Mental Disorder Series 3: Sinful Touch

Chapter 23

Chapter 23 | ST

Naramdaman ko na lang na nasa SUV na ako kasi alam ko na binuhat ako ni Cadence pasakay ng sasakyan namin. Nakahiga lang ako sa shotgun seat at sobrang hilo-hilo na ako. Hindi ko masyado madilat ‘yung mata ko. Ako lang kasi umubos ng kinuha ko na alak. I giggled when I realized that I kissed him.

Damn it feels so good when our lips touch. Kahit pa medyo nahihilo ako sinubukan ko buksan mata ko para tingnan siya. He looked hot maneuvering the steering wheel as his biceps were flexing.

He sighed heavily. “We’re home, Kyla. Let me carry you again.”

Pinatay niya na ‘yung makina ng sasakyan at bumaba na rin. He jogged towards my side and opened the door with a grim line on his lips. Bumungisngis ako nung nirolyo ko ‘yung braso ko sa leeg niya at hinayaan ko siya buhatin ako. Pumasok na kami sa loob ng bahay ni Kuya Kyle. Nakahiga lang ako sa dibdib niya at naririnig ko kung paano tumibok ang puso niya.

“Kiss me again!” I chuckled.

His eyes widened. “Hush down. Someone might hear you, Kyla.”

The moment our lips touched, there was a fireworks blow within ourselves. Sobrang sarap sa pakiramdam na mahalikan ko si Cadence. Right now, I just want to pull his nape and kiss him with all my heart. Damn it. I am slowly falling in love with him even further.

Hanggang ngayon ay buhat niya pa rin ako at sa paraan ng paghawak niya sa akin parang babasagin akong salamin na dapat na ingatan. Mapupungay ang mga mata niya kapag sinusulyapan niya ako. 

Patay na ang mga ilaw sa sala kaya alam na namin na tulog na sila lalo na mga bata. Nang dalhin niya na ako sa kwarto na tinutuluyan ko ay maingat niya ako hiniga sa kama. Bumuntong hininga siya at iniwan niya na ako. Wala na rin ako magawa kasi nahihilo na rin ako at gusto ko na lang ipikit ‘yung mata ko.

Muli kong dinilat ‘yung mata ko, medyo nakabukas ang bintana at ang kurtina ay sumasayaw sa ritmo ng hangin. Parang may nanonood sa akin. Isang anino na gumalaw mula sa tabi ng kabinet. Pinikit ko ‘yung mata ko siguro nagh-hallucinate lang ako at naramdaman ko may isang kamay na humawak sa akin.

His touch lightens all the memories that hide in my veins. I tried to open my eyes again and I only saw his shadows. It is too dark, even though there’s a moonlight that gave me a light of hope in this world. His shadow was moving and I was letting him move.

His body frame was very familiar to me. Inangat ang comforter at binalutan ako kasi medyo nilalamig din ako. Nanatili rin ang aking mata sa kung ano man na kilos ang ginagawa ng anino. The shadow leaned in and I felt his lips touch my forehead.

“Goodnight, Kyla…” he whispered.

Until the darkness swallowed me into a deep sleep. I can’t help but to feel sad because I always remember his voice. And I know that deep in my heart that he was always there to watch me. To even protect me. 

Kinabukasan ay nagising ako na sobrang sakit ng ulo ko. Napatingin ako sa nightstand na may gamot doon at tubig. Tiningnan ko ‘yung bintana na ngayong sarado na. Napanguso ako. Siguro nanaginip na naman ako. Malabo na mahawakan niya ako at mahagkan sa noo. Pero pakiramdam ako parang totoo, nararamdaman ko.

Bumuntong hininga ako at napailing. Kailangan ko na magmove on. Siguro naiisip ko lang siya kasi nandito ako sa kaniyang tahanan. Ininom ko na ‘yung gamot na hinanda sa akin at naligo na rin ako.

Ala una ng tanghali na ako nang bumaba na ako sa dinner room. Nakita ko na si Cadence na umiinom ng kape. Napalunok ako na naalala ko ‘yung halik na pinagsaluhan namin kagabi. Gusto kong umurong dahil natatakot ako sa nararamdaman kong ito. I am scared… I knew all along that this is forbidden.

Akmang uurong na ako nang dumapo na ‘yung mata niya sa akin. Umalon ‘yung adams apple niya sa kaniyang lalamunan. Masyado naman akong halata kung bigla na lang ako tatalikod. Nilapag niya ‘yung baso sa lamesa at mataman akong tinitingnan ng kaniyang mata.

“Good afternoon, Kyla Adrianna,” he greeted. I saw how his tongue moisturized his thin and red lips. “Do you want anything? Brunch?”

I was too stunned to speak while my heart was hammering inside my chest painfully. Why is the world so selfish to me? I want him so bad and I already love him. My affection for him went deeper. I am slowly drowning from this sinful love in the ocean, I feel like I cannot survive anymore.

“Kyla?” he called. Nakakunot ang noo niya tila napansin na nasa malalim akong iniisip. “Are you okay? May masakit ba sa’yo? Let me help you.”

I shook my head. “I-I am fine. What’s our lunch?”

“Mama cooked Adobo and Binagoongang baboy before they left. Let’s eat.”

“Hindi ka pa kumakain?”

He pouted. “I waited for you. Gusto ko may kasama kang kumain kasi tapos na silang maglunch. Let’s eat. Paghahandaan kita.”

Umaksyon na rin ako para makatulong din ako kahit papaano. Lalo na’t hinantay niya muna ako bago siya makakain ng lunch. Alam kong gutom na rin siya. Syempre mag-eenjoy ako sa pagkain ngayon dahil masarap magluto si Lola Isabel. 

I prepared our plates and utensils while he prepares our rice, adobo and binagoongang baboy. Sabay kami napahawak sa sandok, parang may dumaan na kuryente nang magkadikit ang kamay namin. Napalunok ako at mabilis niyang nilayo ang kaniyang kamay. Umupo na lang ako.

Pinapanood ko siya na pinagsasandok akong kanin at nilalagyan na rin ng ulam. Matagal akong nakatitig sa kaniya. Alam ko na kung bakit nahulog ako sa kaniya, he loves to take care of me. And I’m always his top priority over anything.

Sobrang tahimik namin kumakain. Bukod tanging mga kutsara at tinidor lang ang nag-iingay sa amin dalawa. Medyo napaparami ako ng kain kasi paborito ko mga luto ni Lola Isabel at gano’n din si Cadence. 

Uminom siyang tubig at sinulyapan ako. Mabilis ko iniwas ang tingin ko sa kaniya. Sinubo ko ‘yung binagoongan na baboy nang hindi siya nililingon. Bakit naman ang awkward ngayon? f**k! Alam kong dahil sa halikan namin ‘yun kagabi kaya ganito kaming dalawa.

“About last night…” he started. Huminga siya ng malalim para bang may pinanghuhugutan siya. “I want to apologize. I am aware that you are drunk but…”

I bit my bottom lips. “It’s okay. You don’t need to apologize for it in the first place, I was the one who initiated the kiss.”

“But I don’t want to apologize about my feelings for you, that is the truth and it came from my heart.”

Nang marinig ko ‘yun mula sa kaniya, nagsimula na magwala ang mga paru-paro sa aking tiyan. Napanguso ako. I can’t believe that I was the woman he loves. I used to envy the girl he loves because I know that person will be lucky if Cadence loves him. 

I wanted to tell him how I felt too. I want to make him feel that he is special to me also. But I was too scared to even admit to him about my feelings that were hidden a long time ago. Gustong-gusto ko rin ipagsigawan na sa kaniya ako pero alam kong magagalit ang mga magulang ko lalo na sa kaniya. 

“T-Thank you for loving me, Cadence…” I said, a bit stuttering.

“We are both aware that my love for you is sinful when you grew to know me as your uncle, the little brother to your father and a younger son of Isabel and Ronaldo. I tried to stop my feelings for you but in the end, it grew deeper than I anticipated,” he responded. Mas lalo naging intense ang titig niya sa akin. “I was young when I fell in love with you… and I am still now.”

Napalunok ako. Mabilis ako tumayo at halos lakad takbo ang ginawa ko basta makarating lang ako sa kwarto. Pagkasarado ko ng pintuan ay hindi ko na napigilan na hindi maiyak. Mahal niya talaga ako matagal na. I have a crush on him before… Now I love him.

Why is it so complicated? Alam kong once na malaman ito nila Lola Isabel at Lolo Ronaldo ay tiyak na paglalayo kaming dalawa. At pagtatawanan kami ng mga tao kasi sinulot ang kapwang pamilya. 

Siguro dalawang araw na ako nagkukulong sa kwarto. I didn’t even leave the room and my niece was the one who provided me with my food. Gusto akong kausapin ni Cadence pero hindi ko siya hinarap. Ayaw ko muna siya nakita.

Naappreciate ko ‘yung pag-amin niya, alam ko na mahal namin ang isa’t-isa ngayon. Kahit ba alam kong hindi ko siya kadugo, pamilya kami sa papel legally. It’s against the law to love your fellow family member.

I cried and cried until I fell asleep. That’s what I do before I sleep every night. Gusto ko yakapin si Cadence ngayon pero gusto ko rin muna lumayo kahit papaano. Kasi iniisip ko siya kapag nagalit sa kaniya si Lola Isabel. 

Napatingin ako sa pintuan nang makarinig ako ng katok. Mabilis akong bumangon sa hinihigaan ko. Niyakap ko ‘yung dalawang binti ko habang hinihintay na may magsalita. 

“Kyla… I know you don’t want to talk to me. But I want to see you, I am concerned for you. I bought you flowers. Please accept it,” he said, his tone pleading. “I’m going to leave now for work. I love you.”

Tears fell down from my eyes as I heard his voice. Pinakiramdaman ko muna bago ako tumayo at binuksan ang pintuan. Nakita ko na may isang bouquet of daisies na nakalatag sa sahig at may isang letter. Kinuha ko ‘yun at sinarado ko muli ‘yung pintuan. I smelled the daisies and it smells so good.

His love touched my heart when he bought me a daisy. He really knows what my favorites are. Alam niya kung gaano ko kagusto ang daisy kaysa sa rosas. I love how simple and the color white it is. Napanguso ako nang makaupo na ako sa gilid ng higaan ko. 

Binuklat ko ‘yung nakatuping papel at nandoon ‘yung mga letters niya. Ang lakas ng t***k ng puso ko habang binabasa ‘yun.

Hi!

I didn’t sleep that much because you are the only one who thinks about every night. I hope you like the bouquet of daisies. I always remember whatever you say when we were younger. You love daisies because they are pretty. That's when I began to adore you. At first I found it weird because I always miss your presence, your voice, your pretty face and your laugh. I fell in love with you even though I saw you wake up in the morning and see you sitting in the garden. But either way, I love your face even though you are shy to show me your bare face. I am always thankful that you are the sunshine of my world, you are always there whenever I cry. I know I once told you what happened to me in the past. I am thankful that I belong to your family. Even though Papa offered me to change my surname into Salvador, I refused it. I looked at you when they asked me. I really liked you at that time until it grew deeper. Because someday I want to change your surname with my name. I want to be part of your family because I am your husband but it’s complicated, right? I’m sorry for freaking you out about my confession, I didn’t mean to scare you. I am sorry, Kyla. I just have a question.

Do you want me to stay or to be out of your life? Please answer.

Humikbi ako habang niyayakap ‘yung mga bulaklak na binigay niya sa akin. His love towards me is very genuine. He loves me for who I am. He even accepts my flaws. I am having a hard time answering his question. What should I do?