place.

Had she said it before?

Indeed, sometimes when I'm thinking about Shin Ah, I'm a little out of focus on the things around me. It was Gina who was talking to the teacher who was teaching.

Cha Sem came to the class to teach the next class. The children who had been running around rushed back to their seats.

My phone vibrates again. A new message from Shin Ah. I hid it under the table while reading its contents.

Gina -nim? Are you still there?

I smiled, trying to hold back my laughter. Shin Ah seems afraid of Gina.

No she’s not. She's back at her place. Class has started.

Shin Ah: My class too. Does she look angry? Does she still want to kill me?

Me: She's actually happy because you're going to invite Da Mi.

Shin Ah: Da Mi can't come. How about this?

Me: Then she will really kill you.

Shin Ah: Can't you persuade her? Or what if Da Mi is replaced by Na Ra? I can take Na Ra.

Me: You want her to kill me too?

Shin Ah: Just let her kill me.

Me: Can't you work it out? You said you would risk your life.

Shin Ah: You misspelled.

Me: Lee Shin Ah! I'm seriously!

Shin Ah: I'm really risking my life right now.

Me: Try to invite Da Mi again. Gina doesn't want Na Ra.

Shin Ah: But she has a family gathering. It would be hard to take a chaebol family member out on Christmas Eve. You know for yourself how her grandfather was.

Me: Gina doesn't want to know that.

Shin Ah: Da Mi's grandfather also doesn't want to know if I live or die.

I let out a small giggle because I couldn't hold it in anymore. Shin Ah is overdramatizing the situation.

Me: Then just kidnap her. The important thing is that you have to take her with you.

Shin Ah: That's right. I will kidnap her. I will do it. Even if I have to tie her up and drag her from the midst of her family.

Ck.. She's just getting too much.

Me: Good. Your idea is great.

Me: I'm going back to study. See you at lunch. I love you!

My phone vibrates but I haven't had time to read Shin Ah's reply. My phone floated in the air.

No.. Not floating. It was Sem who took my phone.

"I love you too." Sem reads the messages on my cell phone aloud the other kids can hear. "It seems dating is more interesting than my class."

The whole class laughed because of Sem. No, they laughed at me because of Sem. No, more precisely, because of Shin Ah.

"I'll confiscate your cell phone!" Sem hit me on the head with a scroll. "Now stand in the hall!"

The first time in my life I was told to stand in the hallway. With my face flushed with embarrassment, I walked out of the classroom. I'm sure after this I will be teased all out.

I was standing in the hallway. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught another figure also in the hallway. Exactly two classes away from me. I looked at it and found a female student waving at me with a happy face. Like me, she was punished too. Lee Shin Ah.

***



Seoul, winter 2008.

"Where should I put this?" Gina was carrying a large plate of freshly made cookies when she approached me.

Tonight is Christmas Eve. Gina came over to help me prepare some snacks. For dinner, dad had ordered pizza and chicken as an apology for not being able to celebrate Christmas together. Gina and I made gingerbread cookies and also chocolate pudding. Gina looks skilled in terms of cooking. I think I should learn from her. She even modified the shape of her gingerbread cookies into colorful circles that look like cute buttons. She's really creative.

"Just in the family room. I've prepared a table there." I'm copying lemonade into a glass. The guests will be here soon.

I had a small party at my house. It's because Shin Ah failed to find a place for dinner. She said so many people celebrate Christmas that it's hard to find a place. Does not matter. Whether it's at home or outside, this Christmas I can spend it with Shin Ah.

Bell rings.

"They're coming!" Gina exclaimed happily. She took off her apron and threw it carelessly. Then she ran into the hall to open the door for the guests.

They are Shin Ah and Da Mi. Apart from Gina, they are my only guests. I only invited the three of them.

Seeing that my guests had arrived, I immediately finished my work and greeted them.

"Merry Christmas!" Da Mi, who came wearing a santa hat, spread her arms while entering my house.

"Hey! Take off your shoes first!" Shin Ah reminded her.

"Sorry!" Da Mi took a step back to take off her shoes. Seeing me, Da Mi waved her hand. "Anyeong Anna-ya! Since you invited me, I took the time to come. But I can't stay long. I have to be at home at nine. Is that okay?"

I glanced at Gina. Her radiant face suddenly turned gloomy. "Can't you stay a little longer?" I asked Da Mi.

"I would. But.. My whole family is gathering. I can't help but come." Da Mi replied.

"I can even stay over. Don't worry." It was Shin Ah who answered.

"Dad's not coming home tonight. I'm taking Harry in." We'll see if she still dares to stay.

"Oh! I just remembered! My family is also coming tonight. I have to get home early." Shin Ah looked around furiously. "By the way, where is he? I didn't see him outside earlier."

"Maybe around. I took it off this afternoon."

From there, I could see a drop of sweat falling from Shin Ah's forehead. She swallowed nervously. I still don't understand why Shin Ah is still afraid of Harry even though he's a tame dog.

Gina nudged me and reminded me of my main purpose for holding this event. "Oh yeah, I brought my friend."

"Anyeong Gina-ah!" Da Mi greets Gina while Shin Ah is still rooted to the spot. I think I'm still thinking about Harry.

"Come on, sit down. We've got snacks ready." Since it was Shin Ah who didn't seem conscious, I took her to come with us. "I made pudding, and Gina made cookies. You guys should try it."

"Ah, Shin Ah once told you that you like to cook." Da Mi walked towards the living room while Gina followed behind her. "I think I'll just eat the cookies."

"Hey! What did you tell Da Mi!" I pinched Shin Ah's waist, making her startled by the sudden attack.

"It’s hurt!" Shin Ah whined.

"Let's sit down." Gina invited Da Mi to sit in the place we had prepared. Da Mi obeyed and sat next to her. Ever since Da Mi came, Gina hasn't even taken her eyes off Da Mi. As if amazed. Probably still couldn't believe Da Mi was in front of her.

"Ah! Snow!" Shin Ah pointed at the window.

The three of us simultaneously looked in the direction Shin Ah was referring to. I think it's still too soon for snow. But it was true. There are white droplets falling from the sky. Snow.

"Pretty!" Da Mi muttered while looking at the window.

"Thanks." Gina blushed while fixing her hair.

"Huh?" Realizing what Gina had just said, Da Mi looked at the girl with a furrowed brow. "I meant the snow, not you!"

"Aish!" Gina looked back at Da Mi. With an annoyed expression as if ready to kill. "I also mean the snow, not you!"

Ck, these two girls.. I don't know what to say. Gina's admiration disappeared immediately after Da Mi said those words that ruined the atmosphere. And Da Mi.. Can't she see that Gina likes her?

"You can sit too!" I asked Shin Ah to sit next to me.

"Woaa.. That's a lot of food." After sitting down, Shin Ah admired the dishes on the table. "How much did you make, Ji Woo-ah?"

"I just made pudding. Gina made these cookies. And we ordered the rest," I explained.

"That means it's safe." Shin Ah took a slice of pizza and ate it.

"Da Mi-ah!" Gina shifted her seat so that she was attached to Da Mi. "Your family event, can I come with you?"

"No!" Da Mi refused without even turning to Gina. "Why should I take you? It's a family event."

"Then.. How about we going to see a movie tomorrow?" Gina asked again. "Just the two of us."

"I don't want to go alone with you." Da Mi took a glass of lemonade and drank it. "Anna-ya, what are we going to do? Do you have a game?"

I glanced at Gina. It seemed she still wanted to say something.

"If you don't want to be alone, take Anna and Shin Ah too." Gina hasn't given up. "How about that?"

"Slide over there!" Da Mi pushed Gina away because her other side was blocked by the end of the sofa. "You're too close."

"YA!" Gina ran out of patience. Usually it will end badly. "I'm asking you!"

Da Mi gulped in the face of Gina's imminent anger. I could see her hands were shaking with fear. "Okay, I'll go with you as long as Shin Ah comes along."

"Oh!" Shin Ah nodded. Also scared. Did Gina like that? I think they're just exaggerating. "But.. Shouldn't you two go alone?"

"This.. I want to try this!" With trembling hands, Da Mi took the cookie in front of her. She took a bite of the cookie and failed. Seems too hard to bite. She put back the cookie that she failed to bite into without daring to look at Gina at all.

"I want to try too!" Despite knowing what just happened to Da Mi, Shin Ah took the same cookie. She couldn't bite it either, but acted like she was chewing something. "Woah.. This is delicious."

"I want more!" Da Mi picked up a new cookie. She wrapped it in a tissue. "I'll eat later at home."

"You're not trying to dodge from me, are you?" Gina looked at the two of them sharply.

"It's Christmas Eve! Don't be mad, Gin." I tried to calm her down.

"I am not angry!" Gina's sharp gaze was now fixed on me. Made me feel cold, almost frozen. Makes me prefer looking down at my fingertips to celebrating Christmas.

Shin Ah laughed awkwardly, which was followed by Da Mi. Both of them got a sharp glare from Gina.

"Yeah, Shin Ah's not coming was no problem for me." Da Mi finally gave up because she felt that Gina could kill her with just a glance. "You want to go alone with me? Okay.. That's good too."

"Thanks, Da Mi-ah!" Gina hugged Da Mi's arm. "You're the best!"

Shin Ah breathed a sigh of relief. While Da Mi was pale to death. Again, Gina wasn't that bad. They just don't know her. I used not to like her either. At first I thought she was a bad girl. But, in fact, she is good. Gina just couldn't hide what she was thinking. She said everything that was in her head. That's what made me like her.

"Shin Ah-ya!" Da Mi's voice trembled. She tries to reach Shin Ah, who pretends not to see her, as if asking for help. Gina was still comfortable clinging to her.

"I brought a present for you." Shin Ah chooses to ignore Da Mi because she doesn't want to have anything to do with Gina. She took out a red velvet box from the roll of his cold coat and handed it to me. "Merry Christmas, Ji Woo-ah!"

"Thank you, Boo!" I smiled, accepting the gift. I also don't care anymore about Da Mi and Gina or what they do. My job is done and Shin Ah is here. "But I didn't prepare anything, sorry!"

"Hey! I love that nickname. I'll consider it a Christmas present for me." Shin Ah smiled.

"Sounds tacky." Gina's comment.

"Childish!" Da Mi said.

I glanced at both of them sharply. Don't they have some resemblance? I think they will suit each other. There is only one problem. I haven't told Gina that Da Mi prefers boys.

"Open it!" Shin Ah just looked at me. She didn't care about the two of them. "I wonder if you liked it or not."

"It's a gift from you. Of course I'd like it." I opened the box Shin Ah gave me while imagining its contents.

And..

I tossed the box along with its contents after seeing what was inside. Cockroach.

Gina yelped as it landed on her lap. It didn't move like it wasn't a real cockroach.

"Yeah!" Shin Ah does a high five with Da Mi.

"Do you want to die?" Gina threw the cockroach at Shin Ah.

"I think it's time to bring Harry in." I am standing. The jokes aren't funny. I'll give her a funnier joke. Harry.

Shin Ah held my leg. She hugged it so I couldn't go anywhere. "Wait Ji Woo-ah! I was just joking. I'm sorry. I have another gift for you. A real present."

I turned to look at her as she took something else out of her coat. A large bow tie. She wears it around her neck then forms flower petals with both hands.

"Me!" Shin Ah shows her best cuteness. Made me give in to my anger. "I'm your slave."

I can't help but laugh. I sat back down to get my present. This is the best Christmas present.

"Aren't they cute? Just make other people jealous." Da Mi said, trying to distract Gina from the toy cockroach just now. "You want to date with me?"

"Do you want to die?" Gina grabbed Da Mi's collar. She's still angry.

Da Mi looked down in fear. She fiddled with her finger on the pattern of the carpet. "Well, that's that then."

"Wait! You said dating?" Gina realized too late because of her anger. She holds Da Mi's hand "I want! Let's go on a date!"

Da Mi panicked. Her face grew pale. "I.. I was just kidding earlier."

I think Da Mi should stop doing that and think all girls are normal like her. Na Ra might think it was a joke, but Gina didn't care.

"YA!" Gina shouted.

I covered my ears.

Shin Ah covered her chest. Maybe out of shock.

Da Mi stood up. "Ah.. I think it's time for me to go. It's one hundred and thirty minutes to nine."

"You can't go!" Gina held her back. "Do you want to date me, or do you want to die?"

Da Mi gulped. She looked at me for an explanation. What can I explain?

"Please forgive me!" Da Mi knelt down in front of Gina. She rubbed her palms begging for forgiveness. "I didn't mean to offend or upset you. Please, I'm sorry."

"This is interesting!" Shin Ah fixes her seat so she can see the scene in front of her freely. "So Gina likes Da Mi, huh? No wonder she's so insistent."

"Don't you think Da Mi is going too far?" I asked Shin Ah while whispering a little so the two people wouldn't hear us.

"No. Too far in which part?" Shin Ah defends Da Mi. Of course, she's her friend.

"Do you want to date me, or do you want to die?" Gina repeated her question.

Da Mi thought about it seriously. "Wouldn't any of those choices keep me alive?"

"Now I admit she was outrageous." Shin Ah whispered to me, and I responded with a nod. "That's too cruel."

"What.. , because you going out with me could kill you?" Gina no longer looked cruel, but sad. She stood limply. "Am I that bad?"

Da Mi took a step back while shielding her face, thinking Gina would hit her.

"Okay, I understand." Gina then looked at me with her eyes starting to get wet. "I'm sorry, Ann. I can’t stay any longer."

After saying that, Gina came out. She even forgot to bring her bag.

Da Mi stroked her chest in relief. "I thought she was going to hit me, or grab my hair. Why is your friend so grumpy?"

"You made her cry." I said.

"She? Crying? Why?" Da Mi still doesn't understand.

"Gina likes you. Stupid!" I can't help but be annoyed with Da Mi and her stupidity.

"Like me?" Da Mi pointed to her nose. "Are you serious?"

Shin Ah nodded. "Chase her!"

"Make sure you apologize to her!" I said.

Da Mi wasted no time and rushed towards the door to catch up to Gina.

"I hope Gina is okay." I talked to Shin Ah. "Shouldn't we follow them too?"

"Trust her." Shin Ah tries to cheer me up even though the one who needs to be comforted right now is Gina. "Da Mi was stupid. But she was a girl who had responsibilities."

"But she doesn't like Gina."

"Da Mi can sort things out on her own." Shin Ah looks so sure. Then she took my hand. "Now it's just us here. By the way, what are you going to do with your present?"

"That cockroach?" I swear I'll beat her up if she dares to make a joke like that again.

"No." Shin Ah shook her head. "Your other gift. Me."

I lay on her lap. "I'll think about it first."

She adjusted her seat so that I was more comfortable. " are you going to bring Harry in even if I stay over? I can take care of you. You don't need Harry."

I smiled a little but Shin Ah didn't see it because of my sideways position. "I need to tell you two things. First, I'm going to bring Harry in no matter what. Second, dad won't let you stay at night. Dad did let me have Christmas at home and invited my friends. But not with stay over. You should go home."

"Really?" She stroked my hair, then tucked the sides of my hair behind my ear. "I'm not going to do anything weird. I'm not going to mess up your house either. And... I'm not a p*****t either."

"Maybe dad believes in me." I turned my body to take a look. "But he doesn't believe in you."

"Really?" She asked the same thing again. This time she touched my cheeks until I felt the warmth of her palms. "I'm a good kid. I even helped you study. I guess I should talk to him face to face so he doesn't misunderstand me and think I'm a bad girl."

"Not that dad thinks you're a bad girl. But dad knows we're dating. She couldn't have let her daughter's girlfriend stay over while he wasn't home." I explained.

"He knows? Is he angry with you?"

I shook my head. "He's allowed me to date you as long as I can take care of myself."

Shin Ah leaned her back on the sofa. "I envy you. I wish my parents were like that too."

"Your parents are fierce?"

"No. They're good. It's just..." Shin Ah sighed. "They're a little conservative."

"Conservative?"

Shin Ah nodded. "They don't like same-s*x relationships. They think that's wrong. Eomma even shudders every time I see a handsomely dressed boy or a slightly manly girl. I used to often wear Oppa's clothes because I thought it was more comfortable. And I always get scolded because of that. Appa is even worse. Oppa once had a gay friend. Appa found out and forbade him to be friends with that kid again."

This is bad news. If Shin Ah's parents find out about Shin Ah's relationship, they will tell Shin Ah to break up with me.

"Hey.. Don't worry about it. We're dating. Nothing to do with them." Shin Ah held my hand. "My parents aren't here anyway. They wouldn't know."

I faked my smile. After hearing that, I can't help but think about it. Maybe it's okay as long as Shin Ah's parents don't know. But what if one day they find out?