That Autumn

First Fight

Seoul, spring 2009.

"Ya! Ah Rin-ah! Did you see that earlier?" I sat on Ah Rin's desk. It's always fun to gossip at every break between subjects.

"Is it anything?" Kyu Ri, who was sitting in the front, turned around curiously.

"Kim Sem! Every time she does this.." I imitated Sem's style as she tucked her long hair behind her ear. "Under her ears, you also see, right?"

Ah Rin shook her head. "I was just paying attention to the lesson. I didn't see anything else."

"Aissh! That's obvious. Ehm.. That..." I thought about what Koreans call it but I forgot what to name it. "There's a very obvious hickey. She must have done it before coming into our class. Aren't you guys curious about who it is?"

"Eonni! It's not good to talk about teachers like that." Na Ra also turned to face me.

"Why do you look so excited?" Kyu Ri responded to me with a laugh. "Because you're not the only one hanging around the school with a hickey on your neck?"

"YA! Kyu Ri-ah! Why are you bringing it up again now? It's been a long time!" I can't believe Kyu Ri brought up such embarrassing things. Just remembering it made me want to bury myself in a desk drawer so no one would see my face.

"How long? It's only been a few days." Ah Rin laughed at me too. "By the way, where is that short one? Usually she sticks to you."

"She went to the toilet." I suddenly lost the urge to gossip.

"Why don't you come along? You two can kiss there. Instead of doing it in class," Kyu Ri said bluntly.

"You think I have nothing to do but kiss her, huh?" I hit Kyu Ri's head with the ruler I got from Ah Rin's desk.

"Looks like that." Ah Rin and Kyu Ri did a high five.

"YA! You think I'm not bored?" I pursed my lips and lowered my head slightly to show it off to the two of them. "Look! My lips are puffy like that."

"I didn't hear! I didn't hear!" Na Ra covered her ears with her palms and then turned her body and turned back to face the front. She forced herself to read an uninteresting science book so as not to overhear our conversation.

"Ahaha.. So you're bored? You want to break up with her?" Ah Rin asked with the intention of teasing me.

"Hmm.. Good idea. Maybe I should just change my girlfriends." I poked Na Ra's back. "Na Ra-ya! You want to date me?"

"You hang out with Da Mi Eonni too much," Na Ra answered without turning around.

"That’s true!" Kyu Ri raised her index finger in pleasure. "You sound exactly like Da Mi."

"Is that a compliment?" I know they don't mean it. It was just a joke.

"Omo! Gina even started glancing at you!" Kyu Ri exclaimed.

I looked at Gina. Indeed, the girl was looking at us. Not because they were attracted to me, but rather annoyed at our loud voices. I winked at her, then gave her a flying kiss. Gina responded with a raised fist. I swallowed. And that again managed to make Ah Rin and Kyu Ri laugh. They seem to be enjoying this.

"You guys are so happy, eh?" I jumped off the table. Planning to come back to my desk. That's when I saw Shin Ah coming back from the toilet. She looked annoyed even though she was fine.

"What is wrong with her?" Ah Rin also notices Shin Ah's change in attitude.

"Maybe she heard when you said you wanted to break up with her." Kyu Ri whispered so that Shin Ah wouldn't hear.

I shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe the poop won't come out."

And again I managed to make Ah Rin and Kyu Ri laugh.

Shortly after Shin Ah entered, a boy came in following her. I've never seen him. He was fat and short and had lots of pimples on his face. The boy followed Shin Ah with a white heart-shaped box with a purple ribbon. It seems that he has annoyed Shin Ah.

"Sunbae-nim..." The boy continued to follow Shin Ah to her seat. "At least accept this."

His dialect sounds a little strange. It doesn't sound like my dialect when I first arrived in Korea, it sounds more like a Cantonese dialect. And if you look at him again, the boy's face doesn't look like a Korean. His skin is darker, his hair is curly brown, and his eyes are large. I'm not saying he's ugly. Just too fat.

"My class will start in a minute." Shin Ah is cold to him. "Go back to your class!"

"I made this myself." The boy persistently gave the box to Shin Ah.

"I do not like it." Shin Ah took out his book. Trying to ignore the poor kid.

"You don't even know what was in, sunbae-nim."

Shin Ah snorted in annoyance. She pulled the box from the boy's hand, opened it, then returned it. "I don't like chocolate!"

"You just don't like me." The boy seemed about to cry.

"Well.. you know that."

"Looks like someone is trying to get close to your girlfriend." Ah Rin whispered to me.

"Sunbae-nim, I beg you!" The boy put the box in his hand on the table. "It's not hard just to accept this, right?"

Seeing what the boy did, Shin Ah became even more displeased. She pushed the box on her desk so violently that it scattered on the floor. "I told you I didn't like it!"

It looks like the situation is going to get worse. I don't know why Shin Ah behaved badly with that poor hoobae. It's too much. Even though she didn't like it, she shouldn't have yelled at and humiliated him like that.

I walked over to them. The hoobae was gathering his spilled chocolates with his wet eyes. While Shin Ah looks unconcerned.

"Don't you think it's too much?" I said to Shin Ah.

I didn't wait for the answer. I crouched down to help the boy collect the chocolates on the floor. At first glance, I saw the name tag attached to his chest. Lim Qin Shan. That's his name.

"Thank you, sunbae-nim." The boy lowered his head and his voice trembled. Not surprisingly. What Shin Ah just did was so bad.

"What do you mean?" Shin Ah is standing behind me. Seeing me helping the boy, she became even more displeased.

"You're wasting food." I am standing. The chocolates have finished being collected back into the box. It's just that it's all in vain now.

"It is not like that," Shin Ah tried to explain. "I'm not wasting food. He confessed his love to me and I turned him down. That's what happened."

I helped the boy up because he was still squatting there. "Come on, Qin Shan-ah!"

"YA! You didn't hear me?" Shin Ah removed my hand from Qin Shan forcibly. It stands between me and Qin Shan.

"I heard! I'm not deaf!" I raised my voice. Shin Ah's attitude annoyed me. Does she feel great because someone confessed their love for her? Does she feel so cool that she deserves to treat others badly? "I'm not blind either. What I saw just now was you wasting food. Didn't he say he made it himself? Can't you just appreciate it a bit?"

"Why are you yelling at me?" Shin Ah also raised her voice. "I'm not deaf either! I can hear well!"

And it was disappointing when she raised her voice too. She's not like Shin Ah that I knew before. "Aah.. Lee Shin Ah-ssi who can hear well. Just now I didn't scream but tried to wake you up. You know? You're not that cool!"

"What?" Shin Ah tried to get rid of the tension on her face. "Why are you like this Ji Woo-ah?"

"Bringing the person you've rejected into a public place and humiliating him in front of everyone. That's not cool at all. You just look low."

"Low?" You could see Shin Ah clenching her fists. Does she want to hit me? See if she dares to do it. That's when I really broke up with her.

"Why? You feel proud that someone likes you to make chocolate candy, then deliberately shows it off to your classmates?"

"Damn it!" Shin Ah turned around quickly and grabbed Qin Shan by the collar.

He was about to throw his fist at the boy but I immediately stopped him. "After humiliating him, you're going to beat him too?"

"You don't even know anything." Shin Ah's hands drooped at her sides. "You defended him when you knew nothing."

"Alright, you're a cool girl, but I'm clueless." I went to pack my books and then took them. "I'm going to sit with Ah Rin because I don't know anything."

"That's not what I meant! Why do you conclude things as you please?" Shin Ah tried to hold me but I walked faster. Then she stopped in her tracks when she realized that all the eyes that were there were staring at us.

Not just classmates. Also, there is Baek Sem who enters at some point. I didn't notice and it looked like Shin Ah too. While Qin Shan immediately ran out as soon as he saw a teacher there.

"Can we start our lesson now?" Baek Sem asks with his eyes fixed on Shin Ah and me.

I sat next to Ah Rin without saying anything. And Shin Ah went back to her desk.

Aish!! Why am I only realizing this now? It's true what Shin Ah did to Lim Qin Shan wasn't right, but instead I faced her with something just as wrong. I should have been more patient with her. I should have heard it first instead of getting angry.

I turned back slightly to peek at Shin Ah. The girl looked down with a gloomy face. What should I do now? Apologizing to her after class ended was embarrassing because I was the one who got mad at her first. I hope she comes to me first.

"I’m sorry.. Shin Ah-ya.." I thought.

***



Seoul, spring 2009.

I meant to be the first to apologize as long as she came to me first. But what are the stupid things Shin Ah doing all day? She ignored me, pretended I didn't exist, and even deliberately avoided me when she almost passed me. She didn't plan to make up with me. Why should I make up with her?

"Your food is getting cold." Gina, who was in front of me, tapped my place to eat with her chopsticks. We were in the cafeteria enjoying dinner. "You're still thinking about it? Why not just talk to her?"

"She won't even look at me, Gin." I took a deep breath. "What if we don't talk about it? I'm starting to lose my appetite."

"You've already lost your appetite even though I haven't discussed it." Gina's sarcasm.

Since the incident this morning, I haven't lost my appetite. I'm also not in the mood to do anything. All day I just daydream, occasionally turning around to see if Shin Ah is okay sitting back there alone, then getting annoyed that she's okay without me, and I end up not paying attention to class at all.

"Fighting with Shin Ah is not good." I stirred my food. Didn't intend to start eating it. "I salute you for sticking with Da Mi despite fighting every day."

"That's a different matter, Ann!" Gina laughed, shaking her head. "You and Shin Ah are dating, we're not. I'm the only one who likes her."

"Eoh..." I took the black beans from the top of the rice and then arranged them on the table. Lucky I was at school. If I'm at home, and do this in front of dad, I'll get scolded for messing with my food.

"Da Mi is stupid! She always annoys me. Fighting with her is something that can't be avoided. But.. Since I like her so much, even if she did wrong to me, I'll be the first to apologize." Gina continued.

Ck, I feel even more sad after hearing Gina's sentence just now. Shin Ah doesn't really like me, and neither do I. Neither of us wants to give up. Yet if you think about it again, what happened was not a big problem. Because Shin Ah doesn't really like me, she prefers to ignore me. And because I don't really like Shin Ah, I'm more concerned about self-respect, even though I've realized my mistake. I'd rather fight with her than feel ashamed for apologizing to her. Maybe it's a little late, but it's true. I don't really like Shin Ah.

"Actually.. You make me a little jealous." Gina spoke again. "The person you like likes you too. I want to feel that too."

Unfortunately, that one is also true. I'm the only one who can't appreciate it.

"One-sided love, doesn't it feel heavy?" I asked.

"Very much." Gina smiled bitterly. "She's never sweet. She always talks curtly. And she treats me like I'm a manic bully. You know I'm not a patient person. I get angry easily. Whenever I feel like she's treating me too harshly, I feel like giving up on her."

"Then why haven't you given up yet?"

"It wasn't easy, Ann." Gina started rummaging through her food. Exactly as I did. "On the one hand, I feel too tired and want to give up on it. But on the other hand, I want to always be near her. One day without seeing her, I feel almost crazy."

"No wonder every Monday you go like a zombie," I said.

"Naah.. You noticed that too." Gina chuckled. Not long, she was gloomy again. "There is one thing that has kept me going until now. You know that stupid Da Mi admits that she likes boys, not girls. Once, I challenged her to show me who she liked. I told her I would stop chasing her if she dated someone else. Guess what happens next. She can't show it to me. She doesn't like anyone. How does she know what she likes is a boy or a girl if there's no one she likes? She only admires a few sunbaes and it changes every day. Like , aah.. Sunbae is handsome, or aah.. Sunbae has a nice body. That's all! I also admire boys like that sometimes. I even admire you because you look prettier when you smile."

"Thank you." I smiled shyly at her compliment.

"But that doesn't mean I like you," She continued. And that i***t, Da Mi, can decide that she likes a girl or something else, even though she's never been in a relationship. Nor has she ever really liked anyone. What's wrong with her trying to date me? If she doesn't like it, she can end it. I think she really hates me."

"It's not like that, Gin." From what I see, it's not like that. If Da Mi hated Gina, she wouldn't want to sit next to her. There is still an empty seat in the class, she can move at any time. But Da Mi didn't do it. And again, every time they walked together, Gina hugged her arm, she didn't pull away from Gina. Doesn't that mean she doesn't hate Gina? "Like you said. Da Mi is stupid. I think she's just too stupid to realize it."

"Ann! I don't like you talking like that!" Gina pointed her chopsticks at my face while glaring. "Only me can call her stupid. You can't go along with it!"

"Okay.. I know!" I raised my hands in surrender.

"Khaah... If you don't want to eat, shall we go back to class now?" she asked. Not just me. Gina also hadn't finished her meal.

I nodded, then stood up from my seat. Gina followed me. We returned to class. Previously, we stopped at the locker first to get something.

"Ah! You got another letter." Gina took a letter tucked in between my locker.

"Better throw it away." I took the letter from Gina's hand, then threw it in the trash at the end of the row of lockers. Since the rat died a few days ago, I've never opened any suspicious letters or boxes I've received. Shin Ah forbids me. She was afraid the contents were something strange and traumatized me.

Suddenly, I miss Shin Ah so much even though we just had a fight a few hours ago. Even though she's been a bit perverted lately, she always looks out for me. She was worried about me because of the anonymous threatening letters I was getting. Can't we make up without having me go to her first?

"You still don't know who did it?" Gina asked. She leaned part of her body against the row of lockers.

I shook my head weakly. If I know who did it, does it matter? That person didn't hurt me physically. Even if one day I find out who did it, he might argue that this was all a joke for fun. Maybe he will get punished by school and it will only end with him hating me even more.

I don't know what he meant by doing this to me. I also don't know if it's just me, or if anyone else is experiencing the same thing. Maybe the guy is just a fad or maybe he really hates me.

"This is serious, Ann!" Gina continued. "If I were you, I couldn't stand it. The letters are really annoying."

"I also hope this stops soon." I pushed Gina away from my locker door.

The door was a little stuck. Looks like something got stuck in there the last time I closed it. I pulled harder because the door was so hard to open. It took a few tries before I managed to open it. And when the door opened, tens or maybe hundreds of cockroaches burst out of my locker. There was a small bucket placed in my locker and it looked like a cockroach had come out of it.

I moved backwards to avoid the cockroaches.

"KYA!" Gina screamed shrilly as she jumped as several cockroaches climbed up onto her feet.

How did that guy get these cockroaches into my locker? His tenacity is commendable. He even bothered doing this just to prank me. After the mice die, then the cockroaches. Although evil, I admit he is creative.

There was a commotion from a distance. It was Da Mi and Shin Ah running towards us. They must have come after hearing Gina's screams.

"What happened?" Da Mi asked. She looked at Gina, then at me. Finally, her eyes fell on my locker door, which was still open, and the cockroaches came out of it. Instantly she shuddered in disgust. "Yeah! Anna-ya! You're so gross!"

"It must be that person!" Gina kicked her legs to get the cockroaches away. She looked annoyed and disgusted. "Anna just got another letter."

Shin Ah touched my shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Finally, she spoke to me. Her face looked really worried. I don't know if this incident is good or bad. I was shocked to death when the cockroaches flew out. Then later I feel happy when Shin Ah worries about me.

"Stupid!" She pulled me into her arms. "You can't even speak."

I smiled a little over her shoulder.

"I’m sorry, Ji Woo-ah!" She hugged me carefully.

Alright, I think this is a good thing.