Suicide In Sommerfield

 I hate dancing around the truth, it’s one of my biggest pet peeves, so I’m just gonna jump right in and say it. My name is North West (ironic I know) I am 17 and a senior at Hendrix High and, uh….oh yeah…. I am currently dying. I know what you're thinking, but no I am not being melodramatic. I am absolutely, positively, literally dying. Right now my hearts giving up, my body’s shutting down, and I am physically, emotionally, and mentally giving out. Grasping at what little oxygen I can type of dying.     I'll save you from your curious little minds that are dancing with questions. Was I in an accident?, Am I suffering from some type of cancer or something? The answer to all your nosy questions is no, I am a perfectly healthy kid, well physically anyways mentally not so much. Then again who is ever mentally okay. Everyone has at least a dollop of crazy.      Anyways, back to the matter at hand, I am dying from my own hand. Ha! Play on words. Anyway, yeah you read that right. I’m the reason that  I'm dying right now. You stereotypical squares are probably thinking that I was planning this all along, but no I didn't plan this. I don't spend every waking moment dreaming up the way that I plan on dying. And I definitely didn’t plan on dying this young.       Although I never really saw myself getting all old and wrinkled either. In a way this was kind of an accident. Pf-ff yeah right “total accident”. You’d think that I would be worried about the fact that I’m dying right now, but the truth is I couldn’t care less if I live or die anymore.      I stopped fighting when I was six and started to give in just like my heart and brain and lungs are doing right now. If y’all were here right now you’d probably say, North how could you be so ungrateful for the life you were given to not at least try and fight for it. Yes because having your dad skip town with your mom’s best friend when you were six and your mom becoming sullen at home -technically anyways, she’s hardly ever home anymore, I don't even think she remembers that she has two daughters to take care of -is definitely a life to be grateful for, especially on to fight for.      I'm sorry for being such an ungrateful little brat.      Now don't get me wrong, not everything in my life sucks, just 99% of it, but that last 1% isn't even worth fighting for, not anymore at least. I mean when you grow up with your older sister being the only parent figure and your real parents doing god knows what, you stop fantasizing on how some fairy godmother is going to come and make everything all better.     I am not telling you this so you’ll feel bad for me or whatever. I'm not some caged animal at the zoo waiting for people to pass by and throw food or money at me. I have a whole bunch of clothes to wear, I never go to bed hungry, and money is not even an issue -my dad sends Sutton and I a check for five thousand dollars each every month (probably because he feels ''guilty'' for being a huge douche canoe). At least he does something right, unlike mom however. She can’t even be bothered to come home anymore or even acknowledge the fact that she has kids.      The reason I’m telling y'all this is because I want you to know my side of the story. The real story. The full story. If you hear it from someone else after I’m gone chances are you’re gonna have missing information and details are gonna be all twisted up. I wanted to have the chance for y’all to hear my story and learn from my mistakes before I completely leave this life and everyone and everything in it. It all started with my homecoming- and no not the stupid dance, I hate those things.