Mercy (MxM) (COMPLETED)

Chapter Twenty Three- Self Harm

Note: Read chapters 17-20 of Challenge before this

TW: Self harm

Chapter Twenty Three-

Elliot

"Miller? Hey, where are we going?" I ask, following him as he leads me down the halls. Miller and I are dating. Kinda.

He said he wants to date me which doesn't seem that bad because he's really cute and nice most of the time. He's also really popular, so I'm not sure why he wants someone like me, but he does and it makes me feel really good.

We had s*x at a party two days ago. That kind of stuff is pretty normal for me. I lost my virginity when I was just a freshman, and now I'm a Junior. I'm almost 17.

"Don't talk so much. We're here." He responds, pulling me into the locker room.

"Why are we in here?" I ask, giggling when he starts kissing my neck while pressing my back against the locker.

He pulls away just long enough to pull my shirt off before smirking. Not a cute smirk. A sadistic one. "Well they asked me to bring you here since I lost the bet."

"What? Who's they? What bet?" I cross my arms to attempt to cover my chest.

"The football team. We wanted to see who could f**k you first, and I was last." He laughs softly, stepping back a few steps when the rest of them come in.

I blush and reach out, attempting to take my shirt from him. How did I not realize that? How could I not see that they were just playing with me?

He holds it away from me and leans forward to pucker his lips. "Give me a kiss and I'll think about it Easy Elliot."

"Don't call me that." I sigh and back up into the locker when they walk forward a few steps.

"C'mon. You were so quick to spread your legs for me, and now I can't even have a kiss?" He laughs, reaching out to grab my wrist and yank me closer.

"Let go." I snap at him, trying to pull my arms away from him. He's stronger than me though, so it hardly matters. "Just leave me alone."

He pushes me backwards so that I stumble onto the floor, but before I can move he has one of the other guys pin my arms down.

"Get off!" I scream at him, but they ignore me and keep talking amongst themselves.

"You didn't whine this much when we slept together. It's funny that you have the highest body count in the whole school though. You're not even that good at it."

"His mouth is pretty good, but other than that it was actually kinda bad."

"You'd think he'd be better at it by now. I guess all that practice was for nothing."

"He's not even cute if you really look at him. He's too skinny and has little moles all over him."

"Which one of you brought the marker?" Miller asks, and one of them tosses it to him.

He takes the cap off and gets in between my legs. Before he can write anything, I struggle more and try to kick him.

He glares and reaches up to wrap his hand around my neck, forcing me to stop. "Be a good little b***h and stop struggling so much."

I blush, and stop moving. No way. Why does my stomach get butterflies when he's mean to me?

He leans over me again, starting to write 'Easy Elliot' on my chest with the sharpie they brought, but after a second, his eyes widen and he sits back, looking down at my crotch.

He just stares for a minute before bursting out laughing. "Oh my god! You're a sick little p*****t. Are you getting off on this?"

"No! Just let go of me." I argue, trying to close my legs so that he can't see my b***r. It makes no sense! Their teasing isn't nice, and I hate it. It's almost enough to make me cry, so why is my body not cooperating?

When he finishes, one of his friends laughs too. "He really is about to jizz in his pants. You should give him a tramp stamp too."

When they flip me onto my stomach, I start struggling again, not worrying about my reaction anymore. "Stop it! Look, you had your fun, so just leave me alone now."

"We're still playing with you, Elliot." Miller answers, starting to write just above the waistband of my pants. If I felt it right, it says 'slut'.

When they let go of me, I just curl into a ball and turn away from them, trying to wait for them to leave before I do anything.

"You know, it's not our fault that you're such a whore."

"Yeah, if you didn't want to be treated like this then you shouldn't be such a slut all the time."

"You're just so easy to mess with. You'd let any guy f**k you if he told you he loves you. What, do your parents not give you enough attention?"

"You're just a toy you know? None of us actually liked you."

"We just wanted something to stick our d***s into."

I bite my lip and cover my face with my hands when the tears start streaming down my face. Eventually they start to leave, only Miller stays behind.

He walks closer and crouches down beside me, grabbing my chin so hard that it squishes my face.

"Don't cry. It's your fault for thinking that you were anything more than what you are. Maybe if you weren't so conceited then you wouldn't feel so bad now. Just accept that you're nothing but a useless slut and stop thinking that you're above this because you aren't."

"Just go." I answer as he smirks at me.

"Fine. You're still a disgusting whore." He tells me, laughing before spitting on me. It lands on my cheek, mixing with my tears while they fall.

He stands up and throws my shirt at me before leaving.

I open my eyes, panting quickly. I slowly sit up, turning to look at Hayes who is in bed next to me. It's already sunny outside, perfect time for a quickie.

"Hayes. Wake up." I insist, shaking him slightly.

He stirs awake and smiles at me. "Hi baby. What's up?"

"I wanna f**k, so get up so we can brush our teeth." I tell him, making him perk up immediately.

He agrees and gets up to go into the bathroom. When he's out of sight, I sigh. I can deal with the lovey dovey s**t he wants as long as I get what I want too.

That's what I need right now. I need him to f**k me hard and say mean and vulgar things to get me off. I crave it like a drug addict craves a fix. When I feel bad about myself, that's what I need, so I just have to schmooze him until he agrees.

I stand up and walk into the bathroom, standing behind him to kiss his back gently. He smiles and turns to me with toothpaste bubbles on his lips and the brush sticking out of his mouth. I laugh softly at the way he looks.

"What're you laughing at?" He asks, some of the toothpaste dripping into his bare chest.

"That's so gross. Rinse and then speak. You should've learned that when you were a baby." I tease him, grabbing my own toothbrush so that I can start brushing mine as well. When he rinses his mouth, he walks over to me to wrap his arms around my waist and rest his chin on my shoulder.

He pokes his tongue out to lick up the side of my neck before kissing the shell of my ear. "You're so pretty."

"I'm not pretty. I'm drop dead gorgeous." I answer after spitting in the sink. I rinse my out hand toothbrush before turning around to peck his lips. Maybe I should play it up a little more.

I wrap my arms around his neck and smile. "I'm glad I get to wake up with you. It feels warmer with you here."

He takes the bait and grins, leaning down to kiss me again before lifting me up by my thighs. "Yeah, well I'm glad I get to see you first thing in the morning. You're like an angel."

"Sure." I answer when he drops me on my bed. I pull my boxers off and smirk at him. "Come please me if I'm such an Angel."

"Don't get all bossy now. You and I both know that all you want is for me to pin you down and rearrange your organs all morning."

No.

"That's one way to put it." I answer, moaning softly when he starts leaving rough and heated kisses all over my body. I don't like the way it sounds as much as I thought I would. Maybe it's just because of the dream. I'll go back to normal.

He kisses down my chest before getting in between my legs and using his thumbs to spread my hole. "You're so desperate for me. Adorable." He mentions before spitting on my entrance and using his fingers to stretch me out.

No.

"I think I can take it already, Hayes."

He smacks my thigh sharply, making me jump and moan again. The hand print is already turning red, but I'm sure it's not going to bruise. "S-Sorry, King. More please?"

After prepping me more, Hayes leans back and lines himself up with my hole. "Aww, it's twitching like it's begging for more. You really are a slut for me, aren't you, baby?"

No.

"Yes! Please... do it." I hum, trying to keep any other noises from coming out.

I don't know if I really like the names right now, but my body seems to love it. That's what this is about, isn't it? s****l pleasure.

He pushes his hips forward, sinking into me slowly. I've always loved this feeling. I love the feeling of being stretched when he first goes in because I can feel everything so well. I can feel my walls clenching around him and his c**k pulsing inside of me. It's amazing.

"More."

"Be a good little w***e and shut up. You're not the one giving demands." He answers.

No.

My cheeks heat up and my c**k gets even harder as he pulls out and pushes back in, building up a steady pace.

"Ah... yes! So good." I moan, reaching up to wrap my arms around him. My mind won't stop thinking. I just want to forget everything for a bit.

"You're still so tight. Mmm... fuck." He groans in my ear, moving his hips faster. "You're taking it all in so well. You wanted it so bad, didn't you, cockslut?"

No.

I drop my jaw to let out each of my soft noises along with my loud moans. I want more. I need more. I want my head to stop telling me to stop when I know that this is what I like.

I move my hips with his, smiling when he grabs my hands and pins them above my head. He trails his hand back down my body while the other keeps me pinned.

"You've got such a sexy body. I can see why everyone wants you." He mumbles, lifting my hips more to thrust even deeper.

No.

"Mmm, yes. K-King can I have more? Please?"

He snaps his hips quicker and quicker against mine. It brings me closer to my peak, but I want something to send me flying over the edge. I want something to help me forget about everything else so that when we're finished, I'll be flying so high in subspace that I forget my own name.

"Choke me."

NO!

He stops moving his hips and stares downs at me in confusion. "Elliot... should we-"

"Don't stop! Please, King. f**k me harder and choke me. Please." I beg, rolling my hips up to provoke him.

He moves again and keeps eye contact with me when he slowly reaches his hand up to wraps around my neck. It's gentle and wary like he's scared to hurt me.

I reach out to wrap my hand around his forearm, silently asking for him to be more rough.

He tightens his grip around my neck to cut off my breath for a few seconds before letting go.

No nightmare. No flashbacks, No fear or trauma. It feels like it used to. It feels like Darren Never existed.

"More! Please, King!"

He slams into me roughly, coking me again as I get closer to my peak. More... more... more.

"Can I c*m?" I scream, letting out uncontrollable moans when he puts his other hand on my neck as well. He doesn't squeeze too hard, but the pressure causes tears of pleasure to start building in my eyes.

He ignores me for a few seconds before leaning down to kiss my ear and whisper in it. "c*m with me."

My back arches up as I cut on our chests, Hayes doing the same inside of me. I like the feeling. The warmth of being full.

What I don't like is the crushing feeling when he pulls out. I shouldn't feel so bad. I wanted that. I even told him that I really wanted it, so why do I feel so horrible now?

"Elliot? Are you okay?" He asks, reaching out to pet my hair. I flinch involuntarily, making him pull his hand back quickly and look at me closely. "I can't f*****g belive you."

"Don't be an asshole. I can't control if I flinch or not."

"You wouldn't have flinched if your subconscious didn't think that I would hurt you. You haven't flinched because of me since I moved here." He points out, sitting up to look over at me. "Is it because I choked you? Why didn't you tell me to stop if you didn't want it?"

"I did want it."

"You're lying."

"It doesn't matter anyway. I liked it, so it's fine. You're my dom, but you don't get to control everything." I snap at him, sitting up to pull the sheets up to cover myself.

"Yes it does matter! I am not a tool for you to use in your own self destruction, and I'm not going to sit here and aid in your self harm, Elliot." He shouts at me, making me curl up more.

This feels familiar. Part of me is scared by my own thoughts because when he yells it feels... comfortable.

"Mind your own business! I don't even know what you're talking about. I don't self harm." I scream back at him.

If I push him enough then he'll hit me. If he hits me then I won't have to worry about thinking that he loves me. I don't mind the pain. It's the hope that really hurts.

I'm comfortable with being useless. I can't deal with someone expecting me to be anything more than that because I'm not. Everyone is right. I'm just a useless slut with no other purposes than spreading my legs. Why can't he see that?

"Yes you do! It's not about cutting your wrists or trying to kill yourself. You're doing things that you know you don't want. You're hurting yourself, and you torment yourself in your own head. I am not Darren! I'm not going to hurt you, and I don't care what you think you are because I f*****g know you, Elliot. I know who you were before him and I picked the pieces up when you left him. I'm here now, and I'm not going to let you do this anymore."

"Why do you care so much? I'm not worth it! My whole life everyone has told me that I'm not worth the f*****g trouble, and they're right. Why do you keep trying?"

"Because I f*****g love you!" He moves closer and reaches out, making me flinch again, but I relax when he leans it to gently press his lips against my forehead. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer. "I love you, so no more of this. No more s*x until you're actually okay. I want to protect you, so please stop hurting yourself. Please."

"Just because you won't have s*x with me doesn't mean that other guys won't." I tell him, trying to shut him out and push him away even more.

"I'll make sure that nobody at the club touches you. I'll hang around you too so you can’t sleep with random guys. I'm not stupid either. The root of your trauma wasn't in high school or when you were with that asshole you called a boyfriend. It was when your mother left. You're a lot of things, but you would never cheat." He points out.

He's not wrong. I wonder all the time if I'd be better off now had my dad not cheated on my mom. He wouldn't have driven her away, and he wouldn't have fell into a rut where the only thing that made him happy was sleeping with hookers.

If he never fell into that rut then I wouldn't have copied him and slept with those people in high school. Then I never would've met Darren and I wouldn't have such disgusting interests. I wouldn't even know what b**m is.

But then that means that I wouldn't have Hayes here right now. That means I never would've met Teagan or Sawyer. I never would've become friends with Beau and Fizzle.

Without them in my life I'm not much of anything. Just some broke 23 year old who works a part time job that he hates and dropped out of college.

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to forget about everything. I shouldn't have used you for that." I mutter quietly, and he smiles, hugging me tighter.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you. I know you don't like it. I'm working on not getting so worked up." He tells me, kissing my cheek. "I know I said no s*x, but we're still going to the club tonight. I have a gift for you, and Beau and Claude are doing a scene tonight that I'd like to watch. Claude offered to train me with ropes, and suggested that I watch a scene to see if I'm really interested."

"I'm okay with that. I could just watch and then dance with Fiz after. You don't have to get me gifts though. I'm still not used to doms spending too much money on me." I admit.

"It's nothing too big. I know how you feel about being financially independent so don't worry about that."

I nod and we lay together for a while. We're naked, but oddly enough it doesn't feel s****l at all. It just feels... intimate in a way.

"Hey, Hayes." He tilts his head as if to ask me to continue. "I don't love you, you know? I don't know how to, and it's going to take a really long time for me to be ready for that, so just don't get your hopes up."

"I know. You don't have to love me. I'd much rather you spend your time trying to love yourself first."