Good Night Sweetheart

Liar

After two weeks of dodging her anytime, I catch the faintest trace of her sent in the air. Am I a coward? Probably but something about her makes me want to lose control of the thing I have tried so hard to bury. I help people. I save people. I don't want to turn back into the thing I have tried so hard to rid myself of. I never asked to be this thing. It was a choice that was made for me, and I was thrust into a life I never wanted. I can't go back to that; she brings the hunger out in me.

I have most of the boxes unpacked, and living out of boxes doesn't bother me at this point. I have moved so many times it hardly matters much. My new phone and number helped put my mind at ease, and for the most part, it stays painfully silent except for the occasional call from Doctor Thomas. I also have yet to call Doctor Rodriguez back. What do I tell him? Do I lie even more to a man I came to respect? I am a coward, no doubt about it.

I grab my phone off the bedside table and pick up my bag, heading out the door for my morning walk to work. Spring here is beautiful. Everything coming to life, and birds are singing, making me smile as I push my glasses up.

"Hey, stranger." The bright voice freezes me in my tracks. She snuck up on me. How didn't I notice her? I turn to see her standing in front of the bookstore, arms crossed. "I get the feeling you are avoiding me." She tilts her head, and I'm lost, gaping at her.

"Who me? Avoiding you?" I play it dumb, but she doesn't seem to buy it.

"Right, you have spent the last two weeks dodging me. Did I do something wrong? Why are you avoiding me? When I go to the office to take Doctor Thomas's order, I see you practically run the other way." She's standing there scrutinizing me. I stare at her perfection. She's in a sweater that's falling off her shoulder, giving me a tempting view. Her wild hair piled high on her head, a pencil sticking out of it. She was probably in there studying; I can only assume.

I can do little more than stare at her and softly mutter, "I'm sorry."

When she turns to leave, I lose myself entirely and reach for her clearing the space a little too fast, grabbing her sweater sleeve. She stops, surprised, and turns back to look up at me, a stray curl falling along the side of her face, and I want so badly to reach out and tuck it away behind her ear. I release her reluctantly.

"I really am sorry. I didn't mean to make you think I was avoiding you. I have no excuse for my behavior." I hope my small lie passes her far to knowing eyes. I feel like she can see right through me; being so close to her, I can hear her heartbeat, which speeds up ever so slightly. Could that mean…? No, I won't let myself even think or hope she feels anything for me.

"I'll let it slide this time, but you aren't being honest with me." She arches a brow at me like she can read me like one of her books. I can see several stacked on the table in front of the window, along with her bag. "Well, you should get going. You'll be late to work."

"Have lunch with me?" I blurt out the question before my brain can yell at me to shut the hell up. I need more of her. My heart jumps as she thinks for a moment chewing her lip.

"I can't. Sorry, I'll be in class all afternoon. The silver Honda pulls up, and the same girl from before leans out the window.

"Libby, you ready?" The girl calls.

"Yeah, one second." She calls back to her friend.

"Then tomorrow? I'm on call over the weekend, but tomorrow?" My better sense screams at me to shut up, but I can't. I need to see her again now, and I knew it would happen if I got near her again. It was the reason I was avoiding her.

"I'll think about it. I got to go." She turns and grabs her stuff from the table and hurries past me to get in the car and speed away as I stand there looking foolish and not even caring that I do. I push my glasses back up, exhaling. This is possibly the worst mistake I can make.

***

It ended up being a short day at the clinic, and I head home around one today. I'm still toying with the idea of finding a place out of town to rent, but that would mean I would need a car. Not that I can't afford one; I'm just not that fond of driving; I prefer walking.

I find myself walking by the bookstore, and she is there. She said she would be busy all day. Did she lie to me? Is that why her heart rate changed? I keep watching, and she brushes a tear away from her eye, and my blood boils. Why is she crying? Did something happen? I need to know.

I open the door, and the bell jingles, but I hear her friend laughing. "Libby, are you crying over a book again?"

"So, what if I am? It's beautiful. You would cry too." She laughs, turning to face her friend.

I back out of the shop and breathe deeply, calming down. What was I really going to do? Demand she tells me what happened? Then what? I don't answer the question. I know what I would do, and it wouldn't end well for the one responsible.

As I walk past the window, I hear the bell on the door ring but only stop when she calls my name.

"Doctor Morgan." making me spin around a little too eagerly, and I try and hind my enthusiasm.

"Class was canceled this afternoon. Still want to grab a bite with me?" She asks innocently enough biting her lip and waiting for my answer. She's killing me slowly.

"I would like that." I watch her pop back into the bookstore and hug her friend before grabbing her things.

She’s back in only a moment, her wild hair bouncing as she joins me on the sidewalk.

"What do you like to eat? Not that we have a ton of selections here." She's still chewing her lip, looking up and down the walk, thinking, then looking up at me.

It would be wrong to answer O negative, so I shrug. "You are the local. You tell me the best place to go. I haven't tried anything here yet." She smiles, and I'm gone. I'll follow her anywhere she leads me.

"Come on then; I know the perfect place then." She adjusts her bag full of books on her shoulder, leading me down the sidewalk. "So, this must be quite the change for you. You came from Saint Haslet, right? I've never been there or anything. It's across the country, but I hear it's huge and amazing." I look at her funny for a moment, half smiling. Did she ask about me?

"Some of it is nice, but I seldom left the ER. The park was nice, and I did spend most of my free time there; I like it here, though. It’s calm and quiet; it reminds me of that park. The city is so loud sometimes all you hear are sirens and cars. With people everywhere but never looking up to notice each other. Everyone here seems to know each other.” I chuckle a little at the skeptical looks I got over the last weeks from patients. Being new and an outsider seemed to put some of them off at first, but I'm winning them over slowly. I know I won't be here forever. I'll be lucky if I get ten years in one place before I need to pack up and move on.

We make it to a little diner on the corner, and I open the door for her. She walks straight to an empty booth, and the waitress smiles brightly, "Hey, Libby. Who is this?" She asks, eyeing me, still smiling.

"This is Doctor Morgan." She says, "He just moved here."

"Keith is fine," I say, smiling back at her.

"Oh well, can I get you anything to drink?" she asks, setting down a couple of menus.

"Sweet tea," Libby says, picking up her menu.

"Just water for me, please." I know I'm going to be regretting this meal later. While I still enjoy food, too much of it has a habit of turning my stomach. It's a price I am willing to pay, though.

I told her to order for me because she would know better than I would what was good. She did, and now sitting here with her is a beautiful mix of comfortable uncomfortableness; it feels so natural and human. I forget about everything I'm running from, watching her smile and listening to her chat happily about her classes and friends. When the food arrives, she munches happily on French fries, asking me about myself.

I tell her what I can about the medical school that I did attend in an effort not to lie to her. I keep it relatively vague and redirect the conversation back to her as much as possible. The more I'm with her, the more I know I need to be near her.