Good Night Sweetheart

Trying to Help

Morgan’s POV

Half of me is cursing myself, while the other half is giddy with the thrill of seeing her and finding a reason to see more of her. I don’t know what is worse, seeing her and worrying what I might do to her or not seeing her and feeling lost the past week has been agony not seeing her. I can’t sleep or eat only thinking of her. Seeing her again makes me for git how miserable I have been.

Nothing is going to happen I can be around a human and not hurt them. I mentally tell myself I’m not going to hurt her. I can’t possibly. She haunts my thoughts, and it’s true she brings out the worst in me. She also seems to pull out the better parts of my soul. I feel so strange when I’m near her; it’s a rush I can’t explain in words, but it leaves me smiling and longing for more.

I have managed to sustain my hunger for blood and took an opportunity I couldn’t pass up. Doctor Thomas asked me to help with the blood drive a few days ago, and I was more than happy to. I even got to add to my own stash keeping everyone safe from me for the time being. Living on animal blood is something my kind can do, but it isn’t the same. I have had to live off wildlife before, and more than likely will again, but doing it for too long has its own side effects making most of us sick or lose our grip on reality. One small clan tried living on deer alone for years, and they went mad, eventually trying to consume each other. The only thing that could be done was to put them out of their misery. I shudder remembering it.

The whole ordeal happened shortly after I was turned. I believe I was taken there to help deal with the insane clan to scar me and show me the dangers of what could happen if I tried to stop drinking human blood. I was willing to follow my new family then; I had little choice, and they turned me into a monster that lurks in shadows and nightmares. I never want to be that thing again, but I also like my sanity, so I have found a happy medium to the life I must live, I suppose.

I return to the clinic smiling slightly, and Doctor Thomas comes out of the exam room.

“You look happy about something.” He remarks, looking me over. I smile a little more, thinking about Libby sitting in the bookstore to wait for me.

“Yes, Jim, I am.” I say smiling, walking past him to my office.

“Well, good; I was getting tired of the moping you were doing around here.” He calls after me making me laugh just a little. Was I really that bad? I suppose I was a bit out of sorts not seeing her for so long.

I get through the last few people I need to see for the day in record time, filling out charts as fast as my hand will write and filing them away. I pop my head into his office as he reads over a file. I clear my throat to get his attention.

“Hey, Jim, I’m done for the day. Do you mind if I leave a little early?” I ask when he looks up over the rims of his glasses.

“I suppose so. What has you in such a good mood all of a sudden?” He gives me a half smile and a knowing look.

“I’m just giving someone a little help with their math,” I reply like it’s not a big deal.

“Yeah, I’m sure that is why you are so happy.” He laughs. “Tell Libby hello for me.” I gawk wide-eyed for a moment.

“Oh, please. I saw the way you looked at her. She has to be the one you are off to see.” He’s laughing at me now. As I pull my head out of the door and close it again, I can still hear him laughing, but I don’t care and end up smiling more. The more I see her, and the more I am near her, the more I crave being near her again. I spent the last week feeling like a starved man, and now I get to be near the thing I’m starving for.

Hurrying back to the bookstore has me smiling the whole way, and I stop to see her sitting there where I left her, her hair piled on top of her head again, and she’s reading a book, smiling a little now and then as she reads. She is a vision in the glow of the setting sun, and I could stand here watching her for the rest of time. She looks up, smiling at me from the window, and my heart is very alive again. Warmth spreading from my chest. How is it even possible to feel this way? She can’t know what I am though she would run from me, and I would be lost.

I stand there as her smile starts to fade. I compel myself forward; she can’t know what I am and the sins I have committed. I’m just helping her with math. I can let her go when I have to. This feeling is just in my head, speared by loneliness. I tell myself, walking into the bookstore, the smell of coffee and paper permeates the place.

“You got done early.” She smiles, putting down her book as I join her.

“It was a rather slow day. Now let’s get to the math lesson.” I sit beside her, and her smile falls at the word math.

“Thank you for trying to help me. I hope I don’t aggravate you too much. I really don’t understand any of this.” She sighs, pulling the book out of the stack of books and grabbing the assignment and notebook.

“You won’t aggravate me,” I assure her she could never be an aggravation to me not in the way she thinks anyway.

I look over the assignment smiling Pre- Calculus shouldn’t be too bad; I had to take much higher math than this. She sees my smile and frowns, “You look like Megan right now. She thinks this is fun.” I smile more.

“It can be it’s just a matter of understanding it,” I say, looking over at her.

We work for an hour, and it is true she is a little lost as to how to solve most of it, and her notes are of little help, but by the end of the second hour, I think she is finally starting to understand some of it. She is clearly frustrated and not enjoying most of it, but I try to make it as easy to understand as possible. I do enjoy math, and being here with her is fun for me, at least.

She sighs and sits back, frustrated at the problem she is working on. I move a little closer and look at the problem seeing she still hasn’t solved it.

“I feel like I’m never going to understand all of this.” She huffs, glaring at the problem.

“You’ll get it.” I take her pencil without thinking and reach for her paper showing her where she went wrong, and she moves in to watch me. When I turn my head, her face is so close to mine I freeze, losing my train of thought. She seems unaware of my reaction to her closeness.

“Oh, I see it now.” She exclaims and takes the pencil back. I sit lost, breathing her in and moving slightly closer without thinking. I feel the rush of blood; hearing her heartbeat and smelling her has me entranced.

She looks over at me or faces so close for a short moment when I regain myself snapping my eyes back to the paper and not her. She solved the problem, and I smile. “See, you got it.” Her face lights up at the praise and my heart is pounding in my ears. It’s such a strange feeling making it hard to breathe.

“Thank you.” she says softly, “I really appreciate all your help.” I’m about to answer when the bookstore clerk walks over to us.

“Hey, Libby, we will be closing soon.” They say, and she looks at her phone.

“Oh dang, how did it get so late she says. “Sorry about that.” She starts to clean up her things, and I don’t want to let her leave.

“Sorry I kept you here so long, Keith.” She glances at me as she puts the last of her books away.

“I don’t mind. It was my pleasure.” I get the words out, and we stand, leaving the bookstore as they lock the door behind us.

“Well, thank you again.” She says, looking up at me, her hazel eyes shifting color in the street light.

“Let me walk you home. It’s late.” I say the first thing that pops into my head. “Or dinner if you would like.”

“Oh no, that’s okay; really, I couldn’t do that.” She says, struggling with the heavy bag on her shoulder.

“I would feel better if I at least walked you home safely.” I smile just needing a reason to stay with her longer.

“Well, if you would feel better, then I guess so.” She half smiles. I reach out my hand, taking her bag off her shoulder, watching her struggle with it is killing me. The thing weighs a ton, and I half wonder how she was standing under the weight of it. I can tell she’s surprised, but she smiles softly.

“Shall we then?” I ask, gesturing with my other hand for her to lead the way so I can follow her.