Same Planet but Different Worlds

Chapter 26 What To Say?

Flynn's POV

We continue down this path that is starting to open up with not as many trees around. But being without the tree cover that was surrounding us, you can feel the sun beating down on every inch of your body. But the sunshine isn't the only thing that could potentially be getting a good view of us. I'm sure if we stay out here for too much longer than we will be seen by others. I don't like being out here where I feel exposed to not only the elements but enemies as well. The only reason we have been able to survive this long is because we were able to hide undercover. Without that reassurance, I am feeling uneasy.

Not to mention the fact that my fear is at an all-time high because of no familiarity attached to this area. But Kaya looks as if she is somehow familiar. Maybe she has been this way before. I keep my eyes on anything that moves, just wanting to run for the trees that are a little further away, but in any direction we decide to head which is slightly reassuring. I hate not knowing if something can see me or not. Which is making me weary and feeling quite uncomfortable or maybe on edge is the better term.

"We might need to find somewhere to hide, the next patrol will be coming out in this direction soon enough.. and we are out in the open. So that means easily spotted or attacked." I state the obvious as she nods, looking around and pointing off to the side of us. "This way." I follow her but not knowing if we should keep going that way off to the side, because I don't know the area well at all, I think I have been out further in that direction only a couple of times in my entire life.

I watch as she looks over at me. I think noticing the worry taking over my features. "Oh don't worry Flynn.. I know this area.. It's on the way back towards my home.. We have made most of the trip back here, so might as well go the rest of the way today. I'll take you to my home and you can learn to live with all of us. I bet my mother will love you." She states with excitement as I feel my feet getting heavier at that thought. It is making it harder to move. I don't know if I can do this. If I do this we will both be damned for it. I can't do this to her. I don't care about me, I just care about her and I don't want that to happen to her.

"Come on let's just head to my home.. it's just beyond here." Kaya states as freeze in place while she takes a couple of steps before realizing I am not following her. She freezes then turning on her heels to glance at me. "Come on just this way." she says again, as she takes a couple more steps but backwards this time, I think to make sure I am following her, but when my feet stay glued to the ground as if I am planted in it, not moving a muscle. I watch her face drop.

But I can't put myself in the position to be accused and prosecuted for what the men have done, when I have associated myself with them for all my life. I can't let her throw herself into the fire against her family for me. None of that is right. It is not my fault for what the men's past actions have been, I know that.. but those people won't know that I had nothing to do with that, because they don't know me nor my life.

Kaya has said herself, that many have been attacked, tortured and murdered by the men of my compound. I wouldn't doubt a word of it, but that's what I will be associated with and of course be accused of being such a monster. I can't go. I watch as Kaya looks back in the direction of her home, then turns around with hurt on her face as she realizes that I won't be joining her on this last leg of her trip.

I want to with every inch of me, but I don't want her to be ostracized because of me, she would be hated for whom she chose to be at her side.. She has talked about how much her family means to her, and it would break her to not have them.. So I can't do this to her. This hard decision would be made for not only myself but for her well-being too. I can see the tears welling in her eyes as she squeaks out, "You're not coming?" I can hear the pain in her voice, making me feel even worse as I reluctantly shake my head.

"I cannot do that to you.. You know as well as I, that they will not accept me as you want them to.. If anything, they will kill me in front of you or disown you for your decisions to associate with me and none of that is what I want for you. I know you have told me how much your family means to you. So I won't be the cause of your separation. I won't do it.. I'm sorry Kaya.. But this is probably for your own good. Besides, you're close enough to your home to go on your own.. You'll be fine." I declare trying not to look directly into her heartbroken eyes, because I know I will cave if I do, and I need to stay strong in this hard situation.

"You don't mean that." she states as I huff out, "I do mean that." I say back to her as she shakes her head. "No you said you liked me and wanted to be with me. You talked about how much you liked spending time with me and how you wanted to run away with me.. Why say those things if you don't mean them? because here is your chance to do those things and yet you're throwing the opportunity away for an assumption." she declares what I had said earlier and I meant it then just as much as I think it now. But that won't change what will happen to her and us if I do this, and I can't have that.

"I know what I said and I meant it.. I would love for it to be me and you forever, but it can't be, because you have strong ties to your community. I know you don't want to leave there so you leave me no choice but to turn away from you." I try to explain as best as I can but by the hurt that is apparent in her eyes I don't think it worked as I had hoped. I was wanting it to ease her mind, but looking at her now, I know it did no such thing. She huffs out before crossing her arms across her chest.

"So you don't want me then?" She asks as I shake my head, "that is not the case." She rolls her eyes. "You don't have to lie on my behalf, you don't like me and what I have to offer, so you blame it on the circumstances.. It's fine, I understand.. I figured you would come to that conclusion the longer you spent in my company, and I was right.. I hope you have a good life." Kaya states looking even more heartbroken then I had imagined or ever anticipated, but as I said it, this is for the best.

"I hope you too have the best life.. Because you deserve the best in this harsh world." I say as she shakes her head, walking away until she stops to turn around and state. "You know Flynn.. call me brainless if you please, but I thought I found the best for myself with you.. But obviously I was wrong, not understanding these feelings and letting them take over. I just loved how you made me feel inside, and I guess it's just hard for me to swallow the idea that you don't feel the same.. I am sorry for ever being a bother. Be safe out there." she turns away again, storming down the trail as I stand in place watching her leave.

I instantly regret every word that came from my mouth and sent her away. I know it will be what's best for her, no matter how hard it is for me. That was probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. My eyes stayed glued on her as I watch her wipe away something, but since she is far away I can't see what it is, I just assume they are tears, and it hurts so much just to know that I'm the one that did that to her. I shake my head, hating myself now more than I ever thought I could.

The disgust within myself, for myself, is very hard to deal with and I know it will be plaguing me until my last day. I keep watching her walk away, making sure she is staying safe because of the awful feeling I have within me for this action. I know this is something that I will regret for the rest of my life. Nothing in this world could make me hate myself more than I do right now.

Kaya was perfect for me and everything I think I could have ever wanted in a partner. She just deserves to have the best with everyone, her partner and her family and I really don't think it's realistic to think that could happen with me around. I watch as she gets further away from me before taking the turn so she is out of my sight and behind the trees. I let out a deep breath, hating myself with every inch of me, knowing she is probably feeling the same at this moment, which is giving me the motivation to turn and leave.

I turn around looking behind me and back towards my compound, but not wanting to go that way as I look forward, not knowing where that leads, before turning back to the side wondering if I should chase after her. No, that would just make things worse. Where will I go? Maybe back to my compound and try to explain. I can try to come up with some sort of lie about my actions and just hope they accept them.. But I would surely imagine that they will kill or torture me either way.

I don't know why I should even try with them.. Maybe I should just go on my own.. but is that even a possible life? Probably possible for survival but not being happy. As Kaya said there is strength in family and not being alone.. There is probably no possible way I can strive on my own. So I probably won't last long, but at least I know I won't hurt anyone else. I nod to myself as I huff out kicking some dirt as I accidentally kick a rock that hurts my toe. I grunt out hating everything right now as I quickly pick up the rock and throwing it straight out in front of me.

It hits a tree, bouncing off right as I think I heard something in the distance. I listen for a moment not hearing anything as I grab another rock and throwing that again, because that made me feel pretty good, being able to take my anger out on something. But once again I think I heard something. I bet that is just the guilt getting to me as I am hoping to hear her calling my name once again. I hold my breath trying to figure out what that sound is but nothing is heard.

I shake my head feeling ridiculous as I start my trek forward, wanting solitude over torment and torture. The sulking hits my body quite easily as I slowly kick and walk away from this fork in the road. I groan out naturally, just wanting to scream but knowing I have to keep those feelings to myself. I push my hands through my hair hating how my touch is not her gentle one, missing her so much already as I hear "Flynn!" in the distance, knowing exactly who's voice that is. My heart jump starts as I instantly turn and run over to the same path that I saw her leave on, at full speed because she needs me.