The wolf in me

The first look

From the first time he walked into our midst, I , Jani, remembered feeling an energy centre that throbbed from within..Within me and within the mysterious safe zone. The zone we have lost to lack of trust. I can feel the pain our pack leader Jabon felt yet I could never feel the pain of his father Jabane. He led us all to leave that land. He was the one who never trusted the safe zone, broke out safety net and made us magical creatures into petty animals. No we will never be that but made us less than our magical destiny.

My mother looked at me and touched my forehead with her paw. Her family was linked to Jayi, the shapeshifter mate to Jay our tribe's leader. She said to me that in the dark night she imagined herself as an eagle. She imagined flying free, flying to locate the magical land we left to seek refuge in higher plains. She told me .. whispered that she had also connected with a man before meeting my father. Their mating , her and my father's was preordained at their birth. Yet they were not mates in the trust sense. They did not lift each other up but curtailed each other's wings. My father who was a good soul, joked that if she jumped off the cliff she may fly. Mother ignored his words. He joked a lot possibly because he realised his wife loved him but not as much as he deserved to be loved. He was an adopted cub when his parents were killed by poachers. The magic our pack carried was adopted by him yet he never really trusted it. He said.. be a wolf, hunt, eat, mate and be happy. That is the destiny. No magical land awaits us. Ofcourse being kind he never exactly said that. But the meaning lingered between them and was a constant cause for tension. The tension meant unlike other wolf families there was only one daughter to her parents, infinitely loved but torn between both.

The human Jac had seen her when he was carrying the cubs of our beautiful lady Jbe. Lady Jbe died saving her cubs from the humans. It was one of the most glorious death, to die for ones children but in her case, another human Jax tried to save her. He had thrown himself to cover her and her cubs as blows rained on her protecting her cubs. Her cubs had been inquisitive and taken a shortcut to the boundary of wolf and human land. He cursed the woman who had led the young men to beat the wolf to death. He had shouted , " You a mother.. killed another ? You think you will be happy by killing?" It appeared that the forest has thundered on. No one knew a forest can thunder too. Everyone looked up to see if there was any clouds. There were none.

He was threatened. But he took blows but refused to give up. Then suddenly his people came running, "Whom are you hitting.. He built the appartment and the road that you stand on today"

Jax shouted , "I should have built a forest instead! "

The woman threatened action and Jax encouraged her. "Take on someone of your size ok ? Not innocent animals."

While people stepped back, they did not quite agree on the wolves being innocent and harmless.

But the people had retreated. Jax had turned and spoken to wounded Jbe. Jbe had looked at him with soulful eyes and said , "We need a protector. We need a Jay reborn."

It appeared that he had understood and whispered , " Tell me what to do. I understand you. I have always understood dogs.. My dog Sab.. my life .. Always understood him."

Jbe with her dying breath had told him how to reach the home in forest. He had carried the crying cubs in his arms and entered the forest. The wolves knew he was coming. Jbe's mate Jben had been deeply antagonistic and hurting . But everyone stopped him telling him to respect his mate's last trust on this human, to save her precious twin cubs.

She was still wounded and she eventually died even as Jax ran back to the city wildlife hospital. Jbe spoke to Jben in their mind, so many ugly souls yet there are such good people too. The doctor here and the nurses fought so hard to save me, yet I have given my life to protect our cubs. As her dying essence scattered in the forest, Jax managed to bring the body of Jbe back to the forest. The doctors had resisted stating she could still survive. Jax had overruled as heevlast desire to see her kids.

Jax stood quietly as the wolves howled in pain and as rains came it seemed to calm them. He .. the brave Jax brought the kids back to us... she said in dying breath. He brought me.. the mother too and cried and said he will get vengeance for us...Jbe had looked at him and told us.. this was the one. He will find the magical land for us to be forever safe. Then Jbe looked straight at me and said.. Help him. And she was no more.

I thought he wont leave , yet he went away. With each receding steps he won my heart. He had the conviction of a man who knew he had to do some difficult tasks. He came back often yet he returned back. I decided to become his. I do not know when he sensed my thoughts but he stopped looking at me. He would visit the forest , he would speak to the wolves yet never look at me..

One day he came prior to his schedule and did not leave. He looked hunted. One of the Wolf's told me , his wife was evil. I was not even aware what was a wife in human context. It was binding ? Why ?

When I knew I felt sorry for the woman. Someday Jax and I will unite and I hoped his wife .. evil or not will not be hurt. It was inevitable and true as our lost land. When was however the question as the land asked me patience..I however wanted to run and confess my emotions.

One day that Jax called me. He told me of many handsome wolves in the pack. I looked at the ones he named and they were not handsome at all. I told him so. And I moved closer to him.

He jumped back as if in fear and said , " I am no better than my wife. She chased ... anyways. Listen I am very old. And I am the wrong species. But damned if I don't wish to be a wolf. "

He maintained his distance since then. I did too apparently. But I also desperately searched for the ancient knowledge of changing shape. I told no one, but I started looking for the magical place on my own. May be they will allow me to shapeshift. And be his mate.